What Do You Do When Everything Seems Meaningless?

Mika barely made it in time, having parked his bike and walked the remaining distance. Upon reaching the meeting spot, he noticed Mana scanning the area near the statue. Her face brightened as she spotted Mika, and she greeted him with a friendly wave. Dressed in a simple blue dress, she appeared quite different from usual, almost like a stranger.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Did you wait long?"

"No, I just arrived too."

"Great, that's good to hear. It's quite hot out here. Shall we head to the mall?"

"Sure" Mana replied with a smile.

"By the way Mika, what happened to your leg?" Mana asked with anxiously

"Oh, that's nothing, just a little wound." Mika said flatly.

"O-okay."

They headed to the shopping mall together. Since it was the weekend, the place was bustling with people. As they strolled past various stores, they struck up a conversation.

"Have you thought about what to get?"

"Well, not entirely, but I have a sense of what Yuki would like, considering I know her a bit."

"I see."

"What about you?" Mana inquired curiously.

"I'm not sure. I was pondering it on my way here, but I haven't made a final decision."

"Hmm, so you and Yuki are childhood friends, and you're still undecided?"

"Yeah... I suppose so."

"Alright, no worries, I can help you," Mana said reassuringly.

"Yes, that's why we're doing this together, after all."

Mana glanced at Mika, a faint smile playing on her lips. Suddenly, a store caught her eye, and she stopped abruptly.

"What's caught your attention, Mana?"

"Shall we take a look in there?"

"A clothing store?"

"Well, if I find a nice hat or outfit, it would be wonderful," Mana said, her excitement evident.

"Sure, let's check it out."

They entered the store together. While Mana browsed the clothing racks, Mika looked around.

 I guess buying clothes isn't on my agenda. Every time I've bought clothes before, she's insisted on something that holds a memorable experience. Why this particular criterion?

Mana returned enthusiastically, holding a white and a red dress in her hands.

"Look at these! Which one do you think?"

Mika examined them for a moment.

 "The white one seems nice, I think?"

"Hmmm"

"Well, I imagine it might suit Yuki better when she wears it."

"Yeah, you might be right. I feel the same."

"Then go for the white one. You found it quite quickly."

"Hehehe, I have a knack for this," Mana said joyfully.

 "Have you made up your mind?"

"No, I don't think I'll be getting any clothes."

"Why?"

"Because she used to specifically advise against buying clothes," Mika explained.

"Oh, that's a shame. But no matter, we'll keep searching for the right gift for you."

"Indeed," Mika nodded.

As Mana started to move away, she studied the red dress she was holding in her other hand, seemingly lost in thought. Mika observed this.

"Do you not like that one?"

"Uh, no, I mean... I was just wondering how it would look on me, but never mind, hehe, I'm sure it won't suit me."

"Well, I believe it might suit you. If you want, you can try it on, and I'll wait."

Mana stared at Mika in surprise, a mix of excitement and embarrassment in her eyes.

"Alright then, I'll give it a try. Will you wait for me?"

"Of course."

After handing the white dress to Mika, Mana made her way to the fitting rooms. After a while, she emerged wearing the red dress. The plain red dress accentuated her complexion. With her straight green hair and bangs, she looked innocent.

"So, how does it look?" Mana asked, a blend of embarrassment and anticipation in her voice.

"Hmm," Mika pondered, carefully studying Mana.

"W-what? Does it look terrible? I had the same thought. It's probably too flashy."

"No, I believe it suits you quite well."

"W-what?"

"You appear rather cute. I think anyone who sees you would share the sentiment," Mika said calmly. Onlookers waiting for the fitting rooms glanced at Mana in surprise.

Mana was extremely embarrassed. Her face had turned as red as the dress she was wearing.

"S-so, should I get this one for myself?"

"Yes, I think it suits you."

"O-okay," Mana stammered with a slightly softer voice. She hurriedly retreated back into the changing room.

Mika thought to himself, 

I wonder what could make her this embarrassed.

***

After Mana changed her clothes, they completed the payment together, and Mana's gift was ready.

"Now, it's your turn for the gift," Mana said with a smile.

"Yes... I still don't know what to get."

"That's alright. We're bound to find something. By the way, thank you for helping me choose the dress. I probably wouldn't have picked it without your input."

"It's no problem. I think it suits you, so you can wear it with confidence."

"Yes, I'll put it on this Monday," Mana whispered.

"What?"

"Forget it, it's nothing," Mana quickly dismissed with a hint of flustered embarrassment.

"By the way, are you hungry?"

"Well, a bit. How about you?"

"Me too. Let's grab a bite to eat first, and then we can resume our search."

"O-okay." Mana seemed genuinely pleased by the suggestion.

Together, they ascended to the dining area and settled in a café. Mika ordered a salad, while Mana opted for vegetable pasta. As they savored their meal, their conversation flowed naturally.

"Hey, Mika."

"Yes?"

"If you don't mind me asking something a little personal, why didn't you attend school?"

"Hmm, well, going to school seemed unnecessary."

"Unnecessary?"

"Yes."

"Why? Although now that I think about it, you've always done well in classes even without attending."

"No, it's not because of that. I mean... never mind, you can think of it that way."

Mana looked at Mika, sensing that there was more to his answer. Although she wasn't entirely convinced, she didn't press the matter further.

"I just... I wish you had come to school," Mana stammered.

"Why? What difference would it make?"

"Well, we could have spent more time together- I MEAN All of us, together!" Mana's cheeks turned a subtle shade of pink.

Mika took a deep breath and posed a question to Mana,

 "Hey, Mana, let's say all of these friendships and connections felt meaningless to you. What would you do?"

Mana was caught off guard by the unexpected question. 

"What? Well let me think... If I didn't have anything better to do, I suppose I'd try to discover the most significant aspects within that perceived meaninglessness and attempt to make them my purpose."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, even if everything seems devoid of meaning, is absolutely nothing truly meaningless? Life, memories, relationships... Despite this, we strive for something, even within this apparent meaninglessness. Even though the future is uncertain, we persistently strive for the best. If everything truly lacks meaning, then why expend so much effort? Why does it matter?" Mana stated thoughtfully.

Mika was puzzled by Mana's response. It was the first time in a while that he had encountered an idea that made such profound sense.

"Why?"

"Perhaps because we are living beings. We may not know how our lives will conclude, but we are aware of what lies ahead. Regardless of circumstances, if we are destined to die, wouldn't it be incorrect not to endeavor to live our lives as meaningfully as possible?"

"But what if you couldn't feel anything, if emotions were absent, and you were trapped in uncertainty?"

"Well, that would indeed present a complex scenario... Yet, I believe people would still strive to rectify it. Even if someone were unwilling to make an effort, life and time would inevitably push them toward that state. Even if someone lacks emotions and feelings, I believe the body's sensations would guide them."

"The body?"

"Yes, for instance, when you feel unwell, your stomach aches. If a part of your body is injured, your head hurts. When under stress and anxiety, your entire digestive system goes haywire. Now, do you think all of this is tied to emotions or to the brain?" Mana explained, then took another bite of her pasta.

Mika was left speechless.

 Why I didn't pondered this before? It had never occurred to me. Viewing the body and brain as separate entities... It felt counterintuitive, yet it might just be accurate. 

But how am I supposed to understand this completely?