The Forecast Predicts Rain

“How are you finding being an Instructor?”

I made a low noise, right between pained and whining as I scrubbed my hands over my face from another night that consisted of too little sleep and more work than preferable; or advisable.

Although I couldn’t see them at that moment, I felt the amused grin from Jun’s direction and I did not appreciate the additional input nor the question in the first place; they already knew.

I’d expected being an Instructor to be hard; of course it would be, teaching something was far harder than learning it especially when you didn’t feel overqualified for the job. I knew I had what it took to teach what Hana needed to know, but actually doing it took a lot more out of me than I’d anticipated.

Lesson plans were something I should have seen coming but -alas- I hadn’t, and I was scrambling to pull together a cohesive outline with pacing tailored to Hana’s learning capabilities and preferences. (Which were vast and detailed.)

Since I was now doing the work myself, I was even more grateful to Cyan and Jun for making the process as easy and -mostly- stress free as they had; there was a reason why they were renowned as proficient amongst the other Heralds because I was struggling.

They’d introduced me to some of the other Heralds who’d been on Oeuvre for as long -or even longer- than they had and it was fascinating to see the different kinds who chose to stay instead of trying for Replacement or Passing On.

If I got the chance to have some time with them I’d always ask them why; of course, with the caveat that they didn’t have to answer if they didn’t want to.

They all had different reasons, but it all came down to a few core things: they gained great satisfaction from helping the ones they cared about -either while the ones they knew were alive or generations after- and Oeuvre was nothing short of an amazing place to work and exist in.

It really was as simple as that, especially since Passing On was always an option if the spark of what they did or Oeuvre’s charm faded; that spark simply hadn’t been snuffed out yet despite the countless number of years and thus… they’d stayed. Simple as that.

Regarding Replacement, I was surprised to hear that most of them had tried as I was, or at least heavily considered it if they hadn’t already tried; most of them had backed out before actually completing what they needed to return or had failed and chosen to stay on Oeuvre.

They were all surprisingly tight-lipped about how they failed, mulling over their wandering words before ultimately telling me something to the effect of 'you’ll understand when you get there.’

That didn’t help me calculate the probability of my chances for success, but it did give me peace to know that the– magic -for lack of better words- that Oeuvre had dazzled me with hadn’t dimmed for so many even after hundreds or maybe even thousands of years. It made the desperation I felt to return to Earth calm into a desire rather than a need and I was happy to be soothed because failing didn’t mean I would lose.

After all, Oeuvre meant Jun.

“It’s fine.”

I snapped testily back at them, still refusing to look at the Auspice fully so I wouldn’t have to see their smug expression; since they’d been warning me of the additional workload accepting a ‘Neophyte Cupid’ would bring on and I had brushed it off as ‘nothing I couldn't handle’.

Technically, I wasn’t wrong. I was handling it, just not… proficiently.

“Oh yes, I’m sure; your condition seems to be in…” They clicked their tongue, just to spotlight an extra note of amusement and I fought the urge to growl at them. “-top form.”

And then they laughed, just to rub some additional salt in my wounded ego and I had to release a heavy sigh as I leaned back in my chair, sending them a nonplussed look that expressed all of my malcontent and contempt nonverbally since I didn’t think I had the strength in that moment to form the adequate words.

“Tch, regardless…”

They stood, rounding the desk to my side and only hesitating for a moment before carefully running their fingers through my hair, letting the warmth of their fingertips seep into the aching muscles at the base of my neck as I closed my eyes and leaned into them.

“You have been hard at work; it would do you well to have a rest, you deserve at least that much…”

Their voice was softer towards the end, gentle fingers tenderly skimming the edge of my jaw and tilting my head carefully backward so they could lean down and press their lips softly against mine.

I found they were more emboldened when I had my eyes shut, only ready to make a tentative advance when they had the added comfort of some anonymity, or maybe they felt like there was less pressure from me.

Eyes open or closed, there were never any expectations -regarding those types of things- on my end, and I had tried to express that to them but they’d only frozen up and pretended like they hadn’t known what I was talking about; ears pink and eyes refusing to meet mine. So I’d let it go after that and made sure to close my eyes a little more often so they could feel comfortable until they gained enough confidence where it wouldn't matter.

It baffled me to think that they were nervous I would somehow ever refuse any of their instigations for tactileness, because I wouldn't; there wasn't a situation I could think of that Jun could put me in where I wouldn’t be alright with.

