That Which Happens Immediately After Death

I always thought there would be darkness when I died.

At the very least, I always thought that I’d know if I died.

Even as I slowly regained the autonomy to think and consider moving, I still wasn’t sure.

It was bright and piercing as the morning sun when I gathered the little strength I had and slowly opened my eyes. The murmured hustle and bustle that inevitably came with a large queue of people gradually fading in around me and rising to a decipherable clamor until I could pick apart the individual words if I managed to strain my ears enough.

There was a tap on my shoulder that made me snap my consciousness to present attention, a hand offered in only slightly brusk impatience as I sat there uselessly and gaped; looking from their hand to my surroundings before repeating the process a couple times as my mind slowly flickered and sparked into action.

Finally, an embarrassingly long time later, I reached out and took it; letting the unknown person hoist me up to standing as I tried to blink the confusion from my head and pay attention, they were talking.

“Welcome to Processing, Portant; I hope your Displacement was adequately comfortable.”

My tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, words refusing to come as I proceeded to gape a little longer. They hummed and scratched something onto their paper.

“Memory still lost?”

They hazarded a guess, finger tapping against their clipboard in a show of that aforementioned brusk impatience that urged me to scurry and find an answer to respond a little faster. I shook my head, unsticking my tongue with a slightly audible pop that almost made me regret trying to open my mouth in the first place.

“No I-I don’t know what… where am I?”

They nodded, seeming to expect my question.

“Processing, or Sorting if you prefer that terminology, I’ll direct you to your appropriate queue once you answer a few questions; I’m sure you have plenty of your own and I assure you they all will be answered in due time if you will afford me some patience. If you'd be ever so kind...”

They replied with the ease of someone who had said this many, many times, finding an easy path to segway onto the things they needed answers for like the professional they clearly were.

“Name and age, please, if you can remember.”

After a few more moments of sluggish mental configuring, I found that I could not and said as much.

“I don’t… remember; I should know, shouldn't I?”

They hummed noncommittally, skimming the rest of the questions with a dismissive gaze before drawing a concise circle around something and making a gesture to their left, quickly tucking a stray piece of hair behind their ear.

“Line four please, when they ask you for information, simply tell them you don’t know if you’re unsure; they’ll direct you where you need to be next so there’s no need for panic. Good luck to you, Portant.”

“Wait!”

I reached out frantically, catching my fingers carefully around their arm and holding them where they were; desperate to cling onto anything that was even remotely familiar and wanting answers or clues to what questions I should even be asking because I didn’t know.

“What-who are you?”

Maybe that wasn’t one of the more immediate concerns that I should have been voicing but that was the only thing that managed to come out, my heart kicking uncomfortably in my chest as a wave of desperate unease clutched at my lungs.

“Am I dead? What is this– where is this?”

For the first time since I’d seen them they smiled just a little bit, tucking the clipboard under their arm to patiently unwind my fingers from their shirt and giving what I interpreted as an encouraging squeeze to my wrist with their index finger and thumb. (An appropriate level of a comforting gesture from a stranger since I would have been very much alarmed if they’d tried to take my hand or even sling their arm around my shoulder. They didn’t seem like they were that type but… who knew.)

“Of course, I apologize for not introducing myself when you showed interest. I’m an Auspice, I’m meant to provide support and guidance when new Portants -that’s you- arrive; all the Heralds in Processing are Auspices, that’s our Designation. And regarding your second question; yes, you are -as of moments ago- deceased.”

Oh.

That was… I couldn’t even begin processing that right then; it was better to keep all that for a later date when I wasn’t in a moment that could potentially decide the amount of knowledge I had.

I had to ask more questions before this ‘Auspice’ lost their will to communicate.

With that in mind -although the word death was also spiraling dizzyingly around in the forefront of my thoughts- I quickly pressed on.

“O-Okay… and why am I– what you said, a ‘Portant?’”

They nodded in affirmation to my words, glancing over my shoulder for a split second at the line of others most likely beginning to form since I was taking so much time before returning their attention back to me; seemingly unbothered by the additional questions and ready to answer them.

“Yes, all the recently Displaced are Portants until they receive Designations. And Portant means…”

They seemed to weigh their words for a moment.

“A warning– or sign that something big is going to happen, we just don’t know what yet. It means that you have great potential that hasn’t been channeled into a specific place but that you are definitely crucial; that's why you're here. In layman’s terms, it means that you contain the potential for great things but have no guidance as to where you should direct that untapped potential as of yet; sorting provides that direction. Understand?”

Absolutely not in its entirety but… what I did understand was that I was meant to be here if I’d somehow managed to find myself where I was; and that was strangely comforting. Knowing that I belonged here because I was -in my words since I was synopsizing- special.

“Yes I-I think I do. I guess.”

I was -I think understandably- skeptical but I didn’t have any reason not to trust what this ‘Auspice’ was saying for the time being, and I let myself take some comfort in that.

They nodded, a self satisfied ‘good’ signaling the end to my line of questioning as they waved the next person forward, moving to step past me.

