Welcome to the Orphanage

ON THIS WINTER NIGHT, I was standing in a park covered in snow in the blistering cold.

The niveous breeze brushing over my face made each part of it slowly go numb. Along with one other thing that wasn't exposed to the cold, but felt frozen the most.

Far behind me, now, was a girl I used to know. She had silver-white hair with a small and cute face. She looked like an angel, was as kind as an angel—she truly was an angel. But the way we parted, on the other hand, was anything but divine.

We had know each other ever since we were little.

* * *

Clapping twice to grab everyone's attention, one of our orphanage's caretakers, Tanaka, made an announcement. "Everyone, please welcome our new friend, Fuyuko."

A girl nervously peeked out from behind Tanaka, clenching her dress. She bowed slightly, but said nothing.

"Come on, introduce yourself to the rest." Tanaka gently whispered to her.

The girl, whose name we already knew, tried her best to greet us. She opened her mouth trying to speak, but she froze, and lowered her head. Noticing that it was too much for Fuyuko, Tanaka introduced her in her stead. "Say hello to Fuyuko everyone! She'll be staying with us for the time being. Be nice to her, alright?"

"Hello Fuyuko!" Everyone said.

Tanaka took her to her room, which she shared with Nomura. There was someone else who shared a room with her just a week before, but she had been adopted.

When Tanaka returned, without Fuyuko, I walked up to her to ask her a few things.

“Tanaka, Tanaka! Who is this Fuyuko?”

“Hmm, are you curious?”

I very earnestly nodded my head.

“Why don’t you sit next to her when we’ll eat dinner later, you’ll have plenty of time to get to know her.”

“Alright,” I said, as I determinedly clenched my fists.

I was always a very social being, I liked making friends with everyone, so that’s what I did. Whenever someone new came to the orphanage, I’d make sure that they at least had me to get along with.

A little later that day, a delicious curry-scent wafted out of the opened kitchen door, all eight of us knew that it was time to eat.

I was so hungry, and distracted by the tempting smell, that I forgot my mission; sitting next to Fuyuko and getting to know her.

When I remembered, I scanned the chairs and noticed that she wasn’t seated yet. I looked behind me, and there she was, holding her head down. She was slowly walking up to the empty chair next to me.

“Fuyuko! Please feel free to take this seat!” I didn’t realise just how loudly I raised my voice when I said that.

My volume aside, I stood up from my chair and pulled the empty one backwards like a true gentleman would. Tanaka has taught us all about politeness, I’m quite the expert at it, you could say.

I thought that was the right move, but Fuyuko's hesitating steps came to halt as she froze on the spot.

I realised I was being too pushy in my 'gentleman' act, so I repeated what I said earlier in a much calmer and relaxed manner. “Uh... Fuyuko, please feel free to take this seat.”

“A-alright,” her very soft, nearly inaudible voice said.

Right when Fuyuko sat down, Nomura stole my seat.

“Huh?! Nomura, that’s my seat.”

She turned around, her black hair of shoulder length swayed back and forth while her mischievous eyes were staring into mine. Without losing eye contact, she took the fork next to my plate and slowly licked it.

“It’s my seat now,” she snickered with a bright smile from ear to ear. “Unless you still want to sit here? You can keep the fork.”

I looked away and puffed the air out of my chest, “You can keep it.”

Her dominant ‘what I lick is mine’ technique always worked. When Hibino, our other caretaker, baked a cake a while before, there were two slices left after everyone had eaten one. Nomura used her infamous technique to claim not one, but both slices of the cake.

Despite her annoying traits, she was still liked by all of us. She’s annoying, yet funny and kind. Thinking that had me thinking about my own strong- and weak points.

I sat down on the only chair left, right across Nomura, and continued pondering.

The good things people said about me were: that I’m friendly, kind, that I have good manners. I sort of came to the conclusion that all of those are quite identical.

My bad things are… that I talk too much.

“Hey Koji! Start eating already!” Nomura ordered.

I did as she said and started eating. That day’s dinner was the same as every Thursday; curry rice.

While I was eating, I overheard the conversation in front of me.

“Fuyuko, how old are you?”

After Nomura asked, it took a moment before she replied.

Just as soft and inaudible as before, she said, “Seven.”

“Oh~ You’re seven years old, too!” She turned her eyes to mine. “Hear that, Koji? She’s the same age as us.”

She and I were the oldest children in the orphanage, we’ve both been there together as long as I can remember.

I simply nodded to her comment.

