How to Seduce a Woman

I believe a dumbass can be smart.

I watched “How to Seduce a Woman” on MeTube, so surely this plan is going to make her ba-dump ba-dump.

But I need a chef.

Kousuke made a salute in martial arts with his hands and said, “Master, this humble person wants to challenge you to a duel. I’m Durant Deroulade.”

“HA HA HA!” The old man grinned. “I’m Zaracas Kraus, this lady’s uncle! Pleased to meet ya, a fellow martial arts enthusiast! Do you know any martial art technique?”

“Uncle Zaracas, ay!” Scolastica jumped, hugged Zaracas’ neck, and swung herself around it.

“This humble person hasn't mastered any martial art technique. But this humble person wants to test his magic against a martial art master,” Kousuke explained. “And demands a favor if he wins.”

“Hah! Sure,” Zaracas put down Scolastica. “But are you sure you won’t lose on a bet again?”

“Don’t worry, Master, I never lose on a bet,” Kousuke said, despite always losing. What a dumbass.

“Single charge duel. You in?”

Kousuke bowed.

Then he and Zaracas took their positions, a bit far from each other. He shouted, “[Charge]!” and made a circle of light around his feet. The circle appeared only for a brief moment to tell that Kousuke had charged his MP and had to wait for some seconds to use [Charge] again.

Why didn’t he charge? Does he use inner energy, qi, like a martial artist?

In a single charge duel, both players charged their MP with [Charge]. Then they must have only spent 1,000 MP, the maximum MP, to reduce their opponent’s HP further than theirs, to be the winner. A quick, but fun duel.

Most players use an attack skill as their first skill in a single charge duel. Therefore, I should use [Blessing Shield] first to protect myself. Then I should use [Epic Buff] to make my next skill epic.

[Blessing Shield] costs 300 MP, and [Epic Buff] costs 200 MP, therefore I only have 500 MP left for my finisher skill.

But what should I use as the finisher skill? 300 MP [Fire Shot], which is a ranged and Area of Effect (AoE) skill, or 500 MP [Meteor Shot], which is a ranged skill too but it deals much damage if it hits the target?

“System. Assign 5 skill points to [Meteor Shot]”, Kousuke muttered. There is no way I can miss, so let’s use [Meteor Shot]!

“Ay! Ay!” Scolastica jumped and stood between Kousuke and Zaracas. “Are you ready?” She acted as the judge.

Zaracas crossed his arms and grinned, while Kousuke directed his arm to Zaracas and seemed to prepare an attack. But that was a deceit!

“Duel! Ay!” Scolastica shouted.

“[Blessing Shield]!” Kousuke shouted. But in the blink of an eye, Zaracas was right in front of him and that old man was about to punch Kousuke. What!

“[Wind Blast]!” Kousuke used that skill to repel Zaracas with wind turbulence!

Zaracas just made an “x” with his arms and was pushed back not that far.

Damn it! [Wind Blast] costs 400 MP, so I can’t use [Meteor Shot]! I only have 300 MP left!

“System. Assign 5 skill points to-” Kousuke was muttering, but it was too late.

Zaracas said, in a solemn attitude, “The Weeb Sect Fingering Technique. First Form:” He made a well-balanced stance with his feet, retracted his right hand, stretched his left arm, and pointed his left index finger and middle finger at Kousuke.

Then Zaracas grinned and said, “Master Bastion.”

“GUAAAAAARGGGGH!” The air was compressed. It thrust Kousuke’s belly so hard, over and over, in a matter of seconds, and made Kousuke spit out his fluid from his mouth! His face became so ugly, and his eyes darted up!

He hit the ground and was on the verge of losing consciousness!

Arabella was shocked. She remarked, “What was that? Martial art?”

“It’s something you don’t need to know, my lady. It’s a forbidden technique from an unorthodox sect,” Zaracas responded.

What the fuck is Master Bastion?? I never heard about that skill! It HURTS!

Arabella sighed. “I begin to question my decision on you, my fiance. You don’t seem dependable. You lose again.”

“HA HA HA! Don’t be too hard on your fiance, my lady!” Zaracas said. “Let’s appreciate his guts. As a gift from this old man, say what you want, young man. This old man will deliver.”

