The Strength to Live I

---Chapter 18: The Strength to Live I

Christmas day had arrived. The night prior, Quartz had met up with most of his party in real life, expecting to have a good time. Unfortunately, the one he most wanted to meet, Yui, failed to appear, and what’s more, he learned the bizarre fact that she’s apparently been perpetually online for months. The mood of the get-together was soured by the discussion, and despite everyone’s attempts to have a good time, there was a noticeable gloom in the air.

After returning home and having a good sleep, Quartz had returned to the world of Myth of Genesis Online the next morning. Sure enough, Yui was online.

“I think it’s best that I… talk to her myself.” Quartz spoke aloud to himself.

He and the others had thrown around a few theories regarding Yui’s situation, but in cases like this it’s best just to speak to the person in question. Quartz had already run himself ragged considering one possibility after another.

Quartz sent a brief message asking to meet up. Yui responded in no time and agreed, so Quartz made his way over to their agreed meeting spot: the pond right outside of the capital.

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“Yui… I’m here.”

When he arrived, Quartz could see Yui leaning up against the tree by the shore of the pond. Even though it was morning in the real world, it was currently night in-game, so the moonlight seemed to illuminate Yui. She turned and looked at him with a somewhat sad smile on her face.

“Hey Quartz. Did the get-together go well?” she asked.

Quartz simply shook his head as he approached.

“It would’ve been perfect if you’d been there too.” he muttered.

“I’m happy you feel that way, but…” Yui looked down.

“I heard from Rokugo…” Quartz began. “You… you can’t log out? Or rather, you’re always logged in. Even knowing that, I don’t understand… Yui, what’s going on?”

“The more time we spent together, the more sure I became that you’d all find out about this eventually…” Yui slowly walked over to the shore of the pond, staring up high at the moon above. “The truth is that even now, I still don’t understand how or why I ended up in this situation.”

“But… what exactly is your situation?” Quartz asked. “No matter how much I think about it, it doesn’t make sense…”

“All I can tell you is what I’ve experienced…” Yui lowered her head. “Here, come sit by me.”

Yui sat down on the shore and patted the spot beside her. Quartz nodded and then walked over before sitting down by her side. The two sat still, looking out into the pond and the tree at its center.

“I suppose it all started back in the summer…” Yui began, thinking back to when she first couldn’t log out.

She spent some time explaining it all to Quartz. The story about why she began to play this game, the incident in the dungeon with the strange white void, and the fact that after returning from that place she could no longer log out and had found herself locked into the mysterious “In Search of the Precious Tear” quest.

It was a simple tale, like some kind of old internet ghost story. But still, Quartz nodded along and took her at her word. After all, there’s no point in trying to doubt her now. He was already aware of the abnormal length of time she has remained logged in. A feat that, by the functions of this game, should be impossible.

“That’s insane… I never imagined something like this could actually happen…” Quartz spoke, upon hearing the end of Yui’s story.

“You really don’t need to worry.” Yui gave a soft smile. “For better or worse, I’ve grown fairly used it.”

“Used to it, huh…” Quartz whispered.

Quartz tried to imagine what he would do in such a situation. A situation where he’d be totally cut off from his real body and trapped in this online game world. A situation where, rather than being a game he played, this digital world became the reality he lived in: the setting of his actual life.

The thought sent a shiver up his spine. After all, what about his attachments in the real world? What about his parents? His friends? The coworkers he’d gotten used to seeing at his part-time jobs? Even with the meager bonds he’s formed in the real world, the thought of being cut off from the entirety of the “reality” he knew was scary. After all, even putting aside other people… what would become of his true self in the real world? What would happen to Ryota Ueda?

“Yui…” Quartz spoke up. “What about your real world self? The real you… What about her?”

“Quartz…” Yui shook her head. “I told you… the real me is the one here in this world.”

Yui once more gazed up at the stars in the sky.

“And simply knowing that… I’m sure, that’s what saved me. It’s why I’m able to handle living in this world.” Yui continued. “Hey Quartz, do you remember when we met?”

“Of course. That time I ran into you fighting Aquaticus at the Water Cathedral.” Quartz nodded.

“At that time, I was starting to feel lost.” Yui admitted. “I’d engaged in all kinds of fights and battles all on my own until then. Just living my life in the game day by day. But things started to blur together.”

Yui rose to her feet and slowly walked forward.

“I’d already fought Aquaticus several times. Carrying with me the faint hope that someday, it or some other monster in this game would drop this Mermaid’s Tear thing I was supposed to find.”

Yui had started to walk into the pond, the water coming up to her ankles.

“I had to believe. I had to believe the Meramid’s Tear would connect my mind back to the real world… Because as long as I had hope, I could keep going.”

“I see…” Quartz whispered, listening along to her story.

“But when I met you… I realized that depending on such things would push me into a corner.” Yui turned around, facing Quartz. The bright moon glowed behind her. “After all, sitting there and chatting with you while you waited for Aquaticus to spawn again… Simply having such a casual conversation like that made me realize: I’m not alone.”

“Our meeting was that important to you?” Quartz was a bit surprised.

“Obviously!” Yui pumped her fist excitedly, causing the water at her feet to splash about. “It made me realize something important! I was starting to hold myself back, and only focus on what was in front of me. I was making the same kinds of mistakes I did in the real world, where I hid myself to try and achieve something. But meeting you and everyone else in the party, here in this game where I could be myself… I realized: this is what it means to make friends. Even though I was trapped here in this game world, the bonds I formed with you and the others felt far more real than anything in the real world!”

After her impassioned speech, Yui reached her hand out to Quartz.

“So, Quartz, when you ask me about my real self… What can I say? After all, I’m right here.” Yui smiled.

“Yui…” Quartz’s voice shook. Silently, he stood up and took her hand, before pulling her into a hug.

“Qu-Quartz…?” Yui was a bit surprised.

“Yui… You’re strong.” Quartz whispered. “I can’t imagine anyone who’d be able to deal with this situation in the way you are… You’re truly one of a kind.”

“Oh, you… Don’t praise me about something like this.” Yui buried her face in his chest. “Don’t you get it? This game basically just gave me an excuse to run away. No matter how genuine I am here… It’s only a game world.”

Yui had a feeling Quartz would empathize with her. But deep down, she felt it’d probably be better for him to admonish her, rather than calling her something like “strong”.

“That doesn’t matter.” Quartz shook his head. “No matter how much you try to rationalize this situation, the fact that you found any way to remain sane is something to be admired.”

The two stood silently, ankles submerged in the pond. It felt as though they were the only two people in the entire world. Though, of course, that wasn’t actually the case.

“I do… Wish I could go back.” Yui whispered. “I’ve had so much time to think about it… And I’ve realized… I should try again.”

“Try again?” Quartz asked.

“I should try being Yui Kawakami again.” she answered. “I should try to make Yui Kawakami… my true self.”

“That’s good.” Quartz spoke. “It’s okay to wish for that. Anyone in your situation would.”

“But… I’m scared.” Yui’s voice shook. “All this time… what has happened to Yui Kawakami? If I’m here in this game… then what’s happened to my real self? I’m scared… I’m scared to find out…”

“Ah…” suddenly, Quartz realized what she was getting at.

If the mind of Yui Kawakami was here in this game as YUI-YUI, then… What happened to Yui Kawakami’s body, seemingly abandoned in the real world? It’s been months; surely someone must’ve found her by now. But if that’s the case… what condition would her body have been in?

Quartz looked solemnly at the girl he held in his arms.

In the worst case scenario… Would Yui even be able to return to the real world? After all, is her body… even still alive?

[To be continued…]