In Which An Act Of "Heroism" Pays Off

The next few hours passed by in a blur. Lozen was too shocked to properly grasp what was going on and was convinced it was all a dream because otherwise she must have been living in an entirely different world. The only thing she could recall hearing from that blank period where her sense blurred together was an annoying voice saying "There's no need to hurt her, good people! She's my deputy in a way and despite her unfortunate heritage, she's perfectly harmless!!" That sentence made her flinch before her memories unraveled and she was left stumbled through the paradox of a town with her companions voice ringing in her ears. There was cheering or at least something loud and a horrid smell like that of alcohol and meat, but it wasn't until she heard someone scream something right in her ear that she snapped out of her daze. "HEY, LOKEN!! YOU DEAD OR SOMETHING!?!!" Judas cried out, causing Lozen to jump in her seat apparently, and finally snapped the world around her back into focus.

Panic set in for a second when she saw where she was. It was yet another bar like establishment stuffed to the bursting point with too many obviously drunk delinquents, but the thing that calmed down was what she noticed they were all wearing. Instead of the usual pieces of rotting fabric held together by sweat and loose stitches, they were adorned in fancy garbs of every exotic variety. Royal violets and striking scarlets had been plastered across over complicated dresses and suits with the stench of booze wafting off all of them.

The bar itself was much more open than the one she meet the ghost in. It sprouted out of a corner of the building with the corner hammered into place right where the two walls lined with fancy windows meet and the rest taking up a quarter of the building. Lavish draped adorned the walls facing the street, every seat inside was cushioned to an absurd extent, and every table was a strange poker booth with a raised rim on the outside where drinks and plates were set. A small balcony sprouted above the heads of those seated against the walls facing inward and against the backmost barrier, a large, well manned bar had been placed.

Whatever daze she had been shocked into, Lozen was glad she had enough sensibility to sit herself down in a table shoved into the back of the room. It was resting in the corner opposite to the entrance and had no other living soul seated at it. Key word being living.

It was a hell of a party, with everyone seeming to be dressed up as much as anyone could be around these parts and all of it was for a man whose face they had never seen. Though if anything, that seemed to make his enjoyment greater. "Cause that's a pretty poor excuse not to party." He said, body still covered, but smile on full display. Every word he spoke was polluted with a boastful pleasure he didn't try and hide and it made Lozen feel the first solid emotion she possibly had in hours. "I hate you." She muttered, her face setting on a scowl.

"Why?! I saved your life and got us a party in our honor! What more could you want from me!?"

"How many of these people are willing to give me my money?"

"What are you talking about? Isn't this celebration rewarding enough?"

"You can't pay for food and water with tequila and-" She sniffed the air. "Opium." Judas let out a laugh and slipped a tiny bottle of some black substance that Lozen was pretty sure shouldn't have ingested like that under his cloth mask. He took a swing of the viscous substance and let out a tiny, delighted sigh with the tar staining his mask.

"You're supposed to smoke that." She added.

"Why bother? Not like there's any downsides. Immortality does have its perks. I once swallowed a big bag of rocks and didn't feel a thing."

"Why?"

"Because I could. Obviously. What would you do with what I got?"

"Not swallow a bag of rocks."

"Pussy."

"Does that even do anything for you?"

"Not even a bit. It's more like cracking your fingers at this point. Pointless yet cathartic."

Lozen fell quiet, staring at Judas in amazement and rage before attempting and failing to shove all those emotions down for the moment.

"Is this all some sort of joke to you?"

"God I hope not. I was going for more inspiring than funny."

"Shut up. That little stunt out there shouldn't have possibly worked. How did you do it? Were the people payed off?"

"Ah!! Shit!! I should have thought of that!"

"Judas!"

"Fine, fine. Christ, you need a drink."

He took another swing of the substance.

"I don't need a drink. I want an answer. How did you know those people would do what they did?

"It is too hard to believe that my rousing-"

"Let me stop you right there. I am not asking you how that little Soliloquy-"

"Technically it's a monologue."

"Technically, shut up. How did it managed to rouse all of these people who just happened to be listening in on you at that very moment? Not how you 'amazing speech' didn't do its job, not how amazing you think you are, and most certainly why you think you deserve all of this. Is that clear?"

Judas tilted his head at that, though Lozen couldn't tell if he was being insulting or honestly confused, before he said "Alright. You remember what I said about being to dozens of towns like this?"

