A Monster

A setting for serious talk can include a lot of places. One could be outside during a smoke break, eye to eye at a table, or even sprawled out on a comfy couch, but in this scenario, I’ve found myself surrounded by half-naked men and women. Of course, they’re not real, only figurines and posters of cartoon characters with their toned and plump physiques.

“Don’t mind the mess, It’s not usually like this. Well, maybe a little.” Sofia adjusted the bedsheets so we could take a seat.

As if all the distracting erotic imagery was nothing, she instead wanted my attention diverted from the random articles of clothing and messy bed sheets.

I sat down. “Right. The mess. Don’t worry. That’s not my concern.”

“You’re right. It must be about what happened earlier!”

“No that’s—“

I stop to glance at the room once more and notice a poster of a man with rigid abs sporting very tight swim trunks pulled down to a teasing view of the groin area. The type of person Sofía had to be in order to decorate her room with such vulgar material made me both fearful and impressed. I ripped my eyes away having felt appalled by such a sight, then sighed that I was stuck in it for the meantime.

“—Yea, that’s what’s bugging me.” I followed along with her ignorance. “So. The um… where do I even start?”

Thinking back to it made me very embarrassed. Just the thought of how sensual we became. The overwhelming desire. Something like that feels so awkward to circle back to and talk about.

“The kissing?” She said bluntly jumping straight to the part that made me most uneasy.

“Well. I guess that’s where it started. The kissing. Yea. The moment when you started kissing me. Kissing. That’s it.” My inner teenager was starting to show, having poor resistance to even the slightest recollection of that moment.

“Are you okay? Did I really do something wrong? I’m so sorry!” She said with genuine concern.

I pulled myself together after a little more fidgeting and faced her seriously.

“Why did you become so… Bold?”

She sat silently thinking about what she did, possibly trying to piece together and translate an explanation I could understand.

“It was like I was backed into a wall.”

“A wall?”

“No… Maybe it was more like I was forcing an opportunity. I felt as though it was my only chance to… claim you?”

“Claim me!?” My eyes widened and I recoiled back.

“No-no… Ugh. I mean… I don’t know. You’re putting me on the spot!” She buried her face in her hands.

“It’s alright. Take your time.”

Sofía took a deep breath of reassurance with her thoughts, then looked to me as if ready with a proper response.

“I’ve been with a lot of people. Made a lot of friends… Dated a lot of guys.“

The painful truth shot through me, but I held on. “Mhm…”

“I Always thought things would work out. Told myself that ‘this was the one,’ then like that they’d bail on me. Figured it was just bad luck, but every time they’d say I was overbearing and a little weird. I ignored it. Kept trying. But eventually, it started to get to me. A turning point came when I met this guy, and it felt like we were hitting it off.”

It seemed like I was in for the long haul, so I laid back on her bed to keep myself comfortable. She could talk a lot, and I could tell this was something very difficult for her to speak on, so that made me feel happy she trusted me with this private life of hers. I listened further as she continued her story.

“I was madly in love and wanted to tie the knot, and get married, but every time I tried that before it always ended in them backing away. So I figured I’d seal the deal by other means.”

“And what was that?”

Sofía froze, laying back beside me as well to look up at the ceiling. Then she closed her eyes to relax before speaking.

“Bear his child.”

The shock prompted me to look back at her, to see if she was okay with what she had told me, but it seemed as if instead it relieved some sort of weight off her shoulders. That, or maybe she was really good at keeping her emotions stable.

“…What happened?”

I might’ve been prying too deep into her life, but I couldn’t help my own curiosity. In some way, her story resonated with mine. Sofía kept her eyes closed, but turned towards me, and took another deep breath.

“Well like any other relationship before, he saw through me, believed that I was out of my mind. He was hurt that I lied to him and scared that I took things so far.” Sofía ran her hand down the bedsheets beside her. “Like that, he left me. Called me a filthy weeb with attachment issues, and that he only thought I was pretty…“

She dug her fingers into the bedsheets, and her voice quavered.

“…When really, I’m a monster.”

To be called such horrible things by someone you loved hurts. Dedicating your life and wanting a special future together only to shatter into pieces during moments you believed would only bring you closer together.

“I know what you mean,” I said, turning onto my side to face Sofía. “Being called a monster… Feeling like a monster.”

“You? A monster?” Sofía turned to face me as well, her eyes which were on the verge of tears turned into a gaze of perplexion.

“Yea. For a long time, I believed I was. I put myself down for a few years, stopped talking to friends, and ran away from family, all because I was selfish, greedy, and inconsiderate of the one I loved. Wanted something when I knew we couldn't handle it, and we really couldn't. We failed to keep things together."

Now I think I know what Sofia is feeling. This sort of relief and comfort in unloading everything that's been scraping at my insides. It warms me from the cold breaths that freeze my heart and dulls the sharp edge of my painful thoughts. The wounds have healed and the scars are faded. All I see now is the beautiful skin.

I reach my hand that used to tremble over to hers and hold it, gently, and with care, because I'm not a monster, and I prepare to pour more of my heart out. 

"Then I realized something.” I stare deeply into her eyes.

“Oh yeah?” Sofía’s voice heightened with excitement.

“A monster wouldn’t feel the way I do, care the way I do, and love the way I do. I’m human.”

I felt my heart pour out as I held her hand tightly, but she pulled out and turn away. I first believed I had made a mistake, and my heart began to shiver, but then she started to squeal. 

“Gah, that would make such an amazing manga panel!” She tossed and turned, kicking her feet with joy. “Oh my god, I feel like such a cute anime girl!”

I lay beside her empty-handed and confused. Occasionally she stopped to peek back at me, and I got a glimpse of the silly smile on her face, then she’d hide away and resume her rolling dance and glass-shattering song of euphoria.

“Did I do something weird?” I put my hand on my arm and rub it up and down.

She went quiet and stopped rolling, facing away from me, but then she rolled in my direction, straight into my body, and pressed her head against my chest. One of my arms was trapped under her head and the other I had raised up out of surprise.

 “Not at all… I’m just being weird.” She said while burying her face.

I chuckle and bring my other arm down over her, hovering for a moment with hesitation, but eventually wrapping it around her.

“I don’t think you’re weird. Just… oddly cute?”

It wasn’t long after that I found myself pushed over onto my back, and again she was on top of me. The bed shook and the springs screamed as it settled readjusted to our sudden movement. She stared down at me, but this time, she didn’t have that desperate face. Instead, she was eyeing me with a certain enchantment.

“Wait. I still have more to say,” I begged. “I need to tell you—“

She caressed my face and placed her thumb on my lips, keeping me quiet. Her thumb dragged down my lip until it flicked.

“Can we wait until later? I’ve suddenly got some urges I need to satisfy.” She said in a seductive tone.

She was good at making my blood flow, so with only a few words she had warmed me up. I’m a stubborn man, but she has a certain charm to her that’s almost hypnotizing.

“Well… I could play a quick game.”

Lowering her head down to my neck, I was given goosebumps by her hot breath. She bit down lightly and began to suck. It made me wince at first, but for some reason it felt really good. I’ve never had this done to me before, and I thought stuff like hickeys weren’t even real, but in just one try I’m addicted.

Just as things were beginning to really heat up, the bedroom door opened, and in poked Imani’s little head.

“Papa, I’m scared.” Imani spoke with a shy quiet voice.