“So, Fuyuko, where will you be going to school? Same as us?”

Once again it took a good minute, “…I don’t know.”

“Argh… you don’t know yet… Here I was getting all excited about being classmates,” she sighed. “For now I’m stuck with this bore,” she looked at me while pointing her fork.

“Hey Nomura! Start eating already!” I mimicked the way she said it.

Tanaka, at the head of the table, cleared her throat, “Koji, be nice.”

Like an arrow piercing through my heart, I felt defeated at her words.

I’ve just lost a few of my gentleman experience points.

After eating dinner, and watching television, we all went to bed. I shared a room with Tatsurou, a small boy, yet only a year younger than me. The two of us slept in a bunk bed, he wanted the bottom bed because it would take less energy to get in and out of it.

“Tatsurou, are you curious about Fuyuko, too?”

“No.”

Tatsurou’s replies were always straightforward. He knew what he wanted to say and said that right away.

“Yeah, you’re never curious about others, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Does the same go for me?”

There was no answer. I tightly held the railing of the bed and looked at the one underneath mine. He was staring at the bottom of my mattress, an empty stare. I thought I broke him.

“Tatsurou…?”

“…I don’t know what you mean.”

“Well, when you said ‘yeah’ when I asked if you’re never curious about others, does that include me too?”

“Yes and no. I don’t know. I’m not curious but I’m not-not curious either.”

“I see. I am curious about everyone. Maybe a little too much.”

“Yeah, too much.”

And you’re too honest, I thought, but didn’t say out loud.

Someone knocked on the door and opened it, it was Tanaka. She slowly peeked through the gap between the wall and the door. The hall’s light coming through the door travelled diagonally across the room, in a straight line to my face.

She could surely see that my eyes were still opened. She waved and whispered, “Good night,” then closed the door again.

“Good night, Tatsurou.”

“Night.”

* * *

The next morning we were all getting ready for school, everyone except Fuyuko.

“Do you think she’ll be going to our school?” Nomura whispered while we were putting on our shoes in the hallway.

“No clue.” Atypical for me, my answers were as cut-throat as Tatsurou’s. Cut-throat is the way Hibino always described it. I used it back then, too, even though I wasn’t entirely sure that I got the meaning down, but that’s how I always used hard words and phrases. Copy the adults and hope that I’m right.

“I tried talking to her some more past bedtime, but she was sound asleep before Tanaka turned our lights off.”

“Well, that’s what you’re supposed to do,” I said like a know-it-all to annoy her.

She aggressively ruffled my hair, messing it up entirely.

“I bet you never sleep before the lights are off, do you?”

“I bet you don’t either,” I replied.

She ruffled through it with even more power.

Tanaka walked out of the living room’s door, clapped in her hands and said, “Everyone ready? Let’s get going.”

Our two youngest friends held her by the hand, the rest of us walked in front of her, Nomura and I leading the way. We were the oldest after all.

Out of nowhere, Nomura started groaning. I looked at her, quite surprised.

“Huh…”

“I want Fuyuko to go to our school…” she drooped.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it already,” I said, like an old man would.

We were still on our way to school, halted by a stoplight turned red.

“Koji,” she said, in a very serious tone.

She turned her entire body around and looked me very deeply in the eyes.

“…What is it?”

“I have an idea.”

Every time she said she had an idea, it ends up being something really ridiculous, or something that goes horribly wrong.

“I don’t think I want to hear it—”

“Let’s go home again. Take off your clothes, give them to Fuyuko. Then we’ll shave your hair and make a wig from it." She was doing hand gestures for everything she said. "That way Fuyuko can go to school disguised as you.”

As expected, it was something really ridiculous, and if we were to actually go along with her plan, it would’ve gone horribly wrong.

“No, thanks.”

“You don’t get it, Koji, it’s a win-win-win!”

“A win-win-win?” I asked.

She nodded her head multiple times, “Uh-huh! You’ll get to skip school,” she held up her index finger, “Fuyuko won’t be lonely at home,” she held up her thumb as well, this was the count of two, the win-win part of the win-win-win.

“What’s the third win?” I asked, going along with her explanation for no reason at all.

She held up her middle finger along with the other two, “I won’t have to spend the day with you!” she said, full of excitement.

The light turned green and we started walking again.

“Let’s change your plan up—Fuyuko disguises herself as you. You get to stay home, she won’t be lonely and I won’t have to spend the day with you,” I fired back at her.

To my own surprise she started laughing instead of coming up with something to say back at me.

