REMAID- One Good Day I

September 16th, 2023

I open my eyes to my barren, boring ceiling. The sound of rain tapping against the window keeps me from falling back asleep. I look over at my phone. 3:50 AM. Perfect, I have to get up soon anyways. I look to my right and see Rimi holding tight to my arm. Her gentle face when she sleeps is so cute. I playfully touch her cheek before kissing it. Her lips seem to turn into a smile as she grabs onto a pillow and hugs it.

“Mmmmrr~Yuta~.” She’s so cute I just wanna snuggle her. With a sigh, I get out of bed, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and throwing them on. I tiptoe to the door and gently open it, careful not to wake Rimi. Once outside, I softly close the door and de-tense, making my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Omelet and sausages. I decide on my grandmother’s breakfast in my head before getting to work. Tanya had informed me over the past few days what exactly my grandmother would prefer to have and I’ve thus been trying to cook each item with a skill level of at least passable. I’m not sure yet if grandma is a big fan, considering she doesn’t seem to talk about it any when I get home from school. Perhaps this will be the day I’m chewed out for my amateurish ability.

I crack the eggs into a bowl before adding the salt and pepper. Three cracks of each, no more or grandma will have a hissy fit. After that, grab a fork and start to whisk. Thankfully, I’m not so useless that I can’t whisk a few eggs. Mom had been sure to teach me that one weekend when I was really bored…

She’d led my sorry ass into the kitchen and made me bring her the eggs. Her gentle voice informed me that, if I was gonna be a sustainable human, I had to learn how to cook. She was also sure to admit the idea of her child cooking for her was a dream. That was more than enough convincing for me. However, my dumbass was either too rough or not rough enough. Still, mom always stayed calm, sure to show me how to clean out eggshells from the mixture and how to hit the egg just right. She seemed so happy then. In my mother’s existence of stepping ever so carefully around everyone she met, she always seemed so happy when she was with me.

I remember her smile when I cracked my first egg properly. I could have sworn she had stars in her head, watching me with a love contained only by the heavens.

Now that I think about it, I think I really really loved my mom.

The sound of grandma’s bedroom door opening sets me free from my memories. I move the finished omelet over to a plate. I take the sausage links and move them into the pan.

“Good morning my precious little bitch.” She yawns, leaning against the counter. “Oooo, my grandson's second omelet for his grandmother. That’s just the sweetest, ehhe.” Grandma watches me as I silently cook the sausages.

“Oh? I suppose it is the second.” I say, the sausages cooking wonderfully in the pan.

“Hmmm…” I feel her poke my face. “...someone’s having a hell of a think today.”

“Someone woke up hella early today. What’s that about?” I ask.

“I was thinking about your mother.”

Creak.

“Oh…about mom? What about her?”

Creak.

“That…I don’t know why she did it…and I feel so alone in my grief.”

Yuta, Yuta, tell her the truth.

No, stop it. Stop.

“Tell her the truth.” A whisper so loud in my mind it sounds real.

Creak.

I don’t wanna look behind me.

“Yuta?”

Creak.

I don’t wanna look.

Creak.

“What do you mean you feel alone grandma?” I straighten my back, feeling there’s something so close and really not wanting it to touch my spine.

“Well…I have Tanya. She knows about her, but she only knows about as much as I do. Mina…Mina doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t even know that your mother’s dead. Your dad isn’t talking to me any more than he’s talking to you…and then there’s you.”

SNAP!

“You were there. You found her. But I haven’t seen anything from you. Are you repressing? Do you not feel anything? You’re the one person I have here who really knows how I feel, but you seem so disconnected from it that I wonder if you even understand what’s happened.”

“Grandma-”

“Your mother killed herself, Yuta! Would you fucking feel something?!” She yells at me. Her sausages are starting to turn black. I move them to the plate. She stares at the food like it’s spit I aimed at her shoe. What should I say?

“I killed her. Say it Yuta. Say what you fucking did to me.”

I wanna vomit.

“I tried to kill myself.”

“...” Grandma looks at me, and I feel like all her judgmental anger has completely faded.

“I found rope she hadn’t used and tried to hang myself next to her. She always said if I died she’d follow behind me. So it only felt right if I did the same.” I look her in the face. Something not like anger stirs in my stomach. Annoyance? Sadness? Guilt. No, I know what it is. Overwhelming, crushing guilt. I wish I could see what kind of face I’m making, but it seems to scare her.

“Please don’t act like I don’t know. Like I don’t understand she’s gone. I know. I feel it clawing at my shoulder when It gets too quiet, or trying to choke me when someone says something too nice to me. I feel like every second I exist it wants to kill me. Do you…do you really know what I’m going through?” Grandma doesn't respond for a moment. It’s like the whole world has gone cold and hateful. Like the whole world is covered in creaking nooses.

“Sorry Yuta…” She takes her food and a fork. “Next time I’ll shut my fucking mouth.” She throws some spiteful words in my direction before leaving. I’m alone, but it doesn’t feel like it. There’s still something staring, it’s face far above me. Turning my head, I see a pair of gray toes hanging there. The creaking continues.