Eternalism, Big Crunch, and Therapy

What a boring lesson so far. I was staring at the clock, hoping for the madness to end. It was as interesting as the colour beige. Seriously. I don’t know why we have so many science lessons. It’s a mid-tier level subject. I’d rather be subject to doing a cross-country run than this. Not even joking. I noticed Mai was bored too. I don’t blame her either. Tatsuya, on the other hand, was his usual erratic, eccentric and above all weird self. If I had his self-confidence, I genuinely think I could unite the world under one cause. I wonder what that cause would be? You know what. It would be free tea for all. Simple. The world must be caffeined. Or is it caffeinated?

As I wrote on the questions, Saeka decided to help out. Minetaka-sensei stopped lecturing and just sat on his laptop, again. I don’t think he cared what the class did. As such, you could hear the noise level rise and rise. Minetaka-sensei was incredibly strict when he was in the middle of teaching but so loose when he was done. Saeka was pointing out my errors.

“You’re actually a bit thick, Honzo.”

Not nice. Not cool.

“You have bad taste in men.”

“So do you then. Tatsuya is like one of your closest friends, no?”

Caught her.

“So, you’re finally admitting you and Tatsuya are actually going out?”

Zinger. Signed, sealed, delivered, this one’s mine.

“Wasn’t hiding it. I assumed he told everyone afterwards. Plus, he’s just a funny guy.”

Not wrong. As we speak, I just saw Tatsuya fart on Yusuke. Seriously. That might be assault.

“You thinking of joining me, Sayako, and Yusuke over Sunday? We’re helping some Nepalese families learn Japanese and eat some of their food. Not a fair transaction, but the more the merrier.”

Saeka gave some laughter and responded to me. “Sadly, me and Tatsuya are going out on a movie date. We’re watching it in the cinema and afterwards, at chill my home.”

That’s a pretty bog-standard date. But simplicity is key, I suppose. Better than my love life which is getting attracted to every girl I see and then denouncing myself for being slightly perverted or too into a girl. I am a vegetable male. Or was it vegetarian? I’m not sure. Either way, I’m a passive person when it comes to relationships since I don’t even have self-love. How could I love someone when my own house isn’t in order? My situation is like the house owner leaving his home unattended and he complains about leaving it unattended.

“Enjoy your date then. I’m going back to work.”

“Sounds like someone’s hurt that they can’t hang with Tatsuya.”

“Saeka, let’s be honest. Your boyfriend’s humour is like a 6-year-old on amphetamines. He farts, then makes loser jokes about other people - remember when he called Mai a lavender cupcake? What does that even mean?”

I just noticed Mai turning around, staring at me. Probably just overheard me say her name. She was with Shibuya on her phone. Our school did ban phones but stopped it this year so currently, it’s like a phone epidemic. That too and vaping. This generation is doomed. Although, I’m also a member of this generation. Does that make me doomed, too?

Saeka, noticing Mai, decided to withdraw from the conversation. I could tell they didn’t really like each other. School politics.

“Look Honzo, you say all that, but you laugh the loudest. That’s all I have to say.” She remarked towards me, with a smug smile.

“Fair point, Saeka.”

“You know what Honzo - what type of girls do you like?”

What a random bomb drop. I was not expecting that abrupt change.

“I like girls.”

That’s true! She can’t tease me for that.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny. Seriously Honzo, what girls do you like? I know you like Takanishi-san but I see you eyeball Mai and Shibuya. Perhaps you like me? Sorry Honzo, but you should know I’m taken.”

What the hell? What’s with this comedy skit? She’s literally the straight man and wise guy at the same time? Sophisticated comedian compared to her boyfriend whose choice of drugs is crayon-addled cocaine.

“Well, if you want to know, I like neither of them particularly that much.”

Liar.

“Cool then, Honzo! What about that student council president? I forgot her name. Kasumi?”

“Kazumi-senpai.” I had to correct her. No speck of disrespect on my favourite senpai’s name, please.

“Look see! I knew there was someone you liked.”, she said, brimming with excessive pride in herself.

“Yeah. Like an onee-san. Saeka-san, you just wouldn’t get it.” I told Saeka, who was the onee-san in her family, that she just doesn’t get it.