The rest of the walk was filled with chit-chat over nothing, as far as I can remember. We reached the school before I even realised.

“Alright, Koji, Nomura and Tatsurou, see you later,” Tanaka waved at us with a bright smile. Only the three of us went to that school. It’s the one closest to the orphanage so we were dropped off first.

We waved at the others as they went on their way to their school.

“Hey, Koji,” Nomura said.

I heard a glimpse of teasing in her voice.

“What’s up?”

“We’ve crossed all the roads, you can let go of my hand you know.”

Because the walk went by so quickly, I completely forgot I was still holding her hand. I quickly retreated it, but still felt embarrassed. The only reason we held hands while walking down the street was to set a good example for our younger friends… it would be even more embarrassing if one of our classmates had seen us.

“Hehe, you’re getting all red!” she skipped away through the school gates while giggling.

“Embarrassing,” Tatsurou stated.

I held my head in the palms of my hands, “I know.”

If only you were a year older, then I wouldn’t have to hold Nomura’s hand… ever.

* * *

A short while later, all of us were sitting at our desks in the classroom. When our teacher, an old lady called Miss Satou, entered the room, we all greeted her with much enthusiasm.

“Good morning class,” she said while slowly walking to the centre of the blackboard.

Once she stood there, she looked at everyone in the classroom. This is what she often did to leave us in suspense. What followed was always something exciting.

“Can any of you guess… what I'm about to reveal this time?” she asked very mysteriously.

“Oh! I know, I know!” A classmate jumped up with his arm raised in the air, “Since the sun is shining, all lessons will be scratched and we’ll be allowed to play outside the entire day!”

She chuckled after hearing that, “Quite the fantasy you’ve got, but that’s not it. Next week, on Monday…” she paused for a second, building the suspense even more, “Someone new will be transferring to our little school.”

“Ooooh~” the general reaction was quite positive.

“And that new person… will be joining our class.”

“Woah!!” the positivity levels got multiplied by ten.

“Miss Satou! Is it a boy, or a girl?”

She looked at the classmate posing the question, “She’s a girl.”

I turned my head to Nomura. A new girl joining our class would mean—

“Koji! Fuyuko is coming to our class! Woohoo!”

For the rest of the day, everyone was talking about Fuyuko joining our class.

The boys were disappointed that it wasn’t a boy that would be joining us, while the girls were celebrating it as if it was their birthday.

Which makes sense, since we outnumbered them, before it was eighteen to twelve, the week after it would be thirteen.

During lunch break, I sneaked over to Tatsurou’s classroom, I usually did this to avoid sharing my lunchbox with Nomura—and getting nothing from hers in return.

“Hey, Tatsurou. Let’s eat lunch together.”

“Escaping Nomura?”

I did a big nod, letting my head hang down for a while, “…Yup. Same as ever.”

The two of us started eating.

Even though both our lunch boxes were made by Hibino they were both very different. I had some extra omelette rolls while he had far more vegetables.

I noticed him staring at my rolls.

“You’ve been looking my at my lunchbox for a while now. Do you want to trade something?”

“Omelette roll.”

“Sure. Then… can I take that?” I pointed to one of his many vegetables.

“Yes.”

Conversations with him were very easy. Always quick paced and you instantly knew what he wanted to say because he didn’t beat around the bush.

“Ah, I forgot to say, Fuyuko will probably be coming to my class.”

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah, there’s only one other school nearby after all.”

We continued eating—well, at least I did, he never stopped eating to speak. I on the other hand always did that, which is why I was often last to finish any meal we ate.

“I also think it was already decided. It was the very first thing that Miss Satou said to us this morning.”

“Could be.”

“I think it’s a little sad,” I flipped the conversation into another direction without really realising it, “We’re already seven, and you’re six. We’re getting old.”

He didn’t have his lightning fast answer ready. Also, he stopped eating for once.

“…We are.” from his tone it was hard to tell if he was posing a question or if he agreed with what I said.

I have talked about this with him once before when it was time to sleep. He didn’t respond back then, so he might’ve fallen asleep. I said something without much meaning, yet I feel like it did have a lot of depth.

“Tatsurou. Being an orphan in Japan is really rare isn’t it?”

There aren’t many, and from the few there are, not many get adopted either. There’s this saying I remember, probably my earliest memory. It was a friend who was nearing adulthood, with no one who adopted him. I believe I was three years old at the time when he whispered,

“If you’re not gone by five, you’ll be stuck here for life.”