"Of course."

"Make that hundreds and you have a better picture. Hundreds of people armed to the teeth and yet to terrified to do a thing about the big bad men who come marching into town. Seen it more times than I've cared to count and every time, all it takes is a dashing rogue to stand up for them to remind them they're worth dying for."

Lozen raised an eyebrow at that, glancing around at the joyous celebration surrounding them and the happy townsfolk who divulged into it, and then continuing "These people were in a firefight not.......how long have I been spaced out?"

"Twoish hours."

"That long ago and now they're acting like it's like one of your holidays. Did no one die in that stunt?"

"Oh yeah. Five of six I think. They're a couple weepers at the bar."

Lozen leaned forward to get a good look at the bar and indeed there appeared to be a handful of people crying their eyes out. Bottles surround them, some were still stuck in their months, but she still found herself bewildered by their existence.

"Do they not need to bury the dead?"

"They are."

"No. They're drowning their emotions in alcohol. Not burying their loved ones in dirt."

"Jesus. I don't know what to tell you, Liren-"

"Lozen."

"No one cares. Anyways, this kind of thing just happens."

"But why couldn't they just attack the first time? You barely killed any of those men anyways, so why didn't these people just shoot the outlaws the first time they came into town!? Who even were those men?!"

"Who cares. You can't argue its not effective".

Lozen opened her mouth to reply, but much to her surprise, no words came to her tongue. It was a dumb idea that was hands down the most complicated suicide attempt she had ever seen, but at the very least......and as much as she didn't want to admit it.....it had worked after all. The deputies had been useless tools, but when the rest of the town came together, they had managed to eliminate those outlaws in five minutes flat. They really were impressive when it came to sheer fighting power, especially after they had spent so long cowering in the dirt. Whatever she had to say, she had to admit that whatever he had done, it had worked. All these frightens children had turned to warriors in barely ten minutes, all because of a deadman proclaiming himself to be a hero.

Still, that didn't put her mind at ease. She ran a hand through her hair, confusing building in her gut and making everything around her feel like it was falling apart, but it stopped when she saw something swung in front of her. A small bottle filled with a brown liquid held by a hand wrapped up in a dirt cloth. "Here. Take it." Judas aside without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Lozen raised an eyebrow at that, wondering if this was yet another joke he thought was oh so hilarious and the deadman didn't miss the gesture.

"Your panicking and over thinking it. You need this."

"I don't tend to drink."

"And I didn't tend to die, but there's a first time for everything."

He shook the bottle like a treat in front of a dog, letting the contents slosh about. Lozen simply stared at the bottle, still expecting him to pour it out in front of her. She was certain she didn't want it up until she took another look around her at all the joyous giggling surrounding her. Even if there were threats out here, she was sure the undead bodyguard she had unintentionally hired could take care of it. She still needed her to find those dregs anyways. So, with a decent amount of hesitation in her heart and regret having already taken root, Lozen snatched the bottle of out Judas's hand before proceeding to gulp its contents down. It somehow tasted like rancid meat and burned her through worse than a handful of cattle brands could have, but it worked almost immediately.

Her nerves stopped screaming her ear by the time she pulled the bottle away from her lips. "God." She said before let out a dry cough. "That works fast." Her voice was getting groggie just as quickly, but she strangely found herself not caring as much. "Wow. And that's just the easy stuff. Have you really never drunk anything before?"

"Nope. I've gotta stay on my toes."

"Yeah. That sounds about right. Mortality can be a bit of a bitch. Certainly explains that whole escape on the roof stunt."

Her heart skipped a beat when she heard that, but shock didn't settle in only partially because of the gin.

"It was better than staying in that death trap."

"Seems a bit heartless."

"Said the man who only saved a town for attention."

"Hey! At least I didn't get anyone killed!"

"Neither did I. And you did. Five people at most."

"Ah formalities."

"You mean lives?"

"Ones you were gonna let die."

"Better me than them."

Judas paused for a minute at that before leaning forward in his chair and continuing.

"Yikes. You wanna try explaining that to those deputies."

"After you tell me their names."

He didn't say a word before leaning back and saying "Alright. Yah got me. I just didn't peg you as the selfish type."

"I'm not." Lozen answered as she took another sip of the liquid vice.

"Then what do you call that?"

"Surviving."

