The Weaver in the Web That He Made (2)

“You know why I say that. But I'm showing you quite a bit of trust, maybe too much, by allowing you to stay in my house alone. With the rest of the loot. And all my stuff.”

Shuji was being more than reasonable. She should know how to compromise a little. I wasn't even sure why I was fighting him on this, really. Was she that interested in going with him to sell stuff? Mostly she was going to be bored in the back of the car.

Her interest didn't seem feigned, but come on.

Shuji was doing this out of necessity, not because he wanted to, like anyone else. Enthusiasm? Bullshit. If he could avoid it, he'd do it without a second thought.

“What's the worst I can do here? Steal the food you won't enjoy? The house you won't live in?”

If you really had nothing to lose, it didn't matter who you trusted, huh? Shuji had a feeling that was what she meant, behind his smirk like a cat with a full belly.

She was repellent.

Worst of all, again, he couldn't say that Luna was entirely wrong. Why was he on guard? He only needed the rifle to kill himself quickly and painlessly. That was all. The rest of his possessions might as well be...

In another world.

“Stay there, period. I need to be alone for a while. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Shuji looked at her. He didn't think she would have accepted it so easily after all the trouble she had given him. Luna must have a greater purpose for this than to irritate him, but he didn't see what, especially if she gave in so easily. I mean, he was happy to get her off his back, but…

He didn't understand.

He didn't understand and that perhaps bothered him more than everything else.

"Okay," she repeated. His disbelief must have been written all over his face. “You see? It wasn't that hard.”

But she reserved one last jab, of course. It was like her. Did she want to help him or did she want to be the reason he pulled the trigger? Ha.

In any case, this was over.

He went to town with the car.

He hoped to sell a lot and at least be able to be satisfied with it.

Happiness was out of his reach, peace was something only death could bring, but he at least had the right to feel pleased with himself from time to time. It made weight on his chest a little lighter.

——

He had sold some, but the trunk was far from empty. He couldn't say he was satisfied with today's work, that the weight was even a little lighter. But it didn't matter.

Suicide was omnipresent in his mind. It wasn't as if he could sink any lower.

The car cut through the dark night, through the obstacles in the road. That was one of the many things he had been in a hurry to learn once he was an adult. He thought he'd feel more mature.

That it would be a liberating feeling, even. He had been stupid and optimistic.

He had a car, but he only used it to drive to town and back. It was the same trip all the time. Freedom? He had the feeling that his world consisted of a few corridors. He could go backwards and forwards, but that was it, detours didn't exist.

He had the certainty that each time his world was getting smaller and smaller.

(until it reached the size of a rifle barrel, even).

And, of course, there was also that he was afraid to explore this strange new world full of dangers. Especially with the war that didn't seem to show any signs of ending.

The fact that wherever he went his situation wouldn't improve was a factor, but it was actually the least important.

Shuji felt like he was drowning.

And maybe it wouldn't be much different in his world, but at least he would have someone by his side to cope. Maybe there he could at least pretend to be free, and try to be happy, and that would be enough. If he was careless, his eyes would fill with tears and he wouldn't see the road. Shuji pursed his lips.

Between the darkness of the night and the clouds of dust the wheels kicked up, the last thing he needed were tears. No matter how much he cried, nothing would change, nor would anyone come to comfort him. The only thing that made sense was to keep control of himself.

He saw the closest thing he had to a home. Close already, it's not like he could see it from miles away, with so many trees on the way. There were some lights on. He could see it through the windows.

Shuji guessed Luna hadn't left. Anyway, what did it matter.

He parked the car and walked out into the night. He looked up at the night sky, the moon dominating it.

As a matter of fact he perceived it that way, but also because the moon was bigger than in his world. After a while standing like a statue, he pushed his hair back with his hands, sighed. He watched the mist of his breath being swept away and torn apart by the air currents overhead.

Shuji reached the front door, wrapped one hand around the knob. He bowed his head until his forehead touched the door.

And he stood there uselessly for another while, wasting time, standing like that. Was he gathering courage?

In any case, the first thing he noticed when he opened the door was the smell. A rich smell. He wasn't good at identifying smells so he had no idea what food smelled like that, but the important thing is that it stimulated his stomach. His guts were already rumbling.

Sure enough, Luna was there.

Sure?

He supposed she could have left, leaving him something to eat and the lights on so that less brave bandits wouldn't want to try their luck in a busy place with people awake.

Sure?

“Welcome home.” That was the first thing she said, turning to him with a smile.

As if it was natural.

But it wasn't. It had to be fake. Forced. After all, even though he had the feeling that so much had happened so fast, they hadn't even been together for two days. Still...

“I…”

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

Shuji sat at the table, waiting obediently. It felt very strange, but not entirely uncomfortable.

She was almost done when he arrived, as it didn't take long for Luna to come to the table as well. Patience had never been his strong suit so he figured that was a good thing. When she set the plates down on the table, he didn't look at how good it looked but at the portions.

Shuji exchanged the plates silently.

“What are you doing?”

“You have more bones than meat. You should eat more.” It sounded rude, but it was the truth after all. It's not like she was one of those girls who stuck her fingers down her throat to vomit, chasing an ideal that only existed under the spotlight. She was a war victim.

“Okay. Thank you.”

Did she look happy?

Well, at least she didn't seem bothered by it. And why should she? As usual, he was thinking too much. Shuji let his thoughts and his treacherous mouth drop, starting to eat.

It smelled so good. It tasted twice as good.

——

That night, he dreamed of things that were best forgotten in order to move on. That's what most of his dreams consisted of.When he remembered them, at least.

A long time ago (now, honestly, he couldn't remember how long, but it couldn't have been much after his arrival in this world) he was going by car. He had only gone with it to town and back to his base of operations since the beginning.

To be honest, he wasn't able to remember which direction of the hallway he had been traveling either. Forward or backward.

But that was the least of it.

Wherever it was, he was assaulted by bandits. But he didn't know that until a short time later, of course. All he knew at first was that he had suddenly lost control of the car. His heart jumped into his throat, he could almost feel it with his tongue.