Straightforward and Straight Ahead

“It’s a mystery to me why you like outgoing girls despite being an introvert.”

I ignore Ryu’s statement and his smirking face. We are inside a bookstore where Inohara works. We stand in front of the manga shelf, doing our best to hide from Inohara, who’s currently behind the counter.

Inohara and I have been exchanging messages ever since she gave me her LINE account. After miraculously winning the sheep plush that she wanted, we left the arcade to eat dinner. While we were eating, she suddenly brought out her phone and told me that we should exchange contacts. I agreed because I didn’t want to betray her bright smile. How could I say no when she looked so happy while talking to me? I planned to ask for her LINE anyway.

I went home late that day to make sure that all the boys had gone home already. However, they wouldn’t stop bothering me about the mysterious girl that I hung out with. For that reason, I have been ignoring all their messages, but Ryu visited me this morning and I was left with no choice but to spill the tea to him. I didn’t give him the full details. I simply told him that I met Inohara at the train station because of an accident, and we talked for a bit. Our conversation led to a serious discussion, so I decided to ask for his opinion. Somehow, that led to us going to the place where Inohara works.

Apparently, she works in a bookstore near my place, and she had just finished her shift on that day when we previously met. She was supposed to be on a day off, but she was suddenly called to work for a few hours. Coincidence couldn’t be more of a jester.

“It’s almost lunch break. Maybe we should invite her for lunch,” Ryu suggests.

“You’re not planning anything, are you?”

“I’m helping you make a decision. You need to pay for the books that you’re holding right now, don’t you?”

“Whatever.”

I go to the cashier and place two books on the counter.

“Good mor—Nozomu!” Inohara exclaims loudly, and everyone turns to us.

“I’m sorry!” She looks down, embarrassed, and starts to scan my books.

“Why do you always feel the need to yell my name?”

Maybe it is a bit cruel to tease her, but I can’t help it. It’s kind of cute to see her blush.

“I don’t always yell your name,” she responds timidly.

“You always put at least three exclamation points at the end of my name whenever you message me.”

“The total will be 4,544 yen.”

She ignored me.

She pouts and takes my payment. She looks like she’s trying to look angry at me, but she can’t seem to maintain the act. It put a small smile on my face.

“It’s almost your lunch break, right? Want to eat lunch with me?”

She gives me my change and packs my books in a paper bag silently.

“I’ll get my purse real quick. You can wait for me outside.”

Her voice is low, but I clearly heard her.

“Thank you for coming!” she says, handing me the paper bag with a wide, happy grin.

All I did was invite her to eat lunch. She didn’t need to look that happy. That’s when it hits me.

I give up. I've already lost.

I go outside, where Ryu is waiting.

“You look like you’ve just lost a war. Did she decline?” he asks.

I don’t know what face I'm making but I stare at Ryu in silence for —I don’t know how long. Then, I feel a light tap on my shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

I slowly turn my head and find Inohara behind me. Her hand remains on my shoulder as she tilts her head to the side and furrows her brows.

“Something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

I place my hand on top of hers to remove it from my shoulder. However, I don’t let her hand go. Not yet.

“Maybe he’s already hungry. By the way, hello. My name is Ryu Nagato, Nozomu’s friend.”

“Hello. Is it okay to eat lunch with you? Am I not bothering you?”

Inohara looks at me worriedly.

Hasn’t she realized that I’m still holding her hand? Or she simply doesn’t mind it?

“It’s fine,” I finally respond.

“We should go now before your lunch break ends,” Ryu says, leading the way.

“I’m a little bit tight on the budget today. Is it okay if we eat at the convenience store?” Inohara asks.

“Anything is fine for me.”

Ryu gives me a thumbs up in agreement. We walk to the convenience store, and I hold Inohara’s hand all the way there. She says nothing about it, not even when I have to let go so she can buy her food.

“What’s up with that?” Ryu teasingly asks while we pick our bento.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

I feign innocence. I know it’s useless, but I also know that he already knows the answer without asking. Ryu just likes picking on his friends sometimes. We all know it. Koichi is probably the only one who takes Ryu’s words too personally.

“Anyway, she looks like a walking ball of sunshine. But I guess that’s the kind of energy that you need in your life. Although, I hope all those sun rays don’t burn you.”

“It won’t.”

I hope my darkness will never cloud her bright sunrays.

