Noah- My Turn

We're halfway through the last term of our high school life, and time seems to have played a cruel game of catch-me-if-you-can. The memories of freshmen year, filled with excitement and anxiety, now seem like distant echoes in the corridors of my mind. As the days inch closer to graduation, the pressure to plan my future intensifies, like a wild wave I can't but ride along.

Throughout these last few years, one thing has remained steadfast: my unwavering aspiration to be a photographer. Photography, for me, isn't merely a choice of profession though; by the time, it has become my essence, my way of interpreting the world.

"So Noah, you've written that you want to become a professional photographer, right?"

"Yes, Mr. Blair. My uncle runs a studio too, and I'm learning the ropes there first-hand," I reply, while Mr. Blair nods approvingly.

We got a college pamphlet a few weeks ago, and today, we received our career forms. While all my classmates eagerly scribbled down their plans, as if racing against time to decide their destinies... I, on the other hand, found myself hesitating, my pen poised but unable to leave its mark on the paper. I would like to go to a college close by, just so that I can also keep up with the studio. And there's also the fact that I need to get the right subject there too. That's why I decided to talk to Mr. Blair about it before I get to a decision.

"There are quite a few applied arts colleges here. I think you've done your homework already on that," Mr. Blair remarks, sensing my dilemma.

I respond, trying to sound more assured than I feel. "Well, I've gone through them. And some of them are in my interest,"

Mr. Blair's fingers danced over the keyboard of the computer in front of him, a few clicks and taps as the names of a number of colleges appeared on the screen. "Let's see... Emerson College, Fischer College..." he points out a few, leaving the options hanging in the air. "Well, It's up to you where you'll want to study. You still have time, so don't rush it. And if you need, I can write a recommendation letter for you."

"Thanks, Mr. Blair. It will be a lot of help."

"Don't worry, we teachers are here just to get your things together. You just need to study hard so that your grades don't fall," he adds in a gentle tone, though those words strike me differently. It's not like I'm bad in my studies. My grades have been decent, but not all that good for me to get a chance in any college I'll apply. I guess I'll really need to get my stuff together.

As I stepped out of the teachers' office, I spotted my friends Kyle and Callie on the other side. As I made my way towards them, Kyle's boisterous voice called out to me, echoing off the walls with boundless energy.

"Hey, Noah! Wait for us!" he shouted, as exuberant as always.

I sighed, trying to temper his enthusiasm. "You know, you shouldn't be screaming here in the corridors," I reminded him, though I knew my words would likely fall on deaf ears.

"Yeah, yeah, I know!" Kyle shrugged off my gentle reprimand, coming closer but still maintaining his unyielding volume.

Callie shot me an amused look before joining the conversation. "Did you have something important to do here?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I was just talking to Mr. Blair about my college plans."

"College... now that you say, I still haven't thought about it yet myself."

"I'll be trying for an applied arts college, though I still haven't chosen which one."

"We still have half of the semester left," Kyle interjected, dismissing the topic with a nonchalant wave of his hand. "More ever, Noah, let's go to the gymnasium?"

"Gymnasium... why there?"

"Didn't you hear? The basketball team from another high school came to challenge our high school team. They're having a match right now."

"Well, I'm not that much into sports," I confessed, knowing that competitive games didn't particularly intrigue me.

"It doesn't matter." 

"No, it does matter, actually. You two can go, I'll head back to class." 

"Callie won't come with me though..." he added, his words trailing off. "Just tag along. It'll be fun!"

"She doesn't like basketball either?" 

"Oh, actually, the thing is-" Before he could elaborate, Callie intervened, clasping her hand over his mouth to stop him from uttering another word. 

"You don't need to say anything else."

"It's okay, Kyle. She doesn't want me to hear it, so let's keep it that way."

"F-fine," Kyle managed to utter once she released him, catching his breath. "It isn't really that big of a deal though."

"Like I said, don't tease her any more."

"Fine, I'll go with you guys," Callie agreed reluctantly, taking the lead and walking ahead of us.

