The Taste of Gunpowder

Where was her mocking attitude from last night? It seemed like a sincere plea. Luna should have just walked away without looking back, with a full stomach. He was just a stranger who had offered her a little hospitality.

What did she know?

What did she think she could tell him? That time healed all wounds, that you had to move on? Oh, surely she thought she had suffered. But if the world had fallen on her, that at least meant she belonged in it. His world had been ripped away.

"Give me a chance. One month, if you haven't changed your mind by then, I'll help you myself."

"What are you saying?"

"Marry me."

What?

When her lips closed over his, the first thing he thought of (though it couldn't be true) was that her lips tasted like gunpowder.

His first kiss tasted like gunpowder.

It was the least of his problems, but he couldn't help thinking that he'd been about to die without even getting a first kiss. Like he'd almost been hit by a truck, just like in all those stupid stories, instead of the truth: he'd been planning to blow his brains out.

It should have been unpleasant, because he hadn't asked for it and because of the taste.

But he had to admit that it wasn't.

That it wasn't entirely unpleasant.

Yes. Not entirely.

"What do you think you're doing?" He couldn't say that, though. He didn't want to.

So, instead, he searched for an answer to something that perhaps the girl herself didn't understand. Luna blinked in a way that reminded him of an owl. Because she really didn't know, or because she was confused that he felt the need to ask in the first place. It turned out to be the latter.

"I... owe you. It's as simple as that."

Okay, that was good. That was very good. Paying debts was the basis of society, but it wasn't what he'd asked, obviously!

"The kiss. What was that for?"

"What do you think people who are married do?"

How could she be so irritating, so petulant, when she was so light that she could be blown away by the wind? Worst of all, he couldn't even get angry. The reference to what married couples did made him think of his mother, and the dark pit in the center of his chest opened up again, sucking in everything, even the color of the world.

I should have pulled the trigger, he thought.

But for whatever reason, what came out of his mouth was something else entirely.

"All right. I'll play along. What do I care about a month more or less?"

Shuji was already dead, anyway.

And he supposed he was a little curious. Did this girl intend to save him for just giving him some food and clothes? Or was she just trying to take advantage of him?

Yes. Anyway, there was no particular reason, that's all that mattered, after all.

He wasn't suicidal. It sounded like a joke, but it was true. He didn't want to die, he planned to kill himself because he had no other option, no other way to escape. Literally, when others perhaps just felt they couldn't change anything even if they tried, he knew for sure at this point.

That's why he knew that no matter how hard he tried, Luna couldn't help him with his problem.

She couldn't help him.

So what was the harm in letting her try? She couldn't change anything.

***

Luna set the plates on the table, which contained the breakfast she had prepared for him. It was said that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, but if she believed this was the way to, well....

Of saving his soul, then she believed him to be very simple.

It wasn't bear, again. There were all kinds of creatures out there. Animals like those on earth, only bigger and more violent, and others stranger and more fantastic.

He'd even been attacked once by killer rabbits....

Yes. They were, in fact, more dangerous than bears. And he killed them with great satisfaction. Which didn't mean he wasn't afraid of them. When he looked out the window and saw lights in the night he used to think it was those bastards stalking them, rather than thieves or worse, soldiers.

Because their eyes would glow red. But not always.

Vicious beasts. It was always nice to serve them on a silver platter, literally, after so many run-ins.

"Why did you do this? And don't tell me because we had to have breakfast."

"Well. Fake or not, I'm supposed to be your wife now."

Very sexist. Unlike most isekai stories, the society of this other world wasn't stuck in some sort of middle age.

But he supposed that even in his world sexism hadn't gone anywhere.

"I know how to cook."

She blinked.

"I know. I saw you yesterday, don't you remember? It's not very normal for a guy to do those things. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, but how did you get started?"

Small talk. Or at least that was her intention.

Shuji popped a piece of rabbit into his mouth, chewing slowly. By now Luna surely believed he had decided to ignore her. But he simply needed time to wrench the words from his throat.

"Necessity. My mother had to provide for me on her own, she spent so much time away from home."

"I see. I'm sorry."

Such empty words.

The problem is that now I'm the one who's away from home. Oh, mother.

"Where is she now?"

"Not dead, if that's what you're thinking. Just... away. "He sighed. "Far away."

"Is that why you're like this? Partly, at least."

Shuji thought about it, but not too much. After all, there was no point in lying. About where he came from, yes, she'd think him a madman, maybe a threat again. But that?

"Yes."

Partly, at least, huh?

That was really the whole point. If only he'd had someone from his old life by his side.... No, his mother, just his mother, then maybe he could have lived in this world. Living was very different from mere survival.

But this was the way things were.

That was the fucking way things were.

"How hard would it be to see her again?" Luna asked, leaning forward, as if she really cared about the matter.

"She's not dead. But it's still impossible."

"I understand that the situation is very bad with the war. That it's not exactly the best time to travel. But is it really impossible? You seem to be managing to survive just fine."

"It's impossible, period, okay? If there was even the slightest chance I'd get going right now."

That was the least any son would be willing to do for his mother.

At least real sons, for real mothers.

"You love your mother very much, don't you?"

It didn't sound like she was teasing. Good. They hadn't started (Started? Started what?) off on the right foot and it didn't need to get any worse.

"No."

She looked surprised.

"It's not much at all, it's normal."

"Ah, I see." Luna laughed, but without any malice. It was a warm smile. He supposed he'd let it go, though how many things had he let go already? At some point he would have to stop and say enough. At some point. But not right now.

For some reason he remembered the taste of the kiss.

Of his first kiss.

She was malnourished and dressed in his clothes, not exactly stylish, but for the first time, as she laughed, he thought Luna was a pretty girl....

And Shuji buried that thought immediately.

***

"Where are you going?"

Luna had caught him putting on his armor. Shuji grabbed the ax from the ground, lifting it up, feeling its weight. The rifle was already placed on his back. Where he was headed the ax would be more useful than the rifle, however.

"Dungeon raid. I don't survive on rabbits and bears alone."

"I see. I'll accompany you."

Shuji examined her up and down and no, not with more nonsense in his head. This morning had been a moment of weakness. Now what was troubling him was very different. He wasn't sure if she was joking.

"You don't look like you can fight."

By way of response, Luna opened her hand. Soon after a small flame manifested itself, like that of a candle. A flame that, for whatever reason ( he knew it was normal here, but there was no explanation other than magic) didn't burn his skin. But it would burn, and surely more than a real candle flame.

"I see. But you haven't eaten or rested well for a long time, I imagine. Are you sure you're ready?"

Luna shrugged.

"If I'm not up to it, then I'll die. What do you care?"

Shuji clicked his tongue, looked away. He couldn't throw her out now without her taking it as some kind of victory. Oh, so you care about me that much already? Something like that.

"Okay. Come on, then."