The Real Question, "Why?"

I arrived at Nishidate Park. Yuri-chan was by the swingset, pacing around in circles with urgent haste. She stared at the ground ahead of her with her hands pressed against her face.

"Umm, Yuri-chan?"

Her hair whirled alongside her body in the blink of an eye to face me. Her frown had been flipped and her eyes awoke upon making contact with my own. She began jogging towards me.

"Kiyoshi-kun! I'm so grateful that you're here!"

"Hey, what's––"

"We have…a major…dilemma!"
As quickly as it lit up, her face had dimmed down again.

I heard the brokenness in her voice, interrupted by convulsive breaths. Her lips quivered, nostrils flared, and eyebrows were furrowed. I truly got to know how she felt when I saw her glassy eyes ready to shatter into tears.

Is this about…the butterfly weed? The poem? School? Her family and friends? Me?
I hadn't a clue what the answer was, but I would find out that the answer was all of the above.

We each sat on a swing on the swingset. I teetered a bit while she remained still, staring at the ground again. It was uncharacteristic for her to be like that, so I pushed her to talk to find a way to comfort her. There was no comfort.

She took a moment to gather her words.
"I-It started during the winter break. My father gave me an offer to think about in relation to his business, and well…the due date is soon."

"What offer?"

"Remember how I said I'd inherit his business after I graduate high school?"

"Yeah, you said you'd be workin' in Europe, right?"

A snapping sound, that I hadn't heard in a long while, twitched my ear. It seemed like she didn't know she was doing it, but she continuously grabbed and released the elastic bracelet against her palm.
"W-Well, during the winter break…my father said he'd have to go back to Italy to handle some business merger during the spring, and it would take him quite some time to complete it."

The snapping got louder, harsher. I couldn't choose which sound to focus on.

Her voice choked.
"He offered my mother and I to…"

Don't say it… I thought.
I stood up and walked towards her swing.

She did.
"…to go with him."

The snapping ceased, but not because she stopped on her own accord. She was unable to pull the elastic back any more, because my hand had grabbed her reddened palm. I didn't just grasp her hand, I interlocked our fingers, and curled mine to fully get ahold of her.

The warmth of the blood rushing to her palm warmed mine. I had held her hand before, but it was the first time I registered just how soft her skin felt. I crouched down to roughly be eye-level with her. As I thought about what she said, my grasp had strengthened, which told her just how I felt.

"Wh-What are––"

"Yuri-chan," I interrupted.
I had zero courage to look her in the eyes.
"When do you leave?"

I saw her face me in my peripheral vision.

"I-I…haven't accepted the offer…"

I knew my palm was sweating, but I wasn't considerate enough to let go; I wanted to be selfish and hold onto her longer. I raised my head to face her.

I dropped my eyebrows in perplexity.
"What do you mean?"

The spring day that shone its sunlight to plants became sooty. Strong winds that swept up old winter leaves and plastic trash brushed against our skin, unsettlingly raising the hair.

"Th-This entire time, I've been thinking of whether I should go…or not. I couldn't come to a d-decision, because while it would be a good opportunity to go…every day that I-I spent with you…made me want to stay…"

A singular tear was shed to run down her left cheek. Like the first raindrop of a thunderstorm, it was alone, but signified there was more following. She dipped her head a small bit, using the wind to mask her face with hair. I loosened my grip on her hand – much to her protest – and gingerly lifted my index finger to her face.

I wasn't going to wipe away her tear, because it was meaningless when another would take its place. My finger was guided to just above her right ear. In a singular motion, I combed the hair that covered her face behind her ear, then continued to caress my finger behind her ear to her jawline, and ran along it until I reached her chin. Ever so gently, I lifted her chin so her ruby gems were looking at nothing else but my own eyes.

Yuri-chan…
I hadn't noticed at the time, but bit by bit, I was leaning closer to her face. I felt her tilting her head to the left, and my vision was askew to the right. Her eyes had shut, and her breath as she exhaled brushed my lips.
It hurts me to do this, but…

I had the choice to not speak, but doing so would have resulted in her making the wrong decision. It took every cell in me to not purse my lips, and instead part them.
I whisper so softly I couldn't hear myself, "You have to go."

She opened her eyes, mortified.
"E-Eeh?!"

I had already pulled myself back to a normal distance. She shrunk back from embarrassment, or disappointment. What I said hadn't registered in her until a few seconds later.

"Wh-Why…?"

That was the billion dollar question, "Why?" I knew why. After everything she had done for me, intentional and not, there was always that question of, "Why?" Every time it was asked, it was followed shortly by an answer.

Why did she tell me her secret?
Because she wanted to reach out to me.

Why did I stay with her at the hedge?
Because I wanted to reach out to her.

Why did I care so much for her words?
Because I wanted to understand her.

Why did she get rid of my bullies?
Because she wanted me to move on.

Why did I tell her my name?
Because I wanted to form a connection.

Why did I help her with Operation Sprechchor?
Because I wanted to help her with her goal.

Why did we go to the Shosei-en Garden, Inari Shrine, Arashiyama Bamboo Grove, Kiyomizu-dera, and the school's flower garden?
Because, by our own will and choice, we wanted to be together.

So, why did I tell her to go to Italy with her family indefinitely? Because, in theory, we had our entire lives to be together, so the sooner she went, the sooner she'd come back. The real question was,
"Why not?" I said.

She repeated my question. Her tone rose with more confusion.
"What about my relationships with people here? I-I would leave around next week, so I would miss out on our second year, probably even third! Wh-Why should I go?"

"Because it's your future. It's not an easy burden to deal with: Inheritin' a company from your father. By goin' now, you'll shadow him, learn from him, and the longer you do, the better you'll get."

"What about y–– everyone here?"

"Well, since you so clearly care about me," she pouted pink, "I think I'll be fine. You'll be takin' your things with you, but you'll also be leavin' many things that you've given to me. I'm sure that can apply to everyone else you've helped, you altruist."

Her pout transformed into affection.
"I…I will go with my father!" she declared.

I tucked my hand into the pocket where the necklace was kept in. I had planned to give it to her as a way to cheer her up, but there was no need for that when I had my feelings – though I didn't tell her all of them. I formed a different purpose for the necklace, and it would be used for her last day.

That day was a scare turned into relief. I was happy to have helped her come with a solution, and while it was true that I was okay with the decision, I'm only human.

An emotional hole in my heart had formed and grew bigger every time I thought about her leaving. My feelings leaked out into the nothingness of my body. I was happy for her, but I was also pessimistic when I thought about being alone again.

What do I do now? What about the butterfly weed? What about the flower park? What about our future?

I had an answer to the, "Why," but I was lacking an answer to the, "What?"