Chapter 1.1: Fate.

The ceiling was the same as always; today was the last day of summer vacation. I, a first-year high-schooler, spent it alone. The heat is overbearing, a veil of humidity had covered my body, draining my energy and causing my mind to wander. I think about my best friends. There was Ito Sugiyama, the group's designated leader. He was the least good-looking but had a confident aura that never wavered. He was tall, with short black hair and a straightforward personality. Then, there was Chitaka Sasaki, we liked to call him Chi, a sporty athletic type brunette, ranked third in our grade for looks and last on exams. Strangely, despite his outward demeanour, he was a more reserved and relaxed type. The pretty boy who was humble—I couldn't believe it when I met him.

######

We met during the first year of middle school. Chi wasn’t as handsome back then; puberty would hit him hard, emerging as a handsome phoenix. Ito joined our conversation when he heard Chi and me discussing the trending game; it was how teenage boys formed bonds.

“I’ll lend you my Pegasus for your battle in exchange for two juice boxes.”

“Hell no, that's my savings for the month.”

“Like Pegasus can stand a chance with Gladiator in an endurance match. My base stats are too high.” Ito had chimed in.

“Yes, but your arm strength could use some work.”

“Strong enough to beat you to a pulp Haru.” I rebutted.

“Hahaha, get a room, you two.”

It was the kind of conversation you look back on fondly, so utterly meaningless in the universe's grand scheme. Still, it was more important than anything at that moment—passionate debates about the balance and precision of toys. I had no siblings, so I treated them like real brothers for the last five years now.

Ito was the romantic type, like me, but he was more shallow about it, it would take a tenacious girl to tie him down. Lots of sleepovers and hangouts were spent discussing crushes and what it would be like to have a girlfriend. It was always Ito who steered our conversation into gossip.

“Did you hear Kiko and Kenta got together”

“Bro, you never take the first step, then the girl gets stolen away by some nobody”, remarked Chi.

“She can’t know you exist if you never speak to her,” I affirmed.

“Guys, I don’t know what I would say.”

“You didn’t even really like her. Just thought she was cute.”

“Whatever, Chitaka, anyone on your mind?”

“Yeah, she's so beautiful, my dream girl.”

“Who”

“Haru’s (my) mom”

We all burst into laughter. I proceeded to smack Chi with a pillow.

“Chi, you son of a. “

“Hey man, the heart wants what it wants.”

After that, we spent all our energy on a drawn-out wrestling match (I never won). Then more friendly banter was thrown around about each other's heritage. That’s what I loved about male friendships. They were simple, rarely any misunderstandings, and no one got hurt by each other’s taunting.

“Okay, nice one, Chi. Haru, who are you after?”

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to say, considering … my current girlfriend”

“Whaaaaaaaatt” they both exclaimed as it was the first time I brought it up. She had a doll-esque aesthetic, someone who used too much makeup for her age, but her earnestness was appealing to me. Starting relationships with people was easy for me. Keeping them was another story.

“I confessed to her yesterday.”

“Have you held hands yet?”

“I’m sure sensei Haru has managed a kiss on the cheek after one day.”

“Oh, so I’m sensei now.”

“Yes, boss.”

“Haha.”

The thrill wouldn't last long; she was my first girlfriend, so there were bound to be issues from our lack of experience. Everything we did together had an edge of discomfort, the way her smile never finished or the words that were never said. So, just as the seasons changed, our relationship ended. I wish I could tell some dramatic story about how she cheated, or I broke her heart, but it was a sombre and simple end, like I wasn’t allowed to feel sad. We broke up after three months which was right on time with my expiration date. Part of me wished it was a curse, but life wasn’t that convenient. After a while, I knew something was wrong, and the only consistent factor was me.

