The Sound A Train Makes

“...spring; I came to Oeuvre in Spring and the reason… the reason I can– I have a multitude of pockets. I like to prepare ahead of time so I make sure to keep things… with me…”

Jun’s voice was as quiet as their eyes were wide, my own expression mirroring their stunned features as I fought against my dazed state; absolutely frozen into place as my knuckles turned white from where I clutched my fingers tight around the edge of Jun’s desk.

Every breath between us was horribly, abrasively loud as the tension rose the longer our silence stretched on; the quiet almost swallowed us whole as my heart pounded deafeningly through my ears.

Allow me to set the scene for you a few minutes back, not too long in the past but apparently too much of an amount since we had somehow managed to progress here in that unknown measure of time.

Looking back, Jun had just begun to show signs of fatigue and I was ready to take full advantage of them being in a more easy state of reception for inquiry; they had been replying to my questions with barely a moment between our words. The space connecting my asking to their answering was hardly big enough to fit which told me the moment was primed and ready.

I stretched my arms lazily above my head and sidled gradually around the desk towards Jun so I could innocently grab another stack of files containing information about newly Designated Portants; flipping the top one open where it was and scanning the contents casually. Normally.

Totally not suspicious at all, mind you.

“Mm, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how Oeuvre categorizes days; it’s still strange to me that each Herald uses their own metric for whatever they want and Auspices aren’t tasked with converting it to a planet wide medium. It seems like it’d be easier to have everyone using the same measuring system for time at least…”

I let my words trail off, still keeping my attention deliberately on the file in front of me as I surreptitiously glanced at the Auspice from the corner of my eye to gauge their reaction; checking to see if I had roused any suspicion.

“Yes… it would be easier… howbeit, we are used to manually converting if needed and our communication devices-” They took in a deep breath that seemed to take the place of a yawn if the hand they used to cover their mouth was any indicator. “-automatically translates if need be; it isn’t an issue, only something to grow familiar with.”

The urge to grin was a feeling I had to fight tooth and nail to shove down, only humming in acknowledgment as I looked away; as if I was off somewhere thinking of other things and not hyper aware of one thing. (Namely; one person.)

“So…”

I started purposefully slow, barely keeping myself together as my excitement grew at the prospect of winning.

“Our anniversary of arrival here is also our death day; since we’re all technically just souls, right?”

The nod of their head was slow and a bit deeper than normal, their eyes blinking soft and sleepy as their fingers paused in the annotations they were making to muffle another not yawn.

“Mhm, that is correct, no ‘technically’ needed.”

So far, so good.

“And mine was a couple months ago; wow, it’s already been six more since then…”

They sighed, then slowly inhaled a deep breath in as if they found my topic of discussion tedious but didn’t have the will to change the subject; thus, they found themselves stuck with the compulsion to continue participating.

Perfect, the less they thought about what I was saying the better, now was the moment.

“It’s like a birthday, everyone has one but it’s not celebrated in the same way– oh, remind me again, when was your day? I can’t remember.”

I tried to say this as innocently as I could, not taking my attention away from the page I had been ‘studying’ although I couldn’t help the way my eyes strayed to Jun’s reaction from the edge of my peripherals.

The unamused silence my words were met with wasn’t very promising, but I held out just in case I was reading the room wrong.

Unfortunately, I had read the room absolutely correct and -when I finally turned my head to fully look at Jun- I was met with the most unimpressed, deadpan expression imaginable.

All traces of previous drowsiness were gone as the Auspice laid their hands calmly atop their desk and leveled me with a deceptively passive look.

“I sincerely hope that wasn’t a ploy you spent a great deal of your time on.”

Deflect, deflect!

“Well– not… not particularly.”

Deflection unsuccessful due to inadequate improvisation skills; mission failed.

“If you truly think that little act would actually surprise me-”

Despite my better judgment -since all reason had been thrown out the window the moment Jun had so easily overturned my master plan- I interrupted with one of the most childish responses imaginable; the words felt embarrassingly petulant even before they had left my mouth but by then I was too late to stop them.

“I can surprise you anytime I want!”

Not even missing a beat they fired back at me without delay, eyes sparked with delight and amusement at my floundering much to my annoyance and climbing desperation.

“Oh, is that so, since you clearly haven’t shown it insofar.”

“Well, you know what-”

“-No, pray tell me, Jin.”

