A Test of Patience

The next idea I tried needed a bit of reworking when it came to my schedule before I could attempt to execute my plan.

My idea was to catch Jun when they were tired enough so maybe they would lower their guard and more easily admit to what I was asking.

Even better, I planned to ask them while we were doing paperwork together since they were used to me asking questions and answering without much consideration; most of the time, they didn’t even look up from what they were doing to answer which was perfect for what I wanted.

They made it seem like it was so easy to remember the answer -however nuanced- for everything I had questions about and there were multiple occasions where I was awed by the sheer amount of knowledge they had memorized so well it could be immediately at their fingertips whenever they might need it.

My first step towards not raising suspicions was working late the night before, then there wouldn’t be any skepticism when I turned up later the next morning which also meant that I started my Cupiding late; which would then -in turn- also push back the start time I spent with Jun for my Auspice training. (See? My plan was perfect and foolproof.)

Though my attention was always very keenly on my Subjects as I flew around and observed both them and their surroundings on Earth, that particular time my mind was split between preparations and barely contained excitement about later as I settled myself in a vacant booth far in the back of the small eatery I was currently watching from.

One of my Subjects was a server here and I idly noted down the kind of people who frequented the place of business since it was located in the town over from where I had been living while I was alive.

The Subject was a former classmate of mine, we were friends at the time but not close enough to keep in touch once we had to leave the academic lifestyle and fight for our own in the real world. We’d messaged occasionally but it had tapered off pretty soon after graduation without the rest of the group to hold us together.

They hadn’t been present at my funeral; absently, I wondered if they even knew I was dead.

In addition to my usual notes, I liked to idly ponder how each of the people I knew either intimately or distantly had reacted to the news of my departure, it was still a strange concept to know that I was watching over them post life while they continued on none the wiser.

Caught up as I was in the whole Herald Rotation Training and filling my head with so much information, I hadn’t actually gotten around to asking how Replacement worked; Cyan had mentioned ‘pulling a soul back into a body’ or something like that but I didn’t particularly -and, I think, justifiably- know what all that entailed.

I couldn't make time go faster, but I definitely tried to will it to be so as I impatiently tapped my stylus against my tablet screen and urged the day to be over; I had bets to win and gloating to do.

There were about four more hours to wait and I was ready to be painfully bored since Oeuvre’s database of Earth knowledge was pretty complete -the Earth didn’t have many changes since natural disasters didn’t exactly count unless they changed terrain immensely- and my Subject -their name was Ren- was slated for another hour of work before they would presumably take a meal home with them to eat before heading straight to bed.

They had college classes four to five times a week and their hobbies included action movies, antique shops, and furniture restoration. There were, of course, other things about them that I tried my best to catalog and outline with either bolded text or an italicized font; they seemed to do a lot with their minimal free time but they were pretty strict about evenings being reserved for unwinding and sleep.

Privately, I was half impressed and partially annoyed at how well they had adjusted to adulthood in contrast to my almost frantic university days and abysmal social life.

The door dinged the arrival of a new customer and both Subject and I looked up to see who it was. Ren smiled and waved at the new arrival while I squinted my eyes contemplatively and tried to place the face with a name hidden beneath some old nostalgia in the recesses of my mind.

It started with an M, I was pretty sure.

“Mari! I told you I was going to be working late!”

Yep, that was it; now I remembered.

Mari hadn’t exactly been my favorite back when we were still in school I’d forgotten about her since she’d transferred to a different school halfway through the year but apparently she’d linked back up with Ren somewhere between then and adulthood.

If my memory served me right -since I’d been scrambling to unearth them the more Subjects I took on since all of them were from some part of my Living life- Mari had been your typical ‘sweet on the outside, sour on the inside’ type that adults loved and kids hated; enough so that she’d left quite a bitter impression despite the small amount of time I’d spent exposed to her.

In my opinion, she wasn’t the type to be anyone’s real friend judging by the way she’d acted behind Ren’s back after he’d introduced her to our friend group.

It had been years since then, people were more than capable of change but…

I watched as Ren and Mari embraced briefly, a smile being mirrored on both of their faces as they chatted about whatever at too low of a volume for me to hear without a relocation or some device assistance.

Even though they -she- seemed completely normal and nice now, I was still having a hard time not growing irritated every time she laughed or readjusted the bag on her shoulder; an intrusively firm streak of bias painting her actions in a more abrasive light. I was surprised at the high level of effort I was having to expend just to keep myself somewhat impartial.

I hadn’t observed too many Subjects thus far, but I’d Matched just enough -either independently or with Cyan- to witness a wide variety of types and had been able to view them strictly professionally; I wasn’t sure why I was struggling so much in this scenario.

Maybe it was because I was going to have to seriously consider Mari as a match for Ren and I had definitely gotten invested in his happiness over the month or so I had been observing his life. Despite time passing, my brain was stuck on the young Mari and was convinced they were the same.

At the very least, I had to observe her to see what she was like now; I just wasn’t sure how to get the rest of my mind on board with that plan.