######

I remember two years ago when Ito was running for middle school president. On the way to the stage, waving his hand at the crowd like a wannabe politician, he tripped and sprained his leg. Chi and I scrambled out of our seats amid the entire school and ran over to help him; we pushed through teachers who told him to go to the nurse. I could see the determination in his eyes to deliver his speech. Chi grabbed one arm, and I got the other, and we limped over onto the stage. I could hear the crowd; there were those laughing; some were cheering for our success, but most were annoyed, clearly agitated by the disruption. We stood there, Chi and I were supporting him like a five-and-a-half-legged monster while Ito gave the speech of his life. He spoke of comradery, friendship, and overcoming challenges. He talked about never giving up and sounded like he had the wisdom of someone ten years older than him; little did they know it was a scam.

We were in awe; he was confident and determined to be president, so he won in a landslide. The person running against him was Ika; she had short red bangs and a petite frame. She was a proud but kind girl who always looked out for her classmates but didn't have many close friends. I assumed it was because of her abrasive personality.

"Humpf, what a pretentious speech after a big fall,"

she said as she handed him an ice pack for his leg. Classic Tsundere; Ito's speech blew her away, but complementing him would have been admitting defeat. She ended up as vice president, and they spent more time together. That's how Ito and Ika got together in the second year of middle school—Ahh, young, confusing love. Unfortunately, not everything was sunshine and rainbows, It was subtle changes at first, but slowly, Chi and I could feel the drift between the three of us. Chi once joked, “I’ll never leave the group even if I find a girlfriend.” Liar.

######

Then there was last year; it was the middle of winter vacation, and the snow had started building. The air was filled with the scent of cinnamon, and every household had put up vibrant red and green lights. Christmas party preparations were frantic, and Mom was screaming about last-minute problems whilst Dad was watching TV. In the crossfire was me. Luckily before it got too chaotic, Ito and Iko arrived; they handed my mom a large cake.

"You shouldn't have.”

“It’s our pleasure, Ms Hashimoto. Thank you for inviting us.”

Ito turned on his model student voice, a charm he had developed being president for two years. He had changed in more ways than one. From the kid I once knew, he was starting to grow into that leadership role. I was proud. Then, Chi was the next to arrive.

“Hello, Ms. Hashimoto. You are looking rather stunning tonight.”

“Oh my.”

I have never given a person a more potent death stare in my life, I knew it was a joke, but his cheeky laugh ticked me off. I wasn’t the only one angry; somehow Dad made a loud disgruntled noise from the room. Soon after, our close family arrived; my uncle and aunts hugged me and handed me some money, albeit not subtly. I went to the toilet for one second and could hear my dad digging for the money in my room. He was funny like that, always talking about money’s worth and never taking it without working for it. I appreciated the message, but I had another secret stash he would never find. About 30 minutes later, she walked through the door—my second cousin, Kimiko, and she stole the room’s attention. I never saw her in that way, but even a pubescent boy like me could appreciate her figure. She had long, silky black hair and a soft voice that turned most people into jelly. Her side of the family was the rich one; you could tell by how her jewellery glistened in the light and her composure. I walked up to her,

"Someone's rather elegant, considering she used to say things like “Please help me, big brother, Haru.” "

“Hmpf, I see. You’re still as annoying as ever.”

As expected, I reached out for a hug, and she whacked me with her bag. I pretend to do a dramatic fall.

“Oh, how could my dear cousin abuse me like this?”

I got chuckles from the room, and in the corner of my eye, Chi was slowly spilling his water on himself while looking at Kimiko. Bingo. The evening proceeded as usual, with my parents telling embarrassing stories and other family members catching up.

"Oh, Haru, I think you’ve gained weight."

"Wow, top 45 in the grade, not bad, but I hear Ito is in the top three."

"Where’s your girlfriend?"

