Interlude ~Yui Kawakami~

---Chapter 17: Interlude ~Yui Kawakami~

What does it mean to live?

A heavy question like that give others pause, but for me, it’s simple: I will always just run forward, doing my best to have fun every day. Sometimes that led to great, happy moments, and other times I’d find myself being seen as a fool or naïve. At some point, I began to realize that my demeanor had caused others to feel a certain way: uncomfortable.

It’s not like I’d go out of my way to cause discomfort, or that I’d end up saying anything particularly unwarranted. Rather, it’s like my personality tended to make others feel guilty about something. In a sense, one could say I’m “too bright.” People who spend all their time stumbling around in the dark would be blinded; even if it was the same kind of light they were looking for in the first place.

I don’t really like that analogy, because really, I’m nobody special. I’ve always believed in treating others in the way you wish to be treated, so I always do my best to smile and keep the atmosphere positive. That on its own isn’t wrong, but… Perhaps, it’s difficult for certain people.

Eventually, after coming face to face with this phenomenon over and over, I began to suppress myself. Instead of being myself, I placed more importance on simply blending in and trying not to cause anyone discomfort. But… forming friendships is hard if you’re holding yourself back. Sure, I got along well with everyone… but I began to question what kinds of bonds I was forming. Was it really okay for me to keep going like this?

It was in a situation like this, when I was troubled over these kinds of questions, that I first decided to buy that game. I didn’t play video games often, but I knew of them, and knew that full-dive technology was all the rage lately. With so many games launching such bombastic marketing campaigns about being able to “experience a new life” in these state of the art virtual worlds, I couldn’t help but be curious. It didn’t matter which game it was, Myth of Genesis Online was just the one I happened to pick.

The first time I, Yui Kawakami, played the game, I was prompted to give a unique username to my new in-game persona. “YUI-YUI” was a simple choice. It was just my own name twice. But for me, it was a meaningful one.

If I was going to live a new life in this virtual world, I would no longer be everyone’s Yui, who I tried to be in my daily life. I would be my own Yui. Yui’s Yui. That is how YUI-YUI was born.

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“What’s that airhead so giddy about?”

“Is that some kind of anime character RP?”

“She’s cute but, she’s like, too happy, you know?”

Perhaps I went overboard, getting to just let loose and act the way I wanted. But online really isn’t that different from real life, huh? Those are just a few things that people said, but it’s not like people treated me maliciously. I was a newbie to the game, and it was very obvious. A lot of the other new players who hung around the northern dojo where fighter-class characters like me started would all find me kind of strange.

It was the same kind of situation I’d run into in real life.

Still, most players were relatively polite, at least to my face. So I got along with others well enough, working with a few different parties in those early days. I think the fantasy world and stories this game built itself around were all really cool and interesting. It was like something out of a fantasy novel, or at least, what I imagined one to be like. I never really read any fantasy novels, but I loved fairy tales when I was really young. So even though I ran into the same kinds of problems, I did enjoy my time in Myth of Genesis Online overall, which is why I continued to play.

It was summer break, but I never really made any friends at my university close enough to invite me out or anything. I didn’t have much to do, so I spent a lot of the summer playing this game.

But then, things changed…

Since I had started to reach a pretty substantial level, I decided to attempt one of the dungeons solo. I’d just recently won a contest out of nowhere and got some kind of swimsuit outfit that boosted my defense like crazy. The damage I took was reduced by a lot, and I felt proud at being able to make it all the way to the boss alone.

The boss monster, however… Yeah, it was probably too strong for me. Still, I fought it hard, and gave the fight everything I got. In the end, I don’t know whether I won or lost… because something weird happened. It was some kind of screen glitch, I think? Right when I thought I was landing the final blow on the boss, I found myself in a strange white void.

I walked around, but it was totally empty. I didn’t know what to do, so I used an item that warps one to the start of a dungeon. I wasn’t sure if it would work in a situation like this, but it did: I found myself standing at the entrance of the dungeon I’d entered earlier.

I simply sighed and returned to the capital, but I couldn’t help but have the distinct feeling that something felt off. After a while, I figured I may have just been playing too long, so I decided to log out.

… But it didn’t work.

I thought it must be some kind of weird bug, so I tried again and got the same result. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t log out. I was beginning to get scared. Unlike ordinary video games, full-dive games use special hardware to connect directly to your consciousness so you can operate your character as if you’re actually in this game’s world. It’s dangerous becoming unable to leave such a state, right?

I don’t know much about technology, but I know the full-dive headset device had a lot of safety features implemented. There was stuff written about it all over the back of the box, not that I read any of it closely…

I began to panic for a while, but I figured if I just waited, I’d eventually be able to log out, or maybe someone would find me and disconnect the device manually. I lived alone in a small apartment, but my mom lived nearby and would visit regularly. Surely this situation will work itself out before long.

That was the hope I held close to my heart as soon as I realized my situation.

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What does it mean to live?

I’d thought it was a simple question, but for a while I had to seriously ask myself about it.

My situation didn’t change. The in-game day & night cycle was very fast, but I still managed to keep track of the real time thanks to the clock in my in-game menu. Several days had passed, and I was still unable to log out.

I had no idea what state my real world body was in at this point. There’s no way I hadn’t been found by now, so why was I still in this game world? That was a question I couldn’t possibly answer. Even if I asked another player to go check on me, who would believe a situation like this could even occur?

In the end… all I could do was just exist. Even if it was only inside this game world, existing was all I could do. So, if I wanted to return to the real world, I should try to find some way to do that from here.

At one point during these past few days, I discovered that I’d gotten a new quest at some point. It was a priority quest that locked me out of all others.

The quest was titled “In Search of the Precious Tear”.

It seemed like a simple quest to go find an item: the Mermaid’s Tear. I’ve never heard of it before, but if the timing of me getting this quest meant anything, then… could it have something to do with this situation I’m in? There’s no proof of that, but I don’t have anything else to go on.

So, after calming myself down and thinking things through, I decided to just continue to live, to exist as I always have. After all, I’d already decided this is the world where I could stay true to myself anyway.

With my heart steeled, I continued to “play”. I played the game, living my life and doing my best every day as YUI-YUI.