The Purple Shogun

“Hey Yumi, what are you gonna do after high-school?” a friend asked.

“I do not know,” I said. “Recently I’ve been watching a lot of streamers lately.”

“Are you saying you want to become a streamer?!”

“Well, I never said I wanted to be one. However, it seems like a lot of fun though. You entertain people by playing games.”

“Well, it is your life, so I can’t judge. But if you do on becoming one, I’ll be your biggest fan!”

“Sure.”

It was a simple thought of wanting to try new things out. After all, I think I’m too stupid to go to college with my GPA.

The day finally came. What every teen awaits for. Graduation. It felt so nice. Finally, becoming an adult, but I was sad. What am I gonna do now? Where does the future lay ahead of me?

Few months after graduation have passed and all I’m doing is sitting around my house. I go on social media and see all the students I knew enjoying their life in college. If I wasn’t born with such a stupid brain, I would have that life right now.

But then there are people on the internet who are the same age as me making money off of playing games for the world to see. I remember having that thought of being a streamer and, well; I have nothing else to do. Mind as well try.

Bought the basic equipment you need for a steamer. A PC, a few games, a face camera, and others. I came up with the username, The Purple Shogun. Sounded pretty cool at first but then after some thought, it was stupid but I can’t change my username now. Amazing, great start!

“Hello, I am The Purple Shogun,” I said

Time passed so fast that I didn’t even know I was streaming for 4 hours. I don’t even remember what I was trying to do, but I wonder how many viewers I have.

Huh. 15 viewers. Not bad. But I’m already tired of this. I’ll just end the stream and do it another day.

That other day later became every day. I would stream every day and all day. With my friends busy with college, I had nothing else to do. I just didn’t want to sit in my house all day.

I didn’t even notice my subscriber count. It went from 0 to 15 to 30 to 100 and more and more and now I have 30k subscribers. Time goes by a lot faster when you're not paying attention, huh? Is this really my life now?

One day, I was looking through my piles of emails. Mostly just scams. Nothing special. Like as if I received an email from a famous person.

But with a glimpse of my eye, I saw a certain email and opened it. OH MY GOD! I CAN’T EBELIVE IT! A EMAIL FROM A FAMOUS STREAMER!

My heart is pounding. Is this real?! No, I’m probably just imaging things from drinking a lot of coffee. Yumi calm yourself down! I read through the email carefully.

This famous streamer recognized me and wants me to collaborate with him? It feels like I'm a celebrity now. Never in my life I have thought that I would be recognized. The game we're gonna play is a dungeon game and scheduled for tomorrow. You bet my ass is not gonna miss this!

I sent a response saying I can collaborate with him. I wonder if the email I sent sounded professional. Hopefully, I didn’t sound too much like an adult. I hate faking myself so other can accept me.

The day finally arrived and I’m shaking so badly. I’m so nervous! This is the first time I’m playing with a big time streamer! Hopefully, I make a good impression on not only him but his viewers.

And so it begins. My first ever collaboration with a fellow streamer. I hover my mouse over the “start live” button and it finally begins.

The views went viral. Over 50k viewers watching us. The comments were nothing but filled with laughter and joy.

But it wasn’t just the viewers having all the fun, but us as well. I couldn’t see what his face was on the other side of the screen, but I could tell he was smiling.

It’s been a while since I’ve felt so alive. Maybe this is my path. My destiny. I love it so much! Having people recognize me and love me.

“Man, today was really fun Purple Shogun,” the streamer said. “You really are unique.”

“Oh…. really?” I said. “I’ve had no one say that before.”

“How about we do another collaboration and maybe I’ll bring some more friends of mine who are also streamers.”

“Yes, that sounds like a lot of fun!”

“I look forward to it. See ya later.”

“Goodbye!”

I'm gonna have another collaboration with other streamers?! I'M FREAKING OUT! Am I one of them now?

Suddenly I heard my phone beep, and I took it out to only see fans mentioning me on social media.

“Dude, the Purple Shogun was so funny!” one comment said.

“Her voice was beautiful!” another comment said.

“I didn’t know she could be so funny!’

“I can’t wait to see her other streams!”

My heart. I can’t describe what I am feeling. No words can express it. The only word I can say right now that describes what I am feeling is JOY!

I know what to do now. I’ll become the biggest streamer in the entire world!