Ouch. I dreaded this but had to appease them with the standard answers. Other highlights from the evening included: my uncle getting tipsy and shouting about his ex-wife and Ito knocking over the punch. Occasionally my mom would ask me to run to the back and grab food; running around gave me a chance to gauge the party's state. It was a tradition that we hosted large parties at our house; however, this was the first year I was in charge of major decisions. I was particularly proud of the spicy deviled eggs; sadly, they were mostly untouched. Later in the evening, Ito and Ika had secretly left, and I could see Chi swallowing eggs like a sad giraffe straight out of a black-and-white comedy film, and his mannerisms were exaggerated as if he was a peacock trying to show off to his potential mate. I had caught Chi glancing at Kimiko throughout the evening, and I had to act quickly. Slivering out of my family’s crutches, I walked over to Chi.

"Wanna know her deepest darkest secrets?"

"Really?;" he says with five eggs in his mouth.

"I wouldn't tell someone who has more eggs stuffed in them than our turkey has stuffing."

He looked dejected, realising that he was being a little creepy. I knew I had to give him a little push. I pass him a glass of water, pop a mint in his mouth and wipe off egg crumbs from his hand-me-down jacket.

“Well, this was not the look, bro.”

“My brother said this was the suit he lost his virginity in.”

“Ewwww, whatever, just take your trophy suit over to her and start a conversation.”

“You’ve told me about Kimiko before, hyping her up, but I didn’t think she would be this unobtainable.”

"Bro, you're a catch; what do you have to lose? We’re young, love is fleeting, don’t miss out and regret." I say with grandiose and vigour, but I knew my words were laced with doubt, although the delivery should have been enough to fool this lovesick boy.

“Thanks, but…"

Man, if I were blessed with this guy's jawline, I would have my own harem, but he had a rough time constantly being put down by his brother, who was maybe too successful with women. The looks ran in the family, but the confidence did not.

"Ok, hear me out; just talk about manga."

"A girl like that likes reading manga? No way!"

"I’ve known her for most of my life; I think you'll find your footing if you have some common ground."

I had been planning their meeting for a while now, but Kimiko would refuse my matchmaking for her. So this was the first time they would be in the same place. In terms of looks, Chi was most people’s ideal man (for our age), so he had one foot in the door; the fact that they shared interests meant they were perfect for each other.

"Ok, I'll try, Haru; I trust you."

Those words stung, I had never done anything to betray him, but I couldn’t help but feel undeserving of trust. Chi starts walking over; his stride was incredibly unnatural, but his physique covered it up. I could see Kimko smile when he got close. The lack of her usual ice-cold demeanour and body language indicated that they were hitting it off. Another day, another couple was formed by matchmaker Haru. This was the role I had been relegated to. As the saying goes: “Coaches don’t play”.

I spent my childhood watching K-dramas and romantic movies, and I wondered if one day I would have my ‘Say Anything’ moment or a fateful encounter with the one. But as I grew up, reality happened; after a long string of breakups and bad experiences, I no longer yearned for a sign from the universe. I stopped believing in soul mates, and I knew that the only way we can get what we want in life is to grasp it with our own two hands and never let go. This cynicism was precisely what I needed to plot my friends into the right scenarios. I encouraged Ito to run for school council president, and I planned the Christmas party. Deep down, I knew I did it to push them away, but I would still blame them for leaving me. Was I a narcissistic person who wanted control or a silent hero working in the shadows? Hypocrite.

######

The boredom of staring at my ceiling finally outweighed my laziness. My friends spent the summer of their youth holding hands and frolicking in the fields with their girlfriends. I would occasionally get some messages with photos and ‘Thanks, bro, you're the best’. Ito and Ika liked going to cafes and doing outdoor activities. Kimiko and Chi enjoyed movies and watching anime. There was a strange feeling swelling up inside me. You may be asking if I was ever jealous. I was happy best friends in the whole world had found someone special, but I couldn’t help but feel I would be alone forever. It was the kind of exaggerated thinking you have in your teens; even then I knew it wasn’t true. There was a time I was more greedy, I wanted a captivating romance story, not just a normal one. But now as a high schooler, I didn’t want anything to do with relationships. I had just one solution to alleviate the pain I was feeling from these thoughts: chocolate mint ice cream. I don’t think there is a better pairing than the creamy chocolate flavour complemented by fresh mint. To my despair, there wasn’t anymore left in my freezer, which meant one thing; convenience store trip time. I put on my sneakers and headed out.

