Beginning

“I really don’t know how i ended up like that”...

I say that words when ı see prettiest girl in the world, she gave me a flower and ask “How do you ended up like that”...

I cant say anything else, ı just look at her and wait for she say something but she just look at me and smile, then she dissapeared...

Next day ı keep thinking about her... What was her name... Why she gave me a flower... Why me...

İ keep thinking for one question answer... Why... İ think in classes... İn breaks... İn lunchtime... But i cant figure it out...

When ı keep think about her, i feel a hand on my shoulder... İ turn to hand owner and see my childhood friend Eri...

She have that look she always have on her face... Shining big eyes, big smile... I never can understand why she so happy all the time... 

She look at me with her big smile and say “Wheres your mind now?” She always say that when i think so much and dont go without an answer...

I try to ignore her and keep walking but she grab my arm and dont let me go “I said wheres your mind now?” I don’t look at her but ı can hear deadly tone in her voice...

I try to save my arm and go but she grab tighter and repeat her question “Wheres your mind now? İs that so hard to answer?” 

I gave a sight and turn to her, ı look at her face with annoyence on my face and “I think about which flower is my favorite”, she open her mouth but she close it without talking when she realise my answer

“What?” She let go of my arm and start look at me with confused look on her face, ı gave a sigh and complatly turn to her “Don’t you want an answer, well ı said it” 

She open her mouth but start laughing “I-I sorry... You say with very serious look... I can’t hold my laugh...” And she keep laughing

I gave a sigh and wait for her laugh done

When she done ı keep look at her with serious look “Look ım serious. I think about flowers... By the way, what’s your favorite flower” She look at me for a moment then she start thinking

“Hmm... I guess... Daffodil... Yes daffodil ı love that” 

“O-Okay...” Then ı feel a hand on my shoulder, when ı turn to hands owner ı see our literatur teacher, miss Chieko

She look at us with her warm smile and “What are you talking about?” She said

She always be a friend more than teacher for her students so its not awkward or scary

We turn to her and Eri smile at her “Miss Chieko we talk about flowers”, then ı cut her sentecnes in middle and start talking “What’s your favorite flower miss” 

She look at us with her warm smile and start smiling “Hmm thats a hard question...” She stop and think for a moment

“I love pink rose... Do you know what pink rose mean?” We just look at her she can say we don’t have any idia

She chuckles at us and “İts mean ı love you... Or as you call it ı have a crush on you”

Eri smile at her and delved into dreams “That’s so cute... I wish someone give me one”, ı pat her head and “Maybe you can have it one day... When you stop being so annoying” she show me her tongue and “You'd be surprised if you knew how many people are running after me”

I gave her a fake laugh “Yes... I deffinetly believe you” When we keep mocking ı heard miss Chieko calm laugh 

“You two seem to be getting along very well, aren’t you?” We turn to her and Eri make her usual big smile “Yes, we know each other sinces ages” 

We can see she deffinetly suprised by her answer “Really... I tough you were cousen or something” 

Eri chuckles at her “Unfortunately, we met in primary school” ı cut her sentecnes in middle “And she stuck in me since this time”

Miss Chieko chuckles again “You two are very lucky” then we heard class bell

Miss Chieko wawe to us and we start walking to our class

When we walk to our class ı start remember about last night... 

“I ALWAYS FORGET ABOUT THAT!”

Eri jump a little when ı yell suddenly “You freak me out! What are you trying to do!”

“Im sorry, ı’ll explain later” then ı start to run opposite direction “I have to catch miss Chieko” 

I run all around to school and look at everywhere she might go but ı can’t find her 

I look for her until end of school but ı can’t find her

I go next to Eri when school is finally end, she still look confused and wait for an answer but this time ı complatly ignore her

“I have to realise this earlier” i think to myself

I don’t talk with anyone until ı come to my home, when ı finally come to my home ı just wawe Eri and go inside

When ı come to my room ı open my secret drawer

I always hide everthing in this drawer so ı call it secret drawer, i rummaged through the things inside and finally found what I was looking for

I take the old notbook ı use fir draw doodles and i bought the flower inside, the ı take the new flower on my desk and compared them

They complatly same, from their height to the number of leaves

Old flower from two years ago, when ı try to kill myself for the first time world most beautiful girl gave it to me and disspaered, new one is from yesterday and most beautiful gave it to me when ı try to kill myself and we have same conversation

“How do you ended up like that?”

“I really don’t know how ı ended up like that” 

Next day of school ı go to school earlier than usually

I search for miss Chieko everywhere but ı can’t find her again

She just like dissapeared

I don’t know how can she do that but if she don’t come herself no one can find her

I finally gave up and sit on the floor

Then someone touch my head, i raised my head and looked at the owner of the hand

I see miss Chieko

I can’t find anything to say, ı just look at her confused look on my face

“Miss Chieko... I...” She look at me with her warm smile and sit next to me

“You can tell me what’s bother you?” She keep looking at me with her warm smile but ı don’t look at her

“Miss Chieko... Have you go to a brich two days ago?”

She look suprised after my answer 

I wait for her response it’s mean world to me

I can answer all of my question with just simple yes or no

She open her mouth and paying attention what she’s going to say

I keep looking at her mouth with all of my attention, just a few second feel ages to me

Then she finally start talking “Why are you ask?”

I feel dissapointment but ı don’t lose my hope, ı have to heard what she’s going to say “Please it’s so important... Please just tell me” ım almost begging her now

She become even more suprised but she don’t show me that and open her mouth her mouth again

Then she close her mouth...

I don’t know what to feel... I feel dissapointment... Hopeless... Unsuccesfull...

Then ı decide look her full face not just her mouth... She looking at me with her calm smile... I can swear for even her eyes smiling to me...

She look at me with her calm... Warmnes smile... And she nod...

Her nod took one second... But it’s feel like ages to me...

I can’t know what to feel, ı feel a lott of thing at the same time... I feel hope... Pride... Succes...

I can’t say anything and keep look at her but she keep smile at me...

“You know a teacher usually don’t give her students flower... But you’re different... Different for me...”

I can’t say anything but ı have to say, ı open my mouth and say the first thing ı can think...

“Would you be sad if ı jump from this brich”

I wasn’t look at her when say this, ım sure that she keep smiling at me but when ı look at her face...

She isn’t smiling... She look cold as ice... Her warm happy eyes... Look dead... I can’t know what to do... What to say... I just can wait for her say something...

She start talking but even her sound is changed... İts heard like someone else voice... İts not warm and calm anymore... İts has no feeling in it... İts cold as ice...

“İf you dare to do something like that again... I push you myself”

Then she stand up and go... I can’t say anything... I just can look at her... İts the first time ı saw her leaving... Before then she always dissapeard...

I just lookibg at her back... Then ı try to do something very risky...

I start run after her... And grab her arm... She being shock... Now me or her no one can’t say anything... I look at her with serious expression on my face...

“Miss Chieko... You’re my chance”

(Everthing start like this)

(Actually its has even more the tell)

(But ı have to start from beginning)

(This is story of how ı met my chance)