Friends Again

For as distant as the memories I had of her, Hana lived up to every one of them with her easy, fun loving personality and upbeat smile that still managed to stay grounded despite bordering on ‘too wide’ some of the time. She had matured as well -of course- and was now prone to moments of silence that gave an air of experience and serious introspective calculation when need be.

All in all, I thought she had grown to be an extremely well rounded person who -I thought privately to myself- would fit perfectly with Ren. (This wasn’t a new thought, their compatibility was plain as day to anyone who knew either of them from the moment I’d seen them meet when we were around ten or eleven and I’d teased her relentlessly about it when she’d confessed her feelings in private. It was, after all, my job as her closest friend.)

We had all been part of a friend group back in school, although I’d lost contact with them when I’d started seriously applying for work so I wasn’t sure if Hana and Ren’s friendship had dropped off as well. She’d taken a step back from our friend group until Mari left -we both had- but I wasn’t surprised since she was treated the worst out of all of us when Ren and the teacher’s back was turned; and no one would listen to me when I tried to point out Mari’s behavior. (Ren and I weren’t close and Mari was so nice to the teachers that they wouldn’t hear it.)

“Jin Azuma, you are the very last person I would have expected to see here.”

I laughed and had to stumble back a couple steps when Hana threw her arms around me, returning the gesture fiercely as I greeted the friend I hadn’t seen in far too long.

It was one of the regrets I’d had, losing contact with the people I’d made connections within school just because I hadn’t made the time to keep our friendship; especially Hana because we had grown up together practically as siblings.

It wasn’t like Oeuvre was uncomfortable for me anymore, that sort of feeling faded about six months in but it was still a comforting thing to see something -or someone in this case- that your eyes and mind could very obviously recognize as familiar.

Proper etiquette prompted me and I pulled away so I could properly introduce Hana to the rest of the group; if Jun, Cyan, and I could be called that.

“Hana, this is Jun, my-”

I gestured for a moment before settling on a word.

“-partner.”

I hoped that was alright, we hadn’t talked about introductory words like that but it wasn’t ‘relationship’ so I figured it was alright. Just in case, I watched carefully to gauge Jun’s reaction and they seemed adequately appeased so I figured it was all okay.

Hana stepped forward with a polite nod of her head, holding her hand out for a shake.

I almost snickered when Jun stared at her hand for just long enough for things to get uncomfortable before slowly responding in kind and giving her hand a single, firm shake.

“Pleasure; I will be handling the finalization of your Replacement.”

In the interim time between Cyan retrieving Hana, Jun and I had studied her file and briefly discussed a tentative sort of action plan going forward.

Apparently, because Hana had refused a Visit, her Replacement had a much higher -almost guaranteed- chance of succeeding. She’d also picked ‘no’ on her choice to receive Designation and had directly asked about Replacement right from the start.

In the back of my mind, I considered what it might have been like if I had done the same and then immediately felt guilty about potentially missing the experiences and connections I made; especially with Jun. (Who, I might add, had carefully shuffled closer to me and entwined our fingers once Cyan had left much to my delight.)

“Neat, I’ve heard a lot about you through Cyan.”

Hana easily returned Jun’s passive features, only with an additional smile that painted her challenging expression in a more favorable light to an outsider looking in.

Sensing tension, I cleared my throat and intercepted whatever might be brewing between them although I wasn’t exactly sure why there was something in the first place.

“Great, now we all know each other– moving right along, Cyan offered for me to be your Instructor to teach you about Cupiding; that means you’ll assist me while your soul is strengthening. Cyan also said that you -obviously- were informed on how Replacement works; so, I guess everything just depends on if you’re okay with it– or, more specifically, me.”

Hana nodded enthusiastically, tilting her head towards Cyan and gesturing with another nod.

“Yep! Cyan asked me about it before she asked you, I’m all good with it so… yeah.”

She laughed, giving me a long look and swaying forward like she wanted to hug me again.

“It's been so long since I’ve seen someone I recognized! So long since I’ve seen you–I just want to squeeze you to make sure you’re real!”

I took a quick step back, holding out my arms protectively and leaning away with a playfully horrid look.

“Oh no, Cyan does that to me enough and I don’t need more squeezing!”