Their smile was so smug and -in that moment- I just couldn’t stand losing again; the tension rose within me as I ransacked my mind over for quick ideas I could use to catch them off guard. The faster my brain worked, the more cognitive thought I lost as I stood there blustering with a scrunched expression, and their smile only grew more triumphant the longer I stayed in frustrated silence.

I rushed to execute the first actual idea that popped into my head and lurched myself forward to complete my haphazard plan. Nothing else mattered in my frenzy for ideas, which meant I hadn’t stopped to consider the actual implications of my actions before I was barreling forward and reaching across the desk; rapidly devouring the distance between us as my fingers wrapped around a handful of fabric on Jun’s uniform to guide them swiftly upward as I leaned down–

–and kissed them.

The kiss itself was over before it really had the chance to be called a proper kiss since I immediately tried to pull away the moment what I had done registered in my head. A surprised -and slightly horrified on my part- gasp shuddered through both of us as time slowed appropriately so we could each register the severity of my actions.

(It wasn’t until later that I realized Jun had leaned towards me when I had directed them upward; had reciprocated and kissed me back since -in the moment- I was still too stunned to even speak. I wasn’t even sure if they were aware of their own actions since I certainly wasn’t aware of mine.)

Looking back, a lot of the scenario was filmed over with haze that made it hard to sort out truth from paranoia.

Then, in a quiet voice -so, so quiet- they answered the questions I had been pestering them with for the past few months and I wasn’t even able to enjoy the victory.

I had taken major splash damage from my audacious maneuver despite those very same rash measures being the thing that surprised Jun and crowned me victorious in the end. As a result, my gross motor skills were epically malfunctioning and I was considering what unemployment looked like Oeuvre.

“I-”

“You should… you should rest; it’s late for you and it’s…”

Their voice was uncharacteristically unsure as they spoke, swirling blue eyes kept resolutely from meeting mine as they shifted in their chair and shuffled some papers as if they were too busy to really pay attention to me entirely.

The papers were gathered together haphazardly at best and there was no calculated method to what was grabbed and shuffled elsewhere; I absolutely did not comment on this observation and practically ran from the room under Jun’s feeble attempt at saving face for both of us.

I didn’t know if my chest was aching from relief or because their words stung like something else; I definitely wasn’t going to think about it then because my brain was full of ‘abort, abort, abort!’ and ‘AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’.

“Y-Yeah okay I– mhm, goodnight then!”

I knew my face was something close to an abhorrent shade of red, legs wobbly and head nearing faint as I struggled to align my thought enough so I could Manifest my wings and get out of this situation right now holy-

I screamed loud and long into my pillow when I face planted onto my bed and curled up with my legs beneath me; black feathers shimmering into nothingness above me as I unloaded everything I was feeling into the unassuming downy fluff.

There wasn’t a scenario where I could think of a worse way I could’ve made that happen.

What had I done?

Where had that even come from?!

Sure, maybe in the past year and a half(ish, we’re over that amount by now but whatever) my feelings for Jun had grown past the desperate need for a familiar security blanket; probably those feelings had somehow blossomed into something more… more but– that didn’t mean… that did not mean that I should’ve just-

My pillow received another loud noise of frustration, embarrassment, self pity, and a touch of anger combined as I pulled at the roots of my hair in the hopes the sharp sensory shock might rouse me from what I hoped to be an awful nightmare.

Alas, I only succeeded in worsening my headache -a feat unto itself since bodily ailments like indigestion and headaches were few and very far between on Oeuvre- and I still couldn’t shake the feeling of–

Of Jun.

Close to me, against my-

I managed to compose myself a large two handfuls of minutes later, hair a mess and face rubbed red as I folded my legs underneath myself and closed my eyes so I could think.

Okay, so I kissed Jun.

So what?

With much restraint, I barely contained myself from spiraling into hyperventilation again at that first thought.

Rephrase: I accidentally kissed Jun.

Let’s access.

In the moments leading up to the… ‘incident’ I had been scrambling for ideas to catch them off guard enough so they would admit defeat and tell me their death date. (Well, I certainly caught them off guard, good riddance to my stupid ideas.)

I had thought of what would’ve surprised me the most in that moment and -since being dropped out of a plane was no longer a tangible threat- the wildest thing I could think of was if Jun had stood up and kissed me.

My mind had pounced onto that idea in the moment and my body had just moved with it.

And then I kissed them.

And they had-

I bit my tongue, covering my mouth with my hand since I knew there was a high possibility of more sounds coming out the further I allowed this thought process to go.

…they had kissed me back?