That day will forever be engraved in mind. It was the very start of a new life.

Day after day, my followers grew, and more people viewed my streams. I even made some great friends who are also fellow streamers.

I started even making money off of my streams now. I made enough to live on my own in a cheap apartment complex.

The world slowly came to know who I was. The Purple Shogun name was out there now. Every teenager knew that name.

Most important of all, I received sponsorships from companies. With that, I had huge people come and ask me to act in movies, voice characters, be in there commercial, and so many other cool things!

This is my new life now. Living in a rich and nice apartment complex. With a subscriber count of 30 million. Editors helping me with my videos and assistant helping sort out my request from all these different big people and sponsorships.

It almost feels like I’m living in a fantasy. Something straight out of a movie. Even to this day, I have a hard time accepting this is my new life now.

“Alright, my fellow fans,” a member of a J-pop band said. “To cap off for today's concert, we will perform our most famous song but with a special guest! Come on out!”

Without hesitation, I ran out of the curtains and on stage. The atmosphere, I could feel it down to my bones. The excitement, happiness, hype, and joy from the fans.

“Oh, my god! It’s the Purple Shogun!” the fans said.

“Three, two, one!” one member of the J-pop band said.

Our voices sync together. Our movement sync perfectly. Thank god I practiced this for two nights non-stop.

The fans went wild. I couldn’t even hear my voice singing to the song. I can’t even hear if my singing voice was bad or not!

Everything was so bright and colorful, from the stage lights to the fans waving their glow sticks around.

The sound of cheering, jumping, singing, and the movement of my feet and the J-pop members was all I could hear.

It truly felt like a fantasy.

The song finishes and the crowd goes wild. I can feel myself and the other J-pop members out of breath.

This was my first time doing some sort of live concert. It was so tiring but yet the payoff feels incredible! To see the fans up close cheering feels completely different from doing a stream!

“Thank you all for coming!” I said in a cheerful voice. “We will start doing autographs in an hour. Please wait in the main hall if you want an autograph!”

After that, we all head back stage and sat in chairs.

My heart feels like it’s about to explode. How do idols even have the energy to do this on a world tour? I would die from exhaustion!

“Oh my god girl, you did amazing!” the lead J-pop band member said. “For your first time you knocked it out of the park!”

“Oh, really?” I said. “I thought I sounded horrible.”

“No. You did amazing! Your voice was beautiful, and you were in sync with us the entire time. Maybe you should join us!”

“Well, as much as awesome it would be to do that, I can’t. Sorry.”

“Aw. Why not?”

“I just don’t have the time to. I have to upload videos and do streams every other week and deal with the amount of request I have from big people.”

“Yea, you're right. You are a streamer and content creator at heart. I bet it can be a pain in the ass sometimes.”

“Yep, it is hahaha! I’m assuming being an idol band is painful too sometimes.”

“Girl, you have no idea. Not only it’s tiring but the fans are crazy sometimes too. Like, did you hear the news about this fan who committed suicide because he figured out that his favorite idol was dating somebody?”

“Wow, I actually never heard of that. There are fans who exist like that?”

“Yep. Some fans become so obsessed with you to their point they are willing to do anything, and I mean anything. We dealt with some creepy fans before. Have you?”

“Yea, a few times whenever I did autographs at conventions.”

“That’s why you gotta be careful. One thing I learned is you must absolutely not have a single hint of what your daily life is because once the media finds out, god knows what could happen to you. You can get murdered for all I know.”

“It can get that bad, huh?”

“Yep. its tough being a famous person. You have to hide almost everything about you from the world.”

“Well, I promise I won’t do anything stupid like that!”

“Well, after watching your streams and practicing with you, I know you won’t.”

“Pardon the interruption, but your signing will start in 20 mins.” the manager said.

“We should get going,” the lead J-Pop member said.

“Yea.” I said.

“Don’t forget what I said.”

“I won’t. I won’t let anything like that happen.”

My entire career so far I’ve met creepy fans before, but I didn’t know they can be that crazy. I wonder what drives them to go to such crazy lengths for their idols?

The signing began and, as expected, the lines were huge, but they were even bigger with a popular J-pop band here! This is gonna be one long night.

One by one, each fan had a piece of merchandise for all of us to sign and some even paid extra to take pictures with us.

