A Macaroni Noodle

I think I’ve made her mad. Something about the way she pushed me down and brought herself on top of me felt like more than just a sexual desire. She had the eyes of someone who felt betrayed or indignant, and I knew it was because of me since I was the one subjected to this interrogative stare.

“Honest?” I kept my voice down to not disturb Imani. “What are you doing? My daughter is right there.”

I look over to check if Imani was still distracted, but there was no need to worry, as she was instead resting her head at the other end of the sofa, possibly even napping.

“Carmine.” Sofía held me by the head, refocusing my attention on her.

“What?” My heart sunk out of fear for what was to come.

I was expecting a lot of things. Usually, a move like this from her would end up with some clever teasing. She could mention I haven’t made dinner, that I look cute, that I have something on my face, or that I smell just like her from using the same shampoo. One of those things that would make my heart flutter once again and then ground me back in my place as just a friend would be perfectly fine with me. I enjoy those little things she does and would be glad to be strung along a little more just for fun. 

She stared back at me, and her full lips began to spread as if to say something. I tried to predict her first words, but without a warning, she brought her lips to mine and made my fantasies a reality. 

Something inside me erupted, this hot sensation was beyond my body’s ability to register, and I lost myself in her, letting her take my mouth over hurdles of disgust I’d easily have failed if it weren’t for her guiding tongue. The type of kissing that would make people turn away in public.

I don’t believe I’ve ever kissed someone this way before, this was an entirely new type of expression of love, one that tasted like desperation. I guess that was my answer. It didn’t feel real that we were drawn to each other this much within such a short time. Maybe she was used to this sort of thing, and I was another routine snack, the flavor of the week, and that hurt. I thought what we had going before was natural, something I could be proud of even if it was just a simple friendship. Instead, I was being suffocated, and I didn’t put up a fight, because maybe this was the closest I’ll get to feeling something that resembled love. I supported her by her yielding waist as she pulled away from the kiss so we could take a breather, then we resumed our session like it was our duty. At this point, I just wanted to take away all that I could get before reality caught up to me. Then it did.

I remembered Laychel’s call, and like a snap from hypnosis, I awoke to my senses and gently pushed Sofía away. I felt awful to do so, and even more so when I felt her body try to sink back into me for more, but I was adamant that it needed to stop. Committing to something like this is ignorant to the mistakes I made in the past, and before I can really delve into this kind of love, I first have to be sure I don’t hold on to any regrets. My body might desire Sofía right now, but the person in my mind I owe everything is Laychel.

A deep sense of virtue took hold of my throat. “No more. This isn’t right.” I pleaded. “I can’t be doing this.”

To some kind of loss in translation, or even an attempt to disregard my warning, she crossed her arms and brought her hands to either side of her top, and began to lift it off, slowly revealing every inch of her upper abdomen until the underside of her bosom started to partially bulge out. It was the most exhilarating milliseconds of my life, but before she went any further, I swiftly took her hands and brought them back down along with her top, preventing a disaster, and tantalizing my inner teenager. Had I let her go any further, I’d have lost my mind. It was already hard enough trying not to send the wrong signals with how my blood was dancing inside me.

Sofía held her arms across her chest, realizing what she was about to do, and looked ashamed. “We can still go to my room.” She said, still loosely stuck in her ways.

“Seriously Sofía, enough is enough. No more playing around.” I lifted myself up, and now at equal eye level, I made sure she could see how serious I was.

Sofía stayed frozen in shock, she had come to a new revelation, or she heard something she knew, but didn’t want to hear. When the ending theme song to Private Polliwog started to play, and the flashing colors from the TV cast onto us, it made it easier for me to see her face and how she felt, but what I witnessed brought everything around me to a screeching halt. The reflection of the casting lights glimmered over her cheek as tears rolled over.

“Sofía.” I placed my hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, but it was far too late, and she began to bawl.

Her crying was broken momentarily with a frenzy of gasps, then followed up by a rising whine.

“Do you not like me?” She hiccuped. “I thought for sure you did!” Her speech was impaired by an involuntary sniffle and cough, her airways likely stressed.

Without a clue of what to say, I sat in silence as I witnessed her fall apart, releasing everything on her mind. She was in constant motion, rubbing her eyes. How surreal. One moment we’re moving along smoothly and having fun, next we’re shattered to bits and a complete mess. It was like a switch flipped inside her. What did I do?

