My name is Yousei

Alright, let's get started. If you didn't know, my name is Yousei Kito. I'm turning 17 next month, and I'm a high schooler studying at Orchards High. I'm a pretty normal guy, and I'm able to blend in easier than before. If you're a stranger, then I'm pretty sure I'd appear as a normal guy and probably even make a good first impression. That is if you don't know me. If you did, then that'd be a different story.

You see, I'm suffering from ADHD.
And yes, before you say anything, it's bad.

But apart from struggling to focus and understand basically everything every time, it's not as bad as you'd think. In fact, it's an advantage in some situations. Like a parent or a teacher lecturing you. And sometimes-

"Yousei! Get ready quick, it's time for school!"

My mom's voice comes from downstairs, interrupting my monologue. I roll over in my bed, not wanting to get up. Please God, just let me sleep for this once...

At one point, I give up and reluctantly get out of my bed. Not that I have to, but going to school's better than staying at home. I take off my clothes and get in the shower. I remember reading somewhere that cold showers in the morning are better than hot ones, but I couldn't care less this morning. I crank the knob to the hottest temperature and soak in the satisfying warmth. Ah, hot showers in the morning are the best!

I apply my preferred brand's unscented body wash and rinse myself in the water. I prefer unscented ones because it's less likely to overpower my choice of cologne. Once I'm done, I turn off the shower and walk out naked. I pick up a towel and wipe down my body, whilst simultaneously drying my hair with a hair dryer.

After I'm dry, I walk over to my wardrobe to select some clothing. I go for something non-flashy and comfortable: a grey sweatshirt with black slacks. After putting them on, I apply some cologne. It's important to smell good as a man, regardless of why you're doing so. Once I'm ready, I head downstairs for some breakfast.

My mom's waiting downstairs with some scrambled eggs on toast. I'm enraged.

"Mom, how many times do I tell you, don't serve my eggs with toast! Eggs do not go well with toast."

"Oh, I'm sorry Yousei, I must've forgotten. I'll remove the toast for you."

"Yeah, better do, Mom."

I sit at the table as my mom removes the toast from my eggs. Satisfied, I dig into the eggs. They tasted as bland as ever. But there was something in that blandness that made it feel homely.

"How are they, Yousei?"

"As good as ever, Mom."

The sun shines brightly on me as I walk to school. Somedays I feel afraid that I'll get tanned, but I never do. I see a group of girls in front of me. They wave at me as soon as they notice me. I don't mind the attention. I'm the girl's favorite after al-

"Yousei, WAKE UP!"

I wake up from my dream. For a second I struggle to accept reality, but as I do, I get up instantly.

"Y-yes, Mom!"

I check the time. It's late. I don't have time to shower. I grab a black t-shirt and faded jeans from the dirty laundry box. I spray some cheap deodorant all over my clothes and stumble downstairs. I see my mom eating breakfast as she notices me.

"Yousei, do you know what time it is?"

I rub at the dark bags under my eyes as I look at the clock in front of me.

"It's 9:00 AM."

"And at what time should you report to school?"

"8:00."

"So how late are you?"

"60 minutes."

I walk to school, stroking the bruise on my face. My stomach growls; I haven't had anything to eat. I spot a group of girls walking to school. They make expressions of disgust as they notice my dirty clothing, smelly, unwashed body, and long, unkempt hair. I scowl back at them.
This is my reality.

The school bell rings. My head is planted down on the desk, and I'm looking into the dark abyss, daydreaming of a better life. The teacher announces something, and for some reason, I pay attention to it.

"...So here's the new transfer student! Say hi to Sakura Fujimoto!"

Sa...kura?  My brain processes this name for a moment. It's a name I haven't heard in a while.

"Sakura, introduce yourself."

"Okay, sensei. Hey everyone, my name is Sakura..."

That voice... It's really her. I pinch myself. It's not a dream. It's real. All of it. It's her all right. Rage boils inside me as the memories of what happened that day play in my head. I struggle, no, refuse to believe it.

"Um, Yousei-kun?"

Her voice is right next to me now. I look up at her. How long has it been since I've seen that face?

"What do you want?"

"Uh, sensei said I'm sitting next to you, so I'm just saying hi."

I look her in the eye.

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Uhm, yeah, I..."

I put my head back on the desk. I think she got the hint. She'd better leave me alone now. I've been done with women ever since I made the vow back then. I enjoy being alone. I don't need anyone.

"Uh, Yousei-kun?"

She's not gone yet?

"I don't care if you're not listening, I just wanna say I'm sorry for whatever happened back then..."

I get up and look at her. I'm furious.

"Easy for you to say, isn't it? You don't know the gravity of what you did. It can't be fixed with an 'I'm sorry.' Do you know what you did? You toyed around with three men as if they were your pawns. You deceived one and lied to two of them about you being a high schooler. You can't just apologize and think it's over with!"

Sakura was silent. She looked at me for a moment before silently turning away. I put my head back on the desk again. I had a lot of things to say in order to berate her, but this was the most I could do for now. Unexpectedly, tears came out of my eyes. I was holding them back while answering her apology.
I'm such a loser.

Sakura Fujimoto, in fact, knew the gravity of what she had done back in middle school. She had spent her whole life till now regretting her decisions. Ever since she was diagnosed with AIDS, she had made up her mind to right the wrongs of her past. She had gotten the disease from her mother after her mother had contracted it from her father. The doctor had given her six years to live, and she was on her fifth. She had accepted it and had made it her life's goal to make it up to everyone she had affected.

I put down the paperback I was reading and turn my attention toward the busy canteen. All these people, all these conversations. And there I was, sitting alone at my usual corner table. I scan the room, and someone catches my eye. It's Sakura. She's sitting alone in the far corner of the room. Our eyes meet, and she smiles at me. I frown and look away. It's not gonna work this time. There was always something about her eyes, the way she would hypnotize you. I see her walk towards my table. She takes a seat next to me. I try to ignore her.

"Since it's my first day here, I was looking for a familiar face," she said while opening up a can of orange juice.

"Whatever."

My stomach grumbles. I haven't eaten anything since morning, and Mom didn't give me money to buy lunch at school. Ever since Dad died, we're barely getting by, after all. I clutch my stomach and open up the paperback. I'd forgotten what page I was on.

"Yousei-kun, are you not eating?"

Isn't it obvious? I scan through the paperback, trying to find my page as the sounds fade around me. Sweat trickles down my face. My vision starts to blur.

"Are you alright?"

I can barely hear her voice, it's muffled. I mouth out the words: 'I can't hear you.' Suddenly, I feel a pair of hands on my shoulders. They straighten me out.
D-did I just have a panic attack?

I see a bento box slide in front of me.

"Yousei-kun, you can have my lunch. I'm good."

I dig in without questioning, even if I don't want to. The food feels nourishing as life returns to my body. Sakura watches me eat.

"How many days have you not eaten for?"

I don't answer. I'm too focused on finishing the bento. Once I'm done, I just sit at the table, staring into nothingness. The canteen is empty, it's past lunch period. Sakura hands me her juice and leaves.

What have I done?