Everything was going just as usual. Ahhh! I can feel my hands getting tired. I guess I still haven’t gotten used to signing events.

I don’t know how much time has passed, but from the looks of the line, a lot of time had definitely passed, but at least it’s almost over. Once I finally arrive at home, I will probably sleep all day tomorrow.

This fan has been watching me for a long time if he has one of the very few shirts I made when I first started my merchandise. That was like what, 4 years ago maybe? Meh, it doesn’t matter. I never knew fans can be so dedicated.

“You brought this same shirt for every signing event must mean you are a huge fan,” I said in a joyful tone. “I really appreciate it.”

“I feel so happy that you said that to me,” the fan said. “I still remember the early days.”

“Wow really? I was probably not all that good compared to other streamers back when I first started.”

“No. No. You were awesome. Hey, you still remember all the little streamers you played with when you first started?”

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be here without them.”

“Well, I’m just curious…… don’t you feel bad that some of them never made it like you did?”

“Huh?”

“Sorry, I must feel tired after the entire show. Thank you so much.”

Huh? Don’t I feel bad that some streamers I played at the start of my career never blew up like me? I never actually thought of that. What the?

Finally, the signing event is over. It feels like my body is already asleep on its own right now. The band already left and I’m still waiting for my assistant to pick me up.

“Mrs. Hidaki! Wait!” someone said.

Turned my head around and oh it’s the manager of the band.

“What are you doing so late at this hour?” I asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be with the band?”

“Yes, but I had some business to take care of. Also, I forgot to give you this.”

He reached into his bag and pulled out a bunch of cash.

“I looked at the sales for today’s concert and it doubled with your appearance. With this, the band will surely grow more. Thank you very much!”

“Oh, it’s no problem. Glad I could help.”

“I know it’s a big favor to ask, but can you join the band please? You will make double the money as an idol and content creator.”

“I appreciate the offer, but your lead singer already asked me that and I said no. Things will get overwhelming if I am both an idol and a content creator.”

“I guess you are right. Well then, I wish you farewell and hope you will make an appearance again for the band.”

“No problem! Glad I was a lot of help!”

“Well, it seems like your ride is here.”

“Oh wow. Talk about a perfect timing.”

“Well then, you have a good one.”

“You too.”

The manager walks off, and I got into my car

“So how was your first time performing with a J-pop idol band?” my assistant asked.

“It was quite the experience. Never felt so energetic in a long while.” I said.

“I bet so. It’s better to move around than to sit all day recording videos and doing streams.”

“Yep.”

“Your editor didn’t get done with the video when he saw you live on TV. He fanboy so hard!”

“I bet hahaha! It’s good that he takes a break here and there. I feel like I sometimes work him too hard.”

“And you yourself should also take breaks. You have been doing this for what, 6 years now? You're gonna start developing some health problems.”

“Yea, yea I know.”

“Well, I’m glad that you had a wonderful experience. You should rest now, since the drive is quite long.”

“No. I’m alright.”

That thought……… why do I keep thinking about it?

“Don’t you feel bad that some of them never made it like you did?”

Never in my life have I thought of that. There were little streamers that I knew in the beginning who also wanted to become big streamers, but some achieved and some didn’t. For those who didn’t, what are they doing right now?

Are they unhappy right now? Working a terrible job that barely makes them enough money, or maybe even dead? Did………. Did I do that to them? I made those people unhappy and made their lives terrible?

Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I probably just need some rest, that’s all. Maybe I’m having those thoughts because I am just so tired. It will all go away once I take a nice rest. Yea. A nice rest will do it.

“Mrs. Hidaki,” a woman said. “Your gonna miss your scheduled stream if you don’t wake up.”

The voice felt so faint.

“Mrs. Hidaki!” the women said again and again.

Suddenly, I felt a push from my back and my eyes slowly open.

“Goodness gracious, I thought you died,” the assistant said in a worrying voice.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“It’s 3:30 PM. You scheduled today's stream at 5:00PM.”

“Oh yea that’s right. I have to get ready.”

“Mrs. Hidaki I can’t help but notice these past few weeks you seem exhausted all the time. You should take a break.”

“I’m fine. It’s my job to entertain my fans and keep them happy.”

“I understand but you keep pushing yourself too hard.”

“I said I’m fine.”

