Apologies to the Flowers

After exploring the town, we arrived at our new home. Of course, the people who inhabit this world are the ones who have died in ours, so we have things like a kitchen and good plumbing. It also isn’t rare to see people with makeshift phones that use magic to power on.

Touko- or Lili? Lili is sitting on a couch with a book in one hand and her other held out towards a TV. She keeps chanting spells to herself in an attempt to learn how to turn on the TV. She insists on figuring it out herself and refuses my help.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to try?” I ask, cutting vegetables to prepare a soup.

“Positive, I’m almost there. I can feel it…” She responds with determination. At that moment, I see a sparkle appear and disappear from her hands, causing her to gasp.

“See? I almost did it!” She exclaimed excitedly, attempting again. This time, the sparkle turns into a ball of light illuminating the room. She then extends her hand toward the TV, and soon a quiet conversation flows.

“I did it! I did it! Aren’t you proud?” She gets up and claps happily before plopping onto the couch, looking at me expectantly. I gave her a soft smile and nodded.

“Yes, you did well.”

She stood up and walked toward the kitchen, neglecting the TV. “Do you need help?” she asked, washing her hands and tying an extra apron around her waist.

“I’m fine. I just need you to sit back and relax… it’s been a hard day for you.”

“You’re definitely not fine. If anything, it’s been a harder day for you!” She smiled sweetly, insisting on her assistance, “I’m helping you.”

“Ah, fine…” I relent.

We danced around each other in the kitchen as we cooked. The new equipment took some getting used to for us. Out of habit, I started talking about a distant memory I had.

“Do you remember when we- oh, right. Sorry.”

“No, I’m interested. Go on.”

“Well- before we were homeless, we lived together in an apartment. While cleaning, we’d play music throughout the house but had completely different tastes. I just remembered when we used to bicker about whose music to play,” I chuckle.

“You don’t seem like the kind of person to be pushy about something like that.”

“I wasn’t. We were both trying to get the other person to play their music. Eventually, though, your taste merged with mine, so it wasn’t an issue anymore.”

“My taste…” Lili’s voice trails off.

“Sorry, I mean her- Touko’s taste.”

She stopped cooking and stared longingly out a window; the sun was just about to set, shining a soft orange glow on the fairies dancing in the air like fireflies.

“I wonder something…” She said contemplatively.

“Hm?” I join her at the window, and she scoots over to make room for me.

“You talk about this memory so longingly, like you want your old life back. But, weren’t you hurting?”

“Yes, I was. But I’d give anything to have that back. The pain I felt then is nothing compared to what I feel now.”

“You hurt so much that you felt like you had to disappear from that world, but you’re enduring worse pain now. Why?”

“It’s not like Touko’s gone. I know everything will finally be okay once she returns to me. I just have to work a little harder.”

“Work harder… yeah, I don’t understand you. I think you work plenty hard already.”

I inched closer to her, “You don’t have to understand. It’s okay,” before making another move, I observed her. She rested her head on my shoulder, almost like she permitted me to pull her closer. She rested her eyes for a second before speaking up again.

“We should finish cooking, then go to bed. I’m sure you’re sleepy,” Lili suggested with a smile, turning away and focusing on the soup pot.

The two of us boiled the broth and vegetables together until they were ready, then sat in the living room to eat. We ate in silence as we let whatever was on TV play out. The show wasn’t much different than what we’d find in our world; it was a drama about forbidden love. Those kinds of shows were Touko’s favorites; she’d point at the couple whenever they’d kiss or cuddle and go, “Us? That’s us, isn’t it?” and I’d always laugh and agree.

I glance at Lili as she’s watching, “This show is so good!” she exclaims excitedly, with the same enthusiasm as Touko. The couple on the screen kissed, and she pointed at them with a sense of familiarity.

“That could be us soon, you know?”

She turned away, blushing.

“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me…”

“It’s okay,” I gave her a reassuring smile. We finished our meal simultaneously, got up to do the dishes, and got ready for bed; the organization was kind enough to lend us nightwear. I changed into a matching black plaid outfit, and Lili was given a white Victorian nightgown.

Given our circumstances, we had 2 separate beds that could be combined into one with simple white comforters- much like you’d find at a hotel. The two of us got situated in our beds, said our goodnights, and it was quickly lights out. I don’t think I’ve fallen asleep faster.
—
I woke up in an infinite field of lilies of the valley with an occasional white tulip; everything was monochromatic. In the middle of the field stands a wooden swing with a figure sitting on it. Turning around was a girl with disheveled shoulder-length hair and a checkerboard sweater tucked into a long skirt. It was Touko. She gave me a warm smile and beckoned me onto the swing. Carefully avoiding the flowers, I walked to her, ensuring I didn’t damage them.

As I arrived at the swing, Touko swung her arms around me in a tight embrace, the tightest embrace I’ve ever felt, and I held just as tightly. My body muffled her crying as she repeated the nickname she gave me. As I looked around, I noticed everything had regained its color.

“I miss you so… so… much,” She said between sobs. “You have horns now… how cute,” she touched the horns resting on my head.

“I miss you too… and I’m sorry…”

I broke down and began sobbing too.

“I’m so sorry, Touko. Words can’t describe the amount of disgust and hatred I feel for myself for what I’ve done to you. Everything is my f-”

She interrupted, “STOP! Just… stop… please.” Her crying intensified, “Nothing… is your fault… you couldn’t have known what would happen… don’t say those things again, please.”

“I’m…” I began; she lifted her head from my chest and glared.

“Nothing…” I shook my head, stroking her hair. She suddenly glances up, causing my hand to stop.

“Everything that you’ve done wrong, imagined or not… I forgive you for everything.”

“Everything?” I ask, seeking reassurance.

“Mhmm. Everything.”

She looks off into the distance.

“Remember what we told each other? We’ll always be together. In that life, and this one too.”

She spoke fast like she was running out of time. She grabbed my hand.

“I love you, Haru. Come find me…”

I looked down, and she began to dissipate into dust that faded away into the air. Frantically, my eyes dart around the field, desperate to stop her. Anything, anything at all. She cupped my face and forced me to look at her.

I sniffled, “I-I love you too, Touko… don’t go.”

“I have to; I’m sorry.”

“Don’t leave me again, please.” I desperately pleaded, tears flooding my eyes. She pulled me into a kiss, and in the blink of an eye, she was one with the wind.

I dropped to my knees blankly, fixated on the flowers below me. As I look around, the color begins to drain from the world again.

And again, I woke up.