vs. Conductor

The girl in the car with us does have long blonde hair, but that disheveled pup can’t possibly be Zorro. The criminal in the paper’s portrait is confident, clever, devilish, and clean.

This girl snorts loudly and wiggles her feet. If I had to describe her, I’d say she looks more like a hapless NEET than a master criminal, though she’s cute in a scruffed-up way.

But she’s an expert at napping at least. A strange sound emerges in the further train car - a shuffling, a quiet cry, a heavy slam, grunting, then a faint rustling sound. She skillfully sleeps through it all.

“Tickets…! Tickets!” The conductor calls hoarsely from up ahead. 

I settle back into my newspaper. Money, money… where can I get fast cash…? The girl has a small brown handbag set beside her. That purse would definitely be one way of getting emprientes, but I’m not a thief - though Esterraria itself seems to have major problems with lawlessness, as I skim further down the page.

______________________________________________________________________

WANTED

Max Attaco

Third-ranking Diamond Syndicate Boss. A train robbery prodigy, he’s well-known for boarding lines mid-route and wears disguises to ambush guards and unsuspecting passengers.

_____________________________________________________________________

The conductor enters the car. “Ticket… tickets…” His voice is hoarse, and he sounds like a ghost.

_____________________________________________________________________

Features: Max has a large build and leathery weathered skin. He has many marks and scars from the fights he’s endured.

Reward for capture: 600 emprientes.

_____________________________________________________________________

The conductor stops. He’s so close that his breath carasses me as he speaks. “You have a ticket…?”

The conductor’s face is no longer serene. He has heavy lines under his eyes, and his cheeks are drooping. His jacket is a size too small for him, wrinkled, and on his fisticuffs are small red stains.

“I already showed you mine.” I say.

The conductor leers, revealing a maw of jagged chipped teeth. His begging hand stays outstretched-

“-I gave you all the emprientes I had. Remember?” I say, and show him my wallet, presenting each Japanese yen and coin. “There’s nothing for you to take.”

“You did..? I guess I forgotten…”

The man shuffles away towards the train car’s back. I’d escaped without being flung onto the tracks.

I had deceived him, but not because the man had forgotten about me.

It’s that this conductor is a different man than the person who had threatened to throw me off the train. That red spot on his sleeve was blood.

“Keep your head down Maru… I don’t have a sword, I’m not a bounty hunter, I’m just here til the next stop…” I say to myself. Yet I can’t stop myself from glancing behind me.

This new “conductor” halts by the blonde-haired girl. He rummages grubbily through her purse while she still stays asleep.

If you travel to work every day on a subway in a rough city, you’re bound to see scenes that leave a sour taste. Wild-eyed men ranting about plots and conspiracies, scammers demanding donations, foul-breathed drunks looking for someone to fight. Rather than confront them, you learn to ignore them, even if they accost another passenger. In the ‘real world’ heroes get hurt or die and the bystanders survive.

He takes her money and puts the bag down. He gazes at her peaceful face, and reaches out to stroke her hair. He suddenly whips his head towards me, and I slouch.

Heroes die, bystanders survive. As much as I love light novels and heroes, that’s the truth. At school, don’t intervene - keep your head down and the bullies won’t fight you. At a company, don’t complain - keep your head down and you won’t get fired. 

I don’t look at the bandit. But I can hear him speak in a toad-like, bulbous, voice.

“This kind of body… this gilded hair… the boss would like it very much.”

I clench my teeth. Heroes die, bystanders survive. Yes, that was the truth of the world that I lived in… but, haven’t I left that world behind?

“Yes, I’ll take her…” says the invader. “Come with me, miss-” he grasps the sleeping girl’s arm.

And something strikes Max in the back of his head. He turns around, and my shoes drop to the floor.

I stand there, in my business socks.

Critical hit…!

2 damage..!

“Get your hands off her…!”

A statbox appears.

Max | Level 40 Bandit Boss   

Shld: 598/600 | Str: 100  | Def: 10 | Agi: 10 | AP: 50/50

Max smothers a snigger. What? What’s so funny? I glance above my own head.

Maru | Level 0 Journeyman

Shld: 1/1 | Str: 0 | Def: 0 | Agi: 0 | AP: 1/1 | Exp: 0/100

What half-baked RPG starts their characters at level 0? Start me with a pity level at the very least!

And what’s this statline? I’m okay with playing any build in an RPG, but this is no build at all! This is more a 'deconstruction' than a build!

The bandit eyeballs me. If combat threats won’t work, then maybe words will.

“I’ve used my shoes, but I have yet to use my socks.” I threaten. “Where I’m from, these black, gray-striped socks are equipped only by professionals who mean business.”

Business, as in, corporate.

Max’s face is stone-like, with stagnant grooves and edges like a frozen lava flow.

He slowly breaks into a grin. Wraps his hand into a fist. And runs headlong towards me.

There’s no pause menu that I can summon in this world, but time slows to a crawl as adrenaline surges through me.

The crazed thug continues his charge, face contorted in bloodlust -

Max | Level 40 Bandit Boss

Shld: 598/600 | Str: 100 | Def: 10 | Agi: 10 | AP: 50/40

Max’s attack stat is eye-wateringly high. However, his defense is 10 - so he’s much less threatening than he first appears. Any fighter with moderate attack should be able to fight him to a draw.

The problem is that I have no attack at all. In fact, I have no stats except 1 point in something called “Shld”.

Maru | Level 0 Journeyman

Shld: 1/1 | Atk: 0 | Def: 0 | Agi: 0 | AP: 1/1

Exp: 0/20

I don’t understand what the “Shld” stat is, but since Max’s Shld decreased when I attacked him, it must be similar to HP (health points).

Max blazes past the train car aisles - 15, 14, 13, 12 - and he doesn’t bother guarding himself. He must think he's untouchable. 

That’s a mistake. That shoe-attack was silly, but it did prove something. I open my wallet, which is filled with “worthless” currency, and I throw the coins.

The one yen coin bounces off his forehead. The rice stalks (five yen) strike his neck. He raises his arm to block the onslaught, and a buddhist temple (ten yen) and three cherry blossoms (three hundred yen total) skitter off his muscles.

His momentum doesn’t stop and at a glance he’s completely unharmed, but…

1 damage! 1 damage! 1 damage! 1 damage! 1 damage! 1 damage!

Scratch damage.

Most RPG games have something called ‘Scratch Damage’ as a mercy rule. When an attack normally would do 0 damage based on the game’s calculations, it’ll do 1 damage instead.

Since my attack stat is zero, I don’t need to worry about aim, technique, lethality or power.

…I just need to hit him 592 more times.