Deciding the Plural Individual

“-rather a whole lot as luck would have it.”

Jun’s words were gentle and kind and almost playful with the expression they used to deliver them.

It was such a foreign thing to see and yet so entirely in character that I was having a hard time keeping everything on track; and -of course- trying to register that I had not only worked up the courage to confess, but that Jun had actually returned my confession right after was… so much.

My feelings were requited and I was… I didn’t know how to react to something I wanted to simultaneously bounce off the walls about and almost faint dead away on the spot in case this was just a daydream.

“Jin?”

It dawned on me that I had been silent for too long, vibrant color flushing down my neck as I sputtered an apology and stood; the nervous, overwhelmed energy within me spurring me forward as I leaned over the desk -an echo of my actions only hours before- and… paused.

My breath caught in my throat as I watched their eyes widen a fraction, their own chest seizing for a moment as I saw their fingers halt and lay poised in the air as if they were unsure if they should reach out for me or not.

“Can I… may I kiss you, Jun?”

“Yes.”

Lights didn’t flash behind my eyes and time didn’t stop like movies or fictional scenarios had led me to believe; the ambient noise in Jun’s office stayed very much the same although I could feel the warmth from Jun and my close proximity meeting between us.

It wasn’t like I could decipher a particular scent or taste as we shared a -frankly- chaste closed mouth kiss; I had closed my eyes right as we made contact and I was bordering on afraid to open them in case I ruined the moment by making things awkward.

Regardless of my hang ups, the temptation to see Jun up close was far too much for me to handle and I very carefully cracked an eye open so I could peek. Their expression was cautious and their lips were soft against mine, my hand raising meticulously slow to glide my fingers feather light across their cheek and then coming to rest with my thumb behind the corner of one side of their lips and the rest of my fingers gently -askingly- coaxing them forward at a soft part of their neck.

Thankfully, there was no recoil or negative reaction on their part -thank everything and everyone- and they leaned into me when I gave my gentle suggestion; their fingers wrapped around the forearm of my right hand and squeezed encouragingly as if to affirm that they liked what I had done thank goodness.

I couldn’t have been more relieved, breathing out a small, shaky exhale against their lips that sent my heart tumbling over itself when I felt them mimic my exhale. My head tilted just slightly to the side so we could more easily fit against each other as I leaned in a little farther across Jun’s desk, deliberately making sure to allow room in case the Auspice -Jun, Jun, Jun- wanted to pull away or take a break at any time. (I would not make the same mistake I had made before.)

We separated after a few more seconds, a small sound that was embarrassingly loud sounding between us as we broke contact and I leaned back onto my heels from where I had been raised slightly on the toes of my boots.

Jun’s knuckles went to their mouth and I had to fight my instinct to do the same, a stupid sort of smile pulling my lips upward as I ran a hand through my hair and tried not to either combust on the spot or begin laughing maniacally from the rush of adrenaline.

There were no words to describe the utter exhilaration I felt in that moment; it was the closest thing to perfect I could have imagined and all I wanted to do was do it all over again as soon as I could.

“I… I like you quite a lot, Jin.”

Agh, my heart couldn’t take that.

I stepped around Jun’s desk and opened my arms, earnestly hoping that Elves understood what hugs were and that I wasn’t making myself look like a fool– more than I already had done anyway.

For the incredibly uncountable time that day, Jun surprised me again by easily standing from their chair and folding themself around me, tipping their head forward to hesitantly rest on my shoulder before they thought better of it and stopped. I was quick to correct and reassure.

“No no-that’s okay, you can lean on me if you want to.”

Please, please, please.

Another batch of butterflies fluttered madly in my stomach as they released a soft little sigh and I felt the weight of their head return to my shoulder; their hair had slipped from behind their ear and was now rustling against my shirt as Jun slowly rubbed their cheek against me with another gentle sigh.

I wasn’t even sure if they knew they were doing it but all I could think of was that it was so cute.