Both of us—also Nomura and Fuyuko, too—had already passed that age a while ago.

I continued eating lunch and dropped the conversation I accidentally started.

During the remainder of the day the hype around our new classmate joining didn’t settle down. Nomura was acting as if she knew everything about her, even though she knew about as little as I did.

At the end of the school day, the three of us were waiting for Tanaka to return from kindergarten with the others. It never took long, because they were done a little earlier than us. The waiting time was pretty much Tanaka’s travelling pace.

“There you are,” she delightfully said as she saw us. “How was your day?”

“Great!” Nomura cheered, “Fuyuko is coming with us on Monday, isn’t she? Right? Right?” she was very desperately trying to knock an answer out of Tanaka.

“Hmm~ what makes you think that?”

“Miss Satou said a girl will be transferring on Monday. That girl has to be Fuyuko, right? Right?”

Tanaka smiled and gently ruffled through Nomura’s hair. She should try and learn to do it gently as well.

“Why don’t you ask her about it? She’s been waiting for you guys to return.”

Nomura held her hands on the sides of her face, her jaw dropped wide open, “Fuyuko has been waiting… for me?!”

“Let’s go home,” Tatsurou said.

“Right. Let’s take our leave then.”

Nomura looked at me with an ominous smile on her face. She held her arm out and bowed down like a prince you’d see on TV.

“Would you please take my hand, princess Koji.”

I turned my head to Tatsurou, “Can you please walk with me?” I asked, but he was already holding someone else’s hand.

“Koji, will you lead the way together with Nomura, please?”

When Tanaka asks it like that, you really can’t decline. She’s the kind of person whose praise and affection you want to win over, similar to a teacher. Although that’s not quite it. Perhaps a mother.

I stretched out my arm and held Nomura’s hand.

“Make sure to let go this time,” she teasingly whispered.

I ignored her teasing and led the way.

While we were walking through the streets of Shizuoka, on our usual route home, Tanaka said, “Hold up, you two.”

The both of us stopped walking and turned our heads around.

“At the next crosswalk, go left instead of crossing the road, alright?”

I looked at Nomura, we both knew what that meant.

“Whoo-hoo!!” she cheered.

My cheering was more internal, but I was as excited as she was.

On our normal route, after crossing the road, it’s pretty much a straight line home. But whenever we took a left turn there, there’s only a single place we’re possibly going to; the park.

“Wait, Tanaka, what about Fuyuko?” Nomura asked.

She giggled, but didn’t say a word.

How mysterious.

A few minutes later, we arrived at the park.

“The park!! We’re here!”

Nomura ran off to the playground in the park, probably headed to the swings. The rest of us were slowly headed there as well.

“Hmm-hm hmmm hm,” Tatsurou was softly humming.

Even though he doesn’t show his excitement in his facial expression, nor in his words, he can’t help but hum when he’s happy.

“Hey, Hibino, we’ve just arrived,” Tanaka was on the phone, “Great, we’ll be there in a minute.”

She put her phone in her bag again and reoccupied her hands with those of our little friends.

When we entered the playground, Nomura was already going crazy on the swings, Hibino waved at us, seated down on a bench, but Fuyuko was nowhere to be seen.

As curious as ever, I walked up to Hibino and asked her, “Hibino, Hibino! Where is Fuyuko?”

“She’s exploring the park, why don’t you give her a little tour?”

I did my signature determined fist clenching and said, “Alright, I’m on it.”

I started wandering around the park, following the main path with no clue where she could be. As determined as I was, I still got easily distracted. First I saw a nice looking butterfly flying over the bushes and flowers. Like a clueless dog, I started chasing it.

Then, when I lost sight of it, I came across a real dog. The owner was sitting on a bench, holding the leash with one hand and ice cream in his other.

I guess that grown ups like sweets just as much as we kids do, huh.

I kneeled down in front of the dog, who was wagging its tail.

“…Can I pet it?” I asked.

The owner, a middle-aged man in a business suit, turned his head around, “Sure, go ahead.”

“Thank you very much!” I said.

Thanking people when they agree to your requests is the most basic form of politeness, yet it’s one of the most important ones. This, too, little me was taught by Tanaka and Hibino.

I petted the dog all over.

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Boy.”

Woah, is this Tatsurou from the future? I thought to myself.

When I scratched the dog behind his ears he looked overjoyed and jumped on my shoulders with his front paws.

I tried to pet him, but his weight pushed on my shoulders made gravity pull me down to the ground.

“Ha-ha, that tickles!” I said as he licked the side of my face.

