Breathing Space

A month of respite had passed since the midterm exams. Partway into June, the spring flowers had been fully bloomed for weeks, some even ready to go dormant for the next year. Our school also transitioned into summer uniforms, though for me, I still wore a long-sleeved dress shirt with the right sleeve folded to my elbow.

I could recall a day where Mitoma-kun and I walked over to the flower garden where our club meetings were held. We'd meet with Rossi-chan, Natsu-chan, and the club's president; she was an upperclassman, and Natsu-chan's older sister: Hanayo-senpai. They set off to water the plants at the other sections of the school, and Rossi-chan and I were left to do the garden.

"We're almost done with the first semester now," said Rossi-chan, watering the sakura trees.

"That means we got final exams comin' up in a few weeks. Are you ready for that?" I asked, watering the flower shrubs around them; coreopsis flowers.

"I managed to place first in the midterms. The real question is, are you ready for it, Mr. bang average?"

"Hey, rankin' in the exact middle of the first-years is as impressive, if not more, than first. Anyways, I'm not askin' if you're ready for the tests, but the anxiety that comes with them."

"Surely you know that's not true at all. I'm ready for the anxiety to come at me head on!" she shouted in confidence. "The tests we've been having in class have become less and less stressful, especially since I had Hanamaru-chan help me before and afterwards."

"I'm glad you told her your problems. Though, from what you've been sayin' to me, seems like she's even more overprotective now that she knows what you suffered through before."

"I don't mind the constant babying she's doing. I have no right to complain, since I caused a great deal of pain when I told her. I'm happy that I did, my mind would've exploded if I kept that secret any longer."

I don't know why, but my upper lip quivered upwards.
"How did you explain it again? You said somethin' like, 'If the world was flat, and all the oceans waterfalled off the edge into space, that's what Natsu-chan's tears were like'? What a weird analogy, but it makes sense."

"Be happy you didn't have to experience that with her. At least Atsui-kun didn't maul over your knuckle problem."

"I seem to remember your lectures and harsh words when I told you about it. I would've preferred a beatin' from Mitoma-kun than have to go through that with you again."

"I'd be more than happy to have that arranged for you."

We finished watering the plants, the butterfly weeds still bare as they had a couple more years. I did notice faint orange on their tips, it seemed like they passed their first stage. We began walking back to the clubroom on the westside of the school. In the opposite direction of other students, I followed Rossi-chan as she parted the sea of oncoming faces into the hallway.

"I think final exams are easier to look forward to, since afterwards we get to enjoy the break!"

"Ah yes, spring, summer, and winter break. Music to my ears."

"There are so many festivals in the summer. If you really think about it, Kyoto is just one big cultural festival. There's so many places you can visit no matter the time of year!"

I simply nodded and agreed out of instinct. On the journey back to the clubroom, things were silent, which was normal for me, but she'd usually be the one talking. I rethought about what she had said earlier, thinking she might've wanted some kind of response that I didn't give her.

"What did you mean about what you said earlier, about the festivals?"

She stopped in her tracks, I hadn't noticed until a couple steps later. When I turned around to face her, she stared blankly into my eyes. She held the water pail behind her back, and she leant forward ever so slightly.
"Did you think I meant something? Fufu, you really need to interact with people more. Not everything has a meaning, and if you make them up, then you'll barrel to misunderstandings. Nevertheless, what I'm going to say does have meaning: Traveling is more fun with friends."

It seemed like I was meant to accept her criticism without argument, which was okay for me, since she was right. Natsu-chan's advice to listen to Rossi-chan's words carefully did lead to problems at times, because I would be cautious at every turn, and it became exhausting. Looking back, I suppose I wasn't meant to always take things literally.

At the clubroom, the others were already relaxing. This clubroom had gone through a makeover around the time I and the others joined. It appeared to be more of a VIP room of a night club. The windows were curtained with black faux silk and the floor was covered by refined tatami mats for one half, and carpet on the other. Textile sofas with fluffy pillows lined the pastel blue walls of the room; posters of famous celebrities hung everywhere. The ceiling was ornamented with LED light strips.

Rossi-chan and I took our shoes off and put them into the cubbies by the entrance; our schoolbags were hung on hooks next to it. On the east wall was a wooden media chest with a decent looking HDTV, and in one of the cabinets was a laptop and audio speaker. On the west wall, Mitoma-kun opened a locker – typically for cleaning supplies – and took out his Karuta box.

Looks like he wants a rematch.
I looked at an interactive whiteboard next to the locker and saw a tally score with both our names on it. I'm still two points ahead of him. Guess he wants to lessen the gap.
As an act of courtesy, I got down to my knees on the tatami mat with my palms on my thighs and elbows pointed outwards.

He followed my same stance as he sat a meter before me and placed the box between us.

I heard Natsu-chan behind me mutter,
"Ya guys are back at it again? Y'all're a pair of masochists who enjoy the stress that comes with this crap competitive game."

"Hey, Dumbmaru," called Mitoma-kun, "just because I wiped you despite have'n a handicap doesn't mean this game is crap. You are."

"Hah? Ya want to repeat that? I coulda beat yer overconfident butt anytime if I really tried!"

Rossi-san crouched behind me and put one hand on my shoulder. I turned my neck to face her, and caught a whiff of her floral scent. My mind raced through the pages of her calendar, trying to pinpoint which species of flora the smell could've related to. I still wasn't good at flowers, but she had been teaching me whenever we had time at the club; Lavender.

"You better win again. Despite her going at Atsui-kun's neck all the time, Hanamaru-chan supports him when he's not around. Of course, I've been supporting you. Don't let me down, m'kay?"

If I wanted to, I could cry at that very moment. Solidarity for a year was a mental toll the human mind couldn't live with for much longer. Stress and trauma caused me to lose logical reasoning and replace it with logical doubt. Everything I thought made sense to me, but it was simply doubt that prevented me from thinking I'd ever recover from the trauma if I had faced it. The truth was that I could recover, but it took me a year to do so.

The past month was a breathing point for me to catch my breath. I would've preferred if things had stayed as they were, day-to-day, but that was no way to move forward, that was a way to stay paused. There was something I wanted to ask from the other members of the club, but it was still too early to do so. Not because I wasn't – or they weren't – ready to hear it, but because I'd rather do it after exams were over, and summer approached.

Bear in mind, at that point of my life, I hadn't had friends for a year, since I broke away from my old group before summer break. My summer then was spent in my room like I was a shut-in with depression, the only difference was I wasn't diagnosed. I'd do everything I could to ensure that solitary summer wasn't repeated in high school. Little did I know how that'd bite me in the butt, because I was nowhere near ready to handle a summer with friends.