Episode 10: Not Like it Was

How far does one go to achieve their dreams?

Jopi always thought about it. She absolutely loved singing. She sang anywhere and everywhere, including in the shower.

But could she make a career out of singing? It’s not like she was a singer-songwriter like Adele or anything, but there were plenty of pop stars out there who didn’t even write their own songs. Take practically every Disney Channel and Nickelodeon star, for example.

So is this what I want to do with my life?

Jopi still wasn’t sure. She was still an eighth grader, after all… but that didn’t stop some other teen idols that she knew.

But it wasn’t funny, though. Anything, she meant.

Then one day, Jopi’s mom handed her a piece of paper that was apparently from that day’s mail.

“Josephine-chan,” her mom said in an excited tone of voice. “Are you thinking of trying out for Japan Idol? I think it’d be a cool experience for you!”

The pencil that she was using for her math homework dropped out of her hands.

“S-should I…?”

★

Jopi said yes.

And thus the entry form was filled out and the date that she was auditioning on was revealed. Jopi was as enthused as she could possibly be. Her song was even picked out, which she admittedly chose on a whim.

And that was what bothered her.

Why did I have to choose that Evanescence song?

At least it wasn’t the meme one. Or the one that inspired that intentionally awful Harry Potter fanfic.

Jopi had already told her friends in the CDAC—the middle school division and the high school division—the news. However, she hadn’t told them about what she was going to sing.

Until now.

She was going to contact Mimori.

Hey, she started off with. I kinda regret choosing the song that I chose lol. It’s an Evanescence one that I know you really like.

“Call Me When You’re Sober”? AHHHHH I LOOOVE THAT SONG!!

Heh. So predictable.

Jopi smirked, then continued typing. I mean, yeah, it’s not the worst song in the world to sing. It’s just that there are better ones out there. Ah, well. It’s not like I can change anything about it now. I’m stuck with it.

Mimori responded a bit too quickly after that slightly lengthy message.

Good! I’m very excited for you!

She then sent her a truly unrelated picture of Cone from probably back in the early 2000s, judging by his blonde spiky hair.

Even still, it didn’t amuse her that much. Everything always ties back to him. I mean, she could be crushing on someone worse but why can’t she be attracted to people that live in our reality?

She responded anyway.

Thanks. I’ll do my best!

Wafuu! I’ll be rooting for you~! Mimori responded with a gif of a girl from some anime that Jopi didn’t recognize.[4] But yet again, she didn’t recognize a whole lot of anime that wasn’t just the bog standard stuff like Pokémon, Dragon Ball, and Sailor Moon.

After reading her message, Jopi sighed again and closed out of Facebook Messenger, an exhausted smile on her face.

Yes. Talking to Mimori had that much of a physical toll on her. Both her and Suika, actually.

“Well,” she said to herself. “At least I told someone about what I’m going to sing. Now it’s time to wait for the auditions!”

Those were only two weeks away.

★

The day of the auditions rolled around, and Jopi was considerably excited as well as nervous.

That’s how I should feel though. Any other feeling would feel inappropriate.

Her dad drove her to the auditions, which were held in a building that was usually used for car exhibitions or whatever, and that made her feel even more nervous. She also chatted with her dad about mundane stuff such as music, movies, and even politics… Stuff that she usually talked to her dad about until recently because her classes had been giving too many final exams.

Jopi always admired her dad and was glad that her mom was busy with her work so he could drive her to her destination. She didn’t have any problems with her mom or anything—it was just that she didn’t have the same taste in music as she did, and it was overall easier to talk about stupid things with her dad more than her mom.

All in all, she had a super cool dad with an excellent taste in music.

“Every Muse album is basically rebelling against some kind of tyrannical government, but why do they have to sound so damn good?!” The way Jopi said that she had to admit, made her sound like an uncle or something. It was kinda funny, she had to admit.

“Yeah, you’re right. They’re probably the one band that can get away with that kind of thing. I don’t even think Green Day could do that.”

Right when he said that they pulled into the Boko Center… Well, almost. It took them about fifteen minutes to find an actual good parking spot. Every spot was practically taken.

Yes. It was that busy.

This fact did not surprise Jopi in the slightest.

It did, however, make her heart beat all the more faster.

★

… 579. I’m contestant number 519.

Jopi was once again not that surprised that she ended up getting such a higher number, but it was either that or coming to the Boko Center two days in advance and camped there like a crazy person.

Like, I wanna audition for this role but I’m not that desperate to.

All of the people there went to show you just how many people want to be famous, she decided.

Well, she was right. Social media is also a thing, after all.

Jopi gathered up a breath, let it out, and headed into the line to wait, her dad joining her in the line as well.

“Oh God, I don’t even know how long this is gonna take,” she said to her dad, raising her voice because the line was understandably noisy.