######

I lived in a relatively small city, and it wasn’t the place you would put on your holiday destinations; luckily, we still always had some events running year-round. We have great festivals, and each season was distinct, my favourite being Autumn because of the brisk winds with the brownish hues of the trees sprinkled across the city. You could spend your entire life here without knowing or caring what was beyond. The capital was only a few hours by train away. Not that my friends and I ever bother. We enjoyed hanging out, going to karaoke, or finding a river to splash in. At least, we used to. The path to the store followed a small stream. I felt like my childhood was passing as fast as the water next to me. It was strange; my life didn’t have checkpoints; the stream just kept flowing no matter how many rocks were in its way; you had to accept the stream; otherwise, it would drown you. Walking down the path, I could hear the faint sounds of kids playing upstream, and it made me happy knowing that at least someone still had their youth to enjoy.

"Notebooks, pens, hmm, what else?" I muttered my shopping list while strolling down the path. It was a 30-minute walk to the convenience store, and my parents were away today. Despite their age, they still loved to do activities together on the weekends; today was bird watching on the outskirts of town. That was the kind of straightforward I admired, they were childhood friends, and now 30 years in, they seem to fall in love daily. Suddenly, my thoughts are disrupted. I feel a light tap on my right shoulder. I swiftly turn around clockwise, only to hear a voice from the left.

"Haha, I got you."

I didn't recognise this gentle and feminine voice. Turning the other way, I saw a girl with sparky blonde hair in a ponytail; she was wearing running shorts and a baggy sports outfit that hid her features. Even her perspiration was reflecting the sunlight like drops of diamonds. She was gorgeous, half Caucasian, and from how she spoke: very friendly. Her eyes were deeply blue, and she had a delicate but intense mature aura. Why was this beauty starting a conversation with me?

"I turned the wrong way to make you overconfident. Obviously."

"Sure, sure, smart guy."

Dad had always taught me to be courteous, especially to pretty girls. He was always stiff when it came to romance; I remember he once told me a story about his first love, and the story always made Mom angry. “My first girlfriend would always nag about how I never bought her flowers or how I should groom my hair. She was so annoying. If her body weren’t legendary, I would have left immediately.” I always laughed at that story, despite the misogynistic tones, I knew he was talking about Mom, but I appreciated his way of bonding with me.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, m’lady. My name is Haru Hashimoto."

"Oh, like a superhero name! My name is Hatsumi Fujimori. I moved into the neighbourhood yesterday and was trying to find the nearest store."

Superhero. It was the biggest compliment someone could give me, but she meant it for the wrong reason. I wanted to be a hero by my actions, not because of the alliteration of my name. She did a little spin and gave me a bright, blinding smile. This girl was trouble; I was not going to be blinded.

"Unfortunately, it’s not close by; I am heading there now if you want to tag along," I say nervously.

"Oh, sure."

We headed off, she was walking a comfortable meter away, close enough for me to catch a whiff of her lavender perfume.

"What grade are you in, Haru?"

Wow, we were already on a first-name basis.

"I’m a first-year in high school."

"Oh, Kamizawa High? I transfer there tomorrow”

“I’m in Class Four.”

“Me too!”

“That's so cool I have someone I know in my class.”

Cool? This girl was coming on strong, but I had dealt with her types before. In the past, my brain would already be thinking of scenarios. Sometimes, I would imagine her as the princess of a grand fantasy adventure where I had to defeat the demon lord. Other times she was being bullied, and I would have to defend her, or maybe we had secret library rendezvous. I had long forgotten this habit, but this girl reawakened something primal in me.

"So, Haru, what's there to do for fun in this town?"

