Heartbreak Bench

I knew it was going to be difficult, but this is reaching beyond me right now. By wanting to shape the mold to its perfect state, you ended up searching too far into yourself, not knowing whether what you find will be enough.

What does it mean to create something beyond yourself? For the past hours, I couldn’t think of anything else. Sitting here surrounded by distant conversations and colorless sights alike, I wonder how it’d turn out if I didn’t enter into such a commitment.

The silence at the house helped, but I just couldn’t come up with anything at all. One moment I’d be staring at a blank canvas, the next 48 minutes I’d be mindlessly sculpting away at the block of clay. Couldn’t make anything, nothing.

Each moment I laid my eyes on a whitened surface, the ever-so-blank would eat up my inside. So tell me, how can I make something I can be proud of?

“Great advice, but I’m already on a break.” Talking particularly to the bag of steaming buttered potatoes beside me.

“You know, thanks for listening! You’re like the best ever friend yet from all the corner stalls.”

The melted butter fragrance floating along the steam made them a much better comforter than anyone. Soothing the heart together as the sun starts to set, retreating its gift from the town it set foot upon.

I love it much better here than up there. Though I couldn’t think much here either, the passing by of children and the flowing of river mended together what my home couldn’t. I feel more with the sky here, true to its name of being a popular spot after a heartbreak.

“What’s this? Being all sentimental.”

To be honest, I thought I was watching myself work from a distance. So far away that even if I try to reach my hand out, the distance would be all the same. Like watching a puppet with no strings attached, no master in sight.

“At least I still have enough time to figure things out.” Biting away at the now-cooled potatoes.

Such euphoria, who would’ve known that melted butter tastes even creamier from the inside. The look itself could deceive a person; the taste warms my mind much like the surrounding warmth. Orange tinted the ocean blue, soft and translucent together with the clouds.

From a distance, shadows start to creep under the tree, telling me that it’s time to call it a day. I would’ve loved a few ideas, but let’s not ask for so much. I’m fine with this, with what I have now.

“Wow, my arms are feeling much better now.”

It’s nearly sunset yet people continue to roam around the street. Everyone looked so content. Each and every person has lives of their own, so the street is painted with different colors and vibrancy.

“I wonder what colors I’m leaving.”

As the steps start to scatter, a familiar blue caught glimpses of my eyes, holding bags of what appeared to be groceries. Her pale blue stretched shorter than in the morning.

“Woah, it really is a small town.”

She seemed surprised when I called out to her. By not expecting anyone, I caught her in a pretty awkward situation but still, she greeted me back with a composed smile.

“It’s getting late Miyazaki-san, are you heading back to the restaurant?”

“Yep, I was just restocking our groceries.”

“I thought as much. Here, let me help with those.”

“Ryusei-san! I can’t. Weren’t you heading somewhere else?”

“No, I was on the way home. Besides, the restaurant is close anyway”

“…. That’s right, but it’ll take longer for you to get up..” As if pushing me back, she distanced herself for a bit.

“It’s fine, Miyazaki-san. I don’t mind spending more time outside.” 

The look on her face as I snatched away half the bags in her hands...

Her reluctance was, to say the least, considerate. But standing in the middle of the street had me a bit scared, as if the world is caving in on us. Yet I don’t know what it is I’m feeling, but I had looked forward to meeting her.

“Ryusei-san, were you outside since this morning?”

“Yes, I was. How did you know?” Genuinely surprised.

“Well, I just have a hunch that you did.” Her voice ever so calm as always.

“That’s scarily accurate, Miyazaki-san. Are you sure you didn’t inherit some kind of power from Gramps?”

“That sounds like something he’d say, that’s true!” as she laughs amongst the crowded street.

“So what were you doing out?”

“It’s one of those days. I just want to clear my head with a side of buttered potatoes.”

“Speaking of which, would you like some?” Lifting the already cooled, no, now cold potatoes.

“Thank you, Ryusei-san. But I’m not fond of potatoes.”

Not fond she says. Sigh. Even if no one appreciates you, I will never abandon you, friend.

“… I understand, Ryusei-san. It’s the same with me. Sometimes I’d just want to be free but with a side of sweet buns”

“Sweet buns, huh. I didn’t take you for a sweet’s girl, Miyazaki-san.”

“I don’t eat them often; they make my brain hurt but I love them on rainy days.” Her face assumed a painful expression.

“Do you also like to be out when that happens?” Oh no, I asked her a sensitive question.

“Hmm, it depends. Sometimes I like to walk by the river or haul myself up in my room for the whole day.”

“What about you, Ryusei-san?”

“For me, I’d either go up to the shrine above the hill or go down to the infamous riverside.”

“Infamous riverside…you mean the heartbreak bench?! So you were down there today, I assume.” Lightening the atmosphere as she speaks.

“I was. I wonder why people call it that. It can’t be as simple as a spot you’d always go to whenever someone breaks up with you.”

“Contrary to the name, Ryusei-san. The story is actually of a husband and a wife. The husband had a huge argument with his wife and later that night, after he sat on the bench, they got back together again. Moral of the story, the bench was supposed to be a mediator to those who break up.”

“Mediator… Do you believe in such a fairytale, Miyazaki-san?”

“I don’t think it’s a fairytale at all, Ryusei-san. The story may be old, but I believe that the husband figured out a solution after he got a breath of fresh air.” Her eyes akin to glassy shards.

“That’s a great way to look at it, Miyazaki-san. I hadn’t thought of that at all. I only believed that all the bench was for was to soothe the hearts of the broken.”

“It could go both ways, Ryusei-san. It just depends on who’s sitting on it. Either way, I hope that all those souls find themselves whole again.”

“You’re right, Miyazaki-san. I hope so too.”

Walking like this made the world around me a little slower. Maybe it’s because it’s been a while since I’ve walked with anyone like this, but it’s great to breathe once in a while, together with the firelit clouds.

“Ah, here we are. Thank you for helping me, Ryusei-san.”

“No need to thank me, I just wanted to help. Let me carry it to the back.”

It’s odd. The warmly lit place has no one despite being near close to 6. Normally you’d expect more people on a Saturday evening, but I guess they closed early today.

“Ah, Akio. What are you doing here, son?” Standing by the corner as aroma steams from the grilled dish.

“I met your granddaughter on the way here, Gramps. So I decided to help her.”

“Yeah, thanks to Ryusei-san that the way here felt short.”

“Ryusei-san, that’s what you’re calling him now, Selene?”

“Yeah, Grandpa. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

“You’re right. You’re right. You kids stay put now; it’ll be done in a bit. Thanks, Akio, for helping out.”

This sly fox. For some reason, I’m having a hunch that some of the events weren’t exactly coincidental, especially when he’s smiling so freely.

“Alright, Miyazaki-san. Take care, I’ll get going now.” Leaving the white cover behind.

“Hold on, Ryusei-san. Please stay for dinner, it’s the least I can offer.”

“It’s alright, Miyazaki-san. Mom is probably back by now.”

“Don’t worry, Akio. Knowing you, you probably had nothing but stall food anyways. We have no customers, so stay.”

Yup, he’s got me.

“Okay then, thank you for having me.”

“It’s a pleasure!”

“Wait, why do you guys close so early on a Saturday.”

Both look straight at each other as murmur continues, leaving me out to search my head on what it is that I missed. I’m sure that I didn’t miss anything, yet it continued on for but a moment within this golden-filled house.

“Ryusei-san, it’s Sunday.”