Chapter 20: What Am I Fighting For?

Yuuki ran.

Behind her, Nic stood up to a man wearing the same drab gear as every other person who had said they would “defend” Crystallia.

Yuuki had seen him every day for the better part of a month. She had shaken his hand after every practice session.

And for what?

All she got in return was a betrayal.

Like everyone else the man, standing across from Nic, had betrayed her.

Yuuki was exhausted from the betrayals. She just wanted everything to be over.

“She’s looking for the easy way out.” He had said that. He knew what Yuuki was looking for deep down better than Yuuki herself.

Her legs trembled as she ran.

Her breath came out in ragged gasps.

Her arms felt numb and her chest hurt.

Yuuki was scared.

Scared of her own mind.

Scared of how everyone else seemed to know her better than herself.

Scared of facing Crystal.

Scared of her failures.

The light of the Eastern street filled her eyesight as she burst out of the small alley between buildings. The wasn’t a single soul in front of her. All that was there was the destruction wrought by the fighting. Buildings were half demolished. The only thing left of shopfronts was the twisted remains of their merchandise.

And that pungent smell. It followed Yuuki throughout the town.

To her left she heard swords clashing against stone. Crystal, Rust, and Cyril were holding the line for the rest of the civilians.

One of them called her name in the commotion, but Yuuki ignored them.

To her right was more of the same chaotic mess that once was the town of Crystallia. Beyond it, a warmth was spreading.

Yuuki moved one foot to her right.

Then another.

She started out slowly walking towards the source of the heat. In a few steps, that walk had turned into a run.

She ran into a small clearing next to the town wall. Where a large stable once stood, now only a smoldering pile of ash remained. The stable had been burned to a crisp and could no longer stand. Behind where it had once stood, where the stable and the wall had met, was a large opening.

Not only had a flame burned down the stable, but it had created a second opening in the wall protecting the town.

Yuuki gingerly stepped through the charred hole and looked beyond at the landscape.

If anyone else had described the scene in front of Yuuki, they might have called it Hell. Flames burned so bright they hurt to look at. As far as the eye could see. There were pockets of scorched ground showing. In each one a person wearing armor stood tense.

Emblazoned on each set of armor was a symbol that Yuuki was far too familiar with for her own liking. A crown surrounded by the wings of the faeries of myth.

The mark of the Alberie family in Sanum.

Standing in front of the flames, close to the actual gate of the town of Crystallia, was a single man. His normally dark skin was wreathed in white flames, some even dripping off of his body. When those drops of flames hit the ground, they burst and covered a large section just by themselves.

Normally, when using his Spirit King armor, Sarman would have Salamander sitting on his shoulder or fighting in tandem with him. But this time that was not possible. Salamander was part of the flames covering Sarman. It was the only way for the flames to get so hot as to become blinding to any passersby.

Yuuki wanted to step out.

She wanted to run to Sarman.

But her body wouldn’t move.

What would he think of how she has acted?

Would he also hate what she has become? Just like herself?

Or would he be like Nic; protective of the person he calls his friend?

The question paralyzed Yuuki. The emotions overwhelmed her body so she was forced to stay where she was.

She was forced to watch Sarman fight for his own life.

Any normal person would be charred within a second of coming near Sarman in his current state. Some of the Alberie soldiers had fallen into that very trap. Their corpses were littered across the field. The fire would make quick work of their remains.

But for the rest, their survival was improbable in the best scenarios. For them to still be walking was an affront to Sarman’s very skill. The source of their survival remained hidden well until Yuuki finally saw them shielding themselves behind a rock near the back.

Three Water Magi.

Two Wind Magi.

One Earth Magi.

Each one individually would not have been able to take on Sarman. Even if they had grouped up by what type of magic they used, they would have been unable to beat Sarman. But working together, they were able to use their magic in tandem with each other. This tandem magic, mixing water, the winds, and dirt, was able to smother the flames enough to make them non-lethal to those simply standing nearby.