"Well, there's a small bowling alley and karaoke. For a small town, we actually have loads of stuff going on; I could show you around sometime."

"Like a date?" she responds playfully.

I promised myself no more romance; I was just going to get heartbroken, and now I’m inviting her on dates. Before I can respond sarcastically, the look on her face becomes a little more serious.

"How can you be sure I don’t have a boyfriend waiting for me in France?"

"If I were your boyfriend, I would have crossed the ocean for you"

She blushed.

“Sounds rather needy to me.”

“You say needy; I think romantic.”

“Kill two birds with one stone.”

“That’s not the right expression.”

“Whoopsie, hehe”

She was doing the classic cute dumb charade, but there was intent in her cutesy behaviour. I was being sucked into her facade, then I stopped thinking and said,

“Hey, let me show you something if you don’t mind taking a detour.”

She thought about it; understandably, it wasn’t the best idea to follow a guy you just met. My family had always said I had a comforting face that was easy to trust.

“Ok.”

With hesitation but also some curiosity, she followed me. I took a right off the main road onto a small incline path. It was a little rocky.

“Why are you transferring mid-way through a year?”

She looked uncomfortable; maybe I went for a sensitive topic too quickly.

“Family circumstances.”

“Makes sense.”

Her cheery smile was briefly replaced with unease; I had another bad habit: creating profiles of everyone I met. I felt akin to Sherlock. I assumed from our conversation that she was always the prettiest girl in class, and most people stayed away from her except for a few, so it was difficult to make many friends growing up. In addition, her parents were always travelling, and she was never in one place for longer than a year. Last year they told her they were getting a divorce, and so she latched onto any friend that could comfort her, which was her ex-boyfriend. She uses her boyfriend to escape reality and avoids heavy topics like her family situation and the divorce, always smiling to hide her pain. Then he leaves her because of how needy and attached she is. She wants to start a new in a city where no one knows her home life, and she can be free.

“Hey Haru, would you be my first friend.”

Her words cut through my thoughts like a sharp katana slicing through unsubstantiated paper. I snapped back from my mental rambling. Why did she say first, surely she meant first in this city, but judging from her body language, I knew there was a more complex and genuine person in from of me. Not a social profile or fictional character I could speculate about. I had presumed her entire personality for no reason. At that moment, I realised she was struggling with the rocky path, so I grabbed her by the hand; she looked surprised but didn't resist it. I start increasing my pace and drag her to the top of the area, with ends on a plateau overlooking the town. We had followed a small path that hugged the side of the hill, and this plateau was a secret location even from my best friends. It had a romantic atmosphere, and the unstable-oak railing gave it a subtle sense of danger—the best view of the entire town, which you could overlook on a slightly cracked bench.

“So, friend, what do you think? I like to call it The Spot.”

“Haha, what a dumb name.”

“Heyyy, don’t insult my baby like that.”

Her eyes widened, and she took a deep breath of the air. Her cheerful expression had returned.

“Wow, what a view. All those little people below!”

“So, you’re the type to look down on people.”

“You know what I mean.”

I sat down on the bench and patted the space next to me.

“I don’t know your circumstances, but when I feel like the world is against me, I come here to reset.”

The air was cooler up here; you could see little dandelions scattered across the fields, and each little house and building was basking in the summer sun.

“Haru, have you shared this place with anyone else?”

She gave me puppy eyes. I knew I couldn't get my hopes up, but since I had opened part of my soul to this stranger, it felt right.

“No. You’re the first.”

We sat there in silence and enjoyed the breeze. I kept glancing at her; she was like a painting. Maybe it was the sweat, but it merged with reality to create a watercolour illustration with vivid pinks, yellows and blues. Her eyes were like the ocean, deep and dangerous. I could feel myself getting lost adrift the waves.

######

We arrived at the store.

"Oh my Gawd, it's so hot today. Is it always like this here?"

"That's summer for you; the humidity makes it ten times worse."