"For the money? That seems a bit selfish."

Lozen froze up again for a moment as she heard that. She tried thinking of a way to deflect the conversation, but her thoughts felt fuzzy for some reason and were hard to get a grasp on. The usual story she used was.....was.......he involuntarily giggled as the effort proved in vain and slumber back in her chair.

"Is is really that funny?" Judas asked and to which she replied "Nah. No. It's not. I'm not selfish. I'm not trying o change the world for the better, just survive in it. Why do you think I want that money?"

"I think you just answered your own question."

"Nah. I've got some people who need me."

"Oooooo. Like a tribe or something?"

"We don't......okay, yeah."

"Holy shit! Really?! That was guess! You got a whole tribe back home?! Where are the others?"

"Other what?"

"Other people who are out getting.....wait, why do you guys need money? Isn't that a 'white mans treasure'?"

"First off, you need to stop saying stuff like that. Second, what else do you suggest we do? Hunt and farm?"

"Well? Obviously."

"Hunt and farm what?"

"...Lizard and cactus?"

"Exactly. We try and make do with what we got and we we don't got anything, I go on out and try and buy it."

The deadman again fell silent, his head bobbing up and down as he looked all over her person once again and sensing the next question, Lozen spoke before he could ask. "Yes. We have other sets of clothes besides fur."

"No. Not that. Although my guess was you stole it off some unfortunate sheriff's son. My question's do you have furs and stuff?"

She sighed, pinching the top of her nose as her annoyance persisted through the slow intoxication before saying "Yes, but I don't take them outside the village. Draws too much attention."

"Where'd you get them?"

"Hunting."

"But you don't hunt."

"Not here of course." Her heart skipped a beat when she realized what she was insinuating and barely had time to add anything before Judas asked the one question she dreaded.

"Then where'd you get the fur? You out of town or something?"

Memories came back again. Fire, blood, the smell of meat being burned, and the sounds of screams that the booze let flow unopposed. Her face grimaced as they started pouring back up from her subconsciousness and her mind started to feel as if it were being crushed. She tried pushing them back down into the same hole she hoped they would rot into obscurity in, but the gun dulled her efforts and made sure the nightmares kept flowing.

"Hey, you alright? Don't go dying on me now. I'm not waiting out here six months for it to wear off." Judas said as she leaned forward, pressing her forehead into her hands and let out a small moan as she continued shoving the thoughts down. "Shut up." She snapped back to which the deadman said "Wow. Okay. Sorry. Booze not goin' down well?"

"Just shut up."

She rolled her hands into fists, the memories starting to dig into her brain in a way she hadn't had to grapple with in a while. And now she was too inhibited to even do that properly. Her nails ran themselves through her hair again and dug into her scalp like crooked daggers. It hurt to the point where she thought it might start bleeding, but it was better than having to remember and if anything she pushed them down more once they started hurting. Only after the memories started sinking back below the surface of her psyche did she resist the physical urges.

Her heart still raced, but that was the only reaction she had right now, letting her at least be able to speak again. "So what's your story?" She asked, remembering her deflection and thankfully the deadman bought it. "I already told you."

"No. I mean before you joined with those people. Why'd you do that-"

"Because stuff happened." He snapped back, clearly angered and Lozen was too inebriated to care at the moment. "Alright. Then what's it like in the other side?"

Much to her surprise, Judas was much more open the answering that and quickly exclaimed "Oh! I love it when people ask that."

"Who else asks that."

"People you for who...whom? Eh, whom cares? People for who that information is about to be extremely relevant."

"Oh. So what is it like?"

"First off, what do you think it is?"

"Is that im-"

"Yes! Yes! A hundred times yes! Spill it!!" He exclaimed in overly gleeful voice that made Lozen intently suspicious, but her inhibitions were too weak to stop her now.

"Well.....my grandmother used to tell me it was like walking into a new town populated by everyone you ever loved and that the souls of all those we had lost we waiting for us in that place."

"Well, better than the one about the noodle monster, but still just as wrong!"

"What?"

"Yup. It's just darkness. Well, not even that. A dreamless sleep, I guess. Nothingness as far as anyone could know, but you ain't there to know it."

"Really......I suppose that sounds right."

"Huh." He sounded disappointed and fell silent for a moment before saying "You're taking that a lot better than most. What about your little town?"

"What about it?"