The time spent together was a good way to unwind for the both of us, neither Jun nor I having slept very well -or at all- the night before with endless amounts of tension and stress slowly dripping off of us now that we were peaceful and trapped in our own little world of blissful happiness, if only for a moment.

It had dawned on me the other day -when I was still in the denial stage thinking my feelings weren’t more than just attachment born from familiarity- that Jun probably hadn’t received any reassuring contact or familial comfort since they had arrived; and if anything they had vaguely mentioned on the off chance they said something about the people in their past, they hadn’t received much of it even when they were alive.

There was almost a sense of pride knowing that they trusted me enough to do this; that they knew they could lean on me even though we had known each other only for a little over a year and a half. (Well, it had been even longer than that now, time had passed so quickly when I was focused on hatching new plans and my Subjects. Who would have known that I’d be fortunate enough to end up here.)

Of course, there was a bit more talking we should have done so all of our cards were on the table; I was still aiming for Replacement and I didn’t really know if Jun’s feelings were a long term sort of situation or not.

I wasn’t even one hundred percent sure of my own feelings and was half convinced they would’ve immediately made themselves known to me pending the outcome of my confession. (Which they hadn’t, and I was only increasingly more confused about them.)

Yes, there were a lot of things that still needed to be discussed but… for the moment, we just stood together and let ourselves stay in the moment we had made; because it was good.

–

“So, why don’t you both sit down and tell me all about this thing?”

A gesture was made between the two of us as Jun and I took our usual seats at our table, the Fairy nearly levitating -wings notwithstanding- with smugness as she grinned at the both of us and gestured impatiently.

“Uh-well…”

I looked at Jun, unsure how they wanted to address whatever we had; the word ‘relationship’ seemed a bit too heavy since everything was so new but what we were before didn’t really cut it either. We were most definitely still friends, that would never change but there was also more now.

“We have each individually come to the conclusion that we have feelings that skew romantically towards the other.”

They met my gaze with a relaxed smile, the light sprinkling of color that dusted their cheeks speaking volumes of how genuinely pleased they were to say the words and that they wanted me to know.

In response, I could almost physically feel my emotions take a large step closer to Jun.

“And thus…”

They tilted their head toward me, raising a brow slightly and barely ghosting their pinkie finger against mine in an added prompting for me to finish; I understood that this was their way of offering my own words so they didn’t somehow overstep a boundary. I guess we’d had the same thought process.

“-we confessed to each other.”

I finished quickly, a grin splitting my expression happily wide as I linked my little finger around Juns and squeezed momentarily to reciprocate their tactile action.

Cyan squealed and I almost jumped out of my seat with the volume of her exclamation, a couple other Heralds turning to look at the spectacle the Fairy had made before locating the origin of the noise and swiftly returning to their previous task; we were all used to Cyan’s antics and -as long as they weren’t new- were no longer alarmed or bothered by them.

Jun scowled at the noise, reaching over to unclip the ID from around the Fairy’s neck and humming amusedly when it slid to the table before the weight of the lanyard pulled it to the ground with a quiet ‘thwap’.

“Ack-rude!!”

I chuckled to myself as they broke into their usual bickering, our previous situation entirely forgotten for the time being as they snipped and bantered with each other.

I tried to study some notes on my tablet but kept getting distracted by the place where Jun and my fingers were still intertwined; Jun had shifted closer when they had leaned forward to unclip Cyan’s ID and they also hadn’t broken our pinky hold, I certainly wasn’t going to be the one who pulled away first.

So, while both Fairy and Auspice carried on with whatever new thing they had begun arguing over, I tried my best to clean my plate while I -more often than I would’ve liked to admit- looked down at our hands resting so wonderfully easy and comfortable next to each other.

My little finger looped perfectly with theirs and if my private smile betrayed more about a particular emotion that was starting to take root in my chest, well…

No one was there to see it happen so it was fine.