They were too practical and professional to try and instigate anything during work, and we hadn’t crossed any boundaries that would need discussion before it happened again; it was all up to them and their comfort levels and I was nothing but happy with whatever they wanted to do.

A content sort of hum made my lips twitch upward, my nose barely brushing against Jun’s chin as they pulled away and gently coaxed my head back to its original position with some light pressure from their fingers.

“A nap would be nice.”

I mused lowly, slowly opening my eyes and smiling when I saw the furrowed look on Jun’s face; that was their concerned expression saved only for me and occasionally Cyan when the Fairy overexerted herself to the point where she no longer snipped back to the Auspice’s snide comments.

Moving deliberately so I didn’t startle them, I reached up and traced the back of my fingers along the underside of their eye, letting my hand turn so my thumb could brush over their cheek.

The angle was a little awkward, but I moved slowly so I didn’t accidentally poke them in the eye and I succeeded in smoothing out the crease in their brow so I considered that as a triumph.

For all I worried and agonized myself in the days -and weeks when I really thought about it even though I hadn’t realized- leading up to my inevitable confession, these moments were so worth every second I spent; because flight might have been the closest thing to perfect but this was…

Beyond; so far beyond in a subtle way that I couldn’t explain with words.

“Don’t let me sleep more than usual; I don’t want Hana to be waiting on me just because you think I should sleep more.”

I’d come up behind Jun once they’d returned to their desk and mirrored the position they had taken with me sans more kisses; peering over their shoulder at what they were working on and earning a testy ‘tch’ noise when I stole a piece of fruit from the plate the had been snacking from.

“Very well, although I do not promise zero retribution for your burglary.”

I took that as my cue to leave and hustled out of Jun’s office before they made good on their words, trailing out the door in a peal of laughter as Jun stood and just missed a grab for the sleeve of my shirt.

Once again, I took that as an absolute triumph.

–

Hana was a quick learner, whip smart and just as snarky as I remembered her with a devilish smile that spoke volumes on how she knew how to get her way and still have you thank her for it.

She was an ever present reminder of everything I had lost by leaving Earth, and also what it meant to truly yearn to return.

There wasn’t a day where Hana wouldn’t tell me how much she couldn’t wait to go back once the requirements for her Replacement were filled; she’d talk about the places and people and activities that she missed so much it ached in her bones.

She talked about Ren, too; how they’d only just reconnected a few months before she’d died and she confessed that she had finally worked up enough courage to tell him how she felt about him– had felt about him ever since we were in school.

I teased her, of course I did, grinning salaciously and making expressions that she shoved my shoulder for before we both broke into laughter and then resumed Rotation Training after another bout of childish squabbling.

It was amazing to have her back in my life -or unlife, you know what I mean- again, it made the part of me that twinged to return to Earth flare back to life with a whole tidal wave of mixed reviews to greet it.

On one hand, I hated feeling my desire for Replacement grow again because now -with the absolutely idyllic connection I had with Jun- I felt as if that desire should have disappeared altogether or at least faded into something that was easily ignorable. Right?

Because I honestly felt as if I cared for Jun more so why… why was I still conflicted?

Earth was… well, I had always felt like Earth was home. I don’t remember when I started calling Earth ‘Earth’ and not simply referring to it as home; did that mean I didn’t consider Earth my home anymore? Where was home, then?

Jun. Jun feels like home.

I grimaced at myself internally at how embarrassing that sounded, but there was a large section of my mind and heart that fully believed in that statement.

And yet…

There was still a portion of myself that truly did want to go… home, wherever that might be.

Earth was familiar and that promised a comfort I wasn’t sure I would ever feel if I stayed on Oeuvre; but just because I wasn’t sure that didn’t mean it couldn’t ever happen, especially if I had Jun.

But we’re still so new, would I even leave a lasting impression if I did go? Wouldn’t they have already told me they wanted me to stay if I had?

My Auspice training was nearly complete and when that was finished I was done; my Rotations would be fulfilled and that meant that I would be ready to proceed to the final step of Replacement, which was where I would actually be sent back to Earth for good. (Or not, I wasn’t disillusioned into thinking I had a high chance but there was still a big enough chance.)

I didn’t know what the right decision was, and maybe it would have become clearer if I talked to someone about it but… I felt like I had to make this decision for myself.

If anyone, I’d have to talk to Jun.

I just wish I knew what was the right thing to do.

If there was even a decision that could be called right… I didn’t know.