"I thought you believe in it?"

"Not anymore than you believe in a tooth fairy. It was a children's tale. But there's really nothing?

"Nope. Not even darkness."

"Oh........Then what sent you back?"

"Didn't you're grandmothers say something about a need for revenge?"

"She also said that all my loved ones would be waiting for me when I died."

"Right..." He paused again and leaned back in his chair as if in genuine thought before answering "...I guess I just woke up. That's what it felt like at least."

"So you just shrugged off death?"

He looked up as if in thought before saying "I guess that's one way of putting it."

"Sounds easy."

"I know, right? I'm surprised so many people decide to stay dead. There is literally nothing to do on the other side."

Lozen raised another eyebrow at that before saying "So you don't know what brought you back?"

"Not even a little, but I'm here now. Which brings me to literally the only reason I'm here. You got what we came for?"

Lozen tilted her head at that, but she remembered what we meant rather quickly.

"Right. So, those little buddies of yours are scattered all over the area. The two bigs ones are up north,"

"You mean that scum bucket Isacriot and Loriano."

"Lorenzo. How did you miss that?"

"What? It's a difficult name."

"I'm drunk and I can remember it."

"No. You're tipsy. There's a difference."

"Regardless, they might be a bit hard to track. Your little friend.......Moore?"

"Oh yeah. Let me guess." Judas paused and looked up again as if in thought. "He's in a copper mine out east for the past six years." Lozen again raised an eyebrow at that before saying "Down south and three years, but yes. How did you-"

"Oh son of a bitch! It was south this whole time!"

Lozen was confused again, but the answer came to her quickly and made her glad she was too inebriated to properly care.

"You've shooting random copper mines trying to find him, haven't you?"

"Silver mines too."

"Why?"

"Because that's what he'd talk about all the time back with our gang! Christ on a cob, he wouldn't shut up about it! He just kept jumping up on the table every chance he got and loudly pronouncing how he was going to be rich and we were all gonna be sorry for mocking him!! I thought Gregor would have killed him by now!"

"Well, he didn't and I think it's best we should start this crusade of yours with him. At least the deputy did."

"Yeah. That sounds about right. Little Moore did have a bad habit of squealing when he shouldn't have."

"Really?"

"Oh yes. If there is one thing that guy could do, it was talk."

Lozen thought about that for a moment. For some in league with a few of the biggest names out here, this Moore fellow sure did seem like someone who didn't know how to survive in that sort of company. Then she remembered who was talking to and decided it probably wasn't the strangest thing to come out of the day.

"Well then. Let's get goi-" She said as she stood back up only to stumble as her legs turned to jelly. "Wow there." Judas said, teaching a hand up to catch under her arm and keep her from collapsing to the ground. "How are you already this out of it? You only had one bottle. It'd call you a lightweight, but I don't know if that would be more insulting to the light weights or not." He continued as he slowly lowered her back into her table. From somewhere in the crowd, a voice called out "Hey, stranger! Your Injun okay?!" Judas called back "Yeah! She just don't know how to hold her booze!"

"Well alright! Just make sure she stays in line!"

Lozen, filters starting to break down, muttered to herself "Eat my boots, colonizer!" Judas squeezes her shoulder and said "Okay. First off, the only reason these people aren't killing you is because they think I own you, so maybe don't go shouting stuff like that at them."

"Couldn't you just kill them?"

"Of course not! Are you mad?! Who else would speak of what happened here to their grandchildren for years to come!?"

"Fine. But we should get-"

"Trust me, you don't want to go riding off into the sunset with a hangover. Besides, let's enjoy the festivities for a while. God knows I've earned it."

"No. We need to get going before-" She tried standing again only to then fall back into her seat like one of the many clumsy oafs she had often been tormented by. As much as she hated to admit it, she didn't see herself getting very far like this. Her limbs were starting to grow numb somehow and it was getting hard to keep her thoughts straight. Everything felt weak and weighed down.

Besides this place seemed fine. She hated the fact he had done it, but his acts of "heroism" shrouded in a thick veil of stupidity had managed to make this place more festive than usual. Sure half these people were gun tooting maniacs too stupid to realize they easily outnumbered the people who had been terrorizing them and now seemed on the verge of s black out, but she was with their hero. They, probably, wouldn't kill her.

