REMAID- One Good Day IV

I never understood Butterfly. It was always a weird song to me. It’s not because I’m pretentious and don’t believe in the afterlife…I actually knew an angel, believe it or not. No, just the thought of a butterfly wanting to stay on earth instead of going to someplace so beautiful bothered me.

Like a dream of mine,

In a plain of memory,

I wanna remain alive,

There's no heaven worth calling sanctuary.

It’s just too sad. Why did they get a choice and not me? If It was in my hands there’d be no song, just a soft hymn of a peaceful, wonderful afterlife.

So, I guess I just don’t understand people who feel the same.

But when it played through that bluetooth speaker, and Rimi’s eyes began to leak, it felt like it all made sense.

No heaven worth calling sanctuary.

Yearning for a place to be safe as you breathe.

Is it about being alone? Is it about pain?

Then why can’t I resonate?

Aren’t I alone too?

Didn’t I spend so long feeling like this planet wasn’t a place safe for me?

“RIMI!” Her body descends into the river. I can’t understand why. The song plays on and on in my mind, and my feelings turn to mush as I desperately jump in after her.

The water is cold and violent. The mass of raindrops cause the chilled water to thrash about as I try my hardest to make out Rimi’s form in the darkness of the world below the surface.

My panic makes air leave my lungs faster than they should. Shit, if I don’t hurry, we’re both fucked. I make a quick descent once I catch a glimpse of her hand.

Rimi you fucking idiot, what the hell is wrong with you?! I wish I understood what went through your head. Why do you feel so ready to throw your life away?

Why do you feel so lonely when I’m right here?

Once I have a good grasp of her, I kick against the river’s bottom. The momentum brings me up about half way, but it’s far from enough. Shit, I can already feel my lungs begging for release. Despair fills my mind.

I can’t die. I can’t die! I have to save Rimi. I will. I will save her! I grit my teeth and push her ahead of me. With a strong push, I send her body floating up while I fall further below, slamming against the river’s bottom. My mouth involuntarily opens, and all my air goes rushing out. In its place, water comes rushing in and down my throat. I try to push it out but my hungry lungs desperately lap it up. They grow heavy as I struggle. Shit, I can already tell I’m not making it out of this. My body flails, unable to accept what my body wants it to do. It panics and begs for the surface as I try to make it calm, but even my mind is losing focus.

Shit…I don’t wanna die here…this bullshit…fucking god damnit, why did I have to love you so much Rimi? I watch, through my blurring vision, as her body disappears from the water. Someone must have saved her. Ah, good. Then maybe it was worth it.

Maybe I should calm down. No sense dying like a panicking racoon. I just…wanna think about…something…

As my vision starts to fade, something besides water comes into view.

Two nooses hang from somewhere I can’t see. No one is hanging from them. Then…they must be somewhere nearby. Mom?

…Mami?

“You’re so dumb, Yuta.”

A girl walks into view. Her brilliant white dress goes well with her long blonde hair. Her glacier blue eyes seem to shine with forgiveness.

“What are you doing here with me?”

“Sorry. I think I died.”

“Hmm…well, not yet. Maybe you’ll get lucky and some good Samaritan will come swinging in to save your sorry self.” The girl giggles.

“Still going on like that huh? Your faith is admirable.”

She bends down, her face just above mine.

“I can hear the things you think. That Yuta Yuta voice is really annoying. Don’t you think it should go out of commission?”

“Maybe. Maybe it's just desserts.”

“My little good Samaritan. It hurts to see you say such awful things.”

“You don’t have to pity me. Not after what I did to you.”

“Whatever could you be referring to, my sweet Samaritan?”

“...”

“I can’t tell you why I’m gone. I think that’s something you have to find out for yourself. But, Yuta…do you really think I want you to torture yourself?”

“You should-”

“Oh shut up with all that self depreciation. You’re too good a person for it.”

“What do you mean a good person?! I’m a killer! I made you kill yourself. Mom killed herself because of that! I’m a bad person!”

“No.”

“What?!”

“Those are actions outside your control.”

“They still happened because of me!”

“Your mom died because I died because you broke something of mine. Reactions to an action.” She turns away. “But your actions…telling a girl what she really is…standing up to an asshole who can’t help but make others lives worse…sacrificing yourself for a girl you hooked up with days ago…Yuta, you’re an unreasonably good person. You do stupid shit sometimes, like kiss a girl having a panic attack, but you already knew you were stupid!” She laughs. I feel my consciousness fading away.

“I’m…good?”

“You’re good.” Mami smiles. “You’re still my good Samaritan. The one I fell in love with.” She says. “Now, I suggest you prepare yourself, cause you’re definitely getting saved any second.”

“H-how do you-”

“Take a guess.” Mami touches my face. I smile back at her.

“Because you’re an angel.”

###

I feel water pouring out of my mouth. So much that it seems like a cartoon. Jesus, it’s not even funny. As I sit there, vomiting up the water from my lungs and stomach, I feel a guy’s touch on my back.

“Lucky as fuck I was walkin round when I was!” Take says, slapping my back, helping me vomit (I think). Meanwhile, Rimi is being held by Mina. I’m imagining she came looking cause we were taking too long. Whatever, I’ve never felt so glad to see her. Rimi seems to be crying. It doesn’t seem like she caught any or too much water in her system. That dumbass…I wanna hug the shit out of her.

My eyes move to a third watcher. The cashier watches us all. His face is a mix of emotions I can decipher easily. Guilt. Understanding.

The look tells me he can’t swim either.