Constructing a Triangle With Reference to Three Friends—Point C (Daisuke Kinoshita)

Without my involvement in the lives of the Kinoshita and Hinata, I didn’t really find the need to continue on with the plans to push both of them in the other’s direction. Every other day or so, I would be stopped before leaving school by Miyazawa telling me her progress with Kinoshita. It seemed as if both were getting along well. I’m certainly happy that my effort paid off in that regard.

After that though, I started to feel a partial emptiness that I couldn’t really describe. I was back to how I was before I had met Hinata, and ended up with more after our encounter a month ago. I feel relieved that I was no longer part of the schemes to get Kinoshita to look towards Hinata’s direction. All of my work was done. All that needed to be done was squared away a long time ago. But the emotion started to puzzle my mind even when I walked to the train station with Daichi.

What I was feeling seemed to be bittersweet. I was back to my routine of most days going to the train station and back home. But it still felt strange to not be waiting outside of the gym for Hinata and watch Kinoshita. I dedicated a lot of time to that endeavor and now that is over. I felt as if that feeling would go away if I fell back to my old routine.

I think Daichi caught on to the feeling. In retrospect it likely exuded off of me here and there. We talked in the same way that we had before, and there were brief moments in which everything truly was the same as it was before. I spent a lot of my time figuring out ways to combat the feeling. Something about that feeling was familiar to me, and made me want to get rid of it all the more.

It would be hard to concentrate on my studying. The feeling just kept making itself present whenever I wanted to do anything. I spent countless nights lying awake to try and puzzle what specifically was affecting me. I spent hours looking at the text messages between Hinata and me, trying to deduce the source of my emotions. But analyzing them didn’t resonate anything within me. After several days of doing this, I recognized that it wasn’t Hinata’s absence. .

I assumed that it must’ve been the routine.

As with all scientific minds, I tried to test my assumption. I went out of my way to recreate the exact scenario. I stood outside of the gym, sat at my same spot in the bleachers, and made small talk with Kinoshita as I did before. I definitely got some glances from people who must’ve picked up on Hinata’s absence from the routine. The feeling actually did end up diminishing. There was certainly something there that I had done that would help to lead me towards my answer.

I racked my brain after returning home from school everyday. I knew I was getting close to finding out the answer. A part of me seemed to almost demand that I find out the answer. I chose to let it guide me and spent night after night thinking to myself. It was the most reliable thing I could do at that point. But even when the answer seemed obvious, there seemed to be a fog blurring the lines between an absolute answer and unfounded assumption.

I removed myself from the maze of thoughts I was perpetuating by staying up late. I grabbed my textbook, snuck out of my room and stepped outside to get a breath of fresh air. It certainly wasn’t going to hurt me or anything. I sat at the bench just outside of our apartment complex trying to solve a geometry problem in the dark. I could at least make out my handwriting, so it didn’t matter that my listlessness was turning it into something illegible.

I was stuck at that problem, something I couldn’t do for months at that point. Every problem I seemed to be having at that moment was clouded by tunnel vision. I closed the textbook and put it on my lap. At that point I spoke to myself quietly in the dark. I don’t remember much of what I told myself. But it was calming to get my thoughts in an open forum in which no one could hear me.

I sat there in silence for a while. I can’t remember how long it was, but it felt like a tranquil eternity. Only then, did I experience life as it was without thinking—without the complexities attached to it. I figured it was time to head back to my apartment, since my mother was probably going to be home at daybreak and I desperately needed sleep. I saw a deflated sportsball on the sidewalk in front of the apartment complex. I had to throw it out at the very least for the cyclists that would use the path in a few hours, and so disposed of the ball.

I threw it into the garbage dumpster, and felt somewhat relieved because of it. It wasn’t an impressive throw, but something about it gave me the same refuge as when I saw Kinoshita during practice. I wanted to pursue this connection as I entered my apartment and silently walked to my room. I laid in my bed, and received what I was hoping for in the past few days. I was handed my revelation. It was apparent to me.

There was one loose end in the plan pushing Kinoshita and Hinata closer together. I spent so much of my time trying to get both to talk with one another that I didn’t realize that I was actually getting accustomed to talking to Kinoshita in the process. I couldn’t really let go of our conversations. Something about it was telling me that it wasn’t purely one sided either. It helped to branch out to other people, and I think Kinoshita was also wanting that as well.

I promptly fell asleep soon after that. I felt renewed the morning after, even after getting four hours of sleep. I saw Kinoshita in the hall walking by himself, and thought it should be the chance to finally talk to him outside of the gym. He was still the attentive person on the court, and pointed out the bags beneath my eyes.

“Oh hey Miyazaki, you seem really energetic… Despite looking really tired… Did you get enough sleep last night?”

I didn’t think it was that obvious, but I really couldn’t try to deny it.