Or maybe that was the booze talking. Either way, as if on cue, someone came right on in to disprove whatever hope she had for this meeting. Two men, each wearing deputy uniforms came sliding into the seats in front of her, one with a little more confidence than the other. Lozen jumped as they took a chair and then had to squint for a minute before recognizing them.

"Sorry, gentlemen. I've got important business to discuss with my friend here, so if you could scoot along for a minute, that would be great." Judas said before the one Lozen could vaguely remember as......as.....George! That was it! George said "What a coincidence. I've got something to say to your Injun too." Marcus, shifting nervously in his chair the whole time, said "Y-Yeah! Loreli, you left us to die back there!" Judas and her stayed quiet for a minute before the seamen leaned over to her and quietly asked "You want me to handle this oooooorrrrrrr-?" Lozen dismissively waved a hand before saying "No. I'll-" She burped. "I'll handle this."

Lozen leaned forward onto the table before saying "Marcus, I know you don't understand how things work out here, but it's every man for himself." Marcus snapped back "You're not even a man."

"And yet I still had enough sense to get out of there before I was shot halfway to hell."

George cut in "And left us to die!"

"You mean you didn't follow me out?"

"Did you expect us to?!"

"I expect any intelligent human being to." She stopped when she heard her words were getting a little slurred and their weird taste of iron started taking root on her tongue. "This stuff is ha big a weird effect on me." Slipped out from her mouth and Judas relief with another audible smile "Trust me. We noticed this." Lozen brushed that aside and continued "Look, it's not like I married either of you. You give me intel, I do your dirty work. That's as far as this goes. I'd expect you to do the same for me."

"Then what was that bullshit about shooting around the-" George stopped with this look of realization spreading across his face. He slammed a fist onto the rim of the table and exclaimed "You whore!! You were making us draw their fire!!!" Judas again leaned in and whispered "Really?" Lozen answered "Well yeah. I was jumpin' up through a hole in the roof. I needed someone to keep them off me while I did."

"It's kinda terrifying g how much thought you put into this."

"You expect me not to?"

George cut in "Excuse me, partner, but I'm talking to your Injun!!"

Lozen snapped back "And for the last time, if any of you bastards call me that, I'll shove a gun up your ass and pull the trigger!"

Judas let out a childish "oooooooh" before saying "I've never seen that little gin do it for someone, but I am loving this reaction!"

Lozen dismissively waves him off before saying "It's Chiricahua! Either bothering remembering it or don't say anything at all! And I'd like my knife back!"

"After that stunt you pulled, I'll say what I want, redskin!"

Lozen let a hand slid down to her gun before she could realize how stupid that was, but just when her skin scraped the metal, Judas's hand shot down with impressive speed and snatched her wrist. He kept her hand below the table with a vice like grip that didn't belong to a corpse suddenly and said "Okay, gentleman, lady, seeing as how we are still in a civilized place, maybe it's best we keep our tempers under control for now. We don't want the ruin the celebration after all."

His voice was filled with that false sense of charisma that the other towns folk bought back at the shootout. Even Lozen felt herself falling under it this time, her grip around her weapon loosening as his west words slithered into her head.

"Excuse me, but don't expect me to trust a savage to understand the definition of civilized." George said, his hand having disappeared under the table and anger gaze burning a home through her head. Judas snickered under his breath at the clear threat, something Lozen took a little comfort in, but was nonetheless disturbed by. She cleared her throat, trying to rid herself of the slur before saying "Excuse me, deputy, but I've had to survive in this civilized world a lot longer than you and through a lot tougher too. And now, I'd like my knife back." No part of her knew why, but she told herself shortly after the thought crossed her mind "I've done hundreds of little jobs for your little operation here and 've only asked for help a dozen or so. So y'all still owe me for all that. I shouldn't even have given you anything."

"I'd like to say our fucking depts are settled after you left us both to die!"

Judas again interrupted "Alright, alright!! Let's all just calm down for a minute. Sheriff partners, as much as I appreciate what you've done here, I've gotta say. What did you really expect from a savage? Did you honestly expect her to stay there like a decent citizen of this country?" Before Lozen could object, Judas whispered to her again "Trust me, I've been down this road before. Play down to their Indian hate and they'll do whatever you want. Just remember it's better than being shot."

"You sure?" She asked, but Judas instead returned to addressing the deputy "Look, just let my friend here off the hook. I've still got a lot to teach about real society. In addition, after I saved your down from that league of bastards, don't you think you can find it in yourself to forgive her transgressions?"

