Portrayed Regrets

My parents have always convinced me to be a surgeon. I’m not sure why but since I didn’t have any other plans it felt like I had no choice but to become one. I wasn’t much of a good student, I'm really lazy and I have been set non-idealistic goals by my parents.

Soon, around the last semester of highschool. I started to really try at my education. I was able to convince my friend to study with me everyday about topics we learnt at school and entrance exams to university. While doing this everyday, I was able to get into one of the best universities in my city and graduate as one of the best students. I was able to become a surgeon just like my parents wanted me to. It made me think that this job wasn’t so bad. Until one critical patient came into the room. He needed brain surgery. I didn’t think much of it since modern technology felt extremely reliable. Everything seemed to go fine until the brain started to intensely bleed out. I was so scared for the patient. So me and the other surgeons tried everything to stop him from losing too much blood but then. The patient passed away shortly. It was the most traumatizing event I have ever seen. While it was partly my fault, I felt empty with blood on my hands. I felt stressed out, it made me question why I even picked this route.

I went home while thinking about what happened. It’s like this memory was engraved in my mind. I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling while I slowly fell asleep. While waking up it felt like something was missing. I woke up in an operation room. I felt tight, heavy, and trapped. While looking at my side I saw the patient in the operation theater. I grabbed my medical supplies to try to do the surgery once more but then I felt that time was acting strange. In a blink of an eye the medical team I was working with disappeared. While the patient started slowly bleeding intensely, like a red river. Inside my head, I heard a familiar voice. It was my own parents, shaming him for being terrible while watching the patient bleed out. They're like shadows of the pressure and disappointment I have felt from them. While the patient’s face slowly shifts to my own face.