“Aww, are you upset that I don’t call you onii-chan?” Next, she gave a ‘funny’ high-pitched impression of anime characters. I blame Tatsuya. It was meant to be self-referential but now seeing someone do it ironically is still weird.

By the way, I like onee-sans. I like mature women. Fact. I hate when girls call me senpai in a one-to-one conversation. It hasn’t happened that I’m aware of, but, when it does happen, I’ll be very upset! Certain otakus need to, perhaps, get taken out to a nice peaceful permanent sleep. Many of them are borderline criminals. That’s why I will never identify as an otaku. I’m just a normal person. Just being real.

“Not really. Please don’t say that, by the way. You are killing me deeply inside.”

She then patted me on the back and apologized. Good. I lied by the way. What Saeka actually did was double down on it. No wonder why I’ve been recently calling her Saeka-san. She and Tatsuya were a devilish duo. Always constantly teasing whoever was nearby. I need to poison the two with irony so they can stop making jokes. Or maybe they’ll develop even more creative ways to pester the class.

I sat down and just kept talking with Saeka for half the lesson. It was a nice way to murder time. Killing time is different. Murdering time means I am an active participant. I want to skip to the end of my days at this point. Fatalistic yes, but never confuse what I say with nihilism. I hate them too. Even I, a person who suffers from slight depression that coincides with depersonalization, think they need to grow up. If there is no inherent value in anything - why not just stop breathing? Your body doesn’t need to remember how to breathe. Oh, wait. You can’t or won’t. Boom. 200 years of nihilist arguments were destroyed by me. I really am a master of philosophy.

Talking about philosophical topics, do you know about the big crunch? It’s a theory about the ultimate fate of how the universe ends. Scary. But oddly comforting. Similarly, to eternalism or a block universe that I said way back, the big crunch is essentially cyclical. The universe stops expanding and suddenly it rebounds, then everything gets denser and denser until all of the universe is infinitely dense. Everything is like one small point. At least physical objects are explained by… physics. I don’t know about any other metaphysical things. Maybe they too are a part of the infinite density. And then pop. A new universe begins. The cycle of the universe. Since everything is so dense, suddenly another one springs up. Like at the big bang.

Sadly, from what I’ve read most of the evidence suggests that cyclical universes are not true. But I think eternalism is favoured by a slight majority of physicists. A block universe. Imagine that. Everything has already happened, and you are just one 2D frame in a cube of the world that has begun. Entropy is an interesting topic too. We actually learnt that by Minetaka-sensei! However, this lesson is not as interesting. Biology. I don’t care about the kingdoms of life. Life is cool, I guess. I don’t need to know how to differentiate a eukaryote from a prokaryote. I don’t care. Most people don’t care either.

Or do they? Come to think of it, everyone was staring at the board with curiosity. Nevermind. I think it was a drawing that looked like a breast. No one seemed to laugh or make a reaction, but judging from many stares, I assume most were thinking the same thing. Original. It’s just a cell with a nucleus that happens to have a dot in the middle. Oh, dear. Someone needs to bring the Minetaur’s attention, right away. Not me, though.

The sky was blinding. It was so bad that even the teacher started to complain. He had sunglasses on. Imagine it for us? I might have to apply for a disability check soon. It was around 14:55 so the lesson was ending soon. I shared a glance with the ever so popular Minoru-san. A real hottie. Anyways, he and I knew what we had to do. A meeting with the Minetaur. Was Minetaka-sensei going to be like our de facto councillor? What input would he even have? He’s just got a teaching degree and a bachelor’s in biology. Then again, he’s actually an adult who’s gotten past this stage. However, he also probably has good normal mental health with little struggle… I gave a sigh. The room started to widen. Everything started to get bigger, and I became so small. My head felt significantly lighter too.

Saya-chan went up to me.

“Hey, Hanzo. Wanna walk with us after school?”

I politely rejected Sayako. Then I noticed Sayako was with Nishi-chan and Kenji-san. Wow. I think that would’ve been a rather interesting walk home. Whatever. I have to honour this makeshift agreement with Minetaka-sensei. I let her know that I’ll see her on Sunday.

Hurriedly, everyone left the class to enjoy their weekend. The numbers started to dwindle. Shibuya was the last to leave. She noticed me and smiled. Am I… actually a well-liked person? Who knows anymore. Once she left, Minetaka closed the door.

Therapy was in session.