How did she talk me into this crap?

“Are you a complete imbecile?”

I always knew this girl’s brain had a screw loose but I didn’t realise she’s missing the whole damn lot of ‘em

“Come on, I could really use your help.”

“It’s a ridiculous idea. Absolutely asinine.”

“But the outfit will be totally different, and it’ll be dark, there’s no way they’ll recognise you!”

“They know my voice, bird brain.”

“Just talk in a deeper tone!”

“You’re a pain in my arse, y’know that?”

Tori doesn’t seem willing to relent on the idea. Despite how good our plans are going so far, she seems to be completely intent on throwing the largest wrench she can find into them.

“Pleaaaaase? I already had a matching outfit made for you, with the gloves and everything!”

“Do you have no concept of the value of money?”

“I’d prefer not to answer that question.”

I sigh at my friend’s insistence on being an idiot. Even though she’s been doing perfectly fine on her own, and I have the money for Sumi’s chemo to worry about, Tori is for some reason hellbent on getting me to join her as a vigilante on her midnight anti-Yakuza escapades. No matter how much I insist that I’ll be more useful simply as an inside source of information, she refuses to relent.

“Why do you even want me along with you anyway? There’s not a single person in the Yakuza who could take you head on, I would just slow you down.”

“…it’s scary.”

…what?

“You make experienced martial artists look like they’ve only just learned how to walk, the hell could you be scared of?”

“…I’m really scared of the dark.”

I… have absolutely no idea how to respond to that. The masked vigilante that wears all black and prowls the streets in the dead of night… is afraid of the dark.

“How… the hell have you made it this long?”

“The reason I always run away so quickly after I win fights is so I can get back to light places! I can only just handle being out so late for long enough to stop one group of bad guys, but any longer and I’ll get too scared…”

I’m sure I’d find this incredibly cute if it wasn’t so monumentally stupid.

“…fine. On days when I’m not doing jobs, I’ll join you for your superhero roleplay.”

“Yay! You won’t regret it!”

I already do.

“By the way, you mentioned gloves… you didn’t paint any kanji on them, did you?”

“Of course I did, silly. On the left one I wrote “jury,” and on the right I wrote “execution.” I can be the judge and you can be the jury, and we can execute together!”

Dear god, she’s trying to turn me into a chuuni.

“Just… okay. Then. I guess I’ll come with you this evening and check out the outfit you’ve made for me.”

“It looks super cool, don’t worry. I know you like your dragons and stuff, so the sleeves are emblazoned with Chinese dragons, and there’s also a dragon up the left leg of the trousers too. I had my tailor design it especially.”

“Just how rich ar… never mind. There’s actually something I’ve been wondering about that I wanna ask you.”

The conversation about gloves reminded me. Something has been bugging me ever since I first met “The Judge” on that rainy night.

“Why… do you wear gloves? You’re getting into street fights with yakuza thugs, not a friendly match or a spar. Aren’t the gloves completely counterintuitive?”

As I finish speaking, a miracle occurs: Tori sits and thinks for a second. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her actually think about her answer to a question instead of just speaking on autopilot.

“I guess… even though I hate the Yakuza… I don’t really wanna hurt people. I’ll stop them dealing drugs and selling bullets and stuff, but I don’t want to, like, leave them seriously injured or anything.”

That’s… actually a much more sound reason than I expected. I really thought she was going to say something really corny like “it completes the look” or “I needed somewhere somewhere to write my kanji,” but what she says is actually a very valiant and kind reason. Tori always was a nice person, so not wanting to seriously hurt people is quite in char-

“Wait a minute… Tori, do you wear soft shoes?”

“Hm? No, I don’t like them.”

“What about elbow or shin pads?”

“Too uncomfy, don’t like ‘em.”

Christ, this idiot.

“Tori, only two of your eight striking points are doing less damage. You’re still at, like, ⅞ of your normal destructive power.”

“I… didn’t… think about that.”

Christ alive, how air headed can a girl be?

“L-Let’s get back to sparring! You still have a long way to come after all!”