We all laughed at that in our respective ways and levels of volume, the slight tension from before and my nervousness of seeing Hana again after so long easily melting away after that.

–

“So, tell me about how you and that Auspice -Jun- happened.”

I saved myself -and Hana since she was sitting directly across from me- from the eruption of liquid that almost spewed from my mouth by forcing myself to swallow quickly, having involuntarily jumped at the question since I hadn’t been completely paying attention and -subsequently- had been caught seriously off guard.

I’d forgotten that Hana had a massive penchant for gossip in the short amount of time we’d lost contact. But the gossip only held interest to her if it involved the people she cared about; if you had a secret, no you didn’t. To her credit, Hana was -surprisingly- very good at keeping things to herself, she just wanted to know.

Aquatic projectile crisis averted, I coughed to clear my throat and wiped my mouth with a napkin before I even attempted to piece together an answer for that particular question.

How had that happened?

Well…

“I guess… it just did; one thing led to another, you know?”

I could have gone on about the things I liked about Jun or some of the reasons why they made me indescribably happy but– I wouldn’t.

I felt reluctant to share those feelings with anyone other than Jun themself, and just that thought alone made me need to actively fight off any fidgeting that might occur from embarrassment or the dumb smile Cyan had called me out on more than a few times when my mind had strayed towards thoughts of Jun and us would give me right away. There was no way Hana wouldn’t manage to latch onto that weakness and pull it out of me if I let my guard slip.

There was a high chance I didn’t succeed in concealing my thoughts if the suspiciously narrow eyed expression Hana gave me was any indication, but I played it cool and innocently took another sip of my drink.

“So, have you guys kissed yet?”

-and then I had another coughing fit.

We had.

Oh, we really had.

“...yep.”

“Oh my-Jin, I’m seriously so happy for you! Ahhh, that’s so cute!!”

Hana grinned like I’d given her the world’s best gift, which immediately prompted color to rise to my features.

I’d forgotten about this, too, I’m ashamed to say. Hana always got so thrilled when I was excited about something, or if something went well in my life she would always be my biggest supporter. Of course, I remembered that she had always been supportive, but now that I was back in her presence I only felt more guilty for letting our friendship fizzle out like it did.

That needed to be addressed; she deserved it and it was the least I could do.

“Hey– I’m… Hana, I’m really sorry about not keeping in contact with you after we graduated; it was the worst thing I could have done, and even though it felt like it at the time, being busy was no excuse. I took the stability of our friendship for granted and thought that would mean I wouldn’t have to put in effort once that time arose, that was a big mistake.”

I bowed my head apologetically, feeling genuinely remorseful as I berated myself for the decisions I had made just because I couldn’t be bothered to extend a little extra effort; especially when I’d known she’d understand.

“Really, I’m so sorry. I’d love if we could continue being friends but I didn’t want to continue on like I’d never done anything wrong because it wouldn’t be fair to you to have to just pretend.”

Hana was quiet for a moment, that more mature introspective side that I had mentioned previously making itself known as she fully digested my apology.

It was an action that was greatly appreciated, much more than if she would have immediately accepted my apology or brushed it off as if I’d never had anything to apologize for in the first place. This way, it meant that she was seriously thinking about what I had done and factoring in my apology after; to me, it meant that her answer would be a genuine one.

“I forgive you.”

I let out a relieved sigh, my lips unconsciously quirking upward into a small smile.

“But… if we’re being completely honest, you dropping our friendship like it didn’t even matter to you really hurt; we’ve been close since we were kids and it was– I didn’t like feeling as if our friendship didn’t mean as much to you as it did to me when we’d both agreed that it had.”

I nodded, fully understanding where she was coming from and feeling another wave of remorse wash over me at the distantly wounded look in her eyes.

“But… I understand how much your parents were pressuring you and I should’ve given you more time before getting frustrated and backing down; your friendship meant way more to me than the effort I showed so I shouldn’t have given up so easily. I should have fought for you; it’s been a big regret of mine, too. So–”

She held out her hand, grinning at me like we were young again and she was propositioning me to be co-caption on her team during our free time at school.

“Let’s call it even and move forward, okay?”

And, just like back then, I returned her grin and shook her hand, accepting her proposal with a determined expression that quickly morphed into a grin that matched hers.

“Deal.”