"That's what I wanted to hear. The more, the merrier," Kyle said, grabbing onto my arm again, dragging me along with them.

The gymnasium was filled with quite a lot of excitement and energy, amplified by the enthusiastic cheers of the crowd and the rhythmic squeaks of basketball shoes gliding across the polished floor. The crowd mainly comprised of girls from our school, and the reasons were quite apparent. 

"Come on, guys! It's going to be awesome!" Kyle said, pumping his fist in the air as we found a spot in the corner of the gymnasium. 

I forced a smile, nodding in agreement, while Callie managed a weak one too. For some reason, she seemed distant, lost in her own thoughts. I couldn't help but wonder why Callie was acting strange. Was she okay? Did something happen?

As we arrived, the match was already well underway. Kyle, brimming with enthusiasm, was passionately cheering at every move, his eyes fixated on the court. It hadn't been long since I discovered his profound passion for sports when he took me along to watch a local baseball league match. Sports weren't particularly my cup of tea, but witnessing Michael, the one in my class and the team captain, in action was something to behold. His impeccable style on the court commanded attention, even capturing mine despite my limited interest in the game. He was undeniably exceptional.

Beside me, Callie seemed disengaged, her eyes wandering aimlessly, hardly focused on the match. Her apparent detachment made me wonder if something was troubling her. Should I reach out and ask? Yet, I hesitated, not wanting to intrude if she preferred not to talk about it.

A few minutes later, I noticed Callie fidgeting restlessly, and then she abruptly stood up, offering a soft excuse, "I need some fresh air," while avoiding eye contact.

I was about to say something, but before I could respond, Kyle intervened, silently asking, "Are you going after her?"

"Uh, yeah, I think I'll just check on her."

"You don't need to worry too much. It really isn't that big of a deal."

"But it didn't seem so to me..."

Kyle gestured for me to join him, repositioning myself as he continued speaking. "Alright, I'll share something with you." A long pause, followed by a sigh. "Here's the deal, both me and Callie go way back with Michael – we were the closest of friends."

"Yeah, I remember him mentioning that on my first day at school."

"And well, the twist is, Callie had this thing for Michael for quite a while. I can't exactly pinpoint when it began, but I eventually put the pieces together. It was tough seeing her wrestle with her emotions, so I decided to create an opportunity for her to lay her feelings on the line."

"And he turned her down."

"Exactly. You've got it. He made it clear that he only saw her as a friend. And that's precisely why she finds it uneasy to watch him out there on the court."

Kyle's words were like the missing pieces of a puzzle in my mind, falling into place perfectly. So it was Michael, whom Callie had mentioned when she talked about her past at the playground. Now that I think about it, I never really tried to understand how she felt about it all this time. She had claimed to have got over it, but now I'm not so sure. "Is that so...?" I replied, trying to sound intrigued.

"Yeah, it's just that she doesn't want to see his face. Nothing else," Kyle confirmed.

"I guess I'll still go after her. Thanks for telling me that."

"Wait, Noah..."

"Do you have anything else to say?"

He was biting his lips, his eyes searching something over the wooden floor. "If you don't, then I'll go..."

"Noah, what are you even going to tell her?"

"What?"

"I asked, isn't it better to just leave her alone. She can deal with it better... better than us pushing her around."

Leave her alone? I don't know what Kyle meant as he uttered those words... but I couldn't just bear them on my heart. It's so easy to just leave people aside, I can tell- because I've been there. And I even know how hard it is to not leave them behind. Maybe that's how he feels.

But nothing happens if you don't do anything. Even if they're mere sentiments, that first steps matter. "But how can you even tell that? Do you think you know how she feels?" 

"It's exactly because I don't know... that I'm scared to approach her." His voice sounded like he was slowly breaking from inside. "It was me, who pushed Callie to confess to him. And it was all because of me... that day when she got shot down, she didn't even return to the class, and after searching for her all around the campus, I had finally found her on the rooftop, standing there, leaning over the railings. She was crying -"

Another long pause, as he tried to compose himself a little bit. ""The trees, the sun, the leaves fluttering in the wind, they all seem so happy. So beautiful... but why am I the only one feeling like this? Why am I the only one hurting, Kyle?" she said that. And it was back then, when I first realized how beautiful the scenery of Boston seemed standing from there. Maybe... just maybe..." His hands formed tight fists. "The truth is, I hadn't arrived there in the right time. But I was lucky. I as really lucky back then."

Our eyes didn't meet. He didn't nod or anything, as I spoke up again. "I guess I can tell, even if a little bit... how she was feeling back then. When we lose hope, when we think that everything has slipped from our hands, the life beyond what we can see feels a tad bit better than where we are living in right now. Actually, anywhere, we will feel better... only if we're able to run away from everything." I got up to follow Callie's path before turning to him one last time. "Unless someone else grabs a hold of us, we might never find hope again. Never ever."

As I reached the exit, I spotted her standing at a distance, her eyes fixed on some faraway point. She looked so lost... and fragile.

"Um, Callie..." I called out gently, walking towards her.

She shifted her attention, her face initially void of expression, but then a faint glimmer of a smile surfaced. "Oh, Noah. I was about to return. Sorry, I needed a moment to catch my breath."

"Don't worry. Is everything okay? You seem a little off."

A brief pause lingered as her brook displayed a medley of feelings, almost as if she was weighing the decision to confide in me. "You know, sometimes the crowd gets overwhelming, and my mind just starts drifting to other things."

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here for you."

She looked grateful for the offer but shook her head. "It's nothing serious, really. Just a mix of things."

Despite her reassurance, I couldn't shake off a lingering feeling. It was as though, for a fleeting instant, I caught sight of Iva once more, mirrored in the depths of Callie's eyes. In that brief moment, it seemed as though Callie was carrying a similar weight, as if she harbored an inner hurt. As I glanced at her, memories of my interactions with Iva resurfaced, and I couldn't help but draw parallels between the two. The way Callie hesitated, the vulnerability in her eyes—it was hauntingly familiar.

I wanted to reach out and offer my support, just as I had wanted for Iva when she confided in me. After hearing Kyle and from Callie herself, I can get a gist of what's going through her right now. Even then, it also feels like Callie might not be ready to share her thoughts openly.

For now, all I could do was be there for her, just as she had been for me. I wont mistake my feelings for something else this time. Instead of pushing her to confide in me, with my heart I want to reach out to her, and I silently hoped that when the time was right, she would know she could lean on me, just as she let me lean on her. At the right time. It doesn't need to be now.

"Callie, the thing is, there's something I've been wanting to tell you." Giving off a hint of vulnerability in my voice, I began to open up, "Actually, a few days ago, I reached out to Iva again. I had been pondering over what you'd said all this time. And finally, I was able to open up to her completely without holding anything back."

"Really?"

"Yes, and it's all thanks to you, Callie."

"What are you talking about, Noah? What I did was just a little push-"

"No, I really mean it, Callie. It's all thanks to you. Your support helped me confront my true feelings. You might see it as a small gesture, but to me, it was exactly what I needed – someone to give me that gentle nudge."

"You're making me blush. It's really not that big of a deal."

"Callie, because of you, I feel like I can finally move on. Expressing those emotions in words was tough, but once I did it, everything seemed clearer. "

Words are really a touch thing to describe. Even the smallest of it can break someone, and even the smallest of it can save someone. It's remarkable how those seemingly insignificant words can carry such immense power. However, expressing our deepest emotions and thoughts in words can be a journey that takes patience, vulnerability, and empathy.

"I might feel a bit low sometimes, and I might question myself again along the way, but when that happens, please come and give me another push. And when you need one, I'll be there for you too."

But it's a journey worth undertaking, for when we find the right words, they can forge connections, mend hearts, and bring immeasurable joy to everyone.