Day by day I slowly felt just more empty. Doing streams, voicing characters, acting minor roles in movies, and other request. They never hit the same as they used too.

From that emptiness, I felt guilt. The guilt of stealing other people's dreams. My heart aches every time I see news of a new streamer struggling. I’m so selfish, aren’t I? Here I thought I was such an excellent influence, but I’ve made people’s lives worse than better.

God, I wonder what my parents would think of me when they figure out what such a terrible person I am.

But despite of all that, the Purple Shogun will never show weakness. I mean fans think of me as that, right? A star that can light up anyone's day. A star that will shine brightly even in the deepest of the dark. A star that refuses to burnout.

I wonder though. What would happen If I were to convey all my thoughts out to my fans? Would they see me differently? Perhaps weak? A bad person? Someone not worth caring about? Of course they would.

But I’m selfish. Hiding my true self behind a persona I created. But isn’t that what every famous person does? No. The actual difference is they love their people, but I don’t. Look at me, I’m truly the worse aren’t I? How funny.

My body feels so weak every time I wake up, even after announcing that I will be on hiatus. No matter what, I just feel so tired. My head hurts like hell.

My apartment feels empty without my editors and assistant. The world probably feels weird now that I’m taking a break but it should be like that. It’s better for the world to feel that way because I’ve made people’s lives horrible. I stole their life from them.

The only thing that can wake me up is a pleasant drink of alcohol. Can’t forget a smoke too. I’m on break, but even still……. I feel like complete shit.

Sitting in my apartment watching television, my phone ringed and, huh? My assistant? Why would she call?

“Hello” I said.

“Mrs. Hadaki, I am hoping you are feeling a lot better now that you are on hiatus.”

Even when I am not in front of an audience, The Purple Shogun will not show weakness.

“Yes, I am feeling a lot better! It sucks…… that you forced me to take a break.”

“But you absolutely needed it. You collapsed during your movie shoot because you were so tired.”

“Yea, good point.”

“When do you think you will be returning to the entertainment industry? People all over the media are worried since it’s been 3 months since you announced your hiatus.”

“I think I need a little more time. I don’t know when, but I’ll come back.”

“That's great to hear. I actually called you because you have a small request.”

“Really? What is the small request?”

“There is this little girl who’s been battling cancer. She doesn’t have that much time to live and her biggest wish is to meet her biggest idol, which is you.”

“You just made me sad now! I’m not even an idol but I’ll do it! I’ll grant that girls wish!”

“I’m thrilled to hear it. I’ll send you all the information.”

“Okay. See ya later!”

“You have a good one.”

Someone sees me as their biggest Idol? It’s really hard being popular even though you don’t deserve it. Why me out of all people? But this girl is dying and it would hurt to not have their wish be granted. I can never rest without putting up a mask can I? But……. Doesn’t everyone do that?

I approach the hospital. Thankfully, I’m wearing a hat and mask because people would freakout. Entered the hospital and headed toward the girl’s room and finally I opened the door.

In front of me, I saw a girl who has a bunch of strings attached to her but the thing that shocked me the most was on the TV was me.

“Hello,” I said in a gentle voice.

“Uh……. Who are you?” the girl said.

I took off my hat and mask.

“NO WAY! THE PURPLE SHOGUN! IT'S REALLY YOU!”

“Shh…… I don’t wanna cause a scene.”

“Oh yea that’s right, but I can’t believe it! You seem so well. I thought something happened to you while on hiatus.”

“Nope, I’m all fine. Just sorting out some things, that is all.”

“Thank god. I want you to return so badly! I wanna see you be funny again.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back in no time. Just be a little more patient, okay?”

“Okay. But don’t keep me waiting for too long. I hate waiting for things.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back before you know it. So what’s your name?”

“My name is Akame Yuna.”

“Akame Yuna. That is a beautiful name!”

Me and Akame talked about a lot of things. Mainly her asking questions about myself and when I will return but besides that….. I was jealous.

The pure innocence. The way the girl smiled and laughed and even when on her deathbed, she still had the energy of a little kid. Her eyes shine brightly even when its colors are fading.

Why do I feel jealous? Is it because she was young? She had her wish become true? I couldn’t find the answer but I can’t help that it reminds me of someone. The Purple Shogun.

“I had so much fun today!” Akame said happily.

“Well, I’m glad” I said happily.