“It’s alright haha… I just stood up pretty late trying to solve a math problem that’s been eating at me for the past few months.”

“You really enjoy doing math that much, huh?” He said with a noticeable curiosity emanating from his face.

“That’s probably the first time that I heard someone liking it so much, I like it! I’m not good at it though… If it’s possible… Could you tutor me? You seem like you know what you’re doing.”

I was really surprised that he was actually interested in hearing about my interest in math. When people find out I enjoy doing math, they become somewhat repulsed.

“Oh… I’m not really that good of a tutor.”

“But I can definitely give you help if you need it though.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m happy to see that you’re really willing to help. You better be prepared for me asking for your help, you hear!”

“Well I’ll see you then, class is about to start.”

I headed into class shortly after our exchange. But it was at that moment that I remembered he was in the same class as me. To say I was embarrassed to forget that easily speaks volumes to my lack of attentiveness.

I would try to sneak in time between class and approach Kinoshita for conversation. Eventually, we moved behind the small talk that acquaintances have with one another. I also felt more at ease with myself and in my ability to talk to Kinoshita. With Hinata inviting Kinoshita to each lunch with our group, it became a lot easier to approach him like a friend. We talked about casual topics like homelife, hobbies and love life—thanks to Hinata’s attempt at wanting to know more about Kinoshita. We all had our laughs with Kinoshita around and he became a large part of our friend group.

He was accepted by Daichi relatively quickly, and Hinata’s teasing of him would warm him up towards the others. He still had other friends so he would frequent them as well, and we didn’t want to stop him from spending his time with his other friends—though I figured that Hinata was more than slightly opposed to this arrangement.

It was like this for a few months, and we grew closer as friends. I’m sure he was glad that he had other people outside of his usual group to call friends. He would approach me while he was hanging out and conversing with Hinata, but I would try to limit that out of respect for Hinata. Besides, I think she’d try to murder me if I tried to insert myself in her attempt to grow closer to Daisuke.

Then the day in which Hinata’s plan culminated. She was ready to confess to Daisuke and had wanted to plan accordingly. Everything needed to be perfect, and she wouldn’t stop at anything short of the ideal. I think she was nervous at the thought of confessing as she was unwavering in her determination. How would I know? She kept blowing up my phone every hour for several days asking me questions and suggestions about how and where to confess. Silencing my notifications was the only way to ensure that I could get enough sleep. She stared daggers and responded to me callously during those following mornings. The thought of it still chills me.

She picked a Friday in which the basketball team didn’t have practice to confess. She slid a letter into his locker, wishing to remain discrete and true to her style. She had a hard time concentrating throughout class. I saw Daisuke looking rather calm. I knew that he must’ve stumbled across the letter. But it was only a matter of waiting and seeing what would happen. When that moment came to pass, I wanted to remove myself as far away as possible and chose to ride the train with Daichi.

I found out what happened the day after. Daisuke had rejected Hinata. He didn’t want to talk about his reasoning in public, so I waited after his practice to ask him why he rejected Hinata. He mentioned that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He elaborated that he spent so much of life up until now without exploring his interests, and he wanted to change all of that. He didn’t think he could balance this while having a relationship. His explanation never contained anything negative about Hinata, quite the opposite actually.

He wanted to be sure of himself before rendering himself emotionally vulnerable to someone, making sure he was the best version of himself. He wished to give whoever he was dating a sense of comfort and reassurance that Daisuke could be emotionally and physically available. He hoped that he could be mature enough for a relationship, but as things stand he wouldn’t want to subject anyone to the immaturity he could feasibly control. He didn’t want anyone to suffer, especially not Hinata.

I realized then and there, that Daisuke was more mature than any of us. Perhaps he was ready, at the very least in our eyes, but it was a matter of making him realize it. Daisuke’s relationship with Hinata wouldn’t be harmed by Hinata’s confession. It ended up being stronger in fact. Hinata became more open about her emotions with Daisuke and everyone else in the friend group.

Hinata told me later on that she wouldn’t give up on making Daisuke fall in love with her. She also realized what I realized about Daisuke’s maturity and sought out to make him recognize it as well. Hinata’s confession also pointed out something about my own friendship with Daisuke. Her confession acknowledged that Daisuke saw me as a person that he could express himself with.

Afterwards, we started to do the traditional things that friends do. We made plans to hang out on the weekend many times, and even invited him over to eat dinner with my family a couple of times. It’s strange to realize even now that I befriended Daisuke Kinoshita as a favor for a friend who is still as relentless as the day she asked me a favor. I would continue to watch him during practice and every time he’d tell me the same thing over and over:

“Ohhh… and Osamu, you don't need to show up at every single practice. But do make sure to come watch us from time to time. Okay?”

It was one of the few things that I actually upheld.

On a side note, I don’t think I should tell Daisuke that our friendship was sparked because of a garbage dumpster.