Jopi chose to look around at the people while waiting, as people-watching was the only thing to do besides talk to her dad and play on her phone (but she didn’t want to kill her battery either).

A few minutes after doing that, a man that looked to be thirty-something came up the line and looked to be taking attendance as to who was there and who wasn’t.

I’m glad I’m not him. That sounds like it’d be a giant pain in the ass.

After a while, Jopi gave up on watching the people and decided to stare at the floor tiles instead, getting lost in thought. Mostly she was thinking about what would happen if she was on the show and what she would sing. (The main question would be: Was she able to sing anything by Pavement or the Shins?)

Suddenly, a woman called Jopi’s name.

“Josephine Chiba?” It was a woman’s voice.

Jopi squeaked, her ears perking up. “Mm?!”

It’s not every day I hear my full name like that. I’m a good girl, too!

“That is you, right? I believe it is.”

“Y-yes!” Jopi could feel heat creeping onto her face.

“It’s your turn,” the woman said, smiling a smile that showed no sign of nervousness whatsoever.

If only I could be as bold as this girl…

Jopi nodded. She could feel accumulating on the palms of her hands.

I’m gonna have to hold a mic with these?!?

★

The door to the audition room opened, and Jopi walked in. Her steps were small but the sounds of her footsteps echo within the audition room.

The audition room in particular was small yet spacious. There was enough room for a drapery with the logo of the show on it printed all over it, and a table that was big enough to fit three people on it.

Three people were in fact at the table, but Jopi didn’t recognize any of them, thankfully.

It’s best to audition in front of literal whos first, I guess.

Jopi was indeed aware of the fact that there was the vetting process and then the actual audition process that was recorded to possibly show on TV.

“Hi there,” she said, trying to hide the shakiness of her voice. She attempted to look up at the judges, but a beam of light from the ceiling shined in her eyes, causing them to water a bit. She rubbed her eyes.

“Hello,” one of the judges said. Jopi could tell it was a man’s voice.

The air in the audition room was thick, which was understandable. It didn’t make Jopi feel any more comfortable, though.

“What are you going to be singing, here…?” The second judge, a woman, said as she flipped through stapled sheets of paper on the table. “Ah, Evanescence! Cool! You must like metal then!”

Jopi giggled nervously and nodded her head, even though what she said was not true at all. She looked at the other judge at the table, a man. He hadn’t said anything yet but with just a cursory glance she could tell he looked like the silent type.

There was a brief awkward silence until the first judge spoke.

“You can start now,” he said, voice firm.

Jopi closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then exhaled. That was something she always did before she sang in front of everyone.

Okay. I can do this.

Jopi opened her eyes, her singing brain switching on.

“‘Don’t cry to me

if you loved me

You would be here with me…!’”

Jopi sang the first verse and chorus of the song and then headed into the bridge because of the time restraints, but also because that was the part she believed she could sing the best.

Oh, and this was all a cappella. No instrumental at all.

“‘How could I have burned paradise

How could I?

You were never mine!’”

Jopi did the best she possibly could to nail that part, and it was almost near perfect. She wanted to do a little fist bump but instead did it in her head.

She was done singing… yet she still felt tense.

Her neck felt stiff as she watched the judges scribble things down on their pieces of paper. She assumed that they were grading her right then and there, which made sense but bothered her for some reason.

“We’ll be with you in one moment,” the third judge said, and hearing him speak made her jump.

His voice is so deep!!!

Jopi nodded and continued to stand in the audition spot, blushing profusely.

Then, the judges began to converse with each other, and she just stood there. About a minute or two passed, and the judges seemed to have their final opinion.

The judges conversed about her for what felt like forever, and it wasn’t like Jopi was able to hear them because they talked so ungodly quietly.

This is truly the closest to whispering you can possibly get.

But then…

“Congrats! You’ll be proceeding to the next set of auditions!” the second judge said.

Jopi’s heart lurched in her chest, but in a good way.

“E-EEHHH?!?!” she squealed. She couldn’t help it.

The three judges applauded. The first one then beckoned Jopi to come up to the table, which she did. He handed her a piece of paper, which had the dates of the next audition on it.

Ohmigod! Jopi thought, knowing internally that she sounded like Mimori with that line.

It was actually happening.

★

The next audition (the sort of televised one!) was happening at this concert venue that Jopi vaguely recognized. It was held the week following the preliminary auditions.

Shit is all too real now.

Jopi found herself in a line of exactly 300 contestants, and she was contestant number 173 this time.

Better than nothing, I guess.

She waited in line for a little more than three hours, but this time she prepared herself by bringing two books with her, actually finishing one of them. Her dad brought a book too.

We really do think alike. Heh.

Once it was time to audition, Jopi instead hyped herself up for what she was going to experience. Of course she was still nervous, but the excitement overrode the nervousness for once.