Kousuke raised his hand and gave Zaracas a thumbs-up. Then he fainted. Due to shock.

***

The candles are ready.

It had been days after Kousuke and Arabella received their adventuring licenses. They also had been betrothed officially and prepared everything for their long journey, including many parchments and quill pens.

Now Kousuke put candles over a round table on the poop deck of Scolastica’s ship. They had begun their journey, and it was at night. Kousuke wore a brown tuxedo with a white tie that he had found in his drag bag.

Of course, the candles were dimmed, but nevertheless, it did look romantic.

Adelina held her chin with her hands over a table on the main deck. She smiled and enjoyed the night breeze and the beautiful sight under the full Moon.

Scolastica held her guitar and walked to the bowsprit, the most front, needle-like part of the ship.

While Zaracas was delivering dishes to Adelina and more importantly, to Kousuke. It was his promise to fulfill Kousuke’s request, which was to make traditional Japanese sweets.

“Arf!” Mochita welcomed the food from Zaracas on the poop deck.

“Mochita, don’t eat it, okay? Your portion is on Adelina’s table over there,” Kousuke instructed.

“Okay, young man, I will visit your cabin and tell the lady to meet you,” Zaracas said and gave him a thumbs-up. “Good luck.”

“Thank you, Master,” Kousuke replied and bowed.

How to seduce a woman?

First, make her stomach full. If she is relaxed, then she is ready to make love. And sweets are preferable!

Kousuke stood and spread his arms, feeling the cold breeze. I’m going to break this cursed feature tonight!

I’m sure I can get hard! I’m his fiance, so that’s normal!

“Oh. So this is what you fussed over,” Arabella stepped on the poop deck and saw some unfamiliar dishes on the table, like Oshiruko and Daifuku.

“Arf!” Mochita ran toward Arabella and licked her hand.

This damn dog! Go away!

Kousuke tapped Mochita’s butt, signaling Mochita to go away.

“It’s just a dinner. Let him be, my fiance,” Arabella smiled.

Kousuke was about to protest, but he remembered the second tip. Second, compliment her!

Say she is beautiful or whatever, so she can be comfortable, confident, happy, and aggressive!

Kousuke coughed and made a hand gesture. “Have a seat, my lady.”

“Sure.” Arabella sat on a stool and took a pewter spoon. Kousuke sat on the opposite side, so they could gaze at each other. The stools faced the long sides of the ship. So if they glanced at their sides, both of them could see Scolastica, the Moon, and where the ship was heading.

“Oh. So sweet,” Arabella had a taste of Oshiruko, and she commented.

Hey. Wait for me! We also need to say, “Itadakimasu,” like proper Japanese people!

But no! I shouldn’t say she is wrong or whatever. I need to compliment her!

Kousuke looked at Scolastica’s back. But I need the right time! Scolastica, play your music and set the mood!

“Ay! Ay!” Scolastica jumped and stood on the bowsprit. She wouldn’t fall. Because as the Saintess of Sail, the ship was her body, the ocean life was her friend, and the wind was her compass.

So Scolastica knew when something was wrong with the ship, or she could navigate the ship easily like her body, even without a steering oar. The sea creatures wouldn’t hurt her, they even helped her fight pirates, and she wouldn’t ever get lost. Therefore, it was much safer to board the Saintess of Sail’s ship.

Scolastica began to play her guitar, and some sea creatures like whales and dolphins appeared beside the ship. They made noises to greet the Saintess of Sail, and they looked happy.

Then she sang:

“Wa. Aaaaaa. A. A. Aaaa.

Gazing at the sky,

Venturing on the sea.

Wa. Aaaaaa. A. A. Aaaa.”

Seeing the cute sea creatures and listening to Scolastica’s soothing voice, Arabella felt so relaxed. She smiled and held her chin with her hand over the table. She looked mesmerizing.

Damn it. Why am I the one who gets charmed?!

“My lady. I think you are so beautiful today,” Kousuke executed his scheme.

Arabella glanced at Kousuke for a moment. Silent. Then she said, “I know.”

This bitch.

How do I compliment this kind of person??

“I can’t ever brush off your charm. Especially tonight.”

“You should be.”

Oh fuck. How do I deal with this person??

SOMEONE, PLEASE HELP ME. HELP THIS POOR MAN!