No escape!

Welcome to another edition of “There is no escape from reality”!

After last week's outright failure, new contestants are coming directly from the Wakayama prefecture, trying to become the new reigning champions!

They were brought inside our studio blindfolded, so they wouldn’t know what to expect until the clock starts ticking.

Let's begin by introducing these five players! We have conducted a simple questionnaire to get to know them.

Neru! 23 years old. Likes quality-of-life gadgets. Dislikes inconveniences.

Niwashi! 32 years old. Likes animals. Dislikes unkept gardens.

Tenchō! 37 years old. Likes his friends. Dislikes discourteousness.

Yada! 22 years old. Likes nothing. Dislikes everything.

Hai! 25 years old. Likes everything. Dislikes nothing.

(The camera pans to a small fluffy creature wearing a blue wig and a miniature lab coat.)

We will now explain the rules to new viewers just tuning in. Our competitors are locked in a room and must figure out how to get out in less than 60 minutes. Simple, right?

But that’s not all! If they are fast enough and beat the current record, they may take home this fabulous prize: A pair of vacuum shoes!

Look how radiant our competitor Neru is, clapping vigorously! The rest don’t show the same enthusiasm. They must be busy planning the game's strategy. It sure takes a great deal of mental maneuvers to win!

Shall we begin, then? Everyone’s ready? Start the timer!

Our room is completely dark, and the first thing our contestants must figure out is how to turn the lights on. We can watch what they are doing through our wonderful top-of-the-line night vision cameras!

It seems that Neru is the most active element and is searching for clues high and low. To turn on the lights, they must press three buttons simultaneously.

The one planted on the floor is being pressed by Yada’s body, who has just laid down. Very perceptive of her to have found it already!

Neru has finally found the second button in the ceiling by standing over a couple of protrusions on the wall! He is rushing Tenchō to discover the third one.

Tenchō is gesturing that they should take their time and remain calm. But what’s this? He suddenly turned pale. It looks like he had something to do today.

He is screaming about forgetting a delivery, asking to let him out while slamming his fists into the walls! Someone is already cracking under the pressure!

Blink!

And look at that! They have managed to light up the fake torches in the room! Tenchō punched precisely through a hidden compartment on the wall and hit the button!

As you can see clearly now, this room was designed after an ancient Aztec ruin. The walls are made of turquoise stones full of mysterious carvings and religious sculptures, covered with ivy and moss.

But wait! What’s wrong? Tenchō seems to be stunned, staring at Niwashi in stupefaction. He is menacingly walking up to her, who is distracted, caressing Hai’s head. He, he… kneels? He’s promising her he won't rest until he frees the princess from this dungeon. Is Niwashi the princess? Romance blooming on our show is unheard of!

However, she mustn’t have heard him because she started briskly rummaging through her overalls pocket. She took out a small pair of pruning shears, a little scrub brush, a tiny sprayer filled with vinegar, and a wheelbarrow.

How was she able to keep that in that minuscule pocket? She is now trimming the ivy and scrubbing the moss at breakneck speed!

Meanwhile, Neru has found our first clue: a sealed wooden container with a code. It is divided into four sections that can be spun around. Each section has several incomplete figures that have to be lined up in the correct order. To figure out the combination, he has to match half of the figures in the container with the other half depicted on the walls. Will he be able to decipher it?

He’s looking back and forth between the container and the walls. Oh! He decided to give it to Tenchō, who immediately crushed it by the sheer force of his hand! Such a primitive approach, but you can’t deny that they saved precious time with that.

A ruby replica fell on the floor! What should they do with it?

While pruning, Niwashi found a deep hole in the wall! In fact, in the depths of that hole is a hidden statue of an Aztec dog with a bright red eye. Yet, it is missing the other one. Neru stretches his arm inside, but it isn’t long enough to reach it!

You thought it would be that easy, didn’t you Neru? No, no, no… You have to find the sacred staff that is buried somewhere! In each show, it is concealed in a different place, and most contestants struggle so much that they quit on the spot.

But what now? He sat cross-legged, facing Hai. They appear to be negotiating. Neru writes on a torn piece of paper and pushes it face down on the floor. Have I glimpsed the words “carrot crocks” in there? Too bad! Hai is shaking her head in refusal after analyzing his offer.

He scowls and reluctantly shows the number five with his hand. Hai weirdly grabs the ruby with her mouth and goes into the hole! It was inserted in the correct spot!

A sliding door has opened on the floor, and a pedestal is slowly rising right next to Yada! On top of it, there is a golden statue!

Oh no! Yada was bothered by it and kicked the statue to the ground!

Ups… That was a trap! A giant trapdoor opens on their feet, and our competitors fall into a narrow corridor. Tenchō, who has landed on the ground first, manages to catch the rest so they don't get hurt. What a gentleman! And he’s particularly cautious with Niwashi!

It's time for what our most experienced viewers have been waiting for: 

Release of the Aztecs!

Not any regular Aztecs, no sir! These are forty debt collection Aztecs! Every single one is wearing glasses, a tie, and a briefcase. They supposedly want to pawn the contestants’ houses to pay for a debt that expired in 2012. They begin madly chasing them.

Our players may scream that they don’t know what we are talking about, but that won’t stop them! They're running for their lives towards a light that is getting closer and closer. Neru is holding surprisingly well, considering Yada is being carried over his shoulder!

Niwashi is about to get caught… but an unexpected twist happened, ladies and gentlemen! Tenchō steps forward and opens his arms to block them from Niwashi, sacrificing himself.

Let’s watch the replay:

"Ru… Never forget… the meaning of Christmas…” he pronounces his last words as the raging mob swallows him.

“Nooooooo, Tenchō!” screams Neru. “Your sacrifice won’t be in vain!”

He wipes his tears, turns around, and seems to have recovered straightaway.

Don’t worry, folks. They are just paid actors.

Alas, they have finally reached the last room! It is enveloped in burnished gold, and a totem pole with five heads stands in the middle. We will activate the third head in the form of an eagle.

“I commend your effort for making it this far. But the door outside is blocked until you answer my riddle correctly. You only have one chance, so think wisely.

What would you say

If I told you that rainbows were grey?

Or that the only way to the North Pole,

Is through a rabbit hole?

To solve this riddle, you must fail,

You can try, but to no avail.

Dismiss this state of confusion,

Do you know the solution?”

Neru is hesitant to answer since they only have one shot.

"No!"

It appears that Yada suddenly intervened! But is that it...?

Ding-dong!

“Congratulations, you may leave.”

There is still hope, and only 30 seconds left on the clock to beat the previous record! Will they make it? Just one person needs to leave to win! Neru is sprinting to the door!

BAAAMM!!

“Tenchōōōōō!!”

What is happening? A group of hooligans with rolling pins broke the wall and invaded the studio!

“Oh, you guys… I can always count on you!” cries Tenchō, coming from the corridor and dramatically hugging them.

What a turn of events! Unfortunately, the team will have to be disqualified. And they were so close, too… But don't give up! You can always play one more time if you're lucky enough to answer the call again!

(Neru is devastated, pounding his fist on the ground. Baba is tapping him, asking for the snacks. Yada is sleeping. Niwashi trims the golden room’s exotic plants.)

That’s all for today, folks! Tune in next week for more. After all, there is no escape from reality! Bye!