"Oh, I know. Want ice cream? I’ll treat you."

A classic test. According to my calculations, she was a cookie and cream enjoyer; it made sense given the circumstances of her upbringing. I grinned slightly as if the outcome was obvious— she pulls out two mint chocolates from the store’s freezer. At that moment, everything around me shattered. I wasn't proud of many things; my looks were below average, my grades were okay, and I needed to be more athletic. However, I knew how to read people, and I was rarely wrong. Someone's ice cream preference wasn’t something that could be analytically calculated, but I assure you, I was never wrong. Ito and Ika liked chocolate, Chi and Kimiko liked rocky road, and my parents loved marshmallow bubble gum. Time was frozen, and my mind was racing—what was real anymore? My entire profile of her crumbled.

"How did you know?" I say with a tinge of spite.

"Know what?" she replied cheerfully.

"Know that this was my favourite flavour."

"It’s my favourite, so I grabbed a second one for you instinctively; maybe it's fate?" she teased.

"..."

"It’s not a big deal; just eat it," she says as she eats her ice cream stick; I follow suit solemnly. The edges of the ice cream wrapper I had peeled off were less muted than usual; there was a crispness in the hues of this usually dull greenish-brown wrapper. What was happening? Is this one of those moments where the world takes on colour, and the birds are humming as a young man finds the love of his life? Impossible.

"Hey, they are playing my favourite song,"

she says as she hums to the melody, albeit off-key. It was a sappy love song playing that I’d heard on the radio a million times. This time, however, as cheesy as it may be, the song took on a new sound and I couldn’t help but feel her pure joy from this overproduced tune. We began to walk back home under the scorching sun; she continued to hum the song even with no backing, making me smile. Suddenly, she stops for a moment and turns to me.

“You know, Haru, I've got big plans. I’m gonna rule the world one day.”

“That came out of nowhere. In what way?”

“I don’t know; I’m just sure of it.”

“Then I’m rooting for you.”

She gave me an awkward smile filled with resolve, but I could sense the genuine passion I had never seen before. She wasn’t a broken girl that needed a prince. If anything, she was confident for someone my age and knew her place in the universe; she was brightly glowing. I managed to eke out a sentence, not confidently, but I meant every word,

"Hatsumi, you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met."

"Whhaaaa…now that came out of nowhere."

She was bright pink and turned away from me.

"Th-thanks…"

I managed to maintain my composure, but I knew my front wouldn't last long. Maybe I had just enough left.

"So, as a reward for helping you, please give me your phone number.”

"Wow, I didn’t think you were so bold. I thought you were a shy boy I could get directions from."

"Don’t judge a comic by its cover."

“Comic?”

“Whoopsie, hehe.”

I intentionally mocked her previous expression, and she made a cute annoyed face as she pulled out her phone.

"I’ll give you my number if you promise to show me around town again?"

"So you're asking for another date?"

"In your dreams!" She stuck her tongue out at me but handed me her phone anyways. Somehow we had completely switched.

"I don’t know if I will survive long without hearing your voice; I might have to call you tonight."

"If my dad found out I was calling a boy at home, he would freak."

"What about your very real boyfriend in France?"

She blushed again. Check and mate. We would continue to talk about mundane fun topics. The juxtaposition was reflected in how we looked. I was the below-average-looking boy, and she was the radiant shooting star girl, sharing the same road home.

"I’ll see you Monday."

"Byeeee," even the way she waved her dainty hands and did another swirl away was charming. I could see her gleefully walk into her house, and I couldn't look away. I had resolved to solitude for eternity and never wanted another girl to pull at my heartstrings, clearly, my resolve was cracking. Later that night, after all my big talk, my embarrassment prevented me from calling her. I did miss her voice, but my confident outward mask had faded, and I was overcome by apprehension.

“Thanks for showing me around today, Haru. Please sleep well.”

I grinned at that message and fell asleep.