Because of these mages, Sarman was having to face each person individually. Only once that person was dead could he move on to the next.

White flames shot from Sarman’s hands. One of the soldiers screamed in anguish as his armor melted on top of him. Vapor rose from his scorched body as it fell to the ground. The mixture of water, wind, and dirt that had been applied to him had been burned off instantly.

In return for killing one of their comrades a few arrows and rocks were hurled at Sarman. The arrows burned as they got too close but the rocks posed a serious threat.

A flaming whip coiled its way through the air, wrapping itself around the rocks. Once it was squeezed, they all split into two smaller chunks. Most of these smaller chunks flew past Sarman, but a third of them managed to hit him across the body.

A flash of red fire burst through the blinding white.

A feather had been used to keep Sarman alive.

Yuuki hadn’t seen that red flash of fire since the two were kids. Sarman hadn’t faced a fight that he couldn’t win with overwhelming force in a while. No matter who came at him, they were usually down before Sarman could break a sweat.

And yet now, he had already used at least one.

Yuuki wanted to go out there.

She wanted to stand behind him to support him.

But she was stuck. How could she support him if all she did was make things worse?

Something struck her face.

She could feel something warm trickling down as a soft thud came from behind her.

Her hand found its way to her face and came in contact with something sticky. Her fingers were covered in red blood. Just touching it had caused a smear.

The thud behind her had been the arrow hitting the burned wood.

One of the soldiers facing Sarman had noticed her. More turned her way. Another volley of arrows was nocked.

Yuuki didn’t have time to think. Her body wouldn’t let her mind control it anymore.

She moved into motion as the arrows landed where she had been standing. Her body rushed away from the wall. While moving back inside might’ve afforded her all of the cover she could need, Yuuki’s body wouldn’t let her run away.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH” Sarman had noticed her and let out a war cry as flames danced from his hand. He deftly moved between soldiers, cutting them down one after another. While the water magic was being used to surround them and give them resistance to his flames- it was only useful when he was trying to spread out his attacks. As he was cutting them down one at a time, he was using the full force of his flames in each attack.

“Don’t look at her!” Yuuki stopped in her tracks as she heard Sarman yelling at the soldiers. “If you keep looking away from me, that’ll mean your death!” Was that a plea she was hearing in his voice? Or was he simply trying to be commanding? Yuuki wasn’t able to tell. “Isn’t your main target me!? Isn’t it, Aneris?!”

“Why are you all focused on Ito!? Kill the Phoenix!” One of the mages in the back of the group responded to Sarmans words with her own anger-filled shouting. The men who had been firing at Yuuki hesitated. Since she had stopped moving while listening to the shouting she was an easy target. And yet their commander was telling them to switch targets to the man who was currently the living embodiment of death.

That hesitation cost them their lives.

Sarman cut each one down in quick succession.

The mages next to Aneris threw different spells in his direction. They were fruitless attempts to try to hurt the Phoenix.

At the very least, these mages were loyal to their commander. It wouldn’t save them in the end.

“Urgh.” Yuuki closed her eyes. She wished she didn’t have to hear the death throes of each person individually as Sarman killed them. Her stomach churned as she stood in one spot.

Yuuki opened her eyes again once she stopped hearing it. The blazing field was slowly dying out. In its place was charred land, black as the night, spreading out around the entrance to Crystalia. Yuuki doubled over as she saw the small lumps sticking out of the ground and finally noticed the putrid smell in the air.

“Please! Please please please! Don’t kill me!” Yuuki heard a pathetic cry from in the field and forced herself to look.

Sarman stood above a younger woman in armor scuttling backward on the ground. In Sarmans hands was his usual flaming spear. Its tip was nearly pressed into the womans throat.

Yuuki recognized the woman as well. Aneris was the right-hand woman to Paul Alberie’s son. They were like two peas in a pod and were probably in a relationship if the rumors were true. Yuuki felt like she was just trying to marry into a family with power in Sanum though.