“Will you come see me again?”

“Of course I will! If that makes you happy.”

“YAY! I’m so glad that I met you!”

The energy she gives off is that of a shining star like me, but unlike me, my star is hidden with bright colors to not show that the inside is dying. My star isn’t real nor the colors. Everything about it is just one big illusion.

I keep wondering though. Shouldn’t she feel sad she doesn’t have time? I don’t get it. What if she wants to go to places but can’t? Loved ones she hasn’t seen in a long time? Regrets that she can’t make up?

Every other day, I keep visiting her. It’s the least I can do and, well, I’m still on break. From chatting about non sense to playing card games, watching funny videos, and so much other stuff. It was almost like she had forgotten that she is dying.

“The sunset sure is beautiful,” Akame said.

“Yes, it is.” I said. “Nature sure is beautiful if you take a break from games.”

“It makes me sad, though. Looking at this sunset.”

“How come?”

“This is probably the last sunset I will ever see. The most heartbreaking one is that I won’t be able to see you do any more streams.”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure you have enough time to see more beautiful sunsets and me.”

“Hahaha. Your always like this. When I figured out, I got diagnose with cancer, I became so utterly depressed. But then, one day in the hospital, I saw someone watching a clip of you and from there on out, you changed me.”

“Huh? Really?”

“Yes really. You made me realize how even if I have so many regrets, it’s the brief moments that matter. I regret not visiting the US sooner and going to an amusement park but, You and my parents visit me every day. Spending time with me and even simple as talking with me. My biggest regret is how my parents will be really sad after I die and that they will be left with a sad soul forever. But I’ll be able to tell them everything will be okay. I may not get rid of their sadness but at least I reassure them.”

“I…….. I did that?”

“Yes. I really meant it when I said you are my biggest idol. You made my sadness turn into happiness and now I can die happy.”

Why? Just why? Me, of all people, actually brought joy to people? This is my effect on people? I…… I can’t believe it.

“But won’t your friends be sad? What if you can’t tell them it is okay? They will live a sad life because of you.”

“Yes, I suppose, so but…… I can’t be everywhere you know. I can’t always reassure everyone. As long as I know I told a person I love the most, then that’s all to make me happy. I reassure someone at least. Better than anything else.”

My heart…… It feels……. So warm. How long has it been since I last felt this way? For, the first time in forever…… I don’t feel so tired. It’s like she has lifted all my struggles away.

Yes, I understand now. There are still so many people that I bring happiness too. Make them not suffer anymore. To make up for what I have done. Yes. Yes! This will be my new goal!

I hugged Akame tightly.

“Thank you.” I said happily. “Thank you so much!”

“What?” Akame said. “Did I do something?”

“No. You already have done enough. I’m so glad that I met you!”

Suddenly, I felt tears hit my shoulder. Akame was crying.

“I am so glad I had time to see you!” Akame said tearfully. “You are my favorite idol ever and you will always be!”

“I’m not even an Idol you idiot haha!”

It’s been so long since I had a genuine hug with someone. Aw…….. human connections can still feel so beautiful, huh? Hopefully, my fans will feel the same.

“Can I ask one last favor?” Akame asked.

“Sure.” I said.

“There is a firework festival happening at the end of this week. I never been to one and always had to watch fireworks from the distance. Can you take me there?”

“Yes. Of course! But are you sure your okay with your current condition?”

“I can still walk so I mean as long as I have the strength to walk then it should be all good!”

“Alright but ask your doctor to make sure alright?”

“Okay!”

“Good, I’ll see you there!”

That day will be forever graved into mind. It was a new start toward my life. This time I will do everything I can! I’ll bring joy and happiness to all my fans!

The day finally arrived. The firework festival. I haven’t had this much fun in a while. Me and Akame played games and won prizes, eat such delicious food, and so many other amazing things!

The atmosphere felt so nice as well. Out of all the conventions and big events I attend to, this one is my favorite one. It just felt really natural, I suppose.

But I still had to keep my identity undercover since I’m still on break. But that will shortly change after today.

The time was finally here. Everyone is gathering in their little spots to watch the fireworks begin. Me and Akame sat by a nearby park to get a better view.

Then it began. Everyone was silent. The sky blew up with such amazing colors. It truly felt magical. The fireworks and the stars in the sky was a beautiful aesthetic.