Maybe I should ask Cyan if she’s ever had this problem; or maybe I should ask Jun later.

I decided I’d ask them both and compare.

–

“What sort of foolery are you scheming now, Jin? You haven’t been capable of focusing for the past…” They glanced over at the standing clock I had put on my side of the desk so I could tell how long we had been working in human hours. “Six hours now; I won’t be coaxed into revealing anything just because you elect to be inefficient.”

I rolled my eyes, no longer fazed by Jun’s snippy words since I knew their humor ran a little dryer -and sharper, it was an Elf thing- than most; if they were really serious about something their expression would be far more passive than it was at the moment.

“I’m just thinking about the Match I’m working on; actually, I had a question about that.”

I deflected easily, neither confirming nor denying the claim that I was scheming something since, in fact, I was; no need to outwardly admit it even if they had hit the nail right on the head.

My question had their attention immediately, the teasingly glint in their eyes being replaced by their serious Auspice expression as their task mind took over; no one took their role as a Herald more seriously than Jun, their dedication was definitely something I greatly admired.

“Of course; I’m sure Cyan is available if you would prefer her expertise.”

“I’m planning to ask her later; I want your opinion.”

They nodded, waiting for me to continue.

“So… my current Subject is a classmate from when I was younger, and since I’m in the early stages of Observation I haven’t really compiled a fleshed out list of potential Matches yet. Turns out, there’s a link with another former classmate but I…”

I paused so I could find the right words.

“...I didn’t really have a good impression of her when we were young; yes, I know that people can change and it isn’t fair of me to write her off entirely just because she wasn’t nice to anyone when we were kids but… just because I know I shouldn’t doesn’t mean I’m not having a hard time following through, you know? So, I guess I’m asking what I should do if I’m struggling to be… impartial.”

Jun took their time considering my dilemma; it was another thing I admired about them when it came to advice or guidance that went beyond simple questions about how things worked or what the schedule looked like

They always spent time thinking over the problems or concerns you brought to them just to make sure they fully understood your conundrum and it made you feel like they took you and your problems or questions seriously, which I greatly appreciated since I knew their answer would be genuine advice.

“Just to confirm, you are struggling with the impression this ‘former female classmate’ left upon you and -this is where I’m taking a few deductive liberties- you do not want to consider them as a potential Match to your Subject because of your negative perception of her, yes?”

“Mhm.”

They clicked their tongue and dipped their head again in affirmation.

“I see. That’s a simple one then: your feelings in this situation are irrelevant.”

I blinked, a touch more than just a little stunned since everything up to now had been all about ‘my perception’ and ‘my personal expertise’; the Subject was to be first and foremost, of course, but everything had hinged mainly on me. Jun’s answer seemed very out of line with all of that.

Before I could put up any protests, they continued.

“This is not a Match for you, this is a Match for your Subject; what matters is their perception and feelings towards this former female classmate of yours. You are correct in believing that you are to use your previous experiences and knowledge gained when you were living, but you are only to use those memories as additional information to be perused and grouped in with your other observations as needed; your personal opinions towards ‘things’ of any sort are to be kept strictly to you.”

A file they had been working on was closed and stacked atop a larger pile of completed ones, the folder landing down atop the others with a dull ‘thud.’

“Now, that being said…”

A more thoughtful look softened their expression, just a hint of a signature Jun smile messing with the symmetry of their features and turning the aura around us into something a whole lot more friendly and comforting.

“It’s a perfectly normal -or human, whatever verbiage you prefer- reaction to have a positive or negative feeling about anything when it comes to Heralding or utilitarian living; no one would fault you for those thoughts. Impartiality comes with practice, try to approach the situation through the eyes of your Subject when viewing this former female classmate and then you can access the bigger picture from your own point of view when observing everything else; that should assist you.”

We sat in silence after the unsettlement caused by my harbored irritation slowly eased a bit; it would take me some time to fully remove my bitter thoughts but at least I knew where to start now.

An additional six hours passed where I forced myself to concentrate on my actual work before I unearthed myself from my text fueled haze and surreptitiously tried to suss out if Jun was in an appropriately vulnerable state of mind for questioning.

I’d already stayed an extra hour over what I usually would have. I could plead that I had been distracted earlier so it stood to reason that I wasn’t done yet, I assumed Jun had already accepted this as fact since they hadn’t said anything about my presence and only continued on with the endless amounts of paperwork that seemed to magically appear on their desk as they munched idly on fruit and various flavored cookies.

It was over a year later and I still hadn’t figured out how they produced snacks from nowhere; I’d asked a couple months ago and they’d only given me an impish look and said they’d answer when I convinced them to tell me when they’d come to Oeuvre. So there was even more riding on this plan.

Although legend said it couldn’t be done, I was able to hold out until I caught Jun yawn in the corner of my eye.

The mundane action brought far more triumphant joy to me than it should have as I silently whooped and hollered my success internally, trying my best to play it cool and not make any sudden movements to rouse the Auspice from their paper induced stupor.

This was it; the moment of questioning had finally come.