Alan- As They Fall Off

Iva and I were waiting outside the hospital building. Noah's finally going to be discharged from the hospital today. While we waited, Noah's mom hurried inside to pack up Noah's belongings in his room, leaving the two of us waiting outside. We didn't speak, or even exchange glances, just eagerly waiting.

Finally, Noah emerged from the hospital doors with a crutch in hand, apparent that he was having a hard time using it. Noah's mother expressed her gratitude, thanking us for coming all the way to see him.

Iva quickly dismissed it. "It's not trouble for us, Mrs. Aubrey. We're here because we wanted to see him too."

"Yeah, it's great to see you walking again so quickly," I chimed in, crossing my arms and gently placing them behind my head.

Noah's eyes sparkled as he turned to face us. "Thank you both," he expressed, a sincere smile dancing on his lips. "Your visits really made the days in the hospital so much more bearable."

While the two of us talked, Iva remained silent, her gaze averted away from here. It was as if her very being shied away from accepting the weight of Noah's words. I glanced at her, then back at Noah.

"It was nothing. I couldn't just leave my friend all alone, can I?" I said.

"You're actually the type who would do that though..."

I pushed his words out of the way. "How could you say that? It hurts man!"

"Because I know you quite well after all," Noah said, with a faint chuckle.

"Yeah, I'm aware. Spare me the reminder."

"But I'm not gonna lie, I looked forward to each day, knowing I would have your company, Alan. Thanks for that."

"Don't worry. It's a friend's duty to be by his side."

I observed Noah's eyes shifting back and forth, torn between stealing glances at me and stealing more covert ones at Iva. In that fleeting moment, a hint of disappointment seemed to cross his face. Although he tried to prolong our conversation, he hesitated to bridge the gap between him and Iva. This was the first time Iva was meeting Noah since the day he regained consciousness—and the tension between them brewed just as much as I had anticipated.

Noah, I believe, perceived Iva's aloof demeanor as a manifestation of her guilt, yet his understanding only brushed the surface of the truth.

And only I knew that her icy deportment masked a different storm brewing within her heart—an internal struggle that only I could decipher.

After our classes had concluded yesterday, I made my way toward Iva and asked her to meet me by the school gates. She seemed surprised at first, after the request left my lips, her eyes keenly studying my expression as if I had invited her on a date. Nonetheless, she consented with a nod before departing the classroom.

Outside the school gates, she patiently stood, her gaze sweeping over the surroundings. The sunlight gracefully cascaded over her lustrous hair, casting a radiant glow that compelled me to pause and simply admire her. Just as I reached for my phone, intending to capture the moment, she caught sight of me. Hastily, I tucked the phone back into my pocket, hoping she hadn't noticed anything amiss, as she walked towards me. Some other day, maybe.

We walked together at each at our own leisurely pace, as if either of us awaited the interjection of the other's words to dissolve the silence that enveloped us. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?" In the end, Iva was the one to finally break the silence.

I nodded, synchronizing my stride with hers. "Noah is getting discharged tomorrow," I went straight to the point instead of beating around the bush.

She fell into deep thought, her steps faltering for a moment as we continued walking. After a brief silence, I gathered my courage and spoke again. "Would you... consider visiting him tomorrow?" The words left my lips tentatively, like fragile petals released into the wind.

Iva's gaze shot towards me. "I... I do," she stammered, her voice revealing her excitement and fear. Yet, as swiftly as her gaze had met mine, it retreated, her eyes finding solace in the ground beneath. "But I can't say I'm entirely prepared to face him just yet. There are so many unresolved feelings, and I'm still scared to confront them."

I'm well aware of that. She had been taking on a heavy burden all by herself, so it was not unexpected that her heart would waver, even if only for a moment. But I believe you've already got up again, Iva. I know that much. You're kind, and strong, always caring about others. So much so that you often overlook taking care of yourself in the process.

I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, causing her to halt in her tracks. "Iva," I whispered tenderly, aiming to infuse my words with comfort. "The path ahead remains unaltered unless you take that initial step."

"But-"

Even as you rise once again, there will always be echoes of doubt lingering in the recesses of your mind. They have the potential to pull your heart back down. Our ghosts. Our monsters. And she won't be able to fight against those monsters lurking in her forever. Staring too long into the abyss might prompt the abyss to also peer into you. The message you left behind for Noah, Iva, didn't you too...

"No buts. Noah will also be happy to see all three of us together again."

"Maybe you're right. He'll be really happy."

I'm still standing outside, holding onto the door lock, apprehensive to even steal a glimpse within. At this moment, she doesn't require my presence, and the answers she seeks are beyond my reach.

But he can.

Back in front of the hospital, Noah sat on a bench with us, his eyes drifting skyward. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?!" Noah's exclaimed in an endeavor to shatter the persistent atmosphere. His eyes sought to forge a connection with Iva. Regrettably, there didn't seem to be any sparks of warmth between them. Caught between them, I was stuck there sitting in a snowstorm.

I couldn't resist adding a playful remark. "It's been ages since you've seen one, hasn't it?"

Noah shrugged, the glint of a jest tugging at his lips. "Well, I could still see the sky quite well through my window."

"But that's too boring. You can't see the sky so well lying on that hospital bed. Just admit it..."

"Fine, whatever," he grumbled, "And Iva, I wanted to thank you for sending me the class notes every day. It was a huge help."

Iva's cheeks flushed, her voice barely audible as she responded with a shy “Thank You”. Then, gathering a bit of courage, she asked, "By the way, did you... happen to receive the flowers I left by the window?"

Right when she mentioned the flowers, an unforeseen surge of tension rippled through me, my gaze oscillating between Noah and Iva, uncertain of how the conversation would unfold.

Noah paused, momentarily confused. "I... I received so many flowers every day that I can't recall."

"Oh, it's not a big deal."

"Maybe I got it, but I don't remember..."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it."

A silent sigh of relief escaped my lips, grateful that she didn't press further on the topic.

After a while, a taxi glided to a halt before us. After assisting Noah with his belongings, we exchanged farewells, following which he embarked into the vehicle. Our eyes tracked its retreat until it merged into the vanishing point, after which we took to our own paths back home too.

Twilight enveloped the neighborhood as I arrived back at my house. I wandered through the familiar streets, caught in a whirlwind of thoughts. Eventually, I found myself back in my room, the dim light casting a soft glow upon the chaos that surrounded me. In the corner, the garbage bin held a bouquet of decaying flowers—a reminder of the passage of time. The vibrant leaves and petals had withered, turning brown and lifeless, still wrapped in the delicate embrace of white paper.

For the longest time, I had thought of throwing them away. Yet, their persistent existence served as a haunting symbol of the withering within me. Day after day, I watched the once-vibrant petals and leaves, their colors fading into a melancholic brown hue. Each delicate fragment crackled like fragile shards of glass and cascaded to the ground.

I resemble these faded blooms... or perhaps, I'm even worse. These flowers may have been in front of a flower shop once, for some intrigued customers passing by to purchase them. They bore semblances of love, tenderness, beauty, and perhaps myriad other sentiments. Yet time has transmuted them into their current disheveled state. In a similar vein, the love inside of me feels the same, corroded to the core, making me want to puke. Am I really doing the right thing?

And amongst the clutter on my table, a small slip of paper emerged, wedged beneath a stack of books and forgotten stuff. I pushed aside the pile, as the paper slipped from its confines, fluttering to the floor.

Even if you leave me and go somewhere far away, my heart won't melt in this cold world. I will still love you.