Aftermath of A Visit

Cyan had immediately brought me tea the moment we’d returned and she’d asked if I wanted it.

It was warm and soothing as she fluttered and fussed around me, hyperactive with a mothering tendency and maybe a touch of guilt as she wrapped me in a blanket, showered me with tissues, and made multiple offerings of candy to my morose figure.

I really wasn’t upset at her, I understood what her intent was and -to be fair- I had been feeling emotionally stable beforehand; stressed, yes, but if asked I would have absolutely pounced on the opportunity to see my family and friends again.

Hindsight was twenty-twenty, but I was actually relieved that it happened how it did. I’d really needed the release of a good cry and it would’ve been worse if I’d been given time to mentally prepare myself; no amount of time would have been enough and I would still be struggling if I hadn’t been able to just let it all out.

“Cyan…”

“Yes! Anything you need? More tea; a candy?”

“No-thank you, it’s okay, please–sit down.”

She fretted some more, wings buzzing impossibly fast as I saw her visibly rack her brain for other comforting things she could bring me.

“I promise, I’m feeling fine now; I think I just need some answers.”

She instantly sat down, full attention even more completely attuned to me as she nodded seriously, taking my hand again now that she knew it was something I was okay with.

“That’s good to hear; ask away, Birdie, whatever you want to know.”

I considered my words for a moment, running the pinkie of my free hand along the rim of my cup as I tried to decide where I wanted to start; better to begin with a basic question just to confirm a few things.

“So, when people die, they come to Oeuvre, right?.”

She shook her head.

“No, not everyone.”

Oh, that wasn’t what I was expecting at all.

“Then… who?”

Then why am I here?

Cyan fiddled with her own cup filled with sweet, syrupy liquid, she’d explained that the contents were a refined form of plant nectar when I had asked between lingering hiccups and a couple soiled tissues.

“As I’m sure Jun explained, Oeuvre exists in a place between physical worlds.”

They’d said this multiple times so I nodded.

“Because of Oeuvre’s intangible form, we monitor all of the places and planets around us–which is an endlessly vast amount, by the way. We… We can't predict the future but we calculate probability; sometimes things just happen so fast that we can’t prepare for it no matter how many contingencies we have. There’s so many…”

For the second time since I’d known her, there was genuine regret in Cyan’s expression as she seemed to drift for a moment before returning to where we were together; her dainty fingers wrapping tightly around three of mine from index to ring.

“The planets are endlessly vast and the ones who don’t get to say goodbye deserve a second chance; they’re called Displaced because we value goodbyes, and if we can’t get there in time, that’s taken away from them. So instead of Passing On before they’re ready, they come here– both to hear the farewells from the ones they held close and to fulfill a purpose they didn’t have time to choose while they were alive; they stay until they’re ready to go.”

She petted her fingers along mine soothingly, reminding me of the way an older woman might count the stitches of her yarn project as the evening hours were casually whittled away.

“So no, not everyone who dies comes to Oeuvre and stays; only the ones who aren’t ready to Pass On and have the innate desire to help within them. Some who have the potential to help only come to say goodbye before they’re ready to go but that’s what Processing is for.”

I nodded slowly, carefully picking apart Cyan’s words to make sure I understood them.

“How can you… who gets to say goodbye–or, how can you know who does? Why not everyone?”

She frowned, tilting her head quizzically.

“Didn’t your Guide explain what a Reaper is?”

“...no?”

There was heavy silence for a moment before my words seemed to click in the Fairy's mind.

She huffed, eyes squinting into something that I couldn’t decide was irritation or maybe the highest form of slow, malicious satisfaction, The latter was equally -if not more- unsettling than her serious expression and I was beginning to feel highly concerned for whatever might happen next.

“I see; hold on, Birdie.”

Her expression was soft and sweet when she addressed me before she looked away and concentrated intently on something else, fingers tapping in an eager and impatient way against the band on her wrist as she waited. A sly sort of chuckle was muffled under her breath as her hailing connected.

“Yeah, hi Jun, I think I’m gonna need you to get over here like now-don't sass at me. Since you didn’t explain everything before you handed Jin off to me, he’s a bit confused; and how am I supposed to instruct if my apprentice hasn’t been properly Guided?”

I couldn’t hear what Jun was saying on the other end but I felt highly inclined to do some correcting, panic mounting at a steep incline the more I had to look at the giddy shine in the Fairy’s eyes that spoke of some pre-existing rivalry I had no knowledge of.

“Wait-Cyan, it wasn’t like that. Hi Jun! I promise I didn’t say anything like that! It’s-”

She flew towards the other side of the room and I scrambled after her, tripping over the blanket tucked around me and almost face planting as I pursued.

