Have I always been such an idiot?

“The hero Saido has arrived!”
“Make way for the hero Saido!”
“The hero of Shimatou is here!”

As we finally entered the gates of Higashi-chou, we were ushered in by guards and met with the hopeful cheers of those who had been waiting for Ann’s arrival. As Shadowfax and Snowmane continued to move at their brisk pace, we followed the directions being yelled at us by the townsfolk, until eventually finding ourselves at the entrance to an enormous tent. The groans of those in pain could be heard from inside, and outside waiting for us stood my father’s first cousin, Lord Kana Shimu.

“Young Ann, young Shiidou, we’ve awaited your arrival.”

“Sorry we took so long, the road had some… interruptions.”
“You’re here now. The delay matters not.”

Ann and I both dismount our horses, and await Shimu’s order.
“My lady Ann, there are many inside to whom I would ask you to lend your support. Injuries are numerous, and infection has already begun to set in for many.”
“As you please, my Lord.”

Ann gives a courteous bow and hastens into the tent. The opening of the tent door lets a foul smell waft out: Shimu’s warning of infection definitely holds true.

“Shiidou, I’ll show you to where we’ll keep your horses, then I must ask for your assistance in sending word to your family.”

“Got it. Let’s get moving.”

His countenance is serious, and his voice is grave, but something in his eye says he’s relieved to see family again. He and I haven’t met for a few years, after all.

“I trust life in Nishi-chou is in a far less perilous state than here?”
“Thankfully so. Ann’s magic pretty much entirely solved our foot shortage problem, and the people seem happy under dad’s rule.”

“It’s good to hear my noble cousin is still in good standing with subjects. And that hero of yours… she truly is something.”
“That’s an understatement. Ann is the best thing that could have happened to us. Both for the island as a whole, and for my family.”

Despite how grave the situation is, Shimu looks at me as we walk and gives a grin. Don’t say it you bastard.

“You truly are smitten with her, are you not?”
“I rank higher than you, asshole.”
“Such a defensive response tells me I’m right.”

Damn rat, sees right through me. Why did I ever miss your side of the family?

“Well, I can’t deny that she and I are close, and she’s certainly someone I care about a lot, but it goes no further than that.”
“But you wish for it to, do you not?”
“I have no obligation to answer that question.”

He gives a chuckle, and then starts speaking in his ‘as your elder I can give you wisdom tone’

“A revered high lord and the beloved hero of the people would certainly be a pairing with great support. None would object to a marriage between the two of you.”
“Slow your roll, there, Speedy Gonzalez, Ann and I aren’t even romantically involved. Talk of marriage is not on the table right now.”

Still amused, Shimu raises an eyebrow at my response.

“Always have my conversations with you made me old, Shiidou. Despite being separated in age by so few years, your manner of speech is so foreign to me.”
“I get that a lot.”

Glad to have diverted from the topic of me and Ann’s hypothetical wedding, I look ahead to see that we’re approaching the stables.
“These guys stuck their necks out for us the whole way here, and we wouldn’t have gotten here half as quickly if it wasn’t for them. Your stable-boys better treat ‘em well.”
“I’ll make sure they feed like kings.”
I then turn to the two steeds behind me and lay an affectionate hand on their necks.
“You too did real good getting us here. Get some rest now.”
They two horses blow out of their noses affectionately, before trotting in through the open gate at the stables.

“Now, may I ask you to accompany me to my study?”
“To write a letter to Mum and Dad, right?”
“Correct, I wish to alert them of your safe arrival alongside lady Ann, and update them on the situation here in the east.”
“Sure, I can help you out. But I’d prefer to be quick about it, I don’t like the idea of leaving Ann by herself.”
“Oh? A man so desperate to return to his woman? You must have fallen for her harder than I thought.”
“Even if you’re older I can still kick your ass, you rat bastard. I wanna watch over her cos I know she’ll overwork herself to the point of collapse otherwise.”

Shimu looks up at the sky thoughtfully, his expression suddenly showing concern.

“I remember her being as such even when she was a child. Showered with praise for being such a talented mage, always pushing herself to meet expectations no matter how taxing they were.”
“Yeah, she’s been that way for a while. I guess when you’re shown so much approval so young you start to crave it.”
“I think the approval she craves the most is your own, young Shiidou.”
“Mine?”
“Tell me not that you’re unable to see it?”

As much as I want to deny it, Shimu raises a good point. As much as I try to treat Ann as a friend and an equal, she’s somewhat obsessive over meeting her job as my family's maid, and even on our journey here she was not-so-subtly trying to demonstrate her growth as a mage. I jokingly called her a show off over it, but was she actually hoping for some form of approval? Even though I was doing it to close the gap between us, was all the teasing and the playful jabs really just hurtful?

“You need not beat yourself up over it, Shiidou. It is a symbol of her affection for you. Be not sad that she works so hard, but elated that she does so for your sake.”
“As much as I appreciate everything she does for me, I still worry. I want her to see me as an equal, as a partner, but she works herself to the bone for me as if she were no more than a maid working for her master.”
“Think you not that it is because you are her treasured friend, and not merely her master, that she works so hard to impress you?”
“I don’t follow.”
“Well, think from her position for a moment. If you are one who thrives on the praise and acknowledgement of others, which are you likely to care more about: your employer, or one you hold dear?”
“...oh.”

Shit.

Fuck.

I am such an asshole.

This whole time I’ve been telling her to stop treating me as a master, but that’s not what she wanted to do in the first place. She wasn’t just serving someone who pays her, she was trying to connect with me. And I was too absorbed in superficial things like the title she calls me to notice.

Have I always been such an idiot?

“Shimu, mind doing me a favour?”
“You are my honoured guest and kin, if it is within my power I shall try.”
“Could you tell mum and dad they’ll hear from me later? I have something more important to deal with than a letter right now.”

Dammit, Shimu, don’t give me that knowing smile. I know without it that you see right through me.

“I suppose a simple letter is something I can do alone for now. Your parents won’t mind if you’re too busy.”
“You’re a lifesaver, man.”
“I’m simply looking out for my family. Go be with the one who needs you most.”

***

“Lady Saido, this man’s infection has spread rapidly, he must be treated with top priority!”
“I’ll see to him immediately.”

“Lady Saido, if this woman’s wounds aren’t treated both she and her unborn babe may die!”
“I’ll do everything in my power to prevent that.”

“Lady Saido, in the next tent over there’s a powerful water mage in bad condition, you must see to him so that he may recover and help the other healers!”
“It will be done at the earliest opportunity.”

“Lady Saido-”

“Lady Saido-”

“Lady Saido-”

“Please, allow me to finish treating this man before demanding more of me!”

Tents filled to capacity with my wounded countrymen. Lives I am responsible for saving. I must do everything in my power, I must do what is expected of me. If these people have put their faith in me as a hero, I have no room for failure.

So I must… I must… save…

“You really aren’t great at conserving mana, are you?”
The voice I had most longed to hear appears behind me, and through a hand rested on my shoulder, I feel some of my lost energy return to me.
“Shiidou…”
“I gave you some of my own. Make sure not to pass out this time.”

Behind me stood my closest friend, a kind smile on his face, and a slightly teasing tone in his voice.

“Thank you, Shiidou. I shall do my very best to make good use of this gift, to save those who need saving.”
“Just do me a favour, yeah?”
“Of course, I shall do whatever you ask of me.”
“Just remember to keep yourself on that list of people you’re protecting.”