Despair and Desires: The First Desire
“My name is ————————.”, she introduces herself, breaking the silence in the room. “I hope we can all get along!”.
A calm, resonate beauty stands before us as she ends her short introduction with a simple bow.
There’s… something about her that strikes me as weird.
The aura she’s emitting is something I’ve never felt before. How can I put it? It’s strange. She’s strange?
Silence fills the room again in an instant as our eyes are still fixated on her. It’s like there’s a magnet that’s pulling our gazes towards her, unable to turn away.
The subtleness in her actions form the way she fiddles her thumbs to the way she smiles, it’s obvious that she’s nervous underneath. To me at least.
But I can’t help but feel something else coming from her.
“Oh, it seems like Alexis is absent today. Who would have thought… Since we haven’t prepared a table for you yet, you can take the vacant seat by Michael over there.”
Why am I the one who always suffers the most…
She lightly nods and comes down from the elevated platform at the front and walks towards the table next to me. For some reason, the aisle looks a lot wider than usual.
There’s a certain elegance in her step that no one can even dream of replicating. Each stride is imbued with confidence and elegance.
As if she owns the place. At the moment, she’s in full control of the classroom. Even the level-headed Zander is speechless.
Before she takes her seat, she glances at me in a way that saps the heat from my body. Like I don’t mean anything to her. At the moment, I can’t help but agree.
I’m sure that no one saw that chilling expression from where she’s standing. It’s like she’s only letting me see it. Which only further adds to the mystery shrouding her.
Setting her bag down on the table, I can’t help by hold my breath as I wait in anticipation for whatever comes out of her mouth next.
Except, it never happens.
I’m overthinking this whole fiasco out of proportion. Every little thing I’m expecting isn’t going to happen. I’m putting up my walls higher than usual, and for what reason?
Why am I doing this?
She’s out of my league. Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that what I want?
So then why?
Why am I putting up my walls so unnecessarily high?
— “Have we met before?”
When I should be fortifying them instead.
As if she were waiting for this moment, the moment where my bases were left unattended as I continue to build upwards.
“I guess not.”, she shrugs it off as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I hope we get along well.”, she flashes a warm smile in contrast with her cold expression across her face.
Her stoic, immovable aura is something I’ve never seen before. No one else has anything remotely similar to hers.
So then why?
Why is she showing signs of a dreadful future?
I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to curl up into a ball and disappear somewhere where no one can find me.
But those piercing eyes of hers, I fear that she’ll find me no matter where I go. I’ve got to do something. I’ve got to distance myself from her, not just to protect my sanity, but my whole way of life.
She doesn’t even need to say anything.
All she needs to do is be in the same room as someone to make them feel insignificant. That’s how confident she is. There’s also this strange feeling of authority coming from her. One where you’d be convinced that you were talking to royalty.
That’s how perfect this girl is.
One look at her, and it’s simple to think that she’s the epitome of perfection. There’s her, and everyone else. The way she brings herself with every stride, the way her hair flows gently behind her is nothing short of perfection.
Like someone straight out of a fairy tale.
A fairy tale I want no part of.
Perhaps… I’ve been treating her far too harshly for a person I’ve just met. What’s more, it’s all coming off of first impressions. However, I still can’t seem to shake off this overwhelming feeling of dread.
No — Not dread. Something a little more peculiar, lighter, and stranger.
Especially because I’ve never felt this way towards anyone else.
In other words, it’s a strange, unfamiliar sensation of familiarity.
And it could easily change everything in the life I’ve been protecting this whole time at the drop of a hat. The moment I get close to her, there’s no escaping. As if she has a black hole inside of her, she’ll shred everything I’ve protected in front of my eyes, and there will be no stopping it.
I’m aware of this.
I’m well aware of the dangers of being close to her.
So then… why?
Why am I so interested in her?