Chapter 7

“Sensei, who was that woman you were with during the first day of the festival? She was really pretty,” one student said.

“I never thought you’d have a foreigner friend,” another said.

“No… Mari isn’t a foreigner,” Kirin answered. She had lost count how many times she had answered questions like that.

“Eh? That blond beauty is Japanese?”

“Yes…”

Is it that surprising that I know someone as beautiful as Mari? I mean, we just met the other day, and I might not have the assets she has, but it’s like the students think I’m a loner or something like that.

Well, I should tell them the truth… I was never popular back in high school or college, but I had friends, and even a girlfriend, Kirin thought, exhausted as she lay her head on her desk in the teacher’s lounge.

At least no one’s talking about Mari being my lover or anything like that. But that’s expected, I guess. Most straight people wouldn’t think two women are dating, even if they’re holding hands or something.

Kirin let out a heavy sigh. I don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m not ready to be open to everyone. And it’s not like I like Mari. I mean, I did have that dream where she was my wife last night…

The memory of the dream was enough to make her blush and smile. Even so, she was glad that was one of the dreams she didn’t forget once she woke up.

I-I only had that dream because she was cooking for me yesterday. And then we spent almost the entire day just talking… And then I met her daughter, Rei, and the three of us had dinner together…

T-that’s the only reason I had that dream last night. It’s how I dream my future family will be. That’s why I dreamed about her. She’s not a lesbian… I promised myself I wouldn’t go after another straight woman. I can’t go through that again…

After Kirin had broken up with her first girlfriend, she had fallen for a woman. But just like her first love, things didn’t end well.

As she mulled over her thoughts, Kirin didn’t hear a colleague calling her.

“Harada!” the teacher almost screamed.

“W-what?” She raised her head alarmed, looking around.

“A student is calling you,” he said, indicating to the door.

“Ah, y-yes, thanks,” she said, getting up from her chair. “Yes?”

The student was a nervous-looking third-year boy. He opened his mouth, but before he spoke, he glanced around. A few students were passing behind him and he said nothing. When they were gone, he looked inside the teacher’s lounge, eyeing the teachers who were close by.

“How about if we go to a quieter place?” Kirin suggested.

The student said nothing, only nodding. They looked for and found an empty classroom at the end of the corridor.

Karin said nothing, waiting until the boy took the initiative. It’s obvious he has something bothering him, but if I press him, he might shut down. Best if I give him time.

But why me?

It might have something to do with Mari… He never seemed eager during my classes and we’ve never really talked outside of it.

“S-sensei,” he finally spoke, not looking the teacher in the eyes. His voice was so low, it was hard to hear.

“Yes?”

“T-that woman you were with during the festival… Was she… was she your girlfriend?” he asked, closing his eyes, his fists trembling slightly.

Kirin didn’t blush nor did she become nervous. There was no way, she couldn’t. Because she could tell her student wasn’t asking just out of curiosity. He was a kid who needed to hear an honest answer.

“No, she’s not my girlfriend. Mari-san is a friend. Actually, my neighbor who I met the day before the festival.”

“B-but you like her, don’t you?”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I saw you… I saw the way you looked at her, how you blushed when she laughed,” he said, looking at the ground. “I could tell you felt something for her.”

Kirin grew quiet, observing her student. Then she understood. “You like a boy, don’t you?”

“No, I­—” He finally raised his head and looked at her. There were tears in the corner of his eyes. “I’m normal!”

“Yes, I know that. Everyone is different, but liking someone is perfectly normal.”

“Even… even if it’s someone of the same sex…?” he asked in a low voice barely above a whisper.

“You can’t control your feelings. To be honest, it’s as if your heart has a will of its own.”

“But you shouldn’t have that kind of feeling… Not if the person isn’t like you…”

He fell for a straight boy, Kirin realized.

“Unfortunately, you can. It’s more common than you think. And hard and probably painful.”

“Sensei… Did you…”

“Teachers aren’t born grown-ups. I was a teenager a few years ago. I went through the same thing you’re going through.”

“So sensei is like me…”

“Yes. And because of that, I can’t tell you what to do. You know better than me how mean kids can be if they want to. But I’ll tell you this. No matter if you choose to confess or not, treasure your feelings.”

“Even if it’ll only bring pain?”

“Yes. For better or for worse, you’ll remember the feeling of liking someone, of falling in love. Even if it’s hard, you’ll look back to this time,” Kirin said, looking him in the eyes. “And if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

“Thanks,” he said, flashing a small smile.

Hope this helped him in any way. And I should leave him alone for a while.

“Can I ask you something?” she said before he left the classroom. “Why did you ask me and not Yuuto-sensei or Sawako-sensei? I mean, they’re opened about this, unlike me.”

“It’s because of that. Everyone knows they’re… like us…”

“And you needed someone… more reserved.”

“Yes. Thanks again,” he said before leaving.

He fell for another boy, but can’t say what he is out loud yet. I remember when I was just like him, Kirin thought.

Even though I just told him those things, I’m acting just like him. I need to treasure my feelings and not deny them.

Even though we just met, I like Mari…