That is probably the only fear that I have. The only reason I hesitate to pursue her. Being her friend can’t be that bad. Maybe I can find a way to maintain a platonic relationship and stop whatever feeling I am starting to have for her—cut down this attraction before it takes root.

Am I being selfish right now?

“What’s taking you so long to choose?”

I jolt upon hearing Inohara speak behind me. We look at each other for a second, then she giggles.

“Did I scare you?”

“Of course not.”

This is so lame.

“Your friend is already at the cashier. The table outside is already free. I’ll wait for you.”

When I go outside, Ryu and Inohara look comfortable with each other already. As I approach the table, I notice that Inohara only bought one *onigiri and a bottle of water.

“Is that your lunch?” I ask as I sit beside her.

She turns to me and says, “Like I said, I’m on a tight budget right now. I’ll eat dinner later, so it’s fine.”

“You can have this.”

I slide the box of chicken in front of her. I bought two boxes, intending to reserve the other box for later, but I guess she needs it more.

“Are you sure?” She looks at me as if she is about to cry.

How long has she been eating *onigiri for lunch?

I simply nod in response.

“Thank you so much.” Her voice shakes for a bit, and she sniffs a few times.

Ryu hands her a tissue. She accepts it to wipe her eyes and then blows her nose.

“We should have eaten in a family restaurant instead,” Ryu says.

“This is enough,” she sniffs. “Thank you so much. You’re both so nice. I’ll treat you when I get paid.”

“Your break will be over soon, so eat now,” I utter and she nods while hiccupping.

Should I feel guilty for dragging her to the arcade a few days ago? We definitely wasted money on that crane machine. Maybe I should buy her another set meal.

Before the guilt consumes me, I buy a set meal and give it to her. She refuses at first, but with Ryu insisting on buying her dessert, she can't refuse anymore.

“Well then, I’m going home now. See you after vacation.” Ryu taps my shoulder and we part ways.

That night, I go over the books that I bought while waiting for Inohara’s message. I messaged her earlier to tell me when she'd be available for a call. She sent me a thumbs-up and a smiling emoji. She really is a ball of sunshine. She seems to be the type who's sweet to everyone around her.

I guess I’m just one of the lucky people that she blesses with her kindness.

Then, my phone vibrated.

Inohara : Hey!

                  You can call now.

When I look at the time, it is already 10 p.m. I hesitate for a moment, reconsider my decision, but still end up with the same conclusion.

I press call, and she answers after the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” I say briefly. I climb up on my bed and lie down. I feel my heart hammering inside my chest and my stomach churning. I’ve never had this kind of nerve before.

“You don’t sound well. Is there something wrong, Nozomu?”

“I’m fine. It’s a bit late. Are you sure it’s fine for me to call?”

“I should ask you the same question. This has to be important if you can’t wait until tomorrow. Are you officially confirming that we are friends now and not just acquaintances? Every time I ask you if we’re friends, you always tell me that we are just casual acquaintances. It makes me sad when you reply to me like that.”

I hear clinking sounds in the background. It sounds like utensils and porcelain, so I assume she’s in the kitchen.

“We’re not friends, and we’ll never be friends,” I say.

She goes silent for a moment, which had me a little worried. Then again, I sound like I’m just being harsh on her. Then I hear her sigh deeply, somewhat in frustration.

“What’s wrong with you? Do you have anything against me or is it because you don’t want to make friends with the female species anymore because you got dumped by your ex-girlfriend? If it’s the latter, that’s quite unfair. Besides, I just want to make friends —”

“That’s the problem. I don’t want to make friends. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

My confession is followed by silence, but that silence immediately fades and turns into a yelp followed by a crashing sound.

“Inohara? What happened?” I sit up on my bed in panic, but she doesn’t answer.

“Inohara?! Are you okay?! HEY!”

“I’m fine,” she responds in a weak voice.

I fall back onto the bed in relief. I let out the breath that I had held in for a second.

“What happened?”

“I spilled hot coffee on my foot, then the mug fell off my hand and broke. I’ll be back in a moment, wait —”

Her line goes silent. She must have muted the call.

I forgot that she has a tendency to get flustered easily. I hope she’s fine.

***

Quick note: *Onigiri is a japanese rice balls, often in triangular shape and wrapped with nori (seaweed) The ones being sold in convenience have various fillings. Since it's made from rice, it is a great snack but personally speaking, it's definitely not enough as a meal.