“Please, I’ll do whatever you want! Just let me live! I can’t die like this!” Aneris continued to plead for her life. Yuuki could see that Sarman was having none of it. The flames wreathing him were somehow still growing even brighter as his anger rose.

“I’m tired of your voice.” Sarman pushed the spear forward. Aneris went quiet as her body fell limp. She probably hadn’t lived for more than a second after Sarman finished talking.

Yuuki watched her body as Sarman moved towards her. She found her vision slowly falling toward the floor. Further and further down. Even as Sarmans steps got louder, signifying that he was close, she couldn’t bring herself to look up.

“So? Why didn’t you help? Coulda used it.” Yuuki felt a flick against her head before Sarmans entire weight dropped onto her shoulders. Her knees buckled under the intense sudden weight.

“What’re you-!” Aria was about to protest when she heard the panting coming from the side of her face. Sarman had finally let the flames shrowding his body go. But by doing so, the toll that it had taken on his body was catching up.

To put it shortly, Sarman was exhausted and barely able to stand.

He was leaning on Yuuki just to stay upright.

She wrapped one arm around his back while she used her other to keep him upright.

“Let’s head back to Rust and everyone else.” Despite his physical weakness, Sarman still spoke with strength.

Yuuki didn’t want to go back, but upon Sarmans pushing, she started moving her feet slowly.

“So what’s your reason?”

Sarman brought back up his question. Yuuki looked away. She didn’t have an answer. Sarman picked up on this and changed his approach.

“So what happened to you here?”

“Huh?”

Yuuki was confused. What was Sarman asking? Which part did he want to know?

How was she supposed to answer?

“You’re clearly shaken by something. You were earlier as well.” Sarman pointed out the obvious. It was clear to anyone paying any sort of attention to Yuuki that she was mentally out of what was going on. Sarman just found it easier to get directly to his point. “You weren’t like this the last time I saw you. And from the little I’ve heard from the people in this village, you weren’t at all like this till just the other day.”

Yuukis breath caught in her throat. He had heard things about her time here already? From who? When?

“Ah… Did you hear it from Cyril? Or Little Felix?” Yuuki had seen both of them when she reached the street. Depending on how long they had been talking, Sarman would’ve easily heard some stuff from either of them.

“A bit. But I also heard the whispers from some of the defenders that didn’t turn against everyone else. How Yuuki Ito had come in and whipped their forces into shape in a mere three weeks, but that in the last few days, you had been conspicuously absent.” Sarman regaled Yuuki with second-hand stories about herself as the two made their way back through the burned wall. Yuuki could barely stand listening to them. She wanted to refute each and everyone, but Sarman wouldn’t let her.

Once he had finished with the small stories and snippets he heard Sarman finally let Yuuki speak again. Her voice was low, full of self-loathing and pity. “I’m a failure.”

“Oh yeah?” Instead of refuting her or simply accepting her words, Sarman posed a simple question, prodding for more details.

“I am! Look just at the stories you tried to regal me with! I helped ‘whip their forces into shape’? All I did was help train the enemy to destroy this town faster. How many of those forces turned coat on us? It was more than half, I can tell you that. I put the defenders of this city in danger by teaching their opponents how to kill them faster! How am I not a failure?”

All she had wanted to do was to help the Blood Elf. Crystal was a mythical figure, especially to Demi-Humans. Yuuki had heard stories about her from her father. The two had even met in the past. So when Cyril had asked her to come help at the behest of the one mythical person that Yuuki truly believed in, what could she do but say yes?

“And even beyond that, now I’ve dragged you all here. What if someone else I care about dies? What if you die? Or Nic? Or Aria, who I had already spent most of my life lying to. What if she dies before I truly get to say sorry to her for lying for all those ten years?”