“Hi!” she said cheerfully as she entered the room. The girl noticed that a camera was placed by the door as well at the back of the room, and Jopi tried her best to think that they didn’t exist.

“Hi there!” said the first judge. Jopi didn’t recognize the woman but she noticed that she looked really pretty.

“Um, hi there!”

It then occurred to her who was in front of her.

According to the paper she was handed the week prior, the judges for the actual round that would mostly be broadcast on TV included Nana Mizuki,[5] Gackt, and Takahiro Moriuchi from One OK Rock.[6]

I know two of these people. That’s good, right?

She hadn’t watched Japan Idol in years. Whoops.

None of that really mattered at the moment. What mattered was that she sang.

Jopi did her little ritual and got right to it.

The song she chose this time was admittedly a little more obscure than the previous one… in a way.

“‘Was I out of my head or was I out of my mind?

How could I have ever be so blind?’”

The song in question was “Out of My Head” by Fastball, which was interpolated in an awful song the year prior with Machine Gun Kelly and Camilla Cabello.[7] She partially chose it because she wanted to give the original some exposure.

As for singing it, it wasn’t a terribly hard song to sing, but Jopi wanted to put her own spin on it that would help showcase her vocal range.

I don’t wanna ham it up though.

When she was done singing, the judges applauded.

Eh? Was I really that good? She didn't recall the previous judges applauding after her in the previous round. (Fact check: They did not.)

“That was fantastic,” Takahro said, grinning. “I like that you sang it an octave up, that made it a lot more suitable for your voice. Yes, definitely.”

“Yes, exactly!” Nana cried. “You sounded beautiful. Even though your voice went out of tune here and there, I feel like that added to the authenticity. Yes, all the way!”

Gackt chuckled. “Better than Cabello, that’s for sure. It’s a yes for me!”

Jopi’s face brightened and she jumped up and down. “Yes yes YESSS!”

“Congratulations, Josephine!” Takahiro shouted, probably mostly for the TV. “You’re going to Tokyo!”

Jopi squealed some more, knowing that she was going to look like a total child on the TV show.

I don’t care though! This is so hype!

After she got handed the golden ticket, she went out of the room, the camera crew following her. Her dad was right there and once he saw the item in her hands, his face brightened as well.

Everything feels so surreal. This can’t actually be happening!

Well, it was. And Jopi knew for sure that she was going to have trouble sleeping that night.

★

She did in fact have trouble sleeping that night. Her body was full of so much adrenaline that she could run a marathon.

… But instead, she was lying in bed, staring at her ceiling, imagining once again being on the show.

That only lasted half the night.

Once it hit morning, Jopi decided to get out her laptop and play one of her favorite games: Audiosurf 2.[8]

She heard about it from someone on the Internet when she looked into rhythm games that she could play on her desktop. Fessing up, she made a Steam account and bought it for the low, low price of $15.00.

The game was so simple but it blew her mind… plus, it was addicting.

The way you play is that you pick a song—either from the ones in the game itself or your own from your desktop—and use your spaceship to collect colored bars and avoid the gray ones.

The best part of the game, though, is if you collected a ton of gray bars the game doesn’t end.

It was just so soothing to play. Jopi secretly hoped that playing it with the black background would help her fall asleep.

Jopi ended up playing three songs and before she knew it, she fell asleep, headphones still on and laptop still on… at her desk.

Knock, knock.

Who’s at my door…?

Jopi had trouble opening her eyes and once she did, her mom was already at the side of her desk.

Oh God I hope she doesn’t notice that I stayed up all night playing games.

“Honey, you should probably start thinking about what to bring with you to Tokyo. Filming begins in two weeks.”

“Two weeks…?” Her voice came out all creaky and croaky, which made her cringe.

“Yes,” she said, arms crossed, face serious. “Also, did you stay up all night on your computer?”

“S-sorta…?”

“Anyway,” her mom continued. “You know what this means, right?”

“What?” Jopi, mind still waking up, wasn’t sure what she was talking about. She’s talking about the show, right?”

“You’re going to have to miss the rest of the school year and the beginning of your final year in middle school. You do realize this, right?” You’d have to take online classes or something. It won’t be the same as actually being there.”

Oh, shit.

School. She had completely forgotten about that. She remembered seeing something about this while she was filling out the signup sheet, but it clearly hadn’t crossed her mind until her mom told her.

“W-what am I going to do then…?”

Jopi was going to miss all her friends. Forget about schoolwork, her friends were the most important thing.

And the club—the club!

She was going to miss so many fun adventures that they’d go on, not to mention probably two months of being a ninth grader…

These things were incredibly important to her.

Not to mention recruiting new club members…

Tears began to fall down Jopi’s cheeks, and for likely what was the first time in her life, her mom began to comfort her.