“I screwed up didn't I?” Sofía continued, now berating herself over expectations that I never set. “Am I not good enough? Am I still too weird?"

"Sofia--"

"And now you hate me, and want to leave, and you'll just go to Laychel!"

"Laychel?" I flinched. "What are you talking about? Did you listen in on my call?"

Things got worse as I picked at her brain, and she knew she gave away too much information, so when I shined a light on it, she was set ablaze, slinging out as many apologies as she could with her failing voice.

“I’m sorry, please don’t be mad!”

“I’m not ma-“

Her cries grew louder, blocking any chance for me to speak up. I couldn’t believe how much of a crybaby she was, and at this point, I was fed up trying to settle things down. As I patiently sat with Sofia and her breakdown, I felt the weight of Imani shift on the sofa as she turned to stretch her body.

“Hnnngh!” She threw out her legs and arms, bending like a macaroni noodle on her side.

Imani is a heavy sleeper, but there are limits, and once the volume got to something able to drown out the TV show, Imani would eventually awaken.

“Fwogs?” Imani looked around searching for the source of the crying.

Hearing Imani’s voice, Sofía hid her face and held in her cries. 

“Why you sad?” Imani started to slip backward off the sofa like a slinky, looking at Sofía whilst upside down. Then she gasped, “Did Private Polulu died?"

"No, Polulu didn't die. Sofía is just-" I look back at Sofia to evaluate the situation. 

One of my hands was on her hip, and the other on her shoulder, and she was holding in her tears as she sat on my lap. Our situation was pretty awkward, and if we were seen by anybody with a little more sense, they could probably pick up some bad vibes from this. Luckily that isn't the case, and I quickly found a reply to Imani.

"Sofia is hungry, very hungry, so I think I'll make us dinner."

"I'm hungI too papa-oomf" Imani eventually hit the ground after slipping down, bumping her head, and then giggled as a result. She was in some sort of sleepy drunk state. "Don take too long or I'll kwai too."

"It's gonna be a little while Imani."

Imani was now lying on the carpet once again and pointed at me with her foot to criticize me. "You alwaysh take long time with nuggies."

"They have to cool down Imani, you'll burn your mouth.”

"Too long!"

"I'm not making nuggies today though, so it'll still be a little while."

"No cooling down!"

I groaned. "Fine, I'll get it done as soon as I possibly can."

Carefully I moved Sofía from my lap to free myself, but before I stood I felt it was necessary to say something, and hopefully alleviate any tension or doubts. I placed my hand on her back and brought her face closer to mine so that I could speak quietly, preventing Imani from listening in.

"Listen, I'm not upset, but what just happened was too sudden. Let's talk after dinner."

"You're not going to leave?" Sofía lowered her hands to look back at me, and I saw how puffy and red she was around her eyes.

"Whatever is going on, there must be a good explanation. I can't just leave a friend without hearing them out." I pat her on the back and get up to go to the kitchen

To call her a friend after what we just expressed to each other felt odd, but I wanted to avoid taking any steps backward or forward without a better understanding. I want to do things right this time around by not making any mistakes, and not hurting anyone I care about. Now is my time to change.

“What’s for dinner papa?” Imani calls to me from the sofa as I stand in the kitchen.

“Piri-piri chicken!” I shout back, taking out a large wrapped chicken and dropping it on the counter for dramatic effect. “I'll also be making some baked potato bites. The Chicken won’t be as good if marinated, but I’m dying to try it.”

“Don’t die Papa!” Imani cried.

“I’m not actually dying Imani.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“You hear that Sofía? Papa’s not dying and we’re eating Chicken!” Imani jumped up to Sofía and hugged her out of excitement. “I love chicken, I love Papa, and I love Sofía! I get to eat chicken with Papa and Sofía!”

If only I had Imani’s ability to lighten up the mood. Her sweet innocence, bright smile, and loving aura outweigh all, and I couldn’t be any luckier to have a daughter like her. Sofía recovered quickly and in return held Imani. In her position, I’d have melted right away, and I’m sure inside Sofía is feeling that sort of way. Makes me jealous that I’m over here in the kitchen, but the sight of it makes me happy.

“I hear you, Imani. I love you too!” Sofía squeezed Imani in her arms.