vs. Zorro

I make a living as an office worker and I’m already dead.

In the mornings, I smooth my bedsheets, brush my teeth, hop onto the subway and commute to an office that is so unimportant that it may as well be nameless.

I shift data from one database to another, since the first database will soon be obsolete. But by the time this project is done, the other database will be outdated too.

While I work, numbers from one-million to minus one are locked in their spreadsheet cells. The most common number by far that stares back at me on my computer screen is “0”. “0”, the default value, an empty eye, a number that means ‘no data’ or ‘nothing.’ I turn off the computer at the day’s end, and the face reflected back at me also feels like a “0” - a worthless face. And then I head home.

This repeats, over and over again. In programming terms, this is a process I’ll repeat until done, until my code’s terminated by someone else or it terminates itself.

Today I’m on my 1008th loop; it’s my third year on the job. In college, I studied math and coding because I loved to play RPGs, and watch numbers whiz across the screen.

I no longer play them. There’s simply no time.

But, I still have time to read light novels on the train. The subway stops, and starts, and stops again, but my eyes remain fixed on the page.

“Tamaru joined the adventurer’s guild, an order of knights. Their code was to protect the weak, to live for honor, and to fight for the wealth and welfare of all - that was the adventurer’s oath…”

I wish I lived a life like that, that I lived in a world that prides itself on character, adventure, and romance - I no longer believe in numbers. “Metric”, “targets”, “performance”, I’m sick of chasing them! If I was just transported to a fantasy world, I could be level 99 or level 1, I don’t care…!

I slump back on the plastic train seat, resting the pages of my light novel over my eyes. I’m tired. I’m not unhappy, just tired… I just want to take a short rest.

Somewhere I hear someone, something, whistling.

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Woooooooooooooo!

I wake to a steam engine’s bellow and THUNK my head against a window frame. The light novel slides from my eyes out the open window, flying off into a desert savannah as the train chugs along.

The stanchions, adverts, and sleek industrial seats of the subway have vanished. Instead there are the vintage plush seats of an older-style train. Tucked in the seat pocket in front of me is a newspaper.

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THE ESTERRARIA TIMES

“Rosa Imperia Invades Dragon Confederacy.”

Confederacy’s irregulars collapse in the face of Rosa Imperia’s elite inquisitor-class soldiers. Can the Empress’s rule be stopped?

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“Diamond Syndicate Brings Anarchy to Esterraria!”

Low level travelers are advised to hire escorts as violent crime and banditry spirals out of control on roads and railways. Syndicate goons may seem to have low stats at a glance, but they invest highly in a few key attributes.

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“No way…” I murmur. “Is this…?”

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“New Medicine Promises Easy-Level Ups!”

Doctor Engano’s basilisk-oil elixir is extracted from the finest mobs, Only costing three emp, it’s sure to allow adventurers to reach new heights without the risks and dangers of braving the field.

Disclaimer: Doctor Engano is not responsible for side effects such as stat loss, debuffs and death.

THIS IS AN ADVERTISEMENT

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“This is an RPG fantasy world???”

There’s a hard lump where I had brained myself on the window. I smack it, another wave of hurt surges through me - and I fail to wake.

“If this is a dream, it’s one where I feel pain.” I grit my teeth til the soreness passes. Newspaper aside, talking to someone seems like my best next move to confirm where I am.

There’s one person in the train car with me. A sleeping girl, several aisles back. She has long mussed blonde hair, and props her bare feet on the front seat. Despite the hot sun, she’s draped a buffalo-skin blanket across herself; her head’s lolled back and she’s snoring.

“Napping in a quilt when the weather’s like this? That girl has no common sense!”

What a strange person. But for now I’ll let her rest.

Still, seeing that scatterbrained girl brings my own shortsightedness into focus. I’ve been transported into a fantasy world but I shouldn’t be celebrating - I’m actually in a serious predicament.

A conductor in a brass-buttoned coat comes up the aisle. “Tickets out! Everyone get their tickets out!”

He stops. “You got your ticket sir?”

“Um… I’ll buy one right now.”

I dump an assortment of coins and credit cards from my wallet into my hands.

The conductor stares at me with an expression that I can only call professional contempt. “Sorry sir, we only accept emprientes.”

“How about this instead?” I dive deep into my pocket and pull out a small green box. “It’s a rare, exotic food that one can chew on as much as they like.”

“I don’t need chewing gum. I need emprientes. You know, those gold coins with the paws? He speaks loud and slow. “Find some, or I’ll punch you a one-way ticket out of the train.”

“Sorry sir. I’ll leave at the next stop.”

“At Kameleon-Lamian? No, I’ll throw you onto the rails. If your stats are good enough, you’ll probably survive.” He says unconcerned.

After every railway click-clack, cacti and sand dunes roll swiftly by. If he shoves me outside, I’ll definitely die!

“I’ll return soon. Have your emp ready by then.” The conductor shakes his head and grumbles to himself, walking away. “Criminals are everywhere these days. I don’t get paid enough… the company might as well pay me in pine resin……”

In the ‘real world’, if you can’t pay for a train ticket, you’re asked to leave at the next stop, which in this case would be “Kameleon-Lamian” - so I’m hoping the conductor was making a cruel joke. But even with that in mind, my situation has hardly improved.

I, Maru Shimizu, was transferred to this world. But was my 401k? My stock portfolio? My health care plan? I’ve woken up homeless, uninsured, and with no savings and no job. Everything I own has been zeroed out.

As much as I’d like to go adventuring, I have nothing to fight with. The only items I have is the newspaper I’m reading, a wallet, and a dead cell phone. Yet I smile.

…I’m confident that I can turn this newsfold into a weapon just given some time.

As the train continues to clack-clack-clack, I plan my next move and turn to a new page - HELP WANTED.

“Let’s see. Kameleon-Lamian is my next stop… and this paper has job listings for Kameleon Town. I can get a job as a bartender in Kameleon for about 10 emprientes a week… or I can work as a miner for 35 emprientes weekly - but a bartender might get tips, so perhaps I’d be better off working there. I have no idea how much a sword costs, but after some months of savings, it must be possible…”

My eyes drift to the other side of the centerfold. Instead of “HELP WANTED” this second page simply says: WANTED.

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ZORRO

A menacing-blonde haired killer capable of slaying 1,000 men!

Report her whereabouts to Violeta of Rosa Imperia.

Distinguishing features: A smooth, graceful fighting style and a heart-shaped “Z” tattoo.

400 emprientes for information leading to her arrest.

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Four hundred emprientes just for a few short words! That’s almost a full year’s salary in Estaterraria, figuring from the classifieds I saw before.

I set down the newspaper and stare at the blonde-haired girl across the car.