vs. Slimes [2]

The blobs hop forward and roll in a turgid circle. Let’s assume I’ve beat them all by sundown. How did I accomplish that?

How did I, the level 0 hero, defeat them?

Since my attack stat is low, whatever damage I do is instantly healed away. However, dealing more than 1 damage is still possible - I’ve done so exactly against Max, via critical hit.

When I fought him, I hit him about twenty-five times and one of those hits did 2 damage. It completely ignored his defense stats.

I’m not sure how critical hits work, but let’s assume I have a 1/25 chance for every strike.

There’s fifty slimes here, so I need to land fifty crits that each have a 4% chance of taking place. That would mathematically be about (.04)^50…

Which is about a 0.000000000000000001% chance! That’s not nothing It’s enough to stand and fight. 

I slap a slime on its head. 0 damage!

And again, and again. 0 damage! 0 damage!

Die!!

0 damage! 0 damage! 0 damage!

0 damage! 0 damage! 0 damage!

0 damage! 0 damage! 0 damage!

However, the slime doesn’t fight back. It 'leans' in closer with its body.

“Hmm..?” 0 damage! 0 damage! 0 damage… my slaps slow down.

Rather than fight, it just gives me a “look” with its featureless face. “Chirp…”

“Hmmm…”

I hit it more gently. 0 damage! Then I rub its head, right around the spot where its ears would be. 0 damage! Then I rub where its ‘belly’ might be. 0 damage!

“Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..” The slime purrs.

I give it more pets and the chirping continues.

“S’okay ‘s okay.” I say, and laughter bubbles within me.

Pet pet, pat pat.

“Poor guys. You must’ve always got bullied by the people passing through.”

Critical hit! 1 damage! SHIELD BREAK.

You have gained 2 exp!

“Ah!” I withdraw my hand sharply. But rather than strike back, the slime chirps happily, oozes away, and another slime takes its place.

There’s a blissful chime.

Maru | Level 0 Journeyman

Shld: 1/1 | Atk: 0 | Def: 0 | Agi: 0 | AP: 1/1

Exp: 2/20

“So I get exp whenever I break a shield. I don’t know how many slimes are here, but… okay everyone! Get in line!”

The blobs enthusiastically oblige.

***

Shield break! Shield break! Shield break… Level up!

Shield break! Shield break… Level up

Maru | Level 3 Journeyman

Shld 3/3 | Atk 1 | Def 2 | Agi 3 | AP | 4/4

Exp: 0/60

I continue down the queue.

Shield break! Shield break! Shield break…

Shield break! Shield break! Shield break…

“Who’s a good slime entity? You’re a good slime entity.”

I’m down on one knee, rubbing the cool head of the last, happily-chirruping slime. “Hmmm…?”

There’s a distant scream. It gets louder, and louder… and a girl’s lean figure sprints in sight-

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!”

Zorro punts my pet about two football fields away.

“Slimey no!!!”

***

Several minutes later, and somewhere even farther from the beaten path, I’ve reunited with Slimey again.

“I see,” says Zorro. “All these slimes ever wanted was to be pet. I guess most adventurers kill them in one or two hits when they approach, so they don't notice how tame they are.”

Zorro’s also here for some reason.

“I thought you were going down the path to the other town?” I ask.

“No, I was always going to Kameleon. But since you already said goodbye, what was I supposed to do? Walk in the exact same direction as? That’d be really awkward!” She says. “…So I waited an hour or so and then started down the same path.”

“This still doesn’t add up; we’re not on a path anymore.” I say, gesturing. “We’re in a desert field.”

“So you’re saying, that I, Zorro, level 100 hero of the ages, was worried you’d be slime-food, and secretly followed you as you traveled?”

“I wasn’t saying that.”

“You’re saying that I, Zorro, hero unmatched in speed and strength was going down the road to the other town, doubled back using combat arts and that unmatched speed, and used her extraordinary sensory perception to find you because she was fretful?”

“No, I really wasn’t.”

“You’re saying that I, Zorro, stalked you because I have a crush?”

“Nope.”

“Good.” She folds her arms. “I’m glad we have the record straight.”

This girl’s deranged ramblings go in one ear and out the other for me, as I’m focused on rubbing Slimey’s big blue pate. Zorro casually glances in my direction once, twice, thrice, and her mouth twitches as if she wants to say something.

She strokes her own hand fretfully as if it too were some exotic pet, matching the rubbing I give the blue blob.

“...Zorro, do you want to pet the slime?” I ask.

Despite Zorro’s abuse, Slimey is as happy and chirrupy as ever. In the time it took to find it after Zorro kicked it away, it regenerated its shields.

“I-I guess so…” She leans down and as we pet it, her hand brushes against mine.

“Don’t touch my hand!” Zorro snatches it away. “Um, I mean, you can, but at least let me prepare myself…”

Her voice is cute, but has an odd piercing quality, like a chihuahua’s. The cool, cool, slime is much more relaxing and that’s what I focus on.

Critical hit! SHIELD BREAK!

You have gained 2 exp. Level up!

Maru | Level 3 Journeyman

Shld 5/5 | Atk 2 | Def 3 | Agi 4 | AP | 7/7

Exp: 0/80

I finish massaging. Thank you; I pay my silent respects to Slimey as he bounces away.

Zorro looks at the slime wistfully. It’s gotten dark; the sunset casts a shadow over her face.

“It must be nice to be a slime,” says Zorro. “I’ve attacked a lot of monsters, punched a lot of people, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a headpat or a hug. Not as a child; not in the past as a soldier; and not now as a rogue.”

What she was saying, and how she was acting replays in my mind. I think I’m starting to understand her - the reason why she’s so calm in combat, but a little nervous around me.

“A warrior needs to be brave,” Zorro continues. “A warrior should always be prepared to walk alone. So to pet the slimes like this, to just have a moment to forget-”

I approach Zorro, and I pet her fluffed gold hair.

She briefly tenses, and then she relaxes. The sun, a deep red, is reflected on her cheeks.

Pat, pat, pat.

Her eyes are half-lidded, as in a daze.

Pat, pet, pat.

It was nice that she ran to my rescue. So she definitely deserves something like this.

Just a space to relax.

Pat, pat, pat.

But…

Doesn’t this feel kind of strange? This feels totally different than petting a slime.

She pushes her head up against me, and makes an odd kind of squeak.

We make eye contact, break it, I lift my hand and we’re quiet again. Desert cicadas trill and buzz.

“There you go…” I say, and she bites her lip.

“Alright. A-Alright!” Zorro says. “Enough idling! We’re going to Kameleon, let’s go!”

Our shadows have stretched and thinned. Just a wisp of light remains and I can no longer make out any paths to town. The buildings and the far tower are imprinted in the sky like fading stamps.

“...Maybe we should set up camp for the night.”

A knapsack’s slung across her shoulder, with tarp peering out. Seems like she has all the equipment we might need.

“We can get to Kameleon from here quite quickly - we’ll just guide ourselves by the buildings’ silhouettes!” Zorro huffs.

Then the sun drops, and we’re left in a pitch black.