Hickeys and Smut

The two men quickly put away the groceries and their bags. Nathan took his Macbook out of his bag and claimed a spot on the soft hairy rug at the living room table soon afterward. They had planned to write at least two chapters together in between dinner and more anime. Johnathan had started on the food for now, and Nathan would write the first chapter.

"Tell me if I can do something, Nate. If you need my help or such."

Nathan smiled before answering. "I'll call you if I need any more R-rated writing."

Johnathan groaned and rolled his eyes. "Ha-ha, very funny." And with those words, he made off to go and start with dinner.

The brunette snickered as he opened the shared document, staring at the blinking cursor. His mind was racing with ideas, plots, and arcs, yet he wanted some character development for Lunaria. The two would be split into two chapters, each writing the one for their character.

For now, Nathan wanted to showcase the trust Lunaria had gotten from Soleil, the fact that he was missing him if even a little while they were now apart. Hoping to see his bright smile and overly optimistic words once more. The warmth of his presence, the gentleness in his hugs. The confessions of love left him like a waterfall without thinking or regrets. They just spewed out full force, often flustering Lunaria. Johnathan had gotten pretty poetic with his writing and went all in with the flowery language.

As if he was talking to Nathan himself. No, he wasn't! He was speaking about Lunaria. Johnathan already said enough embarrassing things. The man looked like a cute sweet puppy, but a hungry and thirsty wolf was underneath. At times Nathan felt the heated stares or the closer-than-normal hugs. He knew Johnathan was also doing his best, compromising. It was as if they both stood on opposite sides of the spectrum regarding attraction and desires. Sometimes it still felt hopeless, like there was no reason for the two to try, but Johnathan would call him silly and kiss him on his forehead.

Dumbass...

Half an hour passed, and the alluring scents of tomato and basil were starting to penetrate the living room. Nathan's fingers, rushing over the keyboard a good seven hundred words into his chapter, stopped moving. His brain forced him to acknowledge the welcome distraction, his stomach growling in agreement.

"It smells so good." the words escaped him; his habit of talking out loud to himself was a curse most of the time.

Johnathan laughed as he walked in with two plates, setting them on the living room table. "I heard that. Well, eat up."

Nathan's cheeks flushed as he grabbed a plate, avoiding Johnathan's gaze. "Thanks."

The two of them took their time to eat, Nathan's eyes scrolling over the text he had written as Johnathan got his laptop and started his chapter. The two of them were across from each other at the table, eating in silence as if it was the most ordinary domestic situation in the world.

Somewhat forgetting his food, Nathan continued writing. He wanted to finish this chapter. His brain kept coming back. More ideas, more dialogue. What if he did this? Or that? What if there was an antagonist? Or was it better to just describe his longing for Soleil? Loneliness was now deep-rooted in his heart. He missed the bond they had, the small talk at the campfire. Every night Lunaria would look up at the stars and wonder if he was looking at them too.

"Okay, that really might work..." Nathan muttered as he grinned, his halted fingers returning to a full-on sprint.

"Will you stop typing and just eat for a second? I know you want to continue, but I would rather have a healthy boyfriend."

Nathan could feel his nose wrinkle, his cheeks in a soft, warm flush as he looked at Johnathan. Wanting to refute him, yet knowing he was right. With a defeated sigh, he started eating the pasta he was served.

"Almost done with the chapter?"

"Hmm... about three hundred words or so left?"

Johnathan grinned as he was about halfway into his attempt to devour the pasta as quickly as possible. Even now, he had no chill.

"You mind if I write my chapter tomorrow? I still have to do the dishes and want to read your chapter. Still want to start chapter two of that one anime we were watching."

Nathan couldn't help but laugh. "The boys love one? The wholesome yet dramatic one we watched? You sure you can handle it?"

Johnathan flushed as he started making panicked motions with his hands, only to end up burying his face in his hands. "S-shut up." Once again, his ears and neck had turned a pretty shade of red.

"Cute."

"Stop it!"

After finishing their meal, Nathan took their plates to the kitchen, leaving Johnathan with his laptop. While washing the dishes, he heard the anime's opening theme playing from the living room. He smiled to himself, shaking his head at Johnathan's enthusiasm.

Once he was done with the dishes, he returned to the living room, ready to join Johnathan in watching the anime. However, as he approached, he noticed that Johnathan wasn't watching the anime. Instead, he was staring at Nathan's laptop, his eyes wide and his face flushed.

Nathan froze, his heart pounding in his chest. He had left his laptop open on the table, and he had been reading a BL manhwa before they started writing. He hadn't thought to close the tab before leaving his laptop unattended. And it wasn't just a simple love story; it was R-rated. Even worse was that the other browser tab was him searching for specific tags, including the one he clicked: smut.

