Experiment 5: The Chair

Opposite a lethargic individual, there, flower-patterned, violet and the pink of one of those cacti flower things, a chair sits unoccupied—it’s practically waiting for someone to sit on its ever so comfortable self. So, the lethargic individual eyes it. They stand with aching knees. Out of breath after running a mile from the last chair they sat on, in the comfort of their home, they are now in a room—a non-particular room—and they are hard of breath, hard of choice in comfort, as there is only one chair in the room; so, what will they do? Their wheezy panting is like a broken flute trying to play a high note. Of course, they toss their hands at the chair, needing it to tell them where they can sit, and if they can sit anywhere in particular—even though chairs can’t talk and regardless of this individual being entirely sane and never hearing or seeing things that aren’t there, because they are a normal person. Nevertheless! Before the individual can land a finger on it, they trip. The floor isn’t slippery or anything—in fact, it’s carpet—nor are there any objects to trip over. They trip due to stepping forwards incorrectly, essentially, slipping on the edge of their sole. They save themselves from a chin-first impact into thin carpet by using the particular apparatus known as hands. Luckily, they know how to use these helpful tools to their advantage. They use them to push up against the ground and regain their footing. So, again, they go to the chair. Its fantastic design—a single base—allows it to be steady and not wobble like those darn four-legged chairs. And the individual grabs the chair’s arm rest; their palm sinks into it; they could sink too deep into its clutches and suffocate in lovely comfort, so they let go. Now, this is the sign of a sitting amateur. They wobble a bit—given that they have gained and lost so much stability in such a short time, this is the obvious outcome. An outcome like this requires skill and effort to overcome. Unfortunately, the individual in question is lethargic, and they are not some skilled expert at sitting; no, they are a normal person. They are on their knees trembling in the might of the chair in front of them, which practically mocks the individual with its splendid, comforting, magical, healing powers that no normal person could get their head around, and so the individual is at a loss. What to do in the face of such a brilliant, oh, glorious chair with this power to render a person to their knees, grovelling and pleading for their life energy to return? Indeed, it is a chair; yet, in the individual’s attempt to sit on said chair’s soft existence, they failed to understand that they could have sat on the ground.