Guilt Trip

Kritvik Bhatt

Sana stood in front of the giant JenCon signboard—smiling, obviously. She had her left hand holding her right hand in front of her waist, and her eyes were tilted downward, for some reason. She was, on top of her black frock and leggings, wearing the shining dark blue t-shirt with the bright profiles of a woman—pink in color—on the left, and of a man—red in color—on the right, with bright orange flames behind them.

I stood some steps away, crouched down on my knees with my smartphone in front of my eyes, clicking her picture. I too was wearing the same t-shirt on top of my dark red shirt.

Click!

She then turned her head leftward, and I clicked another photo.

She then looked toward me and started to walk toward me.

“Lemme see!”

“Yeah, man. Obviously,” I said with a smile as I handed my smartphone to her.

She stood in front of me and started to look at the photos. She then swiped a few times to look at the other ones. “Cool. We got the selfies and individual pics. We’re done here.”

“Now, what next?”

“Well, it’s about time we head for Kirishima-sensei’s performance.”

“Huh? Is it already five?”

“Will be soon,” She replied as she turned her head to me and raised the smartphone to me.

I took the smartphone and asked, “Let’s hurry, then.”

The sun was setting silently beneath the huge corporate buildings, throwing off its dark orange flames all around. The sky had started to turn a little darker, though it was just the beginning of it, maybe.

***

Some minutes later, we were walking through one of the alleys of the stalls again. Beside us were other young adults and late teens, along with cosplayers in colorful clothes, for some reason. All were walking in different directions, and the place was filled with indistinct chatter of cool vibes.

On our left, we were approaching Kirishima’s open booth again, which was empty this time, obviously. After Kirishima’s booth and other stalls on our right, there were seats where people were sitting and chatting and laughing. Some were even walking in between the chairs. The place was crowded, obviously. And, for some reason, the stage was still empty. Everyone had their eyes on the stage.

“Well, it must be beginning soon,” Sana said as we passed Kirishima’s booth and walked toward the red chairs facing the stage in front of us.

I continued to glare at the stage which was just about the height of my legs, for some reason. On top of it were two chairs, tilted a little toward each other, with a round table at the center with plastic water bottles, mikes, papers and pens, and other stuff. “Maybe,” I said, lost in my thoughts. I then turned to her and commented, “I just hope it ends soon, since we gotta go home too.”

“Yeah yeah, don’t worry,” She replied casually as we walked to the front.

We both walked through the gap in between the rows of chairs on both our sides. She was walking behind me, because there was no space for two people to walk parallel, man. I was turning my head here and there, and so was she, looking for some spot for us to sit. I then turned my head leftward and noticed some seats in the fourth or fifth row. I walked a couple of more steps to the front and then turned left, walking toward the seats. There were already guys and girls talking to each other as we walked about half a dozen of them, maybe, and then sat on the empty seats beside each other.

I turned my head to my right at Sana, who turned to me. “Do you even know what she’s gonna do in her performance?”

She smiled and shook her head. “Well, not really. Anyway, she’s really cool, and whatever she does, it’d be interesting.” She then turned her head to the front. “You see, she generally posts comedy sketches using her voicing skills, so maybe she’d do something like that, with an interview.”

“Yeah,” I turned my head to the stage. “I too feel like it’d be some sort of an interview.”

“Yeah, even the stage setup feels like that.”

“No doubt,” I nodded. “How much time is it?”

“Well,” She turned on the phone in her hands and looked at its screen. “It’s five-two.” She then turned to me. “The Japanese are never late, you see. It must be these Indian guys who are wasting time.”

I turned my eyes to her, stood my right forearm on the armrest, and placed my right cheek on it. “Maybe.”

“HEY HEY HEY HEY HEYOOOOOO!”

Both of us reflexively turned to the stage, a little shocked at the voice.

Apparently, someone had just walked up on stage with a mike in his hands and was shouting on it for some reason as we walked around the glossy wooden chairs on stage. “May I get your attention, Delhi?!”

“Wooo!” The crowd shouted.

“I ask again! MAY I GET YOUR ATTENTION, DELHI?!”

“WOOOOOOO!” Some guys even stood up to woo him.

Just after the wooing was done, one dude shouted, “Fuck no!”

“AHAHAHAHHAA!” A few guys here and there started to laugh.

Sana too chuckled a little and I was simply smiling, my eyes on the crowd at the back. I then turned to the guy on stage again.

“Haha, funny, bro,” The guy on stage replied. “Anyway, are you all ready for KIRISHIMA SAIKOOOOO?!”

“WOOOOO!”

“YEAH!”

The crowd went absolutely crazy, for some reason, and only the two of us were still sitting, smiling as we turned our eyes right and left. Everyone was standing, wooing, shouting, whistling, and other stuff excited people do when they’re excited.

From the right side of the stage, Kirishima started to walk in toward the center, her head tilted to the crowd as she smiled with her cute porcelain little face. She had the same white dress on with her knee-length skirt and some light makeup on her face. She was not too long in height, and was skinny.