“Wait-”

I held my hand out, stopping them for the second time much to their bereavement and slight frustration which they conveyed nonverbally with a look I’d previously thought only mother was capable of.

“Thank you. For explaining.”

The Auspice clicked their tongue, a sound that could easily be perceived as dismissive but paired with the upward quirk of their lips and the softness around their eyes, it let me know that my words were perceived as genuine no matter how prickly their exterior seemed. Good.

“That’s my job... you are welcome. Now proceed to line four, please.”

I obeyed this time and moved on, away from my temporary line and into a new one that promised to direct me where I was ‘meant to be’ or whatever that meant.

It meant another queue for now, some shuffling as the line moved forward and a ‘temporary ID’ with my picture on it as I was directed to a different section of queues.

Considering the volume of traffic, I was impressed at the competency and efficiency at each station and the people– the Auspices who manned them.

The picture on my temporary ID looked right to me, even though I wouldn’t exactly have been able to conjure up an image of myself had you asked me prior; the person looking out with wide eyes and a slightly overwhelmed expression was definitely me, I could feel it.

Regaining the mental capacity to peruse my surroundings, I finally got a good look at the facility around me and the floods of people therein. Well, at least some of them were recognizably human; the rest were definitely something more.

But I’m human, I’m a human called… Jin.

As the words registered in my mind it was as if a whole wealth of information was suddenly just there; each individual fact and tidbit of knowledge easily accessible and retrievable with a simple thought. And I was whole again, no longer the empty, post death shell I had arrived as.

I almost turned and dashed back to that one ‘Auspice’ who had greeted me in the beginning but thought better of it after a moment. I was three stations past them by now and I was sure to only receive another impatient look if I did indulge myself to that particular whim; better to quell my enthusiasm.

I didn’t want to cause trouble for them or any of the other workers expertly processing so many people.

Oh, the people; or whatever they were. Portants like me, I supposed.

There were all sorts from fairy to werewolf, centaur to merman, human to ogre; my eyes didn’t know where to start as I absentmindedly cataloged each new fantastical species I saw. I stopped counting at thirty different types, there were just too many to keep track of and, after the person -Portant- in front of me, it was my turn..

“Full name?”

“Jin Azuma.”

“Temporary ID please.”

I presented the requested item and held it up so the Auspice could scan it, my full name now printed in clean, black lettering in a bold font to the right of my picture so it was easy to read in passing. Like a driver’s license or employee ID.

“Your Designation will be determined next, go ahead and step up to any of the free kiosks you see and answer the questions; if you don’t remember or don’t know just feel free to press skip, alright? Help’s only step away so don’t hesitate to ask for it if you need or want it.”

I nodded and gave the Auspice my sincere thanks, moving myself down the long line of Portants already stationed at various kiosks and stepping up to the first vacant machine I came upon. Following the instructions given by the screen, I scanned my ID and fingertips, glancing around me to see if there was anyone else still curious about what this all was about or if I was just being paranoid.

Is this really what death is like?

There were a few who were curiously looking around like I was, marveling at the different kinds of people and creatures around us or carefully pressing buttons on the screens of their kiosks; leaning forward to answer verbally if their species didn’t have fingers to press with. (I had to force myself not to stare.)

The place we were in was so strikingly vast that I couldn’t see any walls at any end no matter which way I looked, only a never ending sea of processing stations, people, clean greyish tile, and no charge vending machines every couple of feet.

The kiosks and checkpoints seemed to go on forever, or at least for as far as my eyes could see which was -admittedly- quite far since I was on the taller side and there was no upper level to obstruct my view.

It was like a never ending airport sans the heavy sense of jet lag and overall weariness of the patrons therein; an airport with far better customer service and upgraded technology but an airport nonetheless. At least, that was the best comparison my mind conjured for the moment, the surroundings somehow fell between an uncanny familiar and distinctly futuristic.

The questions asked were easy to answer, even if a few made me ponder their meaning and weigh my morals a little too much so by the time I was finished my opinion of my whereabouts was slightly skewed towards human -and creature- testing. (I.E. ‘Would I save my best friend or five strangers?’, that sort of thing but much more professionally worded and not as morbid.)

In my hindbrain, I was reminiscently reminded of those CAPTCHA ‘are you a robot?’ tests when I was asked to scroll through a columned list of basic foods -fruits, vegetables, meats, etc.- and select the ones I favored.

I was careful to make sure every food I picked by name matched the picture paired with it, they wouldn’t catch me on a technicality when discussing a daikon versus a turnip. (Later, I would learn that this was simply to note down my meal plan preferences and that I psyched myself out far too much. Overthinking myself into paranoia as per usual.)

If I had to give a number, I’d say there were about two hundred-ish questions ranging from basic information, hobbies, personal preferences, ethics, and then the morality questions I mentioned earlier.

At the end I was presented with a black screen, white text easily spelling words out at a sedate pace so the user could easily read each one as it was completed and added on to the chain to complete the sentence.

You have completed your questionnaire, would you like to see your results?

(If you have any questions, please press here and it will alert an Auspice to your station.)

I barely lingered for a second before pressing my answer.

Yes