REMAID- What Awakens From Consoling

The phone quietly rings. Playing with a few strands of my hair, I patiently wait for the person I’m reaching out for to pick up.

“Come on dad, come on.” My quiet pleas for him to pick up are heard by no one, and I quietly sink into despair. Even still, after such a long amount of time, he has no desire to speak to me. My grip on my phone tightens. I know that, given our circumstances, I can’t really blame him, but still…I need him, and all I’m being shown is I’m not worth the time. I want to throw the damn thing in my hands, but I know it’ll only end up causing trouble. I wonder…I wonder sometimes if what I did really had anything to do with this.

“It did. It meant everything.” I hear the voice of someone dead, and realize that my mind is finally ready to let it all come loose. Rimi…Rimi’s story did this, didn’t it? I gulp. I don’t want to face this right now. I’m begging, I’m pleading, do not make me face you. No voice comes in response. I cautiously turn to the mirror. I see the rope I tied around my neck, all the way back then. The only thing I can think is what a shame it is that it didn't work.

“Mblaack-!” Vomit pours from my throat and into the toilet. A mixture of food and bile is forcefully ejected from my body as my mind becomes too much to bear. I don’t care how weak it is, how weak I am. Now that I’m alone…now that it’s time for everything to come out, I don’t feel any shame. “Ma-ma-mama-mgahh!” Another round of vomit comes flying out into the toilet bowl, causing a cramp inside of me that’s so excruciating I can’t even cry if I want to. Still, I can feel the lump in my throat, making just about everything worse. “M-mama…mama…help.” I speak through a raspy, burning voice. “Where are you? Help me! Gakuhh-!”

I don’t know how long I’m there for. Time has lost all meaning for me. I only know I have to pull myself together when there’s a knock at the bathroom door. I gather my voice and attempt to sound as normal as I possibly can before asking who’s there.

“Yuta? You okay?” Rimi. The idea of her seeing this causes me to feel even more sick. Quickly, I flush the toilet and begin rubbing my face clean. The emptiness and cramping of my stomach make for a horrible combination, but I should be able to keep from showing any signs of it if I try hard enough. With a fake smile on my face, I open the door, leaning against the frame.

“About as okay as I’m gonna get considering how fucked I am. How about you? Feeling alright yourself?” I ask, playfully touching her forehead. She giggles some before taking my hand.

“I-I just wanted you to show me where your room was.” She says.

“Hmm? Yeah, it’s just down here.” I take her hand back and lead her to the room at the end of the hall. Walking inside, I’m surprised by how clean it is. It almost looks untouched. Tanya must have been feeling really grateful. “Uh, it’s not much, but that’s probably to be expected since I just got here this month, ehhehe.” I hear the door close behind me. “Hmm, Rimi?” She’s standing at the door, back facing me, when I hear a click. Feeling my heart stop, I watch as she turns around, a large and beautiful smile on her face.

“Yoru’s sleeping in Tanya’s bed. She’s sleeping like a baby. Mina isn’t gonna be leaving her room for the night, and…Tanya doesn’t come in till morning, if she was telling the truth.”

“Wait, you asked-” She pushes herself into me, and we both land on my bed. I don’t know how to react as she starts shoving her face into my chest.

“Ehehehe, you’re so warm.” She crawls her way up me, till we’re face to face. “Hello.” She says.

“Uh…hello.” I say back.

“So, you’re my boyfriend?” Woah, that’s a weird thing to hear someone say to me, even if it’s true.

“I mean, I suppose I am.” I say, not quite certain how to respond. She cuddles me then, her head next to mine as her arms wrap around me.

“Theeeeeeen I’m sleeping with you tonight!” She decrees, her soft form pushing into me.

“I don’t think Mina would let me live if that was the case.” Rimi laughs at me like I’m joking.

“We’ll get you a shield, you'll be fine.” She says before kissing my cheek. “Ehehe, I have a boyfriend.” She seems so unreasonably happy about it. I mean, yeah, having a romantic partner is cool and shit, but it’s not like we’ve been together for more than a few hours.

“Is it that exciting?”

“It’s life affirming.”

“I don’t think I’m all that special.”

“What do you mean? You see me. Isn’t that special enough?” Ahhhh, there we go, now I properly understand.

“Well, it’s only special because you’re special.” I respond, running a finger through her hair.

“Are you okay Yuta?” Her face seems to grow somewhat concerned.

“Hmm? What’s up?”

“You sound so raspy. Do you have a cold?” I enter a moment of panic.

“Just thirsty is all.” I lie, wrapping my arms around her. “I drank some water, I’ll be okay in a bit.”

“...okay?” She doesn’t sound like she buys it. Still, she returns to focusing on snuggling, something I feel much better about than my throat. I reach over from where I am to flick the lightswitch and, once in the dark, turn my attention to closing my eyes and holding my girlfriend tight.

But my brain won’t let me sleep.

No visions…nothing like that at all…just the memory of the soft, painful creaks of the ceiling fan, and what hung just beneath it.