“Honey, it’s okay. You’ll be alright, don’t worry. You’ll get to see your friends after it’s over… or if you get booted off early.”

“G-get booted off?” Jopi hadn’t thought about that either. She suddenly hoped that would be the case.

But then, a thought hit her.

Wait—I could probably get Tomo to teleport me to see my friends if I really wanted to.

But what if there were hidden cameras in her bedroom? Or someone walked in on Tomo in the middle of teleporting?

Now she was unsure to do even that.

Jopi’s mom continued to what was essentially massaging her back as a new wave of tears kicked in.

“Shh, shh… It’s gonna be okay, Josephine-chan…”

A single thought entered her brain at that moment, amid blur of thoughts that were in the background:

Will I really be okay though?

★

Later that day Jopi decided to text her friends in the CDAC group chat about what she and her mom had discussed that morning, even though she knew it would probably come across as a very obvious fact to her friends.

Jopi cleared her throat. “Um, guys. I’m going to be leaving on Thursday… for now.”

“WHAT!?” Behami shrieked. “AND YOU’RE JUST TELLING US THIS NOW!?”

“Um, yeah. I thought I’d tell everyone this at once, you know? Kill multiple birds with multiple stones.”

“ … You mean, ‘Kill multiple birds with one stone?’” Asuka snarked sourly.

“Ecch, who cares?!” Jopi was fighting the tears out of her eyes.

Then, the tears began to fall.

Miharu, surprisingly enough, showed some empathy for Jopi and came over to comfort her. (Finally, someone cared for her!)

“I’ll take over your role of the cute one,” she said firmly.

Jopi smiled as sweetly as she could, but inside she was slightly pissed off that that was her only role in the group (although she suspected as such.)

After doing that, Jopi began to pack—because it was never too early to start packing for something important.

Like, I hope it’s not too long, but I want to win as well, Jopi thought to herself as she was packing up her clothes in her suitcase, which wasn’t that hard at all. She was also headbanging to a post-grunge song that Naoko recommended to her, and that she thought was good, which came as a shock to her because she absolutely hated and despised most of those acts- except for the Foo Fighters, for some reason.

Speaking of “for some reason,” the depressing, cynical-sounding song somehow made her feel better jumping up and down, head-banging, and pretending to be in a mosh pit was way better than wallowing in sadness to Adele or whatever.

Okay… grunge- post-grunge- might be her favorite genre now. Especially… Sigh.

She clicked on the ‘Local H radio’ on her Spotify and began to jam out.

★

The days went by understandably fast. And after each and every day, she felt more and more scared, or rather, nervouscited. So much so that by Thursday, her last day at school, she was an emotional trainwreck. Over the past three days, she had listened to so much grunge and post-grunge, that she had become the early 90s themselves. No kidding.

She had become the early 90s. And yes, this is possible. She dug far into her closet and found a red and black flannel and began wearing it over her uniform every day, and no one cared, which was cool for her. Jopi also frowned every chance she could, and it caught just about everyone off guard. She also started wearing darker makeup, and people still didn’t really care.

So, yeah. She wasn’t in very good spirits at all. It was clear, very evident that by the end of the day she arrived in Akihabara, she would be singing a bunch of Local H songs, and smoking cigarettes.

But…?

Jopi walked into the clubroom, and…

Ta-daaah! A surprise goodbye party!

Somehow, Jopi knew this was going to happen. She just didn’t want it to because that would be too cliche.

But it happened. She just didn’t want it to because of course it happened.

“Congrats on going onto Japan Idol!” screeched Behami, and Jopi thought a teacher was going to come in at any second to tell them to shut up.

But that didn’t happen.

“Congrats…” Suika said in her monotonous voice, turning down the music by the 1975 that was playing from Asuka’s phone shoddy- I mean, fantastic speakers.

“Hey, turn on ‘Bad and Boujee!’” Ean demanded her (Suika). Suika denied this.

“Fine, I’ll do it myself!” Ean said triumphantly, pouting.

“No. blink-182.” Suika shot back. “The spirit of Tom DeLonge demands it.”

“But he’s not dead!”

“We all know conspiracies are dumb…”

Asuka and Miharu both sighed and for the first time in a few days, Jopi actually smiled.

“Nevermind that,” Asuka said in a stingy tone (hee-hee!). “We just wanted to see you off. We’re going to miss you.”

“‘I miss you, I miss you…’”

“SHUT UP, SUIKA!” Miharu snapped. “NO ONE CARES!”

Jopi laughed as she once again wiped tears from her eyes.

There’s no sense hiding it, Jopi thought, bittersweet. But so many new adventures await formed…

Jopi sat down in her seat and took off her flannel, ready to watch two of her best friends argue for the trillionth time, dammit.