“Good, we’ll be expecting you soon~”

I assumed their ‘call’ ended because Cyan stopped dodging me. I made a frustrated expression and waddled back to my chair.

There wasn't enough time for me to gather myself and begin to form a correction before a great clatter was heard from the corner of the room and both of our attention was drawn to the noise.

“I dearly hope there is an extremely convincing explanation as to why my name and aptitude as both an Auspice and Guide is being besmirched in such a way, for your sake I hope it is particularly persuasive.”

Though I did nothing wrong, I still had to fight the urge to duck away guiltily at the Auspice’s sour expression, tawny wings fading into nothingness as the door to the room we were currently in slammed shut; I didn’t know how, Jun hadn’t even touched the door since it had just opened when they appeared. Maybe it matched the mood of the one entering or exiting.

“Oh, come now! Besmirched is such an unnecessarily extensive word.”

Cyan was nothing but pleased and lighthearted like a child who had gotten away with something particularly sneaky; or -as I was beginning to understand- a Fairy who had found out a particularly pleasing tidbit.

“-but while we’re on the topic, would you care to tell me why Birdie doesn’t know what a Reaper is?”

Her scarlet eyes positively danced with triumphant amusement and I was even more surprised when I saw Jun’s answering expression; incredibly begrudging with a dash of homicidal intent. I hadn’t known Jun's face was capable of such a non-passive emotion.

“Oh um-Cyan, I can tell you that-”

I interjected quite pathetically from behind my chair since I -frankly- had no clue what was going on; I had shuffled behind it at Jun’s abrupt entrance and had not yet gained the witherwil to actually sit down in the fear that I might be targeted by association if I made too much noise.

I might as well have not bothered since they both ignored me.

“Of course I have a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why, Cyan. Simply– he wished to rest after a brief explanation of what his duties as a Cupid entailed and I -as a responsible Guide- granted him his preference as to not overload his Human sensitivities.”

“...hey.”

I, once again, piped up weakly, not feeling as offended as I probably should have given that I was presently wrapped in a blanket with puffy eyes and blotchy cheeks from having what could only be explained as an emotional meltdown over reconfirming my own death.

“Conversely, could it be that you overloaded him with a Visit before he was emotionally ready for the trip? I transferred him to you in perfect condition and look at him now!”

Jun’s -dare I say- embarrassed blustering continued as a gesture was made in my direction, my sorry state spotlighted in a rather exposing way as I wiped at my eyes and smoothed down my shirt in an attempt to present myself in a better light.

Cyan was fluttering her wings progressively faster in her excitement and Jun had leaned forward so they were nose to nose, practically breathing spitting in each other’s face.

Help, Mommy and Daddy were fighting? I think?

“What do you have to say about that, Cyan.”

“Oh, well silly me for just thinking that you maybe made a mistake ‘oh, great one’ with all your sarcastic comments and scathing looks; would it kill you to just admit that you-”

“Guys!”

I had finally mustered enough courage to speak up, raising my voice loud enough to jar the two of them out of their staring as their attention snapped to me; blazing blue and red quickly being mellowed down to reasonable as the object of their bereavement was no longer at the center of their attention.

“From my viewpoint over here, I think there’s just been some misunderstanding on both ends so… why don't we work on figuring that out without– all the shouting."

Then I plopped back into my seat, slightly winded but satisfied to see that both of them at least had the decency to look a little contrite; Jun rocking back on their heels self consciously and Cyan dialing her wing speed back so they no longer buzzed like an overactive electric fence.

There was silence for a beat, tension leaking out of the room like air from a balloon as both Auspice and Instructor shrunk in on themselves marginally; deflated like the aforementioned balloon now divested of air.

Jun spoke first, pale skin coloring pink as they pushed their hair behind their ear and lowered their gaze apologetically.

“Yes, you are correct, Jin. I… I apologize, Cyan, my emotions seemed to run away from me for a bit; that was extremely unprofessional of me and the fault of information not being shared does lie with me regardless of the circumstances. I should have simply acknowledged my fault and allowed you to grant me space for explanation before being so easily goaded into defensiveness.”

Cyan pressed the back of her hands to her cheeks to cool them since they had colored up from her exuberance, looking far less unstably manic as she absently fiddled with her blazer and gave an almost shy sort of chagrined smile.

“Yeah… me too, I’m sorry for jumping on you so hard the first time you slipped even the tiniest bit out of place, everyone’s entitled to make mistakes and that includes you. You’re a really good Guide and we both know it, it was out of line for me to razz you so hard about it and it won’t happen again, promise!”

She grinned brightly, expression turning playful.

“...on duty.”

They both seemed to look to me for approval, like children seeking a pat on the head from their parent or teacher once amends were made. It was almost ‘aw’ worthy to see the two of them so tame right after they had been nearly at each other’s throats.