"Johnathan..." Nathan started, but his voice trailed off. He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't ready for this conversation, not yet. But it seemed like he didn't have a choice.

Johnathan turned to look at him, his expression a mix of shock and confusion. "Nathan, what is this?" He asked, his face bright red and slightly stuttering, pointing at the screen where he had scrolled to the middle of a pretty graphic sex scene.

Nathan took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation that was about to happen. "It's a manhwa. A BL manhwa. I read them sometimes."

"I-I can see that. Why are they naked? Aren't you... you know?"

"A prude?"

Johnathan was silent for a moment before he faced the screen again, his eyes darting over the screen. At times he looked intrigued, and at others, he didn't know what to look at. "I thought you didn't like... well, sex."

Nathan smiled and walked towards the man. As soon as he tried to sit down, the blonde pulled him onto his lap. He felt the two strong muscular arms around his waist, pulling him close. Nathan quickly knew he was pouting like a child and would not let him go so soon.

"Want me to explain, John? Or at least... try?" He asked as he put his hand on one of Johnathan's and softly rubbed it.

"Yes... I would like that."

"Are you sure you want me on your lap like this?" Nathan said with a smirk, his tone one of teasing.

Johnathan placed his head on Nathan's back against his warm, thick hoodie. "Yes... but it's hard."

"I can fe-"

"No! I mean...Agh!" A few grumbled noises came out of Johnathan before he continued what he was saying. "Can I... touch you a little?"

It took a moment for Nathan to respond. A few deep breaths and a slight shiver through his spine were needed to gain confidence. The man could be trusted. He was his boyfriend now, for god sake. With a slight nod, he pulled off his hoodie, his now naked torse leaning against Johnathan's.

"Go ahead."

Without a shred of shame, his hands shaking in hesitation, his hands started exploring. A shiver ran through Nathan, a soft moan escaping his lips due to the strange sensation.

"S-shit..." he mumbled, quickly trying to get back on topic. "I read pretty hardcore stuff. For me, it's more like... I admire things like boys' love or shoujo manga. The strong emotions, the pining, the glances, and the drama. But it's not about the sex, not really. It's about the connection between the characters, the intimacy. It's... it's like reading an excellent book, you know? You get lost in the story, in the characters. You feel what they feel; you experience their emotions. But it's not... it's not about wanting to do those things myself. It's more like... like watching a movie or reading a book. It's not about me; it's about them."

Johnathan was silent momentarily, his hands still on Nathan's skin. "So... you're saying you like reading about sex but don't want to have sex?"

Nathan nodded, his cheeks flushing. "That's... that's one way to put it, yes."

"But... why?"

Nathan sighed, leaning back against Johnathan. "I don't know, John. I just... I just do. It's like... like being aegosexual."

"Aego-what?"

"Aegosexual. It's a term for people who can be aroused by sexual content but don't want to participate in sexual activities. It's like... there's a disconnect between myself and the sexual activity. I can appreciate it, enjoy it even, but in a detached way. It's not something I want for myself."

Johnathan was silent for a moment, processing Nathan's words. Then, slowly, he nodded. "I think... I think I understand. Or at least, I'm trying to."

Nathan smiled at him, reaching up to cup his cheek. "That's all I can ask for, John."

Johnathan leaned into his touch, closing his eyes. "Can I... can I keep touching you? I... I like feeling your skin."

Nathan chuckled softly, nodding. "Yes, John. You can keep touching me."

"C-continue. I'm okay with it. it's just a bit awkward." Yet, Johnathan's hands suddenly hit a sensitive spot on his waist, his lips sending a shiver down his back, a loud moan escaping his lips. "As long as they're not visible- Ha...hnn..."

Fuck. If he weren't careful, he would get swept up in the situation even if he had no intention to. Nathan would hate himself and be disgusted later, which was unfair to Johnathan.

"Did you just?"

"Yes, John! I am a human being capable of moaning! I might be aegosexual, but even I can sometimes feel good!" He yelled, huffing and puffing with a bright red face.

Johnathan was stunned into silence for a moment before bursting out in laughter.

"S-shut up," Nathan grumbled, but his words had no fire. He was too content, too comfortable in Johnathan's arms. And for now, that was enough.

As the evening wore on, Nathan found himself growing sleepy. He yawned, snuggling closer to Johnathan. "Can I stay over tonight? I want to sleep with you."

Johnathan looked down at him, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. "Oh? And what exactly do you mean by 'sleep,' Nate?"

Nathan rolled his eyes, but a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "You know exactly what I mean, John. Just sleep. Like this. Cuddling."

Johnathan chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of Nathan's head. "I know, I know. I just couldn't resist teasing you a bit. Of course, you're always welcome here, Nate. And I'm more than okay with just sleeping and cuddling."

And so, they spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, just sleeping, just being together. And for now, that was enough.