The Petals Leave in the Winter

Thursday – Midterm Exams Day 1: English, Japanese History, and Science.

The majority of my classmates were sweating buckets or pretending to be calm. Exam grades meant everything to our parents, but luckily – I think – mine never had the time to care for them.

Test anxiety only stuck with me until the exam started. It quickly dissipated as my mind calmed myself down by reciting Karuta poetry while also focusing on the contents. That...hadn't happened this time, because instead of poetry, a person calmed me down.

I wonder how Rossi-san's doin' now. There's a lot of pressure on her today, and more tomorrow. I hope she'll be fine. She'll most likely ace the exams, but the stress she'll feel after school will be overbearin' to say the least. At least she'll be able to tell someone about it.

Those thoughts circulated my mind for the entirety of the exams. The entire day was approximately four-and-a-half hours long, since there was only homeroom plus the exam periods. Because of that, we ended before lunchtime.

"Good work t'day," said Mitoma-kun in front of me.
Drops of sweat trickled from the tips of the red side of his hair like he was running a marathon.
"I hate how long our country's history is. I wish it was short, like America's."

"We wouldn't have Karuta if our history was that short," I replied.
I headed for the exit and he followed me. I didn't bring my schoolbag, just the calendar.

"Ehehe, that's true. You busy after school today?"

I felt inside my blazer's right pocket.
"Yeah, sorry."

"Ah, no worries, dude. Catch'ya tomorrow."
Mitoma-kun gave me a teammate's slap on the back and went to the left towards the exit.

I turned right, towards the river of leaving students. I tried to walk against the current, but didn't make it far before I was stopped in my tracks. There was a student leaning besides the closed door of my classroom, like an object in the water.

Red. I recognized that hair anywhere.
Rossi-san? I thought, looking at her.

She stared down to the floor as she stood straight, swinging her schoolbag side-to-side. Her feet were walking in place, moving at the same speed as her swings. That displayed how anxious she was, and I could only imagine that her face was as red as her hair that blocked it.

"Rossi-san?" I asked, standing next to her.
She didn't react; her mind must've been falling apart.

I didn't want to touch her on the shoulder or anything, in case she jolted and hit a student, so I slowly put my red-gloved hand before her eyes and waved it up and down. She finally reacted. Her head shot up and quickly turned towards me. I instinctively dropped my chin into my chest to stare at the floor like she had been doing.

"P-Poet-kun!"
She took a few steps back, most likely out of shock.

"What're you doin' outside my classroom?" I asked.

"I-I wanted...to see you...quicker..." is what I think she said.

It was hard to hear each other with all the students chatting passed us, so she turned around and started heading towards the garden, and I followed. All the students hurried to go around her to avoid bumping into her, it was like she was parting the river with her respected aura.

Once we were outside, it was easier to hear her, but her voice was still uneasy.
"C-Can you walk next to me?"
She slowed her pace so I could pick up mine and match.
"H-How were exams...for you?"

Should I say they were easy to put her at ease? Or would that make her overthink if she thinks they seemed difficult? Sayin' they were tough doesn't make it better either...
"They were okay," I answered truthfully. "I think I'll do decent in English, and I know my Japanese history pretty well, but science? Really good or really mad, I don't know why I chose a STEM school."

I heard a faint chuckle; she must've been slightly happier. I didn't have the courage to look at her yet. So many things had changed because of her, I was still confused on what I wanted to do. I wasn't scared to look, but more...nervous?

We arrived at the garden and walked towards the hedge with the butterfly weed shrubs. I was branching off to sit on the outside – like usual – but she pincered my sleeve from my right elbow, preventing me from separating from her.

"P-Please?" she said distressfully.

There was absolutely no reason why I shouldn't sit next to her. Being on the other side of the hedge was something she disliked from the beginning, so there was no point in continuing that affair. The gap between the shrubs were able to fit the both of us, especially since we weren't really big in size. That time, I had sat on her right side.

"Shoulder?" I offered.

She plonked her head on my shoulder like I did to my futon. An exasperated sigh was exhaled, and she adjusted her body to get comfortable.
"This time, I'll cry on your shoulder."

"I don't mind tears on my clothes, but if you get your boogers on it, then we'll have to fight."

Before she could issue a rebuttal in return, her tears had already begun soaking into my blazer. She shed silent tears, doing her best to not make a sound as she tried to restrain her emotions inside. There was no reason for her to do that, and I made sure she knew.

"How many people have heard the class representative bawl her eyes out after a stressful two weeks of anxiety? Probably zero, right? You've kept your feelings inside for too long now. I mean, isn't me bein' next to you what you really wanted? Use it to the fullest––"

"Poet-kun!!!" she wailed.
She vocalized her sorrows in words that became incomprehensible.
"I think I fwailed shome parts of the Engwish secshion! I-I'm going to dishappoint my pawents and I won't take ohver the fwamily bishness!!"

Her prolonged high-pitched blubbers, accompanied by tears were too much for my shoulder. She inadvertently nestled her face into the left side of my chest. Her hands were occupied, wiping her face with a tissue she had taken out of her bag.

"Pwoet-kun!!!" she sobbed.

What the heck do I do?!?!? I-I know she's cryin' and all, but she's on the side of my heart! Oh no... Stop thinkin' about it! Thinkin' about it will only make it beat faster and faster! She'll feel it! What am I supposed to do?!

My left hand was awkwardly in the air, bent at the elbow. I couldn't move my head downwards without hitting the top of her's, so I dropped my eyes and saw the roots of her red hair. My hand moved on its own to gently tap the top of her head, again and again.

My lack of social interaction had drastically changed this past week. For many, that could be seen as a good thing, but for me, it was like playing a rhythm game song on the highest difficulty after just beating the lowest tutorial.

Through my panic, I conjured some words to say to her. I thought of these words when thinking about the butterfly weeds...and her request. I said, in a Karuta's announcer voice,
"The petals leave in the winter,
but they will always return in the summer.
Waiting every changed season, alone,
but now the waiting is done together."

Her cries became soft and low, she must've been deciphering my words. It would've taken me some time to know what those words meant if I heard them for the first time, yet it seemed like she already knew, as she pushed herself away from me in order to see me as a whole.

I stared at the grass below us shaking as much as she was, but for me, it was out of embarrassment. A few sniffles were wiped away from her nose, and I imagined her eyes to be puffy and pink.

She said in a broken voice, "P-Poet-kun? Is that for...the butterfly..."

I nodded. I rubbed the nape of my sweating neck that had been burning from the overhanging sun.
"I-It's not the final version...but how do you like it?"

There was no answer from her, but there was an action. She leaped back onto me, with her arms around my neck and head back on my shoulder. Her cries continued, and I could only hope they were for good reasons this time. 

My arms were still to my sides, but I felt like I was hugging her in return. I stared at the descending white cherry blossoms that smoothly landed on her hair. It was a natural habitat for those blossoms.

I wished we could've stayed longer than we did that day.

➼ ➼ ➼

The worst day of my life was in middle school, but a close second was the Friday that came. Exam Day 2 ended horribly.