After Aria had seen Yuuki during the fight against Jack in Sanum, the two had only exchanged simple words while Yuuki was in the medical ward. Yuuki had apologized with words, but she felt that there was still more that she could do to show Aria the truth. But now, as Yuuki looked up at the cloudy skies, she could see that very same Aria fighting to the death against a Demi-Human far more suited to aerial combat.

“And let’s not forget how I was the first, and only, one of us to go down while fighting Jack. You and Aria managed to stay awake and were combat-ready the entire time. And right before that, I lost to Nic. All I’ve done for the past while is lose. So tell me! Sarman! What use is there in me staying alive? All I do is create more problems and I’m unable to fix them.”

Yuuki's voice was hoarse as she finished yelling at Sarman. The two hadn’t even left the area with the burned-down stable. Yuuki was in control of them moving still and had stopped when she started yelling. Her vision was getting blurry. Her knees wanted to give out and drop her to the ground. But the part of her that wanted to keep Sarman safe forced her to stay upright.

Sarman let out a slow sigh before responding to her. “Sometimes, I have to remind myself that you’ve always put in the effort to be a prodigy. Even when you didn’t need to since you already were one.”

“What does that mean?”

“How many times have you lost a fight since you came to Sanum? You don’t need to worry about the answer as I can already tell you. Two times.” Sarman held up two fingers in front of Yuuki’s face.

“The first one was to me about eight years ago. You wanted to see just how strong I was and so we sparred. You lost and as a result, my flames singed multiple parts of your clothes. I remember it clearly because one of those pieces of clothing was your beanie. You were worried that Aria would realize what you were and that you were lying.” Sarman put down one of the fingers.

“The other was just a little over a year ago now. It was the publicity match we had at the end of the school tournament. As the winners of the Magic and Non-Magic fighting sections, we were pitted against each other to see which was stronger. Like the first time we sparred seriously, I won again and the debate was put to rest for the time being.” Sarman put down the other finger.

“Why are you bringing up more failures of mine?” Yuuki was getting annoyed. She already knew that she was a failure, and yet Sarman was here rubbing more salt in the wound. Did he have some sort of secret agenda against her?

“I’m bringing it up to make a point.” Sarman put his pointer finger on her forehead and flicked her softly. “You have always been a prodigy, but that doesn’t make you infallible. Your lack of failures in the past has made you forget what failing is. It doesn’t make you weak, nor does it mean you have no meaning or purpose for living. It’s a stepping stone. One that you can use to make yourself better.”

“Let’s take your own examples. So you failed to see that half of this Rad-Town’s forces would betray it? Well, that means you need to work on your ability to sense the good and evil in those you train. You need to learn to distinguish what they want to use the power they are learning for. You brought Aria, Nic, and me into this mess? Then you need to learn to make sure that others get your messages. Your loss to Nic back in Sanum? While this could be a good thing from one point of view, the student has learned everything they can. It also means that you need to rededicate yourself to learning as well. So that the student doesn’t overcome the master. Same with the situation with the Jack fight. It just means that you need to train more. Become stronger so that you aren’t left behind.”

Sarman lifted himself off of Yuuki and propped his body against a wall before looking at Yuuki. “You think I didn’t know this would happen if I used those white flames? Of course, I knew. But every time I’m like this, it reminds me that I still have more room to grow.”

Sarman’s body began to crumple under its own weight. Despite her ever-blurrier vision, Yuuki quickly caught him. As the two fell to their knees, Yuuki found herself gripping his shirt with white knuckles. She couldn’t stop the tears pouring out of her eyes.

What Sarman said was something that she hadn’t expected to hear. She couldn’t bring herself to fully accept it, yet it resonated within her. It was what she needed to hear. If she just believed in his words, then she could find the strength to push forward.

“Is it really okay? For me to continue despite my failure?” Her voice was weak, shaking as she slowly asked Sarman for his own thoughts.

“Did anyone ever say it wasn’t?”

Yuuki shook her head while giving herself the answer she needed to hear. She was allowed to learn from her mistakes. Just like everyone else.