Jun made a small motion with their hand, drawing our attention back to them as they spoke.

“I would… like to further apologize. A Visit is a crucial part of integration and is extremely taxing on any Herald regardless of the time performed; I trust your professional assessment and very much regret lashing out. It was… unacceptable. Please forgive me.”

They gave a repentant bow of their head, turning to Cyan and holding the position for a moment before they straightened.

“Oh–stop it! You're going to make me cry!”

And then all was right on Oeuvre once Cyan squeezed Jun into a reluctant embrace that seemed uncomfortably tight even from a fairy barely half of the Auspice’s height. Cyan had whispered a few more things to Jun while they were close, words I couldn't hear from where I was sitting although Jun's serious nod paired with the encouraging squeeze of her hand led me to believe it was another apology or something to that effect.

They decided to finish answering my inquisitions together since Cyan’s knowledge was largely Cupid based and Jun could provide an expert repertoire of everything else should I have any questions about it.

My tea was refilled, Cyan’s nectar replenished, and Jun produced a package of what turned out to be chocolate cookies from somewhere for us all to share. (I still didn’t know how they did that.)

“So… I guess we should start with what a Reaper is?”

I offered an easy entry back into the main topic, hoping to get the conversation back on track now that everyone was friends again. Or, at least on speaking terms if not friends given how Jun and Cyan were bickering over the distribution of the cookies. (“I brought them, if there is an uneven number I deserve to have the overhang.” “Whaaa? How can you bring something to share and still be so stingy about it!”)

Going by how easily they did, it seemed to be the norm and not anything serious; friends then.

As a distant thought, it amused me to think of how Cyan would react if I told her the way Jun had quite easily accepted our status as ‘friends’ when she, no doubt, would’ve had to fight tooth and nail for the title.

I ended up eating the last cookie while they were arguing; it went unnoticed so I was inclined to believe they enjoyed bickering for the sake of it versus legitimately arguing over whatever they were spatting about.

“Yes, I think that is an excellent place to start, Birdie.”

“I concur.”

“Good.”

“-anyway! A Reaper?”

They sobered their expressions and seamlessly transitioned into the former Guide and Instructor I had met on first impression, silently conferring with one another before Jun leaned forward marginally and began to speak; the mood in the room shifting serious.

“Reapers are the harbingers of death however far in your future it may be, that seems self explanatory and -at face value- you could very well take it as a simple synopsis. However, more aptly, Reapers are the Heralds who grant subjects the gift of farewells with the hope of finding peace before their inevitable ends.”

I agreed with the pause here, the words taking their time to dissipate through the air as I mulled over every letter and nodded when I was ready for more.

“For example, have you ever thought of what existence might be like after your death? Had you come to terms that your life was not infallible?”

I think everyone had at least at some point, I could remember distinctly when I had asked my mother what happened after people died when I was still a younger child. Although I remember asking, I couldn’t quite remember what she had said in answer, I guess it hadn’t meant much to me at the time.

“Of course, everyone has, right?”

They both nodded.

“Precisely. That doesn’t specifically indicate that you are going to die imminently, but as a precaution, Reapers aim to transfer these thoughts occasionally to offer the chance for subjects to make amends with their loved ones or straighten affairs in case of an anomaly or unpredictable circumstances.”

So… did that mean that I had been visited by a Reaper some time in my life on Earth? I would have never known…

“So you’re saying– when someone gets old, you go and tell them they’re going to die? Is that where deathbed confessions and regrets come from? That’s you? Or– a Reaper?”

“We never let subjects know precisely that death is coming, we only serve as a reminder to them that it is sure. But… yes, I suppose, a shorter amount of time -a few years for humans- before the approximated end, we introduce the reasoning for them to begin more seriously considering their death; coming to terms with their lives, making peace with departure, etcetera.”

Cyan looked like she wanted to hold my hand again but was restraining herself. I was grateful for the thought but felt better hoarding the warmth from my cup and didn’t want to detach myself from it.

“However,” Jun continued, “it is common for those things -the examples you presented- to be a byproduct of our actions only when coupled with the physical body failing; the finality of the end is jarring but frequently not enough to call Subjects to action. In my wide experience of observation, it is only the ailing of their bodies that urges them to stitch up the remainder of their regrets before they run out of time.”

That was… true, I supposed. A sad truth.

I was quiet after Jun finished and they let me stew in my own thoughts; weighing my regrets and the mistakes I couldn’t determine if I should have hastened to correct or not.

All I could think about was if I had been wise enough to heed the Reaper’s warning when they had visited me or if I had simply run out of time before I could.

Regrets or not, I guess it was too late now.