I got back up on my feet and used my sleeves to wipe my face clean—as clean as seven-year-old me considered clean.

“You seem to be in good spirits,” the man said.

“Yeah, seeing you eat ice cream made me extremely happy. Now I know that when I’m old, I will like sweets just as much as I do now.”

“…Old?!”

As polite a kid I was, I had yet to figure out that telling the blunt truth could hurt someone’s feelings. Of course no one would lay it on a kid for telling the truth. That’s why ’the truth comes out from the children’s mouth’ is a saying after all.

“Oh, I forgot, I need to go find Fuyuko. Sir, thank you for letting me pet your dog. Bye-bye!”

I ran off, back on the main path going through the park.

This time, surely, I won’t get distracted.

A good minute later, I saw a cat walking off the path into the bushes.

I got distracted again.

I followed it into the bushes, but couldn’t see it anywhere.

“Hello? Are you there?”

The cat didn’t respond.

When I turned around, I couldn’t see the way back to the main path anymore. I’ve never been that good with coordination and I turned around so much that I didn’t have a clue where I could’ve possibly come from. The grass beneath me was too short to see where I’d already stepped. The bushes, I walked around most of them, so little to no trace to find a way back there either.

Well, anything is better than standing still, I thought. I took a stick lying on the ground and planted it into the ground. Then I took another one, planted it as well and bent it in the direction I was headed towards next. If I ended up walking in circles, at least I would still know where I’ve already been.

I started walking forward, and quickly came to a clearing.

Good, I found my way out, I thought, but there was no path to be seen.

I had been to that park many, many times, yet this spot I had never seen before.

Since I knew this surely wasn't the way back to the main path, I decided to walk back. However, right when I turned back, I saw the cat again. This time it hopped into a bush a little farther away at my right hand side.

I wanted to walk back the same way I came here, but my instincts told me to follow the cat. Which was definitely not a good thing, since that’s the reason why I ended up here in the first place. As rational I could be at times, nothing beats my levels of curiosity, and I ended up following the cat once again.

Though this time, it happened to be the right decision. Walking through the trees and bushes brought me back to the path, on a different side than which I initially came from.

What, or rather who, I saw there, sitting on the large, lone tree. The sun shining through the leaves, making her divine wings glow. A halo atop her long and smooth silver-white hair.

The next step I took broke a stick on the ground.

The angel turned her head.

“Fuyuko…” the quiet words carried by the breeze somehow reached her ears.

“…Hello.”

For a good second I didn’t do anything but stare. So did she. Until she turned away again, and climbed down the tree.

Little did I know back then that Nomura went looking for her as well. She saw my in-awe display.

Fuyuko was almost down on the ground. I walked closer to the tree.

“Do you do that a lot, climbing in trees?”

Her head was slightly tilted down, “…Only sometimes.”

“Don’t you get scared being so high in the air?”

“…No,” for the first time, she raised her head and met my eyes, “I like it… being high in the air. It makes me feel… free.”

“Free, huh.”

My mind exited the conversation and went into pondering mode. Free. What did that mean? To her, and to me.

Being free high up in a tree, the breeze bringing your head to ease. The tree, an aerial throne, where you get lost in thought all on your own. Solitude, calm and truly being free, perhaps she could only experience that up in that tree.

What does it mean to me, I wondered.

I thought about it, as hard as I could for the mere seconds I was giving it my time. I came to the conclusion that I’m never free, since I never felt captivated; I’m never free and I’m always free.

Would being free bear the same value if you weren’t captivated to begin with?

“Fuyuko… are you alright?”

Her eyes widened in surprise after I asked that.

If she would climb up a tree to feel free, that meant she must’ve been captivated by something.

Of course my thoughts weren’t this thoroughly thought out back then, but I did reach that conclusion—and I did ask her that question.

“…I wonder if I am,” she said, she closed her eyes and deeply inhaled, “For now, I am… Thank you.”

“Let’s head back to the playground, okay?”

I was meant to give her a tour of the park, but ended up spending way too much time looking for her. Though, in the end, this meant a lot more than a tour through a park we would regularly visit ever could.

Dinner, TV, a one-sided conversation with Tatsurou and a good night’s sleep. That’s how that day came to a close.



That day was truly beautiful and remains as one of my most vivid memories of the past.

A girl I used to know, one I still do, a guy that listened to my babbling and two of the ladies that shaped me into the man I am today.

All of them made an appearance on one of my favourite days in my life. What a nice day that was.