The deputy raised an eyebrow at that, passing an angry eye between Lozen and the deadman before placing his hand back on the table. "Alright. Fine. But I don't wanna see her here again." Judas clapped his hands together before saying "Wonderful. Now, seeing as how your being generous and if I'm being honest, I don't work for free, why don't you give a few more donations to our little cause?"

Both George and Lozen tilted their heads in confusion at that before the deputy said what they were both thinking "Excuse me?"

"Well, it's just, seeing as how without us you'd still be paying out to those thugs outside, I assume that means you're willing to repay me in certain ways."

"And what might be those ways?"

"Nothing much. Just some spare ammunition, a horse, and maybe my friends dagger back all given to delivered to us in the morning."

"She payed me fair and square!"

"I know. And now you're doing the same for me. You pay with what you got, partner, and right now, you've got yourself a pretty little dagger. So you gonna pay up it am I gonna have to get all these people here right and pissed about your deal with those thugs?"

George scoffed. "They know what we were doing."

"Yes, but were they angry at it?"

The deputy narrowed his eyes. "What're you saying?"

"I'm saying I just managed to convince these people to charge into a gunfight in ten minutes tops. It'll be easy to get them stark raving mad at a couple of scumbags like you. I bet they'll even hang you by the end."

George froze up for a moment before saying "You're bluffing."

"Really? Let's test that." Judas said before jumping up onto the table and shouted at the top of his lungs, quieting the ruckus in a few words "Hey, good people of Dust Trove!! You wanna-"

George jumped back onto his feet and saying "Okay, okay!! We get it!!" Judas immediately switched his words "Get some hard vodka and see how far we can take this party!!!" A collective cheer rose up from the crowd before everyone returned to their drinking and minor gambling. Judas say himself back down and leaned forward on the table before saying "So it's a deal then?"

George again froze before saying in a low, spiteful voice "Sure. It's a damn deal." Judas leaned back said "Great! I expect to see it in the saddle of whatever stallion you'll give to us. Now please excuse us, me and my friend here'd liked to enjoy the festivities."

George tossed an angry look between each of them before he sneered and started wading back into the festive crowd. Marcus let his jaw hanging open as if he had something to say before shamefully shutting it and scurrying in after the deputy.

For a moment, neither Lozen or the deadman spoke, but the smells and sounds motivated her otherwise. "Why did you do that?" She asked and Judas answered in a casual voice "Because he was being difficult."

"No. I mean, why did you want my knife?"

"Because you wanted it."

"No really. Why?"

"Oh no! Not for sentimental reasons! You paid that guy off with it, right? So it must be worth a decent something."

"Why didn't you just ask for silver?"

"Because everyone steals silver. No one thinks to steal some lousy dagger. It's the perfect con, right?"

"Wow.....you're surprisingly knowledgeable of this."

"I ran with several now notorious criminals. What did you expect?"

"Fair enough. So, what now?"

"Well, seeing as how you're already halfway there-" He started before reached down to somewhere under the table and pulling up three tiny bottles filled to the brim with booze. "Maybe it's be good to go all the way. I mean, this'll probably be the last chance either of us get."

Lozen's first thought was decidedly against the thought, but it was quickly dispelled after the alcohol already in her system chipped a little bit more resolve from her and a new thought crossed her mind.

This man at the very least needed her alive for the moment. He didn't know the precise location if any of the other people he was trying to get revenge on and he certainly had the power to keep her alive. She didn't like the idea of being inebriated, but on the other hand, it numbed the memories that came rising up from her subconsciousness and judging from the lack of light outside the windows, night had already settled. They probably weren't going anywhere and she didn't want to have to spend the entire time forcing down those thoughts. If it was safe and kept those thoughts down, she could overlook her worries for just one night.

Besides, it wasn't as if she was in the best condition to be making preparations anyways.

"Okay. But just a little bit." She said just before Judas smashed a bottle down right in front of her and exclaimed "That is both the spirit and what they all say, Lorticia!"

"Lozen."

"Seriously, darling. No one cares. Now, indulge to your hearts delight because it's almost midnight and the bartender is too terrified to say no to me!"

"The perks of being a hero?"

"Couldn't have said it better myself. I mean, I could, but it was a nice try."

...

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