I truly felt at ease. Nothing weighing my shoulders. My body felt so relaxed to the point it felt like it was asleep. But my heart…… my heart felt just happy. No other words can describe it.

“Thank you Purple Shogun,” Akame said. “I think I have done everything I wanted to do.”

“That is great to hear!” I said. “But there is still one thing your missing”

“Really?”

“Yep, and that is to see my streams again.”

“Oh yea that’s right! But your still on break.”

“Yes, but that will change after today.”

“Really!”

“Yes, really.”

“Alright haha!”

Akame smiled so brightly just like the stars and firework. Her eyes to shine just as brightly. That smile never fails to make me feel good about myself.

She is my first effect on the world. Made me realized I can truly bring joy to those who are suffering.

“Akame I’m gonna use the bathroom for a quick second. We did a lot of walking today and drank lots of water.”

“But I don’t want you to miss the grand finale.”

“Don’t you worry. I’ll be back before you know it!”

“Alright but please hurry.”

If there is one thing that I forgot about going to events, it’s that you will get thirsty quick. I should have used the bathroom beforehand.

I walked to a nearby gas station and used the bathroom.

Right when I was about to leave, I saw my reflection in the mirror.

So this is what people see me as. The Purple Shogun. One of the biggest streamers ever. Someone who brings a smile on everyone’s face.

I smiled in front of the mirror and it felt different from how I usually smile. This one felt more real. Alive. Not forced. Then the realization hit me. I’m no longer wearing a mask. This is what my actual true genuine face looks like. It looks so alive. I’m glad though. I no longer have to wear a mask anymore.

Exiting the gas station, I saw the fireworks were still going on. For it to be this long must mean the finale will be huge. I must hurry back! Then I started walking to the park where Akame is.

“Hey mam, are you busy right now?” a man said behind me.

“Not at the moment,” I said. “Why do you ask?”

I turned around and saw a familiar face. It was the fan who had brought the same shirt to every signing event I attended to. But…… something felt off. There was something in my stomach. The pain was instant.

Without even thinking, I backed away quickly and there I saw it. Blood and a knife.

“There's no way I am wrong,” the fan said. “You are her. I can never forget that face! I know it all too well!”

What? What is going on? My brain can’t process. My stomach……. It hurts so badly.

“How does it feel huh?” the fan said angrily. “To feel hurt? To feel pain? You don’t recognize me even now. I hate you. I HATE YOU! YOU STOLE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME!”

Ah. I understand now.

“Why did it have to be you? Why couldn’t be me? Living rich and having the entire world love you while I had to work at a hellish job that wasn't enough to pay rent! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!”

“I….. I….. I’m sorry.” I said.

I could feel the tears run down by my cheeks. Was I crying because‌ my stomach hurts so badly or was it because my heart is in a lot of pain as well?

“I’m sorry that I don’t recognize you but I hope you find the money to pay your rent. I can always lend you a hand. So please……… don’t be sad.”

“Huh? What the hell are you saying?”

“I’m sorry that I robbed everything from you. I wish I had brought you into the spotlight so you can live peacefully. Is there anything you want me to sign? Maybe I could gift you something?”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?”

“Don’t give up. Try one more time. I’m sure you can do it. I mean, after all……… you are one of my biggest fans.”

“GODAMMIT!”

The fan dropped the knife and ran away.

Hopefully, I made his day better. I really do hope so.

My body feels tired. My vision is getting blurry. I can barely even stand. The noise of the fireworks sound faint. But I still need to make it.

I have to go see the finale with Akame.

I walked, but each step kept getting weaker and weaker, even with my hand on the wall assisting me. It wasn’t enough.

My body dropped to the ground.

I almost made it. I can see the park even though it’s all blurry. I can barely hear the fireworks anymore. My hands…… I almost can’t feel them anymore.

It hurts. It hurts so much. Both my stomach and heart. I guess deep down; I am still a horrible person. This is my punishment.

I’m sorry Akame. I never meant to make you sad. I wish I had met you sooner. I also wish that fan finds his happiness too.

It’s better this way though I mean…. You got rid of one bad person. Why should I feel sad?

I can’t feel my body anymore. My vision is getting pitch black. The fireworks……… I can’t hear them anymore. My body feels so tired. It's so incredibly cold.

I hope everyone finds their happiness.