“Oh, no no, don’t you change the subject after that moment of stupidity.”

“So mean.”

She shoots me a pout that, quite frankly, is cute enough to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

***

“This… is your house?”

As promised, I walked home with Tori after sparring practice to see the outfit she had had commissioned for me. Only, instead of a regular house, I found myself looking at what can only be described as an enormous martial arts dojo with living quarters on top.

“Yip. Although it actually belongs to the cousins I’m staying with while I’m here, since dad’s back home in Kyoto.”

“And your cousins…”

“Are all MMA practitioners, yes.”

As much as I love Tori, an entire family of Toris would wear my patience thin very quickly.

And I mean love in the purely platonic way, thank you very much. Don’t go getting any funny ideas, internal monologue, you prick.

“Uncle Lee, I’m hooome.”

As she opens the front door to the gargantuan home, she calls in and beckons me to join her indoors. As I step through the door and enter the enormous front room (littered with sparring mats), a man who looks to be somewhere in his 60s comes down the stairs.

“Tori, welcome home.”

“Hey, uncle Lee. This is Fuji, my new partner.”

Partner… why do I like hearing that so much?

As I’m pondering the strange satisfaction I get from Tori’s words, I notice the old man looking me up and down, although his flawless poker face makes it impossible to tell what he’s thinking.

After some 15 seconds of awkward silence and intent stares, Lee closes his eyes and gives a satisfied nod, before finally meeting my eye.

“So, you are the great and mighty Ouroboros making rounds in the underworld?”

“How do yo-“

I stop asking the question as I realise the obvious answer that’s standing next to me, currently whistling and pretending not to know anything.

“You told your family, didn’t you?”

“…maybe.”

“For the love of god, Tori.”

I wasn’t wrong when I said she was loyal, but the only think that trumps her outstanding loyalty is her rampant stupidity.

“Worry not, dear Fuji-kun. I value family above all else. I would not tell a secret that was told to me in confidence by my own kin.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. The kindly older gentleman thankfully seems to have his wits about him, far more so than his clueless niece.

“Now, enough chitchat, I believe the reason you brought young Fuji-kun here was to see the suit designed for him, correct?”

“Yee, let’s get goin,’ Fuji!”

“If you’d wait half a second I’m pretty sure your uncle was gonna offer to escort us there.”

Her excitement is endearing, but dear lord is it exhausting to someone as low-energy as myself.

“Too right you are, Fuji-kun. If the two of you would please follow me.”

With a kind smile as he speaks, Lee turns on his heel and walks back towards the stairs he came down, the two of us now following close behind.

The home of Tori’s cousins feels even bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside. The distance between two rooms is larger than the width of my entire house.

After frankly far too much walking, Lee stops outside of a door and ushers us both in.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do, but please spend as long here as you like.” As he walks past, he speaks again, but in a whisper so quiet that Tori fails to notice. “Please keep my darling niece safe, Ouroboros.”

His tone is much more grave and serious on that last note. I couldn’t blame a man for worrying over his teenage niece beefing with organised crime syndicates, though.

I’ll keep her safe.

“Fuji? You comin’ in?”

Tori’s voice reminds me that I am, in fact, not stewing to myself alone in my bedroom.

“Ah-yeah, coming.”

I follow behind her and enter the somewhat dark room behind the door. Most of the walls are painted a thin black, and the back wall is lined with clothes racks. And on the far right wall…

“This is your outfit. What’d you think?”

On a stand against the wall, there’s a pure black outfit that… looks really damn cool. The jacket is made of a leather that can be noticed as high quality at just a single glance. Underneath it lay a shirt made of a flexible fabric, likely making it incredibly easy to move around in. And at the bottom of the stand was a pair of long Muay Thai-style trousers, also looking to be made of a very high quality material.

True to her word, Tori had actually also gotten dragons drawn on the arms and legs, but instead of gaudy and colourful they were eloquently drawn white outlines that contrasted perfectly against the blackness of the outfit.

“So… whaddyou think?”

“...god dammit. I think I wanna get out there and kick some ass in this suit.”