It took her a minute to finally stand up again. She wiped away the excess water from her eyes before helping Sarman back onto his feet.

With a new determination, she was able to continue the journey back to the spot where Rust and Crystal were keeping the villagers of Crystalia safe. The two trudged through burned buildings and the remains of what had once been a lively street. While Yuuki used her right arm to keep Sarman up, her left was openly brandishing her sword for defense.

The street was not super long, only about one hundred Mer in length, but because of a fallen building halfway through, they couldn’t see the refuge that had been made for the villagers.

Nor could the other side see them.

They had to be as careful as they could be.

As they came up to the fallen building, Yuuki glanced around.

“This must’ve happened while we were out of the gate, let’s look for a way through.”

Sarman nodded in agreement. His nod was accompanied by a small grunt of pain.

“You okay? Sure you don’t need to use another feather?”

“It’s fine. The feathers won’t help anyways. They won’t get rid of soreness.”

Yuuki didn’t like the answer, but there was not much she could do about it. With no way of using healing magic herself or any healing implements, all she could do was make sure he got back to the refuge in one piece.

Once they got there, she would make sure that he rested.

It didn’t take them long to find an opening near the base of where the building had once stood. Yuuki had to bend in a few awkward positions in order to make sure that Sarman got through fine.

“Ah! It’s Yuuki! And the Fire Man!” As Yuuki was helping Sarman get through the opening she heard a familiar child’s voice. She looked back to find Felix pointing at her from nearby. Behind him was Cyril who immediately began to run over to them as soon as he heard Felix.

“Yuuki! Sarman! Are you two alright?” Cyril helped Yuuki pull Sarman through. Once he saw that she was supporting one of his sides, Cyril quickly stepped to the other side and helped out. The instant he did, Yuuki could feel a lot of the weight disappear from her shoulders.

She felt her entire body, including her cat ears, heave a sigh of relief.

“We’re fine. Help me get Sarman to the refuge so he can lie down. I’ll explain everything else after.” The two worked together to bring Sarman back. Felix had run ahead to prepare a place to lie Sarman down so everything went smoothly once they got there.

Yuuki kneeled beside the groaning Sarman as he adjusted to laying on hard stone and flicked his forehead softly. “Don’t move from this spot, got it? I’m gonna go explain everything to Rust and Crystal. I expect you to be just like this when I get back.”

A chuckle escaped Sarman’s lips. “What? Are you trying to-” He stopped midsentence as he felt the fierce gaze coming from Yuuki. “Alright. Alright. I’ll stay put.”

Yuuki stood up and nodded to Cyril. With Sarman laying down the two of them walked over to where Crystal and Rust were. With the lack of fighting, Yuuki assumed that everyone else had been taken care of.

“Yuuki!” Crystal called out her name as soon as she came into view. Yuuki hesitated for a moment before bowing deeply before Crystal.

“I’m sorry!”

“Huh?”

“I ran because I felt responsible for training those who turned on the village. I was blaming myself and didn’t want to face the blame of anyone else so I ran. I’m sorry-” Yuuki was stopped by a light tap on her shoulder.

She looked up to find Crystal smiling gently at her.

“If that’s the case, I’m the one most at fault for letting everyone into the village. You have nothing to be ashamed of, Yuuki. It’s not your fault.”

Why had she run in the first place?

She knew that Crystal was like this. She was always forgiving and kind. So why had Yuuki assumed that she would be harsh on her?

She wasn’t sure. But she smiled as she stood back up.

A warm, sticky, fluid flicked across her face.

What was the first thing that happened?

Was it the screams from those around her?

The gurgling of the woman across from her?

The realization that something had hit her face?

Yuuki opened her eyes to find a blade piercing through the chest of the queen in front of her. Behind the queen was a soldier wearing the Alberie crest as he slowly became visible again.

“C-Crystal?!” Yuuki could barely speak her name as she watched the queen crumple into her arms.