She stood in front of one of the chairs and turned to the energetic guy with messy long hair and spoke some greetings, maybe. Her lips moved—that’s for sure. She then turned to the crowd again and waved her right hand a little at them. She too had a mike on her face already.

People started to sit down and the commotion started to settle as the guy said, “Kirishima Saiko, if you all don’t know, is one of the most famous and most respected members of the anime voice industry. She, over the span of about four years, has voiced several cute anime girls, and in just these four years, she has made herself one of the youngest and strongest voices in Japan right now. She also runs a Campfire account where she posts comedic sketches with her different voices. Kirishima Saiko, without a doubt, is literally filled with talent!” He then turned to Kirishima and said, “Please sit, ma’am.”

Then, both of them turned back, walked a few steps to the chair, and seated themselves, facing each other.

“Kon’nichiwa!” She said as she turned her head to the crowd.

“Woooo!” Everyone shouted.

“So, Kirishima-san, should we begin?” That guy said to her. He had been speaking in English this whole time, obviously.

“Oh yeah, sure.”

“Okay,” He said as he turned to the papers on the table and took them up. He corrected the mike in front of his lips and then turned to her. “So first of all, if you all don’t know, we conducted a session on our Campfire a month ago, asking our fans which questions we should ask you for this. And, the questions were selected based on the responses we received. So, these questions are literally what fans want to hear, alright?”

She nodded.

He then turned to the papers and said, “The first question, and the most frequent one we received, was…” He turned his head to her and asked, “How is your voice so beautiful?”

“Wooooo!” A couple of guys shouted again.

“Ahahhaa,” Kirishima blushed. “It’s just my natural voice. I just… got it.” She shrugged.

“But still, why does your voice sound so ‘kawaii’? And how can you make so many different ones?”

“Uh, making voices was something I liked ever since I was a child. I would joke around with my friends and make different voices to make them laugh. Soon, I started to make some comedic sketches with my different voices and upload them online. I gained some followers, people laughed, and soon I was earning.” She shrugged again, for some reason. “Though it was obviously not enough to run my house, but as a fifteen-year-old, it made me feel that I’m really good at voices and that I’d like to continue to do this for my life. I work in different anime, but I still love to make the skits and upload them online.”

He nodded. “That’s great, pal. It’s so overwhelming that you just went with the flow and became so big at it.”

She smiled again and said, “Maybe that’s what you call God-gifted talent.”

“Yeah,” He smiled too.

People started to clap for a few seconds. Both of them turned to the crowd, smiling, and then the guy turned to his papers again.

“Okay. The next question I’d like to ask…”

His voice, for some reason, suddenly started to blur away. I had my eyes narrowed toward the stage, my face resting on my knuckles, as I sat in the middle of that crowd on my seat. “If I were at home, maybe I’d be at Aaryan’s party by now,” I thought. “Damn, man. I’m such a… damned simp. I left my friend’s party to… come here with a girl.”

There were still people all around me, and the interview was still going on on top of the stage. But, for some reason, my ears were not catching any voice. Everything felt mute, maybe.

“I should have attended his party and had fun with my friends. What if… What if he finds out? What will he think of me, man?”

I closed my eyes and turned my head a little skyward toward the evening blueness. I opened my lips and sighed out.

“I don’t even know a single thing about Jenshin Impact, and I’m still here, just for a girl, man. What a… What a damned simp I am. I… I don’t like this voice actress, I don’t know these stories and these characters which are surrounding me right now, and I don’t know any stuff about Jenshin. I’ve never even played that game even once.”

I gulped in as I opened my eyes. I again turned to the stage. All I could hear was the indistinct chatter of a man’s and a woman’s voice coming through mikes and speakers, man. I could not make anything out of what they were saying.

“No doubt, I had fun here. And I’d cherish these memories forever, maybe. But… I didn’t know if I’d have this much fun. I didn’t know what was awaiting me here. I didn’t know if I should even be here or not. But… I still took my chances for her. I came all the way here with her, for some reason.”

I moved my right hand up and pinched the top of my nose for a second.

“But what should I have chosen, man? If I had been to his birthday party, I’d have regretted not coming here, obviously. After all, I don’t want her to be sad. She’s… already been going through a lot at home. She’s so vulnerable. I have to be with her and take care of her, because maybe I’m the only one who knows about her and can help her.”

The memory of both of us walking in between the street to our home suddenly appeared in front of me. I remembered very well, for some reason, how cloudy and gloomy the sky was that day. “No, Kritvik. It’s too personal to share it with anyone else. And… I wanna… handle this myself… just for once. I wanna fight more. Just give me another try. If I fail this time—which I definitely will—then… then I’ll come to you.”

“That’s what she had said,” I thought. I then turned my eyeballs rightward at her face smiling damn hard as she looked toward the stage.

Just looking at her face, I, for some reason, smiled. I moved my knuckle down from my cheek and straightened my back, correcting my position a little. “Why am I even thinking about all this depressing stuff, man? I should focus on the good part. I can regret about it later.”

“For some reason, her smile… made me smile too.”