XII. more happy thoughts

"...so."

"So."

"Are you sure it's okay if people see us together?"

"I'm sure it's okay if people see us together, yeah."

Logically speaking, I'd already told those who cared that it'd been a misunderstanding, but I'd existed against my consent long enough to know this would probably fall on deaf ears. Still, it'd be hypocritical to care at this point. I also liked the attention because I was a little bitch.

It'd begun to drizzle. We took our ketchup and mustard umbrellas out. The rest of the world was gray. "Hanamura," I began, then couldn't continue. Is it true that you speak four languages? That you made a profile for a fake boyfriend like a twelve-year old would? That to talk to you is asking to get used? To say 'never mind' would probably backfire, so I had to come up with something. "What was that about me looking like more of a red person?"

"Ah, that. Never mind."

"...listen, you little—"

"It sounds mean now that I thought it out loud. Wait, no, not out loud. You get what I mean."

I almost said 'spit it out, coward' then remembered I wasn't speaking to a friend, not really. Weird how the closer one grew to someone, the meaner one could be. "I don't," I replied. "Go on."

Speaking of colors, as we approached the school, more and more umbrellas showed up to turn the landscape into a toddler's canvas. A couple nearby shared one; the guy's left shoulder was soaked, as was the girl's right one. Morons. 

...oh, fuck, this was going to be one of those days. 

I had to think happy thoughts again. More happy thoughts. 

Happy thought #11:

"Your eyes," spoke Hanamura.

"Huh? What?"

"The red thing."

"But they're not red?"

"See? That's why I didn't want to say anything."

"That's not even mean," I said, "just stupid." 

"Oh. Okay. I knew you were in a bad mood again."

"No I'm n—"

"That makes it easier, though, actually. Shh, listen. Have you heard of how color relates to personality?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

"The day we met, I was reading about it on a magazine. I'd take it out for you to read, but I don't want it to get wet. Maybe later. Point is, when I first saw you, I thought your color was white, so—"

"I'm Japanese."

"...fine. Never mind." 

Dramatically, the clouds began to piss. I sighed. "Sorry," I said. "Go on."

"Hm?"

"Uh, about the color thing?"

"Oh."

"Don't tell me you forgot."

"No, I was just thinking about something else."

'Sure you were'. I almost said that, yet didn't, because I believed her for some reason. Perhaps she was one of those people that couldn't stay mad for long. Lucky.

Because I was such an immature loser and I'd refused to take my meds again, it wouldn't take long for things to start hurting—not the dull, near-permanent ache, but the kind of thing that'd send the average citizen back home for the day. Yesterday had only been the first day; I'd have to clean the stage for the rest of the week. With Okamoto, sure, but she contributed as much as an nipples on men. 

Almost there. To avoid looking at anyone else, I lowered my umbrella. "So you're hiding your face," Hanamura accused. 

"...yeah. I was about to pick my nose."

"Do you need me to cover you?"

"That was a joke. Please."

She snorted. "I know."

"I can never tell with you."

"I also know."

"Wait, so how many of the stupid things you say are a joke as well?"

Hanamura raised my umbrella a bit so I'd get to see her grin—smirk. Definitely a smirk. "Secret," she mouthed, then broke out skipping. 

About three seconds later, she crashed against one of the pillars of the school gate. She didn't fall or anything, or else we would've come full circle, but she might as well have. Where the average citizen might have helped, I laughed so hard I almost dropped my backpack. Hanamura picked up hers, plus my borrowed umbrella. People passed by snorted, too, which didn't help. "Sor..." I tried; I did. "So..."

She kicked my shin. It didn't hurt, but it stained my pants, which was exponentially worse. "That's why you're red," Hanamura declared before walking away. 

About three seconds later, she came back. Her psychological blow had sobered me up; I could speak, thusly: "Yes?"

"Um, can we exchange phone numbers?"

"I'll think about it."

"You can kick me back if you want."

"I'll think about it."

I did. (Give her my number, not kick her.)

I still didn't know. 

Was this her? Was this Her? I supposed her behavioral patterns were relatively more consistent than before. Namely, her lame reactions to my teasing. It really wasn't funny if they followed along. I often said things with the most deadpan voice and expression possible so they couldn't tell if I was serious or not (until they knew me, anyway), and then there was Hanamura...

"Okaythat'sitbye."

She didn't crash against anything this time.

...I didn't know. I didn't get it. 

I wanted to, though.

***

stalker-chan: im too busy today so i cant stalk you :3 

Me: Who's this?

stalker-chan: Wrong number! I'm so sorry! 

Me: Should I call the police?

stalker-chan: No, please. I just joke with a friend like that. I promise! 

A friend.

stalker-chan: Please, I'm so sorry please don't call the police

Me: So why am I red?

[Stalker-chan is typing...]

"So!" Began the class representative at the front of the class. "Let's just get this out of the way. Who's joining the relay race?"

stalker-chan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Any volunteers? If not, we'll do a lottery."

stalker-chan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Reluctantly, people raised their hands. If Kenji had been around, I would've tickled him so he raised his hand as well. He ran as well as the average goldfish.

Me: What are you doing for the sports festival?

"Volleyball? Oh, now you guys raise your hands."

stalker-chan: i dont know :3

Talk about a mood swing. As people volunteered, some girl behind the class representative wrote their names on the whiteboard. Vice class representative, maybe? I should learn their names. She wrote and she wrote and she wrote, and she stopped, and then the class rep inquired: "How about soccer? Let's get the obvious ones out of the way first."

stalker-chan: theres still a lot of time left so i just havent thought about it yet :3

They began to write names. I hadn't participated last year. 

stalker-chan: how about you? :3

I'd attended it, though, as a ghost. A poltergeist, even. 

Me: My class is already assigning roles because they want us to practice or something. Some people here seem to be taking is REALLY seriously.

"Anyone else?"

Me: By the way, yes or no?

stalker-chan: no :3

I thought she'd say yes. 

"Two more spots. Come on, you guys don't even have to be good. Nase's going to do most of the work."

I knew Nase. He was a striker on the school's soccer team. He liked asking if I was on my period during gym whenever I used it as sitting practice. I'd yet to formulate a comeback, mostly because he didn't seem to mean this maliciously.

He'd also done 'most of the work' last year. Our class had lost anyway. He blamed John, who demanded to be a striker, too, for it. I kind of agreed. With Nase. 

"One spot left!!"

Me: Say yes.

[Stalker-chan is typing...]

Me: Hurry up.

stalker-chan: if you want the answer to be yes, then make it yes :3

stalker-chan: also

stalker-chan: no :3

"Anyone? Or we'll draw lotteries."

If they were at a point where they had to threaten us into participating, then I supposed I wouldn't do them much harm. Besides, it'd be unwise not to put Hanamura's :3 wisdom to use.

I raised my hand. 

The class representative said my name mechanically, but the other girl paused. Right. She also slacked off during gym. She saw me often. "Uh..." she glanced at the whiteboard, then at me, which was around the time I noticed this applied to most of the class. "You sure?"

No. "I have to participate in something," I replied.

Nase, who sat diagonally to me, opined, "Yeah, he's fine. There's still time to practice, so I can make him useful."

Fuck you. "What he said."

Thus, the girl wrote my name under the soccer section. Nase turned around, then gave me a thumbs-up. 

Happy thought #11:

"All right! Next up..."

Me: I made the answer yes. :3

No response. She could just be busy. It was pathetic to have to retort to somebody else to take decisions just so I wouldn't have myself to blame, anyway. 

Still... 

Happy thought #11: making the answer yes.