Maybe We're Alike?

I whirl around. "Hold on a second-"

Hashigami, in clothes that are three sizes too big for her, is taking a drink out of a can of Super Dry. She finishes her swig with an innocent expression. "What?"

"That's alcohol! Aren't you in high school?" After everything I've done today...I'm not about to end the day by getting busted for aiding underage drinking. I'm just not. I realize that it's the stupidest fear ever and any cops who might care are all holed up in their homes waiting for the storm to pass, too...but I can't help it. With how awful my luck is, nothing is off the table.

"Yeah. So?" She shrugs, taking another drink. "It's not the first time I've done it."

"That's not the point."

"Eighteen is legal in Canada." She takes another gulp. Man, she's throwing it back like a salaryman. She just guzzled that.

"That's not the point either! We don't live in Canada!"

"Party pooper." She starts walking toward me, her bare feet softly brushing the wooden floor, taking yet another sip. "Didn't I say we needed to celebrate?"

"Yeah, you did...but I didn't think that meant..."

"My mom's dead, my dad's a bum, and I'm stuck crashing at this tiny apartment and wearing your clothes because I can't get home. Why can't I drink if I want?"

...She's got a point. "Do what you want." I turn away.

A second later, the futon cover flips up, and then something warm slams into my side, putting all its weight on my left arm.

It's Hashigami. I look over and it's Hashigami. She's setting there, swigging her beer without a care in the world, leaning with all her weight against me underneath the futon. We're so close that I can almost feel her breathe.

Oh, God. My heart rate's through the roof. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. It's so loud that I can't even hear the wind anymore.

"It's kinda like a kotatsu, isn't it?" Hashigami's merry chirp rings loudly in my ears. After a second, out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of the silver can skidding across the floor. Did she already finish? She chugged that like a depressed salaryman.

"Sakuta-kun?"

"What? Uh...yeah..."

"Listen, I wanted to ask...are you okay with me calling you by your first name? I switched to Sakuta-kun lately...and I didn't ask...but you never said anything..."

"I guess so." I don't even look up.

"Kou-kun. I like it. You have a pretty name."

"...Thanks, I guess. I don't like it, though."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Because you write it like a girl would write it."

"Who decides that? I think it's great as it is."

My friends in middle school who made fun of me for having a girl's name decided that, I want to say. But I don't. Instead, I look down at the ground, my cheeks burning, and mumble, "Maybe so."

"Can you call me by my first name, too?"

"Huh? Um...ah..." When I finally turn around and look at her, her cheeks are starting to glow pink, but it's not from embarrassment. She's got determination in her eyes like she could take on the world.

"Uh...Ha- Ha- Ha- Hashigami-san..."

I can't do it. I break my gaze quickly, down and away.

She falls silent for a second.

"Kou-kun, I wanted to tell you something."

Suddenly, both her dainty hands grasp me around the cheeks, turning my head around where I'm barely two centimeters from her face. Her cheeks are bright red at this point. Immediately, my cheeks start burning, too. I'm so close. I never thought I'd be this close to a girl for the rest of my life. I never got this close to Manago.

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. I can't hear anything but the sound of my heartbeat and the blood rushing in my ears...and Hashigami's voice.

"You put yourself down way too much! I hate that!"

Oh, no. Now she's shouting and tears are forming in the corner of her eyes.

...She's a total lightweight.

"I don't-"

"It's not your fault all these awful things happened to you! You didn't deserve any of them! Stop acting like you did!"

"But I-"

"You're not a loser, or a weirdo, or a creep- I can't stand it when other people act like you are! So what if you're poor? I was, too! You're a way better person than you think! You're a good writer, and you're polite, and you're one of the kindest people I know...you understand what it's like to be me, and you treat me like your equal! That's more than I can say about almost everyone out there. I've told you things that I haven't even told my closest friends! Now do you get it?"

"But...I'm a broke loser who works for minimum wage at a convenience store, and you're a prep-school girl- we shouldn't even really be breathing the same air. Let alone talking like this. People will treat you badly if they see you and me together. I don't want what happened on the bus that day to keep happening."

"That's what I'm talking about!" Her voice is full of indignation. I'm a little surprised to hear it coming out of her mouth. "Who cares what anyone else thinks? I like being around you, and if anyone has a problem, they can go say hi to my deadbeat dad in hell!"

My cheeks are on fire. I can't think straight.

Hashigami pants heavily for what seems like hours, until it finally grows steadier and calmer and she lets go of my face.

"Sorry about that." Her voice is calmer now. "I got a little carried away." She giggles.

When I look up, her entire face is flushed. Yup. She's tipsy. I just got a high school girl tipsy and I didn't even do anything. Oh, man. I'm in deep you-know-what if anyone finds out about this.

"Kou-kun, are you okay?"

"I'm...worried. Every time I'm around you, I worry...I'll say the wrong thing...or do it...and then you'll hate me."

"If I hated you, I'd have let you know by now."

"But...I don't know how women work. I wasn't popular with girls at all in school."

"Aww. I bet you'd be super popular if you tried." Delicate fingers gently brush my messy bangs aside, and then my glasses come off before I can say a word, and the world blurs. "Have you ever considered getting a haircut? You're handsome. And you're tall and slim. If you cut your hair and put some nice clothes on, girls wouldn't be able to take their eyes off you. They'd fight over you. Trust me. I know."

"But...you're seriously overrating me...I've never even had a girlfriend in my life..." I think my heart might beat out of my chest. Sure, Hashigami's drunk...but she's touching me so casually.

"Never? I don't believe you."

"I'm telling the truth. I was going to ask Manago...that girl at the takoyaki stand...out...but then I dropped out. She's moved on to someone else by now. I know she has."

"Her loss."

And then, before I can react, Hashigami's lips meet mine.

My first kiss doesn't taste like lemons. It tastes like Super Dry. But that hardly matters. It's like a bomb went off in my head. The world is spinning...but in a good way.

I'm trying to breathe and pull myself away. She's not stopping.

Suddenly, I collapse to the floor. All her body weight is on top of me, her lips still locked tightly onto mine. I can't get up. Not that I want to get up. I think I'm dreaming. There's no way that this could actually be happening to me. I made it all up. When I open my eyes, I'll be inside a padded white cell, locked in a straitjacket.

But I'm not. Hashigami's still there...and so is a buzzing noise...louder, now louder, now louder...and a light, right by me...I fumble for it. Whoever's trying to call me...not now...

As Hashigami lets up for a second, I roll over, pulling the phone close to me, so I can make it out enough to read it...and instantly, my heart sinks. All the pleasure disappears faster than breath in the cold morning air.

It's not my phone.

Takahiro

Are you doing ok? The snow's bad tonight. Hope you're safe. I tried to call you but you didn't pick up...

Next Saturday, do you want to go get something to eat? My treat. 😊

Hashigami bends back over me, her cheeks bright red and her eyes glistening.

"Who's Takahiro?"

"Huh?" She suddenly sits up quickly, rolling off of me, like she doesn't know what to think. "Takahiro?"

He's a LIME contact that you gave a nickname to. Of course he's someone important.

"...You have a boyfriend, don't you?"

"Huh? No..." A look of utter confusion and hurt crosses her face. "Takahiro's just a friend...I broke up with him months ago..."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I swear he's just a friend..." She slowly scoots back on the cold wood floor.

"Just...leave me alone for a little while."

She looks like she's about to burst into tears.

We don't speak for the rest of the night. She climbs into the futon, rolls over to face the wall, and doesn't say a word. I lay on the cold wood floor, staring up at the same familiar ceiling.

In